Our Adam is an original fuckboy
Our Adam is an original fuckboy
Lol. Yeah, lemme tell you, being SX-first and a Victim truly sucks. God, I hate it.
But certain things go with the territory, you know? You spin the dial and get a certain type, and then you take the bad with the good.
Post script.
Ordinarily, no one would see this side of me, but I'm anonymous here and I use the Forum for cheap therapy, sort of the same way an IEI writes about her experiences in order to get them outside herself so she can see them more objectively.
(This is the reason that so many writers for television and movies are IEI. Plus, they really do know people. Just not themselves very well.)
Post postscript.
I definitely go into a relationship with an ESI with too many expectations, and I'm way too willing to let pass a lot of their shit. It's because I've tried all the other introverts, and the ESIs are the best of the lot. But healthy ones are hard to find after age 30. They are all faithfully married to ILIs and wondering why they aren't happy, or are dating SLEs and beating the emotional shit out of them until the breakup. The ones who are single are single for a reason.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 01-22-2024 at 05:19 PM.
I was up way too late last night, following YouTube's video suggestions, one after another, and I ended up stupidly watching a video of AI images constructed from science fiction images from the 1930's. Who would have guessed, right?
Anyway, one of the images resonated with me because of the woman's striking beauty. Here it is: https://imgur.com/a/vA5762Z
It took me a while to see that she looked almost exactly like my SLI-Te ex-wife. My brain doesn't work that well at 2:30AM, but apparently, it is trained to see certain facial patterns.
There is a face construction program out there which will combine the faces of a number of people into one composite. I did that a while ago for a number of women whom I find attractive and I got this face: https://imgur.com/PNuz4bl
It so happens that the latter face looks almost exactly like the ESI-Se interior decorator that I use. She wouldn't like it if I posted a picture of her, so you'll have to take my word for that. To me, the composite face looks ESI-Se. Fun to work with, but hard to get close to. Supposedly, a better match for an LIE-Te is an ESI-Fi.
I should do another face composite exercise, updated for Fi, just to be prepared if a good match comes along.
I use VI to identify Socionics types, and it is surprising how much of our personalities show up in our faces.
I went back on Match today. My god, the number of women's faces that seem to be saying "My life sucks and it's your fault", or "My life sucks and it's your job to fix it."
Only a few who look like: "I'm having a good time and I want to share it."
Damn. I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.
Yeah I agree I wouldn't want to feel that much pressure trying to heal damage. A bit of it is ofc to be expected, but that look would just say to me "I'm not ready to be dating yet until I work on myself and find self love again".
Other wise you are just filling the rescuer dynamic and that isn't sustainable, nor anything I'm in the mood for. Equal partnerships, brothers in arms, facing the world, both looking outwards but standing shoulder to shoulder.
We have counselling and 500,000 self help blogs for everything else.
Ive been seeing a guy for a couple of hookups and a few afternoon dates hiking.
Turns out he is on network television and gets 10,000 instagram likes. Think Chris Hemsworth level in looks. I'm not so much intimidated as I am wondering ultimately what he sees for us? I feel a little hot and cold from him and I promised myself after my addict ex, that I would never want to reexperience blowing hot and cold again (I'm talking toxic, clinical levels here, not normal healthy dynamics). Is relationships between gay men always going to be just tall ships passing each other on an open sea?
I've only said the like word and after our shared time I'm pretty sure he knows how I feel. We are compatible on so many levels. I could develop strong feelings for him. I'm wise enough not to unless there is more to our story.
God dating and the uncertainty it brings really sucks. :/ I have no doubt how I feel, but can I trust what I'm seeing after having my trust broken so many times before?
A female ILE contacted me today on Match, saying she read my "bio" and laughed out loud.
For the record, what I wrote in that Match bio is essentially what I wrote about myself in a thread on this forum. I think it was called "Why would someone date you?", or something like that. Basically, it was a factual description of me, saying I want to date an ESI.
The female ILE looked pretty good. She has dogs and horses, and is brilliant. She works here in town in a bio lab and travels all over the world. She'd be great for me if she weren't an ILE.
My ESI-Se interior decorator told me that I should date people other than ESIs, but she's 28 and I've got a few years and many GFs on her, so thanks, but no thanks. I don't have to hit my thumb with a hammer more than once to know that it's not good for me.
It's not as if I've never dated other types. I've dated two LSIs, three IEIs, an LII (it was the worst), an EII, an ILI, an SLI, numerous women whose type is a mystery because I wasn't typing people then, and five ESIs. I get along with the ESIs most effortlessly, and in the most areas. Is that a coincidence?
My problem is that, having decided that the best car for me is a 1991 Mercedes 560 SEC*, finding one without too much rust, major mechanical problems, an interior which is in good shape, and a complete record of regular maintenance is really hard to do.
So far, all I've found are vehicles which require a huge amount of repair work because they were used, abused, and neglected.
*
I have been reading more dating advice on the internet (sure, why not? What could go wrong with taking advice from strangers on the internet?), and one woman recommended that men should date only women who are happy.
Her reasoning was that men want to make women happy, but no one can make a person happy if they are constantly pissed at the world. I agree with that.
To that bit of wisdom, I'd add that you should not date a person if they do not have a Secure attachment style. An insecure attachment style is another thing that isn't changeable. You can accept a non-secure attachment style in another person, and all the bullshit that goes along with it, but why would you want to do that? Unless, of course, you hate yourself and want validation of the idea that you are worthless.
Of course, if you are older than age thirty and you aren't already married to a Secure person, you are basically fucked. All the Secures are locked up in secure, happy relationships at that point, and all who are left are the crazies. Better start hanging out at funerals and introduce yourself to the widows, and hope for the best.
@Adam Strange I think you have to look 'within'. When I said to Rebelondeck that I wanted a partner to 'take the pressure off', he said to me that can only come from within.
As most people here are tired of hearing me say it, I type mostly by VI. And most of my social interactions are spent collecting data points for VI.
This morning, I was in a coffee shop and the woman in line in front of me was a young blond who had the healthy athleticism of an ESI. She was clearly an SF and just as clearly not a delicate and refined SEI, but rather was the hearty and healthy ESI variety of ISFx.
As I was watching her face, she slipped into an expression which was identical to one that my last ESI GF had, and is an expression which I've seen on no one else. It could be that I just was never looking for it before I noticed it on my last GF, but I assume that it could be indicative of them sharing some particular feature.
After all, that's how VI works, kids. Your personality comes out of your face.
My last ESI GF was just about perfect, and if she hadn't been sexually selfish (which might be a concrete expression of her Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style), I'd still be seeing her.
Now my question to myself is, "Does the sharing of that one facial expression mean that they share good traits, or bad?" She left the coffee shop before I could talk to her. Maybe next time.
Remember when I put I was looking for an estp on my profile and then took it down? Well, eventually I did get some good matches. I wouldn’t recommend that..the app seemed to start working when I ignored it a bit, also went on some pretty weird dates before that. I think it’s true what they say about sneaky semi duals however, like I do sometimes think about the SEE who unmatched me, but I think I just wasn’t ready. I think we are also attracted to people like our opposite sex parent (for straight people, same for gay people too but with same sex(?). My dad is Istp which isn’t far off from Estp. In terms of vibe. Also, talking to duals is not easy, but it shouldn’t be that hard either.
do any dating apps let you search profiles by keyword? It would make finding a dual much easier if they did. I know there’s one called boo that does but I don’t think many people use it. OKCupid used to, but they removed that feature
Sad, beautiful, tragic love affair..