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Thread: Adventures in Dating

  1. #921
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Sometimes I think about asking guys out.. but I fear rejection too much. Or even worse than rejection, I fear a guy accepting the date not because he likes me back but because he likes that I like him. That's heartbreak saved for a later date. Also, even without the rejection component, I'd feel so awkward about asking. How well do you have to know the person before you can ask them out? Is it weird to ask out someone who you've been with in a group but haven't spoken to directly? How do you go about actually asking them out? Should it be over text or in person? Should you explicitly ask them on a date or just ask them if they want to hang out? Should you suggest the time/place or let them pick? Should you not bother asking someone out unless you can feign absolute confidence? Do most guys find it weird when girls ask them out? Do they assume you're "desperate" (and therefore not good enough) if you're having to "resort" to asking them out?

    I'm overthinking it, maybe.
    Just let it have a rumble, no paranoia, no restrictions, no sad or hurt feelings. Love is free, wide, limitless.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Oof, no way could I bring myself to ask acquaintances to play match-maker for me. I'd be so embarrassed.

    They aren't by any means "fully intent on matching me with others." I don't know anyone who does that for others or has ended up in a relationship that way.
    Ok. You call them "Acquaintances". Tell me, how much time have you spent with them? How much/many times have you spent with them in prayer? How many times have you helped them with something? How many times have they helped you (likely unbidden as data suggests that you'd never ask directly as a broken individual but even braindead idiots can get thermonuclear hints if they actually give a fuck)?

    Imagine yourself in a life or death situation with them. How certain are you that they'd dump your ass at first opportunity or do you dare to hope they'd take a risk onto themselves to ensure you'd be among those who survived alongside themselves? Would you call anyone who merely entertains the thought of taking a bullet for you a mere "acquaintance" if they did so seriously? This is the line that can and does separate what one considers a mere acquaintance from a friend/true ally/lover. Yeah, ya might have liked that one dude a bit but ya only spoke to him for two minutes and it wasn't all that impressive. He dies it sucks but shit happens and ya don't lose much sleep over it. That's an acquaintance. Say you asked him about his true hopes and dreams and he answered honestly somehow and you actually both admired and respected both him and his aspirations. That's when you'd have shifted yourself from a mere acquaintance to the former 3 that are the true realms of relationships amongst the unbroken and healthily attached.

    This is what I keep harping on about when I speak of attachment issues. Hell, this is a major source of tension between me and my LSE mother. She constantly bids me to give her up to a nursing home so that I can be "free" of her. She thinks that my natural drive to take care of her will naturally drive any and all suitable mates from my presence. I tell her that if a woman is driven away from me because I desire to take care of her than it means she lacks a sense of filial duty and any woman who lacks that sense is unworthy of my commitment.

    This is also works in regards to the aforementioned Nursing Home. I tell her that those fuckers won't give a damn (let alone a shit or fuck) about her in the end. I've been spelling it out for her in terms for months on end and while she gets it more often than not she just keeps falling short at the final moments! Gah! Frustration! I guess this is because of my and how I just literally cannot turn it off. It's the thing you exude. Your Primary Function that is. It is the aura you give off. The innermost core no mask can ever hide. It's the "kernel" of your OS in computing terms...

    You're technically her dual so how do I drive home the point that credentials aren't the be all and end all? How one can and likely should come to regard them with suspicion in an environment where people that likely do mean them harm are in dominant positions of power?

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    Quote Originally Posted by BunnyFairyWorld View Post
    Just let it have a rumble, no paranoia, no restrictions, no sad or hurt feelings. Love is free, wide, limitless.
    HAH! I'd beg to differ sadly. "Free Love" can/has/will lead humanity onto the precipice of extinction if unchecked...

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Martial arts are filled with single women looking to date lonely men who aren't attractive enough for dating apps?

    I've always been skeptical of advice to "get a hobby."
    Join that baking club or w/e it was

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    I’m starting a dating app consulting business. Pay me $10 and I’ll tell you how to improve your profile and help you score more dates

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    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    Join that baking club or w/e it was
    No time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I’m starting a dating app consulting business. Pay me $10 and I’ll tell you how to improve your profile and help you score more dates
    Unfortunately Saturn is currently opposite my Venus so...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Sometimes I think about asking guys out.. but I fear rejection too much.
    It feels bad for men too! Rejection hurts. But maturity is at least largely about learning to do and bear with unpleasant things.

    Or even worse than rejection, I fear a guy accepting the date not because he likes me back but because he likes that I like him. That's heartbreak saved for a later date.
    What, because it suits his ego? You could be asked out for the same reason. Either way it's up to you to use your discretion, and at the end of the day there isn't ever anything else you can do.

    Also, even without the rejection component, I'd feel so awkward about asking. How well do you have to know the person before you can ask them out? Is it weird to ask out someone who you've been with in a group but haven't spoken to directly? How do you go about actually asking them out? Should it be over text or in person? Should you explicitly ask them on a date or just ask them if they want to hang out? Should you suggest the time/place or let them pick? Should you not bother asking someone out unless you can feign absolute confidence?
    There are a lot of subtle ways of getting to that point, but you can always be direct too, and that's often the easiest route, especially if you aren't socially skilled. "You seem really cool. Would you like to get food/get a drink/feed some ducks together?" I don't think you need to explicitly clarify if something is a "date" unless you want to be clear that it's not. The point of flirtation/dating is that you aren't asking someone to just fuck you or move in with you. You're trying to get to know them to establish if you'd like to fuck them/have a relationship, and as long as you keep this in mind that can help ease the fear of rejection, working off the assumption that the pain of rejection is tied to your feeling of worth as an object of sexual desire. In other words, wanting to get to know them shouldn't be a pretense, so don't treat it as one. Anything not explicitly sexual that makes you like or admire that person you can be honest and even forthright about. If you feel you need an excuse or justification to ask them out, you can go with "I like your smile." "I share your taste in x." Something like that.

    The question of confidence ties into that, I think. It might not be completely realistic to expect yourself not to be nervous, but I think the best way to think about this is as something neither to be confident or nervous about. If someone rejects you sexually, that hurts, but if someone doesn't want to be your friend, they're just an asshole, right? And for now all you're trying to do is to be their friend.

    As far as suggesting times/places -- young people are often pretty sheltered and so don't really have the opportunities to develop a lot of initiative. In my experience if you want to do something with someone, especially someone young, you usually have to be pretty proactive. It would probably be good to suggest a place if he seems receptive; if it's appropriate to your personalities you could maybe say something to the effect that you'd love to hear any alternative ideas if he has them. But it's probably best to make sure there's an option out there, I think. Maybe there's also a psychological component to that, like if he doesn't have to think so much about what you're saying, your proposal seems like a more pleasant and easier thing on some level.

    Do most guys find it weird when girls ask them out? Do they assume you're "desperate" (and therefore not good enough) if you're having to "resort" to asking them out?
    No, not at all! I actually suspect this is a belief women fabricated to justify a fear of asking men out. I mean, just think, would you assume a man who asked you out rather than waiting for you to ask him was "desperate?"
    Last edited by FreelancePoliceman; 09-30-2022 at 07:06 AM.

  8. #928
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I 100% disagree. It’s so much better to just go on a date. Spending weeks, months, a year(!) texting back and forth is a waste of time.
    Depends on how you look at it. It all boils down to subjective preference, what you value, etc.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    If “hey wanna go on a date” is the first thing a man says to me on a dating app, I’m likely to say yes since I swiped right on him and he hasn’t given me a reason to say no.


    Send me a “hey what’s up”, and I’m likely to ignore you.
    Great way to meet some creeps and have horrifying experiences. Doesn't sound to me like you actually have much experience with dating like this. You're literally doing 0 screening this way. Not only is it stupid, it's dangerous. At least talk to a person enough to try to cover your own ass. Jesus. This kind of approach to dating can potentially get you into uncomfortable situations at best, and raped or killed at worst.
    Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 09-30-2022 at 09:27 AM.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Lioness View Post
    Depends on how you look at it. It all boils down to subjective preference, what you value, etc.


    Great way to meet some creeps and have horrifying experiences. Doesn't sound to me like you actually have much experience with dating like this. You're literally doing 0 screening this way. Not only is it stupid, it's dangerous. At least talk to a person enough to try to cover your own ass. Jesus. This kind of approach to dating can get you killed, raped, etc.
    Ok you’re making a lot of assumptions here

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    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    Ok you’re making a lot of assumptions here
    Such as?


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    "Are there a lot of narcissists on dating apps?"
    Finally, a recent study from the journal Personality and Individual Differences can shed some light on this question. A study involving 555 participants found that there are more narcissists on dating apps than people who don't use them. They also found Machiavellianism predicted higher daily usage.

    “The psychopaths were more likely to have more problematic Tinder use or addictive Tinder use.
    “They’re on there a lot and are becoming addicted. The narcissists came in at four per cent of users, which is roughly the same offline. This survey looked at people who are really not okay; not just a little bit narcissistic, but highly narcissistic or highly psychopathic.


    LendEdu, a consumer finance comparison site, asked more than 3,800 millennials if they used Tinder and a staggering 72% of them said they did. When the researchers asked them why, 22% of those Tinder users answered that they are “looking for a hookup” and 29% percent said they use the location-based app for other reasons, which likely include friendship and curiosity. And only 4% said they were “looking for a relationship.” Meanwhile, more than 44% — by far the largest percentage — said they were swiping for “confidence-boosting procrastination.”



    "Wanna date?"
    "OK!"

    Really bad idea.


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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Unfortunately Saturn is currently opposite my Venus so...
    C’mon it’ll be fun

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    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    C’mon it’ll be fun
    I'll have fun enough! Look at my chart. Venus, 9th house, (yes, cadent but) aspected (by a trine no less) by Jupiter in the 5th (love of fun, lots of children), which is my ascendant ruler, and also aspected/trined by my ascendant itself. I'll find someone, possibly next year when Diespiter becomes chronokrator, NOT on an unfun dating app. And nothing is less fun than paying money for what should be friendly advice. Shame on you for trying to sell that btw, I thought we were friends.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I'll have fun enough! Look at my chart. Venus, 9th house, (yes, cadent but) aspected (by a trine no less) by Jupiter in the 5th (love of fun, lots of children), which is my ascendant ruler, and also aspected/trined by my ascendant itself. I'll find someone, possibly next year when Diespiter becomes chronokrator, NOT on an unfun dating app. And nothing is less fun than paying money for what should be friendly advice. Shame on you for trying to sell that btw, I thought we were friends.
    LOL no such thing as a free lunch, buddy.

    Also can you post your chart cus I can’t find it anymore

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Do they assume you're "desperate" (and therefore not good enough) if you're having to "resort" to asking them out?
    even if they do so what, and if they look at it negatively, its their fault and projection. most ppl dont value others, dont value relaitonships, esp when young, they think its just to dick around so they will act like u're weird for caring too much. its annoying. people are annoying. its pointless to care what they think when its so stupid. if they act like morons and make u feel awkward for not doing anything wrong then u should treat them as awkward morons because thats what they are. its some stupid neruotypical sarcasm social bs thing where u have to read in between everything because they are too narcissistic and cowardly to say what they mean. if someone doesnt like u bc of how u approached them then good u know they aint shit.

    all the rest doesnt matter. u see how many assumptions ppl make out of anything u do, and then act like all those assumptions are the truth and if u dont know them then u are socially inept thats what social norms and social skills are about. just embrace the autism and do things ur way.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    LOL no such thing as a free lunch, buddy.

    Also can you post your chart cus I can’t find it anymore




    (Yes OK Venus is square Saturn. But I have a day chart so Saturn is less malefic, and Jupiter counteracts this anyway (the aspect list doesn't show that, because modern astrology is degenerate; aspects were traditionally understood between the zoidia planets are in)).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    Exactly. And then when you finally meet you may not be compatible, or there might not be attraction. It's best to meet in person, and then one just has to accept that it might be necessary to go on lots of dates to find the right one.
    When I hear this I just think I don't want to waste my time going on a bunch of dates (and suffering through discomfort from social anxiety) with a bunch of randos that I couldn't care less about lol

    I honestly hope that I will be able to meet somebody in person and have a friendship of some sort with them first. The whole romantic stuff with a stranger is so damn weird.

    I fully acknowledge I'm not the norm when it comes to this stuff. The one time talking online worked out for me was not the norm it seems. It'll probably be like searching for a needle in a haystack to find someone I had magic with again.
    Chronic "grass is always greener" syndrome




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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquamarine View Post
    When I hear this I just think I don't want to waste my time going on a bunch of dates (and suffering through discomfort from social anxiety) with a bunch of randos that I couldn't care less about lol

    I honestly hope that I will be able to meet somebody in person and have a friendship of some sort with them first. The whole romantic stuff with a stranger is so damn weird.

    I fully acknowledge I'm not the norm when it comes to this stuff. The one time talking online worked out for me was not the norm it seems. It'll probably be like searching for a needle in a haystack to find someone I had magic with again.
    I've been on lots of bad dates. But that's the only way to find out. I don't want to spend months chatting with someone and then finally discover that we don't match. Writing messages takes a long time for me, I can easily spend 30 mins on composing a message. Better to meet for 1-2 hours and then I know.

    Then if I find someone special, we can of course become friends and then the romance starts. It's not like I will be romantically involved with someone who feels like a stranger. These things can be subjective. I've met duals who felt like friends after 5 minutes.

    I guess women have a tendency to postpone things in order to test the man. But it doesn't work in online dating. You can't know who the other person is. Both only know that there is slight interest based on pics etc. Another problem is that things might change. We matched and I am available now so why don't we meet. I might find someone else if we wait too long.

    But I understand that things are not decided by reason alone. There is the yin and yang of dating. But I try to suggest a date and remind her if she doesn't respond. Something has to happen. I'll try to be the man.
    Last edited by Tallmo; 10-01-2022 at 08:11 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Haha, I'm surprised that you're shocked. Is it really that common? I've never even heard of churches trying to set people up before End mentioned it on this thread. I'd genuinely feel relieved if someone tried to find a boyfriend for me but I don't think that's gonna happen and I can't bring myself to ask lol. On the bright side of having to navigate it alone, I obviously know who I'm attracted to better than anyone else.
    The fact that you are single, at church, AND leading a bible study and NO ONE said "You should meet my friend/son/nephew/cousin". I'm shocked. Yes this is common, one trip on youtube would point that out to you. I've personally experienced it too, and people I know. So yea, I'm shocked. They love trying to play match maker for the young single members.
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 09-30-2022 at 11:03 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Yes this is common, one trip on youtube would point that out to you.
    Oh, okay. I've seen a fair amount Christian dating videos on the internet, but the ones I've seen just make fun of different things. Guys at Christian colleges approaching girls with "God told me I'm supposed to marry you," for example.

    I wasn't trying to argue with you, by the way. I was just surprised that it's common enough that no one being a matchmaker in my church would shock someone else. That's all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    Ok. You call them "Acquaintances". Tell me, how much time have you spent with them? How much/many times have you spent with them in prayer? How many times have you helped them with something? How many times have they helped you (likely unbidden as data suggests that you'd never ask directly as a broken individual but even braindead idiots can get thermonuclear hints if they actually give a fuck)?

    Imagine yourself in a life or death situation with them. How certain are you that they'd dump your ass at first opportunity or do you dare to hope they'd take a risk onto themselves to ensure you'd be among those who survived alongside themselves? Would you call anyone who merely entertains the thought of taking a bullet for you a mere "acquaintance" if they did so seriously? This is the line that can and does separate what one considers a mere acquaintance from a friend/true ally/lover. Yeah, ya might have liked that one dude a bit but ya only spoke to him for two minutes and it wasn't all that impressive. He dies it sucks but shit happens and ya don't lose much sleep over it. That's an acquaintance. Say you asked him about his true hopes and dreams and he answered honestly somehow and you actually both admired and respected both him and his aspirations. That's when you'd have shifted yourself from a mere acquaintance to the former 3 that are the true realms of relationships amongst the unbroken and healthily attached.

    This is what I keep harping on about when I speak of attachment issues. Hell, this is a major source of tension between me and my LSE mother. She constantly bids me to give her up to a nursing home so that I can be "free" of her. She thinks that my natural drive to take care of her will naturally drive any and all suitable mates from my presence. I tell her that if a woman is driven away from me because I desire to take care of her than it means she lacks a sense of filial duty and any woman who lacks that sense is unworthy of my commitment.

    This is also works in regards to the aforementioned Nursing Home. I tell her that those fuckers won't give a damn (let alone a shit or fuck) about her in the end. I've been spelling it out for her in terms for months on end and while she gets it more often than not she just keeps falling short at the final moments! Gah! Frustration! I guess this is because of my and how I just literally cannot turn it off. It's the thing you exude. Your Primary Function that is. It is the aura you give off. The innermost core no mask can ever hide. It's the "kernel" of your OS in computing terms...

    You're technically her dual so how do I drive home the point that credentials aren't the be all and end all? How one can and likely should come to regard them with suspicion in an environment where people that likely do mean them harm are in dominant positions of power?
    I don't know how to convince your mom of anything, sorry. My own ESI and SEE parents want to walk out into the snow together and die before they reach an age at which they have to enter a nursing home or be cared for by one of us daughters. That's what they say, anyhow. They'd better not actually do that.

    As for the people, I don't spend much time with them. With a couple exceptions (my fellow leader and a SLI guy I've known since 8th grade—both of whom I've spent more time with), I only meet with them once a week for like an hour. I've helped the leader with the Bible study, but that's not really helping her on a personal level, just contributing to the group. The SLI guy and I mutually helped each other with math in high school, and I guess I helped him in an emotional sense by offering him a listening ear when no one else would. That's it, I suppose. I'm like 3% sure that any of them would risk their lives for me.

    And for what it's worth, this "broken person" knows how to directly ask for help. It can be difficult to muster the courage to ask someone for help at work (though I always manage to ask eventually), but in any other environment it's easy to request help if I need it.
    Last edited by Dreymagine; 09-30-2022 at 11:41 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Oh, okay. I've seen a fair amount Christian dating videos on the internet, but the ones I've seen just make fun of different things. Guys at Christian colleges approaching girls with "God told me I'm supposed to marry you," for example.

    I wasn't trying to argue with you, by the way. I was just surprised that it's common enough that no one being a matchmaker in my church would shock someone else. That's all.
    Nah I didn't take it as argument I'm just in shock and wanted to stress how common it is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Lioness View Post
    "Are there a lot of narcissists on dating apps?"
    Finally, a recent study from the journal Personality and Individual Differences can shed some light on this question. A study involving 555 participants found that there are more narcissists on dating apps than people who don't use them. They also found Machiavellianism predicted higher daily usage.

    “The psychopaths were more likely to have more problematic Tinder use or addictive Tinder use.
    “They’re on there a lot and are becoming addicted. The narcissists came in at four per cent of users, which is roughly the same offline. This survey looked at people who are really not okay; not just a little bit narcissistic, but highly narcissistic or highly psychopathic.


    LendEdu, a consumer finance comparison site, asked more than 3,800 millennials if they used Tinder and a staggering 72% of them said they did. When the researchers asked them why, 22% of those Tinder users answered that they are “looking for a hookup” and 29% percent said they use the location-based app for other reasons, which likely include friendship and curiosity. And only 4% said they were “looking for a relationship.” Meanwhile, more than 44% — by far the largest percentage — said they were swiping for “confidence-boosting procrastination.”



    "Wanna date?"
    "OK!"

    Really bad idea.
    I’m not afraid of being murdered or raped by someone I met on a dating app. There are things you can do to make yourself safer like meet in a public setting, get there early, don’t let him walk you to your car, keep all communication on the app (don’t give him your phone number), don’t use your full name or give out too much personal info. You can be picky about who you swipe right on. Personally I was never a fan of Tinder and only used Hinge and Bumble. I’ve never felt unsafe on a date with someone I met through an app. The only scary person I’ve ever dated was someone I met through a friend irl.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    Sometimes I think about asking guys out.. but I fear rejection too much. Or even worse than rejection, I fear a guy accepting the date not because he likes me back but because he likes that I like him. That's heartbreak saved for a later date. Also, even without the rejection component, I'd feel so awkward about asking. How well do you have to know the person before you can ask them out? Is it weird to ask out someone who you've been with in a group but haven't spoken to directly? How do you go about actually asking them out? Should it be over text or in person? Should you explicitly ask them on a date or just ask them if they want to hang out? Should you suggest the time/place or let them pick? Should you not bother asking someone out unless you can feign absolute confidence? Do most guys find it weird when girls ask them out? Do they assume you're "desperate" (and therefore not good enough) if you're having to "resort" to asking them out?

    I'm overthinking it, maybe.
    I might get some hate for this but, I know that guys especially over the internet love to say "Oh man I WISH a girl would ask me out!". But, the truth is, at least from what I've seen, it's SO rare that a girl ask a guy out, that when a guy does get asked out by a girl he feels like kingpin, like he's must got something special going on, like he's got her wrapped around his finger, that's the most common response I've seen. And it's not always great for the girl because she gets treated like the desperate one chasing him. Girls treat guys like this all the time, but since guys deal with it often they know how to take it much better than the average girl. Rejection is something girls post about online like a rare event "Can you believe I asked this guy out and he said no.", this is like shocking for girls and normal for guys.

    I'd say if you like a guy, definitely smile when you two make eye contact, definitely engage him in conversation and make yourself easy to access, like standing in his vicinity in a room and be friendly for sure. Build some rapport with inside jokes and find common interests and be genuinely interested in your conversations with him. If he likes you all this will make it much easier for him to ask you out. But asking him out as a girl, from what I've seen, it's not always the best deal, I think it's better to invite him to stuff instead of "Hey do you wanna go on a date?". Just my 2 cents.
    Last edited by Lord Pixel; 10-01-2022 at 12:14 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    I don't know how to convince your mom of anything, sorry. My own ESI and SEE parents want to walk out into the snow together and die before they reach an age at which they have to enter a nursing home or be cared for by one of us daughters. That's what they say, anyhow. They'd better not actually do that.

    As for the people, I don't spend much time with them. With a couple exceptions (my fellow leader and a SLI guy I've known since 8th grade—both of whom I've spent more time with), I only meet with them once a week for like an hour. I've helped the leader with the Bible study, but that's not really helping her on a personal level, just contributing to the group. The SLI guy and I mutually helped each other with math in high school, and I guess I helped him in an emotional sense by offering him a listening ear when no one else would. That's it, I suppose. I'm like 3% sure that any of them would risk their lives for me.

    And for what it's worth, this "broken person" knows how to directly ask for help. It can be difficult to muster the courage to ask someone for help at work (though I always manage to ask eventually), but in any other environment it's easy to request help if I need it.
    Frustration in accordance with my own theories! Gah! Why damnit why must this cycle perpetuate itself so effectively!? Damnit!

    I can only recommend what I tried and worked when I first approached my own SEE brother with my findings a year (give or take) ago when I told him of attachment issues. I went full there I admit and he just... understood. Actually guessed the "hidden terror" of infants on the first try. He then promised me he'd always try to make time for me whenever I asked. Try because he's got a lot of commitments in many fields but he still tries in earnest.

    Basically, just fully open up. Tell em' exactly what's going through your head and why you just have to say it to them no filter. Yeah, your brain will be screaming at you to not do that. Lie. Lie one more time both to them but most especially to yourself. Put that familiar mask back on and become that fascimile of a human being that you're now pretty confident won't get immediately abandoned by what happens to be your social milieu.

    I expected him to hate me or otherwise humiliate me somehow. Instead? He actually understood and we've been hanging out every chance we can. He's way more busy than I am so it doesn't always work out but we're both much closer now.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    I might get some hate for this but, I know that guys especially over the internet love to say "Oh man I WISH a girl would ask me out!". But, the truth is, at least from what I've seen, it's SO rare that a girl ask a guy out, that when a guy does get asked out by a girl he feels like kingpin, like he's must got something special going on, like he's got her wrapped around his finger, that's the most common response I've seen. And it's not always great for the girl because she gets treated like the desperate one chasing him. Girls treat guys like this all the time, but since guys deal with it often they know how to take it much better than the average girl. Rejection is something girls post about online like a rare event "Can you believe I asked this guy out and he said no.", this is like shocking for girls and normal for guys.

    I'd say if you like a guy, definitely smile when you two make eye contact, definitely engage him in conversation and make yourself easy to access, like standing in his vicinity in a room and be friendly for sure. Build some rapport with inside jokes and find common interests and be genuinely interested in your conversations with him. If he likes you all this will make it much easier for him to ask you out. But asking him out as a girl, from what I've seen, it's not always the best deal, I think it's better to invite him to stuff instead of "Hey do you wanna go on a date?". Just my 2 cents.
    This is why I recommend people lean into networks in regards to finding a mate. Problem is that (I gotta get a bit political here so forgive me) the PTB want nothing less than the total demonic inversion of everything. They want down to be up, good to be evil, evil to be good, and for women hitting on men be like men hit on women to be the norm rather than the exception. They want women to make catcalls towards men and for men to act all bashful and perhaps a wee bit disgusted towards them.

    Now I'll speak as an victim type. Guys who actually want to be aggressed upon know how it really works. If a girl asked me out before I did I'd tell her I admire her honesty but is she really sure about that? After all, isn't it easy enough for girls to get laid/land a date? Hell, it could be an SEE shit test. All the other broken and desperate men she hit with it just folded and begged her to make them her little bitch and drag them along limply to their bed?

    Fools. The conqueror/aggressor desires most of all a true challenge. The hard-won conquest is the one they'll savor until their dying day. My favorite example is that of Napoleon and Josephine. Josephine knew exactly how to wrap him around her finger so tightly he'd make her his queen without a second thought. A true conquer doesn't want the front gate to just rot away and grant them access to the city they're besieging. They want to find that critical weakness they were sure the opposing fuckers were sure they wouldn't find and use it to topple them. Preferably without anyone's help!

    Though I'd wager they wouldn't have minded the subtle hint their dual would have provided almost subconsciously...
    Last edited by End; 10-01-2022 at 05:03 AM.

  26. #946
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    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I’m not afraid of being murdered or raped by someone I met on a dating app. There are things you can do to make yourself safer like meet in a public setting, get there early, don’t let him walk you to your car, keep all communication on the app (don’t give him your phone number), don’t use your full name or give out too much personal info. You can be picky about who you swipe right on. Personally I was never a fan of Tinder and only used Hinge and Bumble. I’ve never felt unsafe on a date with someone I met through an app. The only scary person I’ve ever dated was someone I met through a friend irl.
    There's fear, and then there's a wise amount of caution. "Talking through only the app" suggests you do more talking than originally described.

    I still think it's unwise not to screen people through some conversation before meeting up.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Lioness View Post
    There's fear, and then there's a wise amount of caution. "Talking through only the app" suggests you do more talking than originally described.

    I still think it's unwise not to screen people through some conversation before meeting up.
    In my experience there is conversation between deciding to go on a date and the actual date itself.

  28. #948
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    Dating is a blood sucking chore and a responsibility to enter a whole world of problems and hardship I can’t even begin to describe. I would just rather spend all day thinking, and having Bunny come into my thoughts following me everywhere as my Pikachu, thank you!!

    Hey, my girlfriend just flew into me December 2013, with magic, Star-shine, evanescence, and cinema, ahoy!!
    Raptor had to lose in 2006 to become Revan, important errands of knighthood and valor to walk with Pokemon and charm the melodies of sweet channels to lush frenzy galloping solo yet swiftly into the sunrise for maximum presents and signed in deluxe oceans of fast trading cards bazooka cascading rumba of love Force constellations restoring last battle cardinal plants actively swirling for juice and petals to wishes
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    After over a year of back and forth, LSI and I finally decided to try dating. Thanks for letting me use this thread as a temporary journal.

    I guess I tend to struggle a lot with “relationships” and the previous posts were about the up and down doubts that I battle with.
    Last edited by EIE H; 10-03-2022 at 06:10 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    Frustration in accordance with my own theories! Gah! Why damnit why must this cycle perpetuate itself so effectively!? Damnit!

    I can only recommend what I tried and worked when I first approached my own SEE brother with my findings a year (give or take) ago when I told him of attachment issues. I went full there I admit and he just... understood. Actually guessed the "hidden terror" of infants on the first try. He then promised me he'd always try to make time for me whenever I asked. Try because he's got a lot of commitments in many fields but he still tries in earnest.

    Basically, just fully open up. Tell em' exactly what's going through your head and why you just have to say it to them no filter. Yeah, your brain will be screaming at you to not do that. Lie. Lie one more time both to them but most especially to yourself. Put that familiar mask back on and become that fascimile of a human being that you're now pretty confident won't get immediately abandoned by what happens to be your social milieu.

    .
    Actually, I don't think my situation aligns with whatever theory you're referring to at all. I usually filter out sulky tangents about why I'm awful (though I'll vent that self-frustration to family and it occasionally manifests in the form of self-deprecating jokes with friends), and I have stuff that I only discuss with a couple trusted mentor figures. But otherwise, I'm an open book. I don't wear a mask or lie to people.
    Last edited by Dreymagine; 10-06-2022 at 02:01 PM.

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    @Tallmo, not a dating adventure, but how do you tell your dual to clean up after themself and actually get them to do it?

  32. #952
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    @Tallmo, not a dating adventure, but how do you tell your dual to clean up after themself and actually get them to do it?
    I have no idea. Are ILEs bad at cleaning up? Maybe tell them "Please, clean up"
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by pregnantman View Post
    I had one girl and she got too drunk one day and she threw up in my apartment, I told her to clean up, she refused… So, I took her stuff and threw it out the window
    Now this is a solution.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I have no idea. Are ILEs bad at cleaning up? Maybe tell them "Please, clean up"
    It works the 19th time?

  35. #955
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    thoughts and observations

    women are generally more passive due to having less ability to assert themselves in the external world. this makes them more dependant on men. this also makes them not think as much about what they do have control over, because they believe a man should and can take care of it. they get upset when they cant have their way but they may not understand when that is due to the real world simply not giving the opportunity in a reasonable way for what they want. this fosters competition between women about men's power and attention. this also makes women not act and take as much control as they have on reality, which makes them selfish, creates burden on men and other women. women will also manipulate because their needs are often neglected, not just because there is no other way, but because most men dont care about taking care about someone else. most people are users, so they use each other. the more u use others the more u force them to use u and others. this applies to everyone. not using someone involves taking risks for them, because once u give them something they get power and they can use it to not give back and exploit u further. being the higher person is a risk.
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  36. #956
    dewusional entitwed snowfwake VewyScawwyNawcissist's Avatar
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    a man can get scolded and threatened to be left if he doesnt change his ways and emotional investments. men's emotional investments are often seen as childish and immature. this can be a wise mother or a cruel mother female archetype. men often mirror that at women, and its also often mirrored by women back at men. my issue is with integrity. if u let someone do bad things and dont stop them, because if u tried to, it would have a countereffect that would set the world on fire, it means u have to submit to them. to submit to them, u need to get rid of ur emotional values and attachments to a large degree. when u lose that u become unable to connect emotionally to a deep level to a person. you become an object. women can use u as an emotional sponge, without u being able (because u are not allowed) to process their emotions and connect to them. they will talk to you as if u can, and act to you as if u can, which invalidates ur emotional state/depression and dissociation. then u get mad and they scold u for being a manchild who cant manage his emotions. the scolding here is smth along the lines that in order to grow u need to suffer. suffering teaches people a lesson. this is the general mentality. suffering causes u to break which forces u to build something that will cancel the suffering so u dont break anymore. to be continued.

    he becomes dependent on women because they hollowed him. he sacrificed his integrity, because they had better values, better ideas, they were more empathetic, they claimed there was a better way of being. if he didnt make that sacrifice, they would have left him, which would have also resulted on breach of his values - losing someone that was the goal of his efforts, and losing them also means he cant protect them anymore. the women become a part of nature/the wild and so at risk of suffering the chaos.

    all of this could be considered "attachment issues". he is dependent on women because he loves them and cares about their well being - because there is emotional connection. now genuine emotional connection gets severed - this results in hollowing, the solution to the hollowing would be to become independent. to become indepedent, means u will not value others as much anymore, so u will not be able to form strong emotional bonds anymore. this may be why most men are detached/separated. adult sexuality becomes about physical action and force, while infantile sexuality is about love/connection.

    why arent women separated - sometimes they are. but some times they are not, because they don't care. they are not invested as much in waht they lose - because unlike men they dont have that much power over the reality that keeps taking from them. they get hollowed, so their integrity gets replaced by delusions. they can start enjoying the suffering, idealizing it, they can develop thought patterns and ideas about how they deserve it, or how its good anyway. its about not having control over reality, so they take control of their mind and plunge it to be something else.

    this is the birth of a female psychopath. just as she has been manipulated and forced around, she manipulates a man by promising him better values but they dont exist. they are imaginary. he wants to care about her, but she doesnt value him, and she almost cant, because so far she has mostly learned that its WRONG (pain/suffering means wrong) to love.

    a man has learned to cross others boundaries - most basic to kill animals, then to have sex against his will by being seduced (seduction when ingenuine separates a man's mind (or "splits") in parts - separates his sexuality from his thoughts and his emotions), by being forced by women to hurt himself to provide for them when he is not in the health or mind state to do so properly. as he abuses himself, and as he is forced to abuse others against his own will, he loses sense of right and wrong.

    most people who grow up develop toxic mentalities that persist and define their lives.

    the brain is made of neural connections. when u lie, and when u get lied to, when u get presented information that doesnt fit together properly, but people act as if it does, and u are forced to interact with them as if it does, and to think like they do, and to act like they want u to, the rest of ur brain disconnects, you become stupid and delusional. the other neurons dont get exercised, and u lose conenction between information in reality. lying makes stupid and damaged people.
    Last edited by VewyScawwyNawcissist; 10-10-2022 at 05:45 PM.
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    playing with Fi-Re at this point. Who knew just talking creates feelings. Starting to feel like "bonding", on my end at least. I can't play stupid now and I need to cut off banter with this LSE lady online. It's just shocking because we are 2 totally different people and would never be caught dead around each other in public as stereotypical as that sounds the realization is more real to me than ever lol. This woman pretty much resembles a karen lol, idk if she actually is but local soccer mom karen is what I get from her pictures, and I'm just a kid from bklyn lol, she's def a generation older than me . I'm a single guy and shouldn't torture myself like this.

  38. #958
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    I hate to brag but... after 30 or so failed dates over the last 5 months, I finally managed to get a gf . I think most people would've gone insane after so many rejections but honestly it was so worth it.

    She's an ESE, very nice and kind girl. Has me honestly questioning if I'm not a mistyped LII all along. We're on the same page about many lifestyle-related things, something I didn't have with my SEI ex.

    She's almost certainly ESE-Si, her emotions don't spill all over the place like a Fe-sub, and the Si is very apparent (she appears quite unperturbed at times, like Si leads). However her smile and sunny disposition is very much typical of ESE, and she seems to truly enjoy working and being busy (which is why I'm certain she isn't SEI or something else).

    It's the first time I date a girl younger than me. The dynamic feels way different, especially considering the Caregiver/Infantile thing. It's like we both rely on and support each other in a way. Hard to explain but I never experienced it before even with the SEI, she was too independent and mature to rely on me.

    Note about typing: Whenever I meet people, I run through Talanov's research result tables to differentiate the types. Not kidding, it types people with >90% accuracy.

  39. #959
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    I just started dating a cute med student from Aomori City. I'm not sure what her type is yet, but I'd say a sensor for sure. She's very put-together in her appearance, studies medicine, and really likes working out and yoga. Seems Fe-valuing from what I can tell as well. I've only been on one date with her so far though so I'm sure my understanding of her type will evolve. It went well though. We've been texting a lot, and we're going out again next weekend.

    I'm not sure how this is gonna work out though. I'm moving back to the US next August and although I think I may move back to Japan in the future it'll probably be couple years before I'm ready to do that. Meanwhile she's got to do 12 years working in Aomori City before she's free to do whatever she wants cause apparently that's how med school and licensing works here. Our paths seem to be pretty irreconcilable, but at the same time we both know that, and I almost wonder if a relationship with a specific time limit on it might be nice... Is it strange to think that?
    “Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
    — James Russell Lowell
    猫が生き甲斐

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    Quote Originally Posted by AWellArmedCat View Post
    Our paths seem to be pretty irreconcilable, but at the same time we both know that, and I almost wonder if a relationship with a specific time limit on it might be nice... Is it strange to think that?
    irrational Fe valuers are on average the ones who are most comfortable with ephemeral relations, so for SLE, for example, this is rarely a deal-breaker

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