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Thread: Adventures in Dating

  1. #761
    Riley and Bunny together forever HicksHawking 14Raptor19's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    What fear are you referring to?


    Don't worry, already am being myself.


    Eh, we can agree to disagree on that one. What choice "feels right" is often misleading terms of what is moral or in terms what brings long-term satisfaction or in terms of what is even practical/possible.
    Well, the fear of being discounted is what I meant, but if you’re entering your flow state, that’s what matters.

    The road I see is limitless, about creativity, about expansion. Frankly, I believe in self mastery, in boosting my powers, and dominating opposition.

    So my theory about justice is who’s stronger, not kindness.

    If you’ve ever read “Plato’s Republic”, that’s what I’m aiming at, defining justice and being philosopher king.
    Raptor had to lose in 2006 to become Revan, important errands of knighthood and valor to walk with Pokemon and charm the melodies of sweet channels to lush frenzy galloping solo yet swiftly into the sunrise for maximum presents and signed in deluxe oceans of fast trading cards bazooka cascading rumba of love Force constellations restoring last battle cardinal plants actively swirling for juice and petals to wishes
    https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...k-2024-edition

  2. #762
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    Never disturb a woman’s flow state. Hand her a sponge, tell her ‘put it in ur underwear’, and peace it.
    how to enlarge your dragon, click here

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    get ready to get cucked
    Quote Originally Posted by roger557 View Post
    got this Socionics stuff caught by the balls

  3. #763
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aria View Post
    Lol, I love that you played it so cool after a year.
    I just copied her style. Seems pretty cool to me to just casually reply like that after a year, like she did.

    And it's very attractive (to me) when a man has a good plan of what he wants to do without being a steamroller. Like, "okay great. If it sounds good to you, how about dinner at 'x' at 7? I can pick you up if you're comfortable, or meet there." Because you know he has a plan and has confidently said what he wants, but won't be all hurt and touchy if you don't go along with everything. I feel like this is good regardless of the romance style.
    yes, it's a masculine virtue to be like that. Confident, but related to the feminine side. Some people will have it naturally and others will take years to learn it. Probably depends a lot on the type. When I was young and inexperienced I was totally unable to even suggest a date with anybody. It was completely lacking from my consciousness. So the girl had to do it. Luckily some girls did. Later I learned to go outside my comfort zone and make arrangements to meet someone. Basically developing weak functions.
    Last edited by Tallmo; 08-04-2022 at 03:11 PM.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    yes, it's a masculine virtue to be like that. Confident, but related to the feminine side. Some people will have it naturally and others will take years to learn it. Probably depends a lot on the type. When I was young and inexperienced I was totally unable to even suggest a date with anybody. It was completely lacking from my consciousness. So the girl had to do it. Luckily some girls did. Later I learned to go outside my comfort zone and make arrangements to meet someone. Basically developing weak functions.
    "A masculine virtue," I like that.

    It seems like Ixxp men have good skills to deepen and sustain/stabilize a relationship once they're in it, but it's more difficult to get something going. To get past initial hurdles, inertia, and caution. That's my experience trying to date other Ixxps. Seems to be the opposite for types like SLE, LIE, etc. In a sea of online dating "options" (or the illusion of options) it's often the upfront types who get more immediate results. But if you want longterm results, you have to develop skills to actually sustain something as well

  5. #765
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Lady View Post
    I am in some ways still a textbook Fearful-Avoidant, and in some ways closer to secure. At the moment, I see more FA. Numb and distracted for the first 3-4 weeks after a breakup. Not type related, it is attachment style related. I'm still in chill mode, like
    That's actually the worst attachment style and it usually takes a major trauma like being a NICU preme-baby best case scenario. I cannot and will not elaborate on what's worse than that here nor pry into what caused you so much obvious and enormous pain but if you're being truthful... well, I'm not sure what to say that'll help you in this unique instance. What I will say is that it's not all as bad as you may think. People can and will love you for being who you truly are and you should just start being that damnit.

    I know I'm asking you to essentially charge the enemy trench in WWI as far as your limbic system is concerned but that's sadly what it's gonna take for you (and everyone else with broke attachment) to find happiness. I can tell you from experience that it's actually not so bad. To use another example: If you know about the monkeys in a room with a ladder leading to a bunch of bananas experiment doing this is akin to fending off that last, desperate fool of a monkey that tried to tackle you to prevent your ascent. You dodged and flung yourself up the ladder. Far as I could tell the damned thing is a gloating torment. Only a truly evil and sadistic "god" would put us all here. Some "god" that is.

    Nah. Despite it all raw logic dictates that if any form of deity exists it'll be both singular and good. Knowing that, the ladder and sprinklers of acid death are all a lie. A lie the "devil" is desperately hoping I/you/we/etc. won't test. He's making a bluff nobody has tried to call in... well that timeline is a bunch of BS anyway. All the others ducked in fear and horror...

    Only nothing happened. The sprinklers of painful death didn't fire off. Instead? You just climb that last rung, hesitantly reach out for the banana bunch, questioning if you really ought to chance it but hell, you've already come this far so why the fuck not go all in eh? Take that last "leap of faith" as Kirkegaard would put it. You already did it once before to even get here so why not again? Why "puss out" now right? Swallow that lingering fear and just fully commit.

    I told my brother about the findings of my research on this one. I walked him through it and he's thankfully 90% certain an SEE who has mostly worked through our shared trauma of our Rake of a dad dumping/divorcing our LSE mother at around 12 years old for me. I was and am still recovering from being a dismissive/avoidant so I thought/pretended that didn't hurt when he slammed the door on that hazy day.

    He took it harder that I did at first but now I think he's actually healthier than I am at the moment. He's got another problem however though and I'm currently trying to figure out how to...

    Well he wifed up an IEI in college. Still married to her and I'm damn sure I got her read as she is all about /. We get along great! Only, well, extended social interactions between us three make it painfully obvious she's the uptight and clueless "theoretical" engineer to our "applied" engineer stance on most all things.

    Any applied engineer will tell you that "Good Enough" is perfect. Any rational infantryman will agree without question that "Kill Them First" is what you do to live and anyone who says otherwise is an idiot disconnected from reality on a fundamental level. / in a nutshell. She wants to argue if we bring that kind of thing up. / in a nutshell if we're being honest and that's why conflicting quadras conflict. Only Beta's and Gamma's don't exactly conflict but rather have an otherwise survivable difference of opinion...

    She's also clearly a dissmissive/avoidant type and I'm trying to work out how to get her to view my research and opinions as the works of a genuinely benevolent party over just some other person trying to control her. That's how my issues manifested and I know for damn sure at my worst that the instant I smelled that I'd flip em' off, cuss em' out, and do all I could to ruin them. I need to not trigger that reaction. Any ideas?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    I think I'm programmed to hope that to some degree, but I don't think I'm programmed to believe it. Whenever an attractive guy shows me friendliness, my romantic heart starts hoping that he's interested in me. But fortunately, my brain does register that he's just being kind and that it's probably not an indication of romantic feelings. I never want to presume that; I'd hate to become that annoying person who misinterprets any friendliness as flirtation.

    My brain simply didn't register it this time, for whatever reason.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Lady View Post
    Nope...many of us definitely know the difference.
    If we all lived in a healthy society and had healthy secure attachment this wouldn't even be an issue. This is felt majorly from the Male side of things. This misconception is why men crave friendship yet fear to outwardly express this physically because they ain't "Gay" and all that.

    We are currently living in a hyper-sexualized world where everything in the eyes of the average "normie" has some form of sexual subtext. Freud would be proud of this I fear and perhaps even he saw this coming sought to distance himself from it a tad. After all, "Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar" might qualify as a hateful statement in the next few years if nothing really changes and things keep progressing along the lines of my most outlandish and cynical prophecies...

  6. #766
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    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    That's actually the worst attachment style and it usually takes a major trauma like being a NICU preme-baby best case scenario. I cannot and will not elaborate on what's worse than that here nor pry into what caused you so much obvious and enormous pain but if you're being truthful... well, I'm not sure what to say that'll help you in this unique instance. What I will say is that it's not all as bad as you may think. People can and will love you for being who you truly are and you should just start being that damnit.
    To this quite invasive post in which you demonstrate your clear lack of knowledge about me despite feeling at liberty to talk about such personal matters, my response is the following video. In it, the author explains why there are benefits to going from FA to Secure instead of starting off Secure. Additionally, she explains that certain FA traits will always remain, even when you have become Secure.



    Hmm, are you autistic? Genuinely asking, and the reason is that I don't want to be a dick about your inability to gauge what constitutes as "appropriate conversation" as determined by intimacy levels (or the lack thereof). I would like to be considerate of your needs if it is caused by autism. No offense intended if you are actually not autistic, either. Just trying to understand what's going on here/why.

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    She's also clearly a dissmissive/avoidant type and I'm trying to work out how to get her to view my research and opinions as the works of a genuinely benevolent party over just some other person trying to control her. That's how my issues manifested and I know for damn sure at my worst that the instant I smelled that I'd flip em' off, cuss em' out, and do all I could to ruin them. I need to not trigger that reaction. Any ideas?


  7. #767
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Lady View Post
    Hmm, are you autistic? Genuinely asking, and the reason is that I don't want to be a dick about your inability to gauge what constitutes as "appropriate conversation" as determined by intimacy levels (or the lack thereof). I would like to be considerate of your needs if it is caused by autism. No offense intended if you are actually not autistic, either. Just trying to understand what's going on here/why
    Well it is a bit of a meme that ILI is code word for mild Asperger's Syndrome. I do have a need for direct, no bullshit communication. That's more of an issue of how the male brain works and how we communicate however. Each sex has a communication style and much heartache and stress is had by both assuming the other is exactly like themselves. Men don't "talk" for the reasons women talk and vice versa. If both sides were to accept that, learn how and why the other side talks like they do, and then lean into that they'd both be much happier.

    Your posted vids are also a bit, might I say, well-meaning but also a bit off to me. Too much direct and overt emotional affirmation and more than a bit of leaning into the fact she has a pretty face. Though that might just be my male brain getting set off. I'll offer up a vid from the dude that really got myself going on this subject in response. I hope this dude and your girl meet up in an interview in the near future if they haven't already:



    Note: Noticed a major red flag. This girl you mentioned wants 120 bucks for her "method" of fixing these issues given the link in the youtube description. The guy I just posted wants 10 bucks (I also suspect he's an ESI as well). It was 5 last year but inflation's a bitch and he even mentioned back then that if you bother to drop him a direct line via e-mail or DM he'll hand you a PDF copy of his book regarding this issue gratis. That's always a point in someone's favor I'd argue. After all, if you got a cure to a major issue/disease you offer it at cost morally speaking. Otherwise, you're no better than the PTB and Big Pharma (who are likely doing all they can to cause the problem I'd argue).

    I gave him that posted amount despite my penny-pinching ways because, well, what's 5 bucks for a well formatted Kindle file right? Lots of good stuff on offer for that amount or less in fiction on that platform too I'd add. Peruse the "Indy" scene a bit. Lots of awesome shit the mainstream will never try to push because those authors are more interested in telling a good story over pushing "the message" as it were.

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    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    Well it is a bit of a meme that ILI is code word for mild Asperger's Syndrome. I do have a need for direct, no bullshit communication. That's more of an issue of how the male brain works and how we communicate however. Each sex has a communication style and much heartache and stress is had by both assuming the other is exactly like themselves. Men don't "talk" for the reasons women talk and vice versa. If both sides were to accept that, learn how and why the other side talks like they do, and then lean into that they'd both be much happier.

    Your posted vids are also a bit, might I say, well-meaning but also a bit off to me. Too much direct and overt emotional affirmation and more than a bit of leaning into the fact she has a pretty face. Though that might just be my male brain getting set off. I'll offer up a vid from the dude that really got myself going on this subject in response. I hope this dude and your girl meet up in an interview in the near future if they haven't already:



    Note: Noticed a major red flag. This girl you mentioned wants 120 bucks for her "method" of fixing these issues given the link in the youtube description. The guy I just posted wants 10 bucks (I also suspect he's an ESI as well). It was 5 last year but inflation's a bitch and he even mentioned back then that if you bother to drop him a direct line via e-mail or DM he'll hand you a PDF copy of his book regarding this issue gratis. That's always a point in someone's favor I'd argue. After all, if you got a cure to a major issue/disease you offer it at cost morally speaking. Otherwise, you're no better than the PTB and Big Pharma (who are likely doing all they can to cause the problem I'd argue).

    I gave him that posted amount despite my penny-pinching ways because, well, what's 5 bucks for a well formatted Kindle file right? Lots of good stuff on offer for that amount or less in fiction on that platform too I'd add. Peruse the "Indy" scene a bit. Lots of awesome shit the mainstream will never try to push because those authors are more interested in telling a good story over pushing "the message" as it were.
    Personally if I come across books I like I upload them to libgen because I don't care about imaginary property (IP), and I reason that if their work is worthwhile, it's best to facilitate access to as many people as possible. I do voluntarily pay authors when I think their work is worth the money.

  9. #769
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    EIE/SLE get chopped to death by SLI when forcing her to marry him... Sorry, she's not your dual buddy...


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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Personally if I come across books I like I upload them to libgen because I don't care about imaginary property (IP), and I reason that if their work is worthwhile, it's best to facilitate access to as many people as possible. I do voluntarily pay authors when I think their work is worth the money.
    I tend to agree with this approach. Indeed, it has been proven in studies that "giving away" your work tends to actually increase sales (this is a good reason why the first book or two in a series cost nothing to one single dollar on Kindle). I mean hell, they used to decide which anime series got dubbed by observing which ones were getting the most attention from the fan subbers and their viewers. They likely still do, though now that kind of traffic is more overt and open than back in the day. My primary complaint on that front is that they used to do actually faithful adaptations whereas now it's not uncommon for the bastards at companies like Funimation and Crunchyroll to insert woke political BS into the work where it wasn't present in the original. What the death cult cannot converge or destroy they will choke off access to. This is currently in the process of happening sadly. Thankfully one cannot stop the signal. It's just gonna be a hell of a lot harder to access unadulterated content from that sphere going forward.

    Rant aside, the dude is doing the equivalent of that. The book's not free, but he's got that whole youtube channel and that is. Ads are active but hey, that's what the Brave browser is for. No ads for it blocks them automatically. Hell, ads don't work anyway. Studies show that as well. People tune em' out, skip em', or otherwise resent them. Word of mouth is the winning marketing strategy. Loud annoying ads don't move product. The word of people's close friends and family does however

    But boomers gonna boomer and they run things ATM and the way things are shaking out it looks like they won't stop running (and ruining) everything until the ossified fossils in charge do us all the favor of dying. "Interesting times" ahead as the Chinese proverb/curse would put it...

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    Last week, a male ESI and I went out for a drink (him scotch, me iced tea) at a local restaurant and our server was a female IEE who was flirting mercilessly with my divorced friend. I felt that she was taking advantage of a guy who is thirsting for drink in a desert, and maybe she wasn't intentionally being mean by dangling water in front of him, but it came to the same thing.

    After a couple drinks and during an interlude, he said to me that she was really HOT and he'd just love to take her home and make wild love to her.
    I told him that that wasn't the approach that would work with her. Instead, he needed to tone it down completely and act inert.

    He couldn't believe it, since she was acting so sexily assertively, kind of with complete abandon.

    I said "Nope. She's testing you to see if you respond like you want her. If you come on to her, she'll cut you off in a heartbeat.
    "Here. I'm really familiar with her Duals. I'll act like one the next time she comes around. Just watch this."

    Up to this point, she had been pretty much ignoring me, but when she came back, she started flirting mercilessly with my friend, and I said quietly, "Why are you working in a bar? I'll bet you're great with little kids."

    She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "I loooove kids. I AM great with them."

    "And I'll bet that you'd be fun to travel with. To Paris, for example."

    She swooned. "I LOOOOVE Paris! I'd do anything to get there."

    Then she caught herself. "Wait a minute. How do you know so much about me?"

    I pointedly looked at my friend. See this, dude? Socionics is all true. Then I said to her, with deadpan Te, "The shoes. I always look at the shoes."

    "What?"

    My friend was laughing.

    She recovered her balance. "You should come home with me and see my shoe collection."

    I looked at her in a timid way. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea at all."

    "You'd love it!" She leaned close, over the table, in case I hadn't noticed that she's female. "I'm not married, you know," she said, apologetically. "The only thing is, I have nine cats."

    "Of course you do."

    Another waitress called her away to serve some other customers, and my ESI friend was laughing. "How did you do that? It's impossible!"

    I said, "Man, there are only sixteen people. And each one is only looking for one person. All you have to do is be that person. Or imitate them."

    He looked at his third drink. "I can't believe this."
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-06-2022 at 03:10 PM.

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    I thought this was appropriate to share here (I know Vice may seem a bit low brow for people here but I kinda like it)

    How to Stop Being Attracted to Unavailable People

    It can be a dangerous loop. Here’s how to stop it.

    https://www.vice.com/en/article/v7d9wb/how-stop-attracted-unavailable-people-toxic-relationships-love?utm_source=vice_facebook&utm_medium=social&fb clid=IwAR2NIFeJXv0SvKQU8YYnZfAYc7Vzp9D2GDXFXr5oTZV W9e7uZPgkUFH-7pg


    it touches on some ideas which come up on the forum regularly- attachment, neglect, intimacy, worthiness, stability
    Last edited by Bethanyclaire; 08-06-2022 at 06:52 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Last week, a male ESI and I went out for a drink (him scotch, me iced tea) at a local restaurant and our server was a female IEE who was flirting mercilessly with my divorced friend. I felt that she was taking advantage of a guy who is thirsting for drink in a desert, and maybe she wasn't intentionally being mean by dangling water in front of him, but it came to the same thing.

    After a couple drinks and during an interlude, he said to me that she was really HOT and he'd just love to take her home and make wild love to her.
    I told him that that wasn't the approach that would work with her. Instead, he needed to tone it down completely and act inert.

    He couldn't believe it, since she was acting so sexily assertively, kind of with complete abandon.

    I said "Nope. She's testing you to see if you respond like you want her. If you come on to her, she'll cut you off in a heartbeat.
    "Here. I'm really familiar with her Duals. I'll act like one the next time she comes around. Just watch this."

    Up to this point, she had been pretty much ignoring me, but when she came back, she started flirting mercilessly with my friend, and I said quietly, "Why are you working in a bar? I'll bet you're great with little kids."

    She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "I loooove kids. I AM great with them."

    "And I'll bet that you'd be fun to travel with. To Paris, for example."

    She swooned. "I LOOOOVE Paris! I'd do anything to get there."

    Then she caught herself. "Wait a minute. How do you know so much about me?"

    I pointedly looked at my friend. See this, dude? Socionics is all true. Then I said to her, with deadpan Te, "The shoes. I always look at the shoes."

    "What?"

    My friend was laughing.

    She recovered her balance. "You should come home with me and see my shoe collection."

    I looked at her in a timid way. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea at all."

    "You'd love it!" She leaned close, over the table, in case I hadn't noticed that she's female. "I'm not married, you know," she said, apologetically. "The only thing is, I have nine cats."

    "Of course you do."

    Another waitress called her away to serve some other customers, and my ESI friend was laughing. "How did you do that? It's impossible!"

    I said, "Man, there are only sixteen people. And each one is only looking for one person. All you have to do is be that person. Or imitate them."

    He looked at his third drink. "I can't believe this."
    This some James Bond bar scene type shit. I love it lol.

  14. #774
    Riley and Bunny together forever HicksHawking 14Raptor19's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Last week, a male ESI and I went out for a drink (him scotch, me iced tea) at a local restaurant and our server was a female IEE who was flirting mercilessly with my divorced friend. I felt that she was taking advantage of a guy who is thirsting for drink in a desert, and maybe she wasn't intentionally being mean by dangling water in front of him, but it came to the same thing.

    After a couple drinks and during an interlude, he said to me that she was really HOT and he'd just love to take her home and make wild love to her.
    I told him that that wasn't the approach that would work with her. Instead, he needed to tone it down completely and act inert.

    He couldn't believe it, since she was acting so sexily assertively, kind of with complete abandon.

    I said "Nope. She's testing you to see if you respond like you want her. If you come on to her, she'll cut you off in a heartbeat.
    "Here. I'm really familiar with her Duals. I'll act like one the next time she comes around. Just watch this."

    Up to this point, she had been pretty much ignoring me, but when she came back, she started flirting mercilessly with my friend, and I said quietly, "Why are you working in a bar? I'll bet you're great with little kids."

    She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "I loooove kids. I AM great with them."

    "And I'll bet that you'd be fun to travel with. To Paris, for example."

    She swooned. "I LOOOOVE Paris! I'd do anything to get there."

    Then she caught herself. "Wait a minute. How do you know so much about me?"

    I pointedly looked at my friend. See this, dude? Socionics is all true. Then I said to her, with deadpan Te, "The shoes. I always look at the shoes."

    "What?"

    My friend was laughing.

    She recovered her balance. "You should come home with me and see my shoe collection."

    I looked at her in a timid way. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea at all."

    "You'd love it!" She leaned close, over the table, in case I hadn't noticed that she's female. "I'm not married, you know," she said, apologetically. "The only thing is, I have nine cats."

    "Of course you do."

    Another waitress called her away to serve some other customers, and my ESI friend was laughing. "How did you do that? It's impossible!"

    I said, "Man, there are only sixteen people. And each one is only looking for one person. All you have to do is be that person. Or imitate them."

    He looked at his third drink. "I can't believe this."
    It alarms me you are perceptive enough to catch onto this stuff. I look mainly at devices, whereas you are grasping the other end of the black hole intuitively, like there's no escape route from your own big bang roots and invisible causes.
    Raptor had to lose in 2006 to become Revan, important errands of knighthood and valor to walk with Pokemon and charm the melodies of sweet channels to lush frenzy galloping solo yet swiftly into the sunrise for maximum presents and signed in deluxe oceans of fast trading cards bazooka cascading rumba of love Force constellations restoring last battle cardinal plants actively swirling for juice and petals to wishes
    https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...k-2024-edition

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Last week, a male ESI and I went out for a drink (him scotch, me iced tea) at a local restaurant and our server was a female IEE who was flirting mercilessly with my divorced friend. I felt that she was taking advantage of a guy who is thirsting for drink in a desert, and maybe she wasn't intentionally being mean by dangling water in front of him, but it came to the same thing.

    After a couple drinks and during an interlude, he said to me that she was really HOT and he'd just love to take her home and make wild love to her.
    I told him that that wasn't the approach that would work with her. Instead, he needed to tone it down completely and act inert.

    He couldn't believe it, since she was acting so sexily assertively, kind of with complete abandon.

    I said "Nope. She's testing you to see if you respond like you want her. If you come on to her, she'll cut you off in a heartbeat.
    "Here. I'm really familiar with her Duals. I'll act like one the next time she comes around. Just watch this."

    Up to this point, she had been pretty much ignoring me, but when she came back, she started flirting mercilessly with my friend, and I said quietly, "Why are you working in a bar? I'll bet you're great with little kids."

    She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time. "I loooove kids. I AM great with them."

    "And I'll bet that you'd be fun to travel with. To Paris, for example."

    She swooned. "I LOOOOVE Paris! I'd do anything to get there."

    Then she caught herself. "Wait a minute. How do you know so much about me?"

    I pointedly looked at my friend. See this, dude? Socionics is all true. Then I said to her, with deadpan Te, "The shoes. I always look at the shoes."

    "What?"

    My friend was laughing.

    She recovered her balance. "You should come home with me and see my shoe collection."

    I looked at her in a timid way. "I don't think that would be a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea at all."

    "You'd love it!" She leaned close, over the table, in case I hadn't noticed that she's female. "I'm not married, you know," she said, apologetically. "The only thing is, I have nine cats."

    "Of course you do."

    Another waitress called her away to serve some other customers, and my ESI friend was laughing. "How did you do that? It's impossible!"

    I said, "Man, there are only sixteen people. And each one is only looking for one person. All you have to do is be that person. Or imitate them."

    He looked at his third drink. "I can't believe this."
    This is dreadful, it can be so damn easy to get people to eat out of the palm of your hand.
    Almost like people have no actual free-will and can be controled through pressing a few buttons.
    Guess it can be used for good, but I hate the idea.

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    Quote Originally Posted by adage View Post
    This is dreadful, it can be so damn easy to get people to eat out of the palm of your hand.
    Almost like people have no actual free-will and can be controled through pressing a few buttons.
    Guess it can be used for good, but I hate the idea.
    With great power comes great responsibility.

    - Spider-Man

    And in regard to "free-will", here is the real deal on that:


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    Quote Originally Posted by EIE H View Post
    I finally give up on making sense of the LSI. The other week, I gently chewed him out about wanting to see him at least once a month. He was giving me a ton of excuses about how he’s just a flaky person and that I just won’t see him much. I stopped talking to him for a week and he’s made plans to hang out with me 3x in one WEEK. During the time, he proceeds to tell me, he could see us being together for the rest of our lives but that he has to really think about it. Later on, he talks about the hypothetical possibility of having a threesome with 2 other guys in the distant future. Lmao.

    Also, his phone got temporarily shut off and made a burner number specifically for me just so I wouldn’t freak out on him…. but then makes it point to say we’re not dating at all (which is fine by me). At this point, I could see us becoming close friends who fuck sometimes.

    Overall, one of the most interesting, physically attractive men I have gotten to know but not hedging my bets on a sustainable romantic relationship.
    I mean....it does sound victim/aggressor romance style ngl. The minute he got resistance he upped his efforts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by EIE H View Post
    I finally give up on making sense of the LSI. The other week, I gently chewed him out about wanting to see him at least once a month. He was giving me a ton of excuses about how he’s just a flaky person and that I just won’t see him much. I stopped talking to him for a week and he’s made plans to hang out with me 3x in one WEEK. During the time, he proceeds to tell me, he could see us being together for the rest of our lives but that he has to really think about it. Later on, he talks about the hypothetical possibility of having a threesome with 2 other guys in the distant future. Lmao.

    Also, his phone got temporarily shut off and made a burner number specifically for me just so I wouldn’t freak out on him…. but then makes it point to say we’re not dating at all (which is fine by me). At this point, I could see us becoming close friends who fuck sometimes.

    Overall, one of the most interesting, physically attractive men I have gotten to know but not hedging my bets on a sustainable romantic relationship.
    You will never understand your Dual, so just stop trying. Instead, just support them and enjoy the support that they bring to you.

    I've had two LSI GFs and it took a long time to sort out when we would see each other and how often, and where the relationship was going. Questions like that just interfered with the daily interactions, which were almost always good, except when she was trying to elicit Fe from me, or being a Beta, or when I was seeking more Fi than her Fi-Role provided. Those last are Mirage problems, though, which you probably won't have.

    I recommend that you just see him when you want, and agree to see him when he wants (if it isn't too problematic) and let the future take care of itself.

    I know that the above advice sounds xxxp, but I don't think it actually is, in this case.

    Oh, and with regard to @Lord Pixel's statement that your relationship sounds Victim-Aggressor, yes, there was a lot of that between me and the LSIs. Get what you want. Use them as much as they use you. It's all good.

    Just two hard recommendations:
    1. Never lie to them.
    2. Never cheat on them.*

    They will find out, and then, what you thought was just a silly game with the potential for some interesting drama turns into the final end of the relationship. And you're not coming back from this one.


    *If you want to have sex with other people, tell the LSI beforehand, but don't try to hide it, and don't do it unless you tell them before you do it and make sure that they don't mind. If they object, then you can decide if having sex with someone else is worth ending your relationship with the LSI.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-07-2022 at 07:21 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by EIE H View Post
    I have never been to his place so he mostly just comes over when he feels like it. It seems like he doesn’t like people planning too much or unexpectedly coming over. He’s very “in the moment” but also very particular.

    He got annoyed the last time I asked about hanging out with another guy or talk about other guys. But you’re right about the lying thing… he absolutely despises it if he suspects someone is trying to BS him and will get pretty confrontational…. It’s mostly with other people though.


    He seems really annoyed when I get overly lovey Fe and will almost outrightly reject it at first but then will say even more intense romantic stuff later on at random times, stare at me and just get really emotionally expressive.


    The one big thing that makes me think he values Fe is that he seems to love to say things online for the sole purpose of pissing off as many people as he possibly can just to see their reactions, but in real life, he’s quite respectful, friendly, generous and wants to make sure everyone is having a good time.

    He publicly posts stuff like this online… seems fairly anti-Fi, right? Lol. Reminds me of the other LSIs I know.

    “Never delete your character. If I ever become successful, I'll be outed as a ‘mentally unstable drug addicted gay black sexist homophobic white supremacist sexual deviant alcoholic womanizer’, and I'm ok with that.”
    You're in the groove, girl. You're in the groove.

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    I had a date with an Estp guy recently- I didn't know his type before I went on the date. I think I was rebounding a bit from the weird (but cuter) Estp I had been hanging out with before. Anway, this guy looked really different from his pics, and we had some interesting conversations (though he was still annoying!) and I did not fancy him in the slightest. When I was on the date I suddenly rememebered an Estp I had been on some dates with and decided to message him. I thought maybe I hadn't given him enough of a chance. And I kind of explained it but after some messages it became clear he just wanted sex, and wasn't very suave about it. So my orginal instincts about him were correct.. What's sexy to one person, can be sleazy to another. And I can't deal with people being more sleazy than sexy. He was attractive though, and we did get on ok, but I think he had an edge to him that was a bit too hard for me, and I don't mean a cool edge

    Recently got talking to a new Estp (they're kinda everywhere atm, summer time boys!). He looked attractive, but I still wasn't sure about him. He ended up being too sexual in his messages as well.

    Now I'm talking to another, looks Estp, and we've had a really nice chat, it hasn't felt tense in the slightest. I can't tell if I find him attractive, possibly cute, I'm not sure. He seems confident though and has some charisma- more than myself..So we'll see..

    So I've been thinking a lot about physical attraction, and how it's not always as simple as thinking someone's face is beautiful (or pleasing). I was thinking about a guy I knew-an Estp friend I had at uni. I wasn't interested in dating anyone but he wouldn't leave me alone and clearly liked me, just didn't have the courage to say it. At first I thought he was cute-ish but later I didn't. We did get on quite well. Other than him, I think there was an EIE guy whose looks grew on me, and an SEI guy who I found attractive, but I'm not sure I would if I saw him now? Oh and an Estp who was a friend of a friend who liked me- he was short and cute, but defo more cute than handsome. It's not like I'm beautiful or anything (but I like to admire my face on a good day ), I'm just trying to think over this stuff, to learn from it. It's really hard with apps to see past a photograph sometimes.

    Welll, we'll see how it goes. I wish I could see what the future holds for me :s

  21. #781
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    After a years-long disastrous liaison with an alcoholic and self-destructive redhead, my SLE-Ti buddy posted on his Facebook page the words "No More Redheads".

    I've been thinking about my own poor track record of dating, and while I don't have anything against redheads, I understand where he was coming from.

    I know that the problem has not been just them, but sometimes you really want to believe it was.

  22. #782
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    I think I probably need to date a good psychologist in order to be with someone who meets my mental health standards. I am dead serious. I want someone who navigates psychology with the skill level of a professional. Why??? Simple: because I navigate it on a professional level, and I want an equal that I don't have to explain the psychological realm dynamics to 24/7.

    Often times, my current therapist (who is very good) will exceed her time with me just because we get caught up in conversations in which we are analyzing the psyche. Sometimes I teach her things because of my observations about my (high levels of) life experience, rather than because of a degree, so she just gets intrigued by what I have to say and gives me a free hour or two just so we can chit-chat like we're friends. She teaches me about formal lessons and experiences in the psychology field (which I lack), and I teach her things from my (far too many) life experiences. We both get enthusiastic and interested in the discussion as we're teaching one another. We both just “get it” and it feels so great to chat with her. I'm not implying that I have an interest in her—I don't. I'm just saying I love our talks.

    When I reflect on my last ex, who was probably an LIE-Ni (and if not, then probably ILE), we didn't have these kinds of conversations. If anything, I often felt annoyed, or felt like I was walking on eggshells in order to avoid fights. We'd discuss shallow things like movies, cats, and whatnot, but we scarcely agreed on things even if we did get into deeper topics. He was also several years younger (in his 20s, so we had a maturity level gap), and I was constantly trying to play the therapist role (particularly in the emotional realm and navigating relationship dynamics) because it's what he needed; I wouldn't have minded, but he was stubborn, and I was met with a sometimes highly reactive style of resistance. It felt as though I was trying to administer a bad tasting medicine, and he was a child who was throwing a tantrum because he didn't want to drink it. The biggest impediment was when he didn't want to change his communication style to one that was going to prevent projection, gaslighting, inconsideration, emotional invalidation, steamrolling, and other unhealthy communication approaches. Don't get me wrong, he was thankful and receptive sometimes, too…”man, having a therapist girlfriend makes you see things so much differently” when I pushed him outside his comfort zone…stuff like that…but god, when he wasn't receptive (which was basically any time he got emotional), it was pure hell for me.

    I'd forgotten what it was like…to sit down and enjoy mentally stimulating conversations with another person. To feel so drawn in that you just don't want the time together to end. When I look around at my social circle, I just keep seeing how I continuously find myself in that position of being the one who is promoting growth in others, teaching them, inspiring them, protecting them, motivating them, healing them, etc. Yes, I like to be the one on the giving end that way, but is that really what I want in a relationship? No. I want someone who…we each challenge one another in that way my therapist and I do with each other.
    Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 08-10-2022 at 04:04 AM.


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    I see, in my own recent actions, several manifestations of what has been described in texts as "unhealthy Sx" dynamics. It's all just distractions, really.

    I also find myself having those cravings, though.

    Maybe Katherine Fauvre was right.
    Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 08-10-2022 at 04:07 AM.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Lady View Post
    I see, in my own recent actions, several manifestations of what has been described in texts as "unhealthy Sx" dynamics. It's all just distractions, really.

    I also find myself having those cravings, though.

    Maybe Katherine Fauvre was right.
    Katherine Fauvre was right about what? Link?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Katherine Fauvre was right about what? Link?
    The way loneliness manifests in 268. I didn't agree with it for myself before because I didn't agree that those actions were even just partially driven by loneliness.

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/gu81c08y3a...81%29.mp4?dl=0

    I'd forgotten what it was like…to sit down and enjoy mentally stimulating conversations with another person. To feel so drawn in that you just don't want the time together to end. When I look around at my social circle, I just keep seeing how I continuously find myself in that position of being the one who is promoting growth in others, teaching them, inspiring them, protecting them, motivating them, healing them, etc. Yes, I like to be the one on the giving end that way, but is that really what I want in a relationship? No. I want someone who…we each challenge one another in that way my therapist and I do with each other.
    As she said, though, it was lack of awareness.
    Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 08-10-2022 at 05:48 AM.


  26. #786
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    Holy shit. I just realized the reason I hate being misunderstood is because it makes me alone, and I fear that isolated disconnect from others.

    Amazing, how it all begins to tie in together and make total sense the moment that loneliness is acknowledged/recognized.

    Related...



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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    After a years-long disastrous liaison with an alcoholic and self-destructive redhead, my SLE-Ti buddy posted on his Facebook page the words "No More Redheads".

    I've been thinking about my own poor track record of dating, and while I don't have anything against redheads, I understand where he was coming from.

    I know that the problem has not been just them, but sometimes you really want to believe it was.
    Ahh, yes...the slippery slope dangers of associating personality/temperament with something stupid, such as hair color. Lack of understanding of the actual root cause of the issues (typical SLE).


  28. #788
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    After a years-long disastrous liaison with an alcoholic and self-destructive redhead, my SLE-Ti buddy posted on his Facebook page the words "No More Redheads".

    I've been thinking about my own poor track record of dating, and while I don't have anything against redheads, I understand where he was coming from.

    I know that the problem has not been just them, but sometimes you really want to believe it was.
    While thinking about this more, I realized...I would be halfway willing to bet that somewhere in there, he's not taking accountability for his own actions/contributions in things. I might be wrong about that, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm right.


  29. #789
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    My friend laughs at how direct I am sometimes. I can kind of see why. I'm fucking brutal.

    Some guy: "I also get the feeling you enjoy listening to my voice"
    Me: "No, I don't get anything from your voice. I just prefer to voice chat."
    Some guy: "too bad! I been crushin on you lol rip"
    Me: "Why you crushin'? I don't mean to be a dick with my bluntness, but you don't really know me."
    (a few sentences were exchanged that I won't share)
    Some guy: "I am not trying to make you uncomfortable, I will keep those thoughts to myself from now on. My b."
    Me: "Probably better left unsaid, yeah. Makes things a bit uncomfortable and awkward."
    Some guy: "That's okay, I told you once I will always respect your boundaries. "

    You're damn right you will.




    A different guy was recently all...

    Me: I think you're too horny.
    The guy: Does it turn you on to see me X? (I can't remember what X was, even, but it wasn't a joke, he was legitimately asking me)
    Me: No. Actually, I find it kind of annoying.

    No fucks given.
    Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 08-10-2022 at 07:52 AM.


  30. #790
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    This isn't relevant to dating, but the mention of redhead stereotyping reminds me of a convo that I had this summer.

    On the 4th of July, a parks & rec supervisor from a different location came over to help us set up a stage. He was working on something beside me, and he complimented my hair color, saying that his daughters are gingers as well. He added that he has a ginger woman working for him and that she's "feisty." He then stated (seriously) that all redheads have "feisty" personalities.

    Edit:

    Also, I see a lot of guys online saying that redheads are "zeroes or tens with no in-between" in terms of physical attractiveness.
    I get a lot of messages online when guys find out I'm a redhead. I don't show my pictures, they just find out I have red hair. "Why'd you message me?" "The red hair" Ok then...(yes, that was part of an actual convo)


  31. #791
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    I had dinner after work with this ESI guy who is on the project. He barbecued a steak and salmon on the grill on his deck, and he's a great cook. We talked about our ex-wives and what went wrong, and the problems seem to be simply that our ex's were from non-Gamma Quadras. A clash of values, in other words.
    In talking about his life now, he described a female jogger that he'd seen while he was walking his dog, and he's definitely a horny Aggressor, which seems surprising coming from a guy who is so introverted. Lol.

    He's smart, funny, stable, and easy to get along with. Very much like the male ESI buddy I had in high school. Basically a great guy. Kind of looks like Adam Sandler.

    Why the hell can't I meet a female version of this? Every female ESI I've met (with the exception of the ESI-Se lesbian) doesn't seem to want to be in a relationship. I ask them out, we have one great date, maybe two or five, and then they become unavailable. In other words, they don't respond to my bids for attention, which is invariably fatal to a relationship.

    The problem could be with me, but I don't think it is. I've shown both this ESI guy and the lesbian artist ESI texts from some of the women that I've dated, and they both said "These women aren't treating you very well. You were right to drop them." That's an ESI opinion of another ESI, and in both cases, it's not coming from jealousy.

    My only conclusion is that I'm looking for something as rare as a needle in a haystack, and I just haven't found it yet.

    Fuck. My. Life.

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    I matched with another Estp (I think he is). He has a Jung quote about relationships on his profile so my matches do seem a bit more interesting these days. This seems to be since a. I put on my profile that I was looking for Estps (though later took it down). b. matched with a nice-enough Entp guy- but didn’t date him. Both recent matches liked me first…both Hinge.

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    Ok so the date with the Estp was ok, but didn’t fancy him. Estps are good at selecting photos for their profiles that make them appear attractive…I’m probably quite good at it too. We did find a nice cocktail place, apparently I really like cocktails. The Estp who liked Jung has gone mysteriously quiet on me, so I’m talking to a cute and interesting looking Esfp instead. A good start to the week after a boring weekend feeling sorry for myself
    Last edited by Bethanyclaire; 08-15-2022 at 07:29 PM.

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    Well, I’m back on Match again, looking for an ESI. The last one said she was only looking for a friend, and she meant it.

    So I spent an hour or so paging through the three or four hundred females that passed my filters and none of them appeared to be ESIs.

    I complained about this to my 27 yo lesbian ESI-Se decorator and she said she wasn’t surprised.

    I asked, “Why aren’t you surprised?”

    She said “Because ESIs HATE THAT SHIT!”
    “You should just get out there and LIVE!”

    I thought, Right. Sure. And in a million years, I’ll meet an ESI who is single, stable, intelligent and attractive.

    ”Do you have Tinder on your phone?”

    ”What? No. I’m not a twenty-something looking for a ten-minute date.”

    ”It’s not JUST for that. Match is the most boring dating site out there. Here. Give me your phone.”

    I handed her my phone and she downloaded Tinder onto it. She took a couple of pictures of me looking like a dope, asked me a few questions, and then handed the phone back.

    ”Here’s how it works. If you want to date someone, swipe right. If you don’t, swipe left.”

    A picture of a surprisingly attractive and intelligent-looking woman appeared on my phone.

    The ESI-Se said “She’s beautiful!”

    I said, “I think she’s my Identical, and I’m not looking to date myself.”
    This was a pointed remark to her regarding her decision to date a female ESI instead of me.
    I swiped left.

    She was gone and was instantly replaced by an intelligent and attractive ESI. Holy shit. This works.
    “That’s an ESI”, I said.

    ”If you want to date her, swipe right.”
    I did.

    After about the next ten Alpha females had been swiped left on, another attractive and intelligent-looking ESI appeared.

    Now I’m thinking that Tinder might be a good bet, assuming that any of the women whom I like, also like me. Those pictures that the ESI took of me were not flattering.

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    yeah @Adam Strange Hinge seems to be the best in the UK/my city. Tinder is still a bit trashy. Bumble..boring. Ok Cupid is a bit weird but occasionally interesting. I don't know about Match, there just seems to be a lot of free options to try before paying for Match, which you have to here. I did go on there once to see what it was like but I don't think I liked the look of anyone.

  36. #796
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Well, I’m back on Match again, looking for an ESI. The last one said she was only looking for a friend, and she meant it.

    So I spent an hour or so paging through the three or four hundred females that passed my filters and none of them appeared to be ESIs.

    I complained about this to my 27 yo lesbian ESI-Se decorator and she said she wasn’t surprised.

    I asked, “Why aren’t you surprised?”

    She said “Because ESIs HATE THAT SHIT!”
    “You should just get out there and LIVE!”

    I thought, Right. Sure. And in a million years, I’ll meet an ESI who is single, stable, intelligent and attractive.

    ”Do you have Tinder on your phone?”

    ”What? No. I’m not a twenty-something looking for a ten-minute date.”

    ”It’s not JUST for that. Match is the most boring dating site out there. Here. Give me your phone.”

    I handed her my phone and she downloaded Tinder onto it. She took a couple of pictures of me looking like a dope, asked me a few questions, and then handed the phone back.

    ”Here’s how it works. If you want to date someone, swipe right. If you don’t, swipe left.”

    A picture of a surprisingly attractive and intelligent-looking woman appeared on my phone.

    The ESI-Se said “She’s beautiful!”

    I said, “I think she’s my Identical, and I’m not looking to date myself.”
    This was a pointed remark to her regarding her decision to date a female ESI instead of me.
    I swiped left.

    She was gone and was instantly replaced by an intelligent and attractive ESI. Holy shit. This works.
    “That’s an ESI”, I said.

    ”If you want to date her, swipe right.”
    I did.

    After about the next ten Alpha females had been swiped left on, another attractive and intelligent-looking ESI appeared.

    Now I’m thinking that Tinder might be a good bet, assuming that any of the women whom I like, also like me. Those pictures that the ESI took of me were not flattering.
    lmao she made a tinder account for you. how much you be paying her?
    how to enlarge your dragon, click here

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    get ready to get cucked
    Quote Originally Posted by roger557 View Post
    got this Socionics stuff caught by the balls

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    Quote Originally Posted by mysteryofdungeon View Post
    lmao she made a tinder account for you. how much you be paying her?
    I don’t understand what you mean. PM me because I’m clueless but curious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I don’t understand what you mean. PM me because I’m clueless but curious.
    He's our resident troll. I don't think he meant anything as interesting as you're imagining, lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    He's our resident troll. I don't think he meant anything as interesting as you're imagining, lol.
    No, no, mysteryofdungeon is fine, and I think he was trying to tell me something that I should know. Maybe.

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    So I'm now on Tinder and yesterday I finally had a few minutes to look at some Tinder offerings. I'm using the free version, which doesn't allow me to preview the women who have "liked" me. I asked the ESI-Se why she recommended not paying the $29/month for that additional service, and she said I had a lot more money than she does, so I could buy it if I wanted, but she didn't see a need for it. So, I thought I'd just go with the cheap version and see how it goes.
    I'm taking it on faith that sometimes my Duals will do things which are best in the long run.

    Anyway, I was looking at the latest offerings and was swiping left, left, left, left, when an ESI appeared. I thought, "Hmm, more ESIs here than on Match", but she didn't look smart enough, so I swiped left (No) rather than right (Yes), and I immediately got a message saying that I'd just rejected someone who liked me.

    Apparently, they only tell you this after they are gone.
    Still, if you assume that you can tell if you like someone within a few seconds, maybe going with my initial impressions is best.

    I have a bad tendency to overthink possible relationships, both rejecting the very possibly good and sticking too long in the bad.

    But there's hope. I may be a relationship idiot, but I think it's fascinating that, of all the women out there, an ESI liked me. Maybe there's something to this Socionics stuff after all.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-19-2022 at 01:04 PM.

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