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Thread: Adventures in Dating

  1. #801
    Ari Lady Lioness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Katherine Fauvre was right about what? Link?
    The way loneliness manifests in 268. I didn't agree with it for myself before because I didn't agree that those actions were even just partially driven by loneliness.

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/gu81c08y3a...81%29.mp4?dl=0

    I'd forgotten what it was like…to sit down and enjoy mentally stimulating conversations with another person. To feel so drawn in that you just don't want the time together to end. When I look around at my social circle, I just keep seeing how I continuously find myself in that position of being the one who is promoting growth in others, teaching them, inspiring them, protecting them, motivating them, healing them, etc. Yes, I like to be the one on the giving end that way, but is that really what I want in a relationship? No. I want someone who…we each challenge one another in that way my therapist and I do with each other.
    As she said, though, it was lack of awareness.
    Last edited by Lady Lioness; 08-10-2022 at 05:48 AM.


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    What's your confirmation bias?

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    Ari Lady Lioness's Avatar
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    Holy shit. I just realized the reason I hate being misunderstood is because it makes me alone, and I fear that isolated disconnect from others.

    Amazing, how it all begins to tie in together and make total sense the moment that loneliness is acknowledged/recognized.

    Related...



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    What's your confirmation bias?

  3. #803
    Ari Lady Lioness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    After a years-long disastrous liaison with an alcoholic and self-destructive redhead, my SLE-Ti buddy posted on his Facebook page the words "No More Redheads".

    I've been thinking about my own poor track record of dating, and while I don't have anything against redheads, I understand where he was coming from.

    I know that the problem has not been just them, but sometimes you really want to believe it was.
    Ahh, yes...the slippery slope dangers of associating personality/temperament with something stupid, such as hair color. Lack of understanding of the actual root cause of the issues (typical SLE).


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    What's your confirmation bias?

  4. #804
    Ari Lady Lioness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    After a years-long disastrous liaison with an alcoholic and self-destructive redhead, my SLE-Ti buddy posted on his Facebook page the words "No More Redheads".

    I've been thinking about my own poor track record of dating, and while I don't have anything against redheads, I understand where he was coming from.

    I know that the problem has not been just them, but sometimes you really want to believe it was.
    While thinking about this more, I realized...I would be halfway willing to bet that somewhere in there, he's not taking accountability for his own actions/contributions in things. I might be wrong about that, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm right.


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    What's your confirmation bias?

  5. #805
    Ari Lady Lioness's Avatar
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    My friend laughs at how direct I am sometimes. I can kind of see why. I'm fucking brutal.

    Some guy: "I also get the feeling you enjoy listening to my voice"
    Me: "No, I don't get anything from your voice. I just prefer to voice chat."
    Some guy: "too bad! I been crushin on you lol rip"
    Me: "Why you crushin'? I don't mean to be a dick with my bluntness, but you don't really know me."
    (a few sentences were exchanged that I won't share)
    Some guy: "I am not trying to make you uncomfortable, I will keep those thoughts to myself from now on. My b."
    Me: "Probably better left unsaid, yeah. Makes things a bit uncomfortable and awkward."
    Some guy: "That's okay, I told you once I will always respect your boundaries. "

    You're damn right you will.




    A different guy was recently all...

    Me: I think you're too horny.
    The guy: Does it turn you on to see me X? (I can't remember what X was, even, but it wasn't a joke, he was legitimately asking me)
    Me: No. Actually, I find it kind of annoying.

    No fucks given.
    Last edited by Lady Lioness; 08-10-2022 at 07:52 AM.


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    What's your confirmation bias?

  6. #806
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreymagine View Post
    This isn't relevant to dating, but the mention of redhead stereotyping reminds me of a convo that I had this summer.

    On the 4th of July, a parks & rec supervisor from a different location came over to help us set up a stage. He was working on something beside me, and he complimented my hair color, saying that his daughters are gingers as well. He added that he has a ginger woman working for him and that she's "feisty." He then stated (seriously) that all redheads have "feisty" personalities.

    Edit:

    Also, I see a lot of guys online saying that redheads are "zeroes or tens with no in-between" in terms of physical attractiveness.
    I get a lot of messages online when guys find out I'm a redhead. I don't show my pictures, they just find out I have red hair. "Why'd you message me?" "The red hair" Ok then...(yes, that was part of an actual convo)


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  7. #807
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    I had dinner after work with this ESI guy who is on the project. He barbecued a steak and salmon on the grill on his deck, and he's a great cook. We talked about our ex-wives and what went wrong, and the problems seem to be simply that our ex's were from non-Gamma Quadras. A clash of values, in other words.
    In talking about his life now, he described a female jogger that he'd seen while he was walking his dog, and he's definitely a horny Aggressor, which seems surprising coming from a guy who is so introverted. Lol.

    He's smart, funny, stable, and easy to get along with. Very much like the male ESI buddy I had in high school. Basically a great guy. Kind of looks like Adam Sandler.

    Why the hell can't I meet a female version of this? Every female ESI I've met (with the exception of the ESI-Se lesbian) doesn't seem to want to be in a relationship. I ask them out, we have one great date, maybe two or five, and then they become unavailable. In other words, they don't respond to my bids for attention, which is invariably fatal to a relationship.

    The problem could be with me, but I don't think it is. I've shown both this ESI guy and the lesbian artist ESI texts from some of the women that I've dated, and they both said "These women aren't treating you very well. You were right to drop them." That's an ESI opinion of another ESI, and in both cases, it's not coming from jealousy.

    My only conclusion is that I'm looking for something as rare as a needle in a haystack, and I just haven't found it yet.

    Fuck. My. Life.

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    I matched with another Estp (I think he is). He has a Jung quote about relationships on his profile so my matches do seem a bit more interesting these days. This seems to be since a. I put on my profile that I was looking for Estps (though later took it down). b. matched with a nice-enough Entp guy- but didn’t date him. Both recent matches liked me first…both Hinge.

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    Ok so the date with the Estp was ok, but didn’t fancy him. Estps are good at selecting photos for their profiles that make them appear attractive…I’m probably quite good at it too. We did find a nice cocktail place, apparently I really like cocktails. The Estp who liked Jung has gone mysteriously quiet on me, so I’m talking to a cute and interesting looking Esfp instead. A good start to the week after a boring weekend feeling sorry for myself
    Last edited by Bethany; 08-15-2022 at 07:29 PM.

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    Well, I’m back on Match again, looking for an ESI. The last one said she was only looking for a friend, and she meant it.

    So I spent an hour or so paging through the three or four hundred females that passed my filters and none of them appeared to be ESIs.

    I complained about this to my 27 yo lesbian ESI-Se decorator and she said she wasn’t surprised.

    I asked, “Why aren’t you surprised?”

    She said “Because ESIs HATE THAT SHIT!”
    “You should just get out there and LIVE!”

    I thought, Right. Sure. And in a million years, I’ll meet an ESI who is single, stable, intelligent and attractive.

    ”Do you have Tinder on your phone?”

    ”What? No. I’m not a twenty-something looking for a ten-minute date.”

    ”It’s not JUST for that. Match is the most boring dating site out there. Here. Give me your phone.”

    I handed her my phone and she downloaded Tinder onto it. She took a couple of pictures of me looking like a dope, asked me a few questions, and then handed the phone back.

    ”Here’s how it works. If you want to date someone, swipe right. If you don’t, swipe left.”

    A picture of a surprisingly attractive and intelligent-looking woman appeared on my phone.

    The ESI-Se said “She’s beautiful!”

    I said, “I think she’s my Identical, and I’m not looking to date myself.”
    This was a pointed remark to her regarding her decision to date a female ESI instead of me.
    I swiped left.

    She was gone and was instantly replaced by an intelligent and attractive ESI. Holy shit. This works.
    “That’s an ESI”, I said.

    ”If you want to date her, swipe right.”
    I did.

    After about the next ten Alpha females had been swiped left on, another attractive and intelligent-looking ESI appeared.

    Now I’m thinking that Tinder might be a good bet, assuming that any of the women whom I like, also like me. Those pictures that the ESI took of me were not flattering.

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    yeah @Adam Strange Hinge seems to be the best in the UK/my city. Tinder is still a bit trashy. Bumble..boring. Ok Cupid is a bit weird but occasionally interesting. I don't know about Match, there just seems to be a lot of free options to try before paying for Match, which you have to here. I did go on there once to see what it was like but I don't think I liked the look of anyone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Well, I’m back on Match again, looking for an ESI. The last one said she was only looking for a friend, and she meant it.

    So I spent an hour or so paging through the three or four hundred females that passed my filters and none of them appeared to be ESIs.

    I complained about this to my 27 yo lesbian ESI-Se decorator and she said she wasn’t surprised.

    I asked, “Why aren’t you surprised?”

    She said “Because ESIs HATE THAT SHIT!”
    “You should just get out there and LIVE!”

    I thought, Right. Sure. And in a million years, I’ll meet an ESI who is single, stable, intelligent and attractive.

    ”Do you have Tinder on your phone?”

    ”What? No. I’m not a twenty-something looking for a ten-minute date.”

    ”It’s not JUST for that. Match is the most boring dating site out there. Here. Give me your phone.”

    I handed her my phone and she downloaded Tinder onto it. She took a couple of pictures of me looking like a dope, asked me a few questions, and then handed the phone back.

    ”Here’s how it works. If you want to date someone, swipe right. If you don’t, swipe left.”

    A picture of a surprisingly attractive and intelligent-looking woman appeared on my phone.

    The ESI-Se said “She’s beautiful!”

    I said, “I think she’s my Identical, and I’m not looking to date myself.”
    This was a pointed remark to her regarding her decision to date a female ESI instead of me.
    I swiped left.

    She was gone and was instantly replaced by an intelligent and attractive ESI. Holy shit. This works.
    “That’s an ESI”, I said.

    ”If you want to date her, swipe right.”
    I did.

    After about the next ten Alpha females had been swiped left on, another attractive and intelligent-looking ESI appeared.

    Now I’m thinking that Tinder might be a good bet, assuming that any of the women whom I like, also like me. Those pictures that the ESI took of me were not flattering.
    lmao she made a tinder account for you. how much you be paying her?
    how to enlarge your dragon, click here

    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    get ready to get cucked
    Quote Originally Posted by roger557 View Post
    got this Socionics stuff caught by the balls

  13. #813
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    Quote Originally Posted by mysteryofdungeon View Post
    lmao she made a tinder account for you. how much you be paying her?
    I don’t understand what you mean. PM me because I’m clueless but curious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I don’t understand what you mean. PM me because I’m clueless but curious.
    He's our resident troll. I don't think he meant anything as interesting as you're imagining, lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    He's our resident troll. I don't think he meant anything as interesting as you're imagining, lol.
    No, no, mysteryofdungeon is fine, and I think he was trying to tell me something that I should know. Maybe.

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    My first relationship-
    we never should have dated.

    I was never attracted him, and I didn't yet know how to listen to my inner voice. He even turned me off, yet, we started hooking up. He was my first. Eventually, he gave me an ultimatum and I told him we could date, but let's keep it a secret. After a couple months, I convinced myself that I was alright with telling other people, that I felt proud to be dating him, that I wanted to be with him...
    He slowly stopped showing any physical desire for me. My number one love language is physical touch, and I'm an extremely physically passionate person. Because of internalized misogynistic shame surrounded sex, it took me ages to admit and address this with him, even though I hinted at it many times. It absolutely tormented me.
    He then said it was due to having taken antidepressants (Prozac/Sertraline) that he had a low libido, but it still took him awhile, and a lot of truly depressing nights for me, for him to make an effort.
    We went long distance for the summer, and I met my first love. I discovered what it feels like to truly be attracted to someone, and I cheated on him. Say what you want, but I will NEVER regret it. I only regret how I then dealt with the situation.
    It felt hard to leave my ex because I was very codependent with him. We had always had an extremely codependent Fi/Te dynamic. At the time, he also seemed perfect on paper, completely checking all the boxes. Yet I knew to stay with him, to be forever bound in this comfortable, wholesome, lifeless, blanched relationship, would be to commit my own SPIRITUAL SUICIDE.
    I told him I cheated, yet he still talked ME out of breaking up with him on two separate occasions, even though I had started becoming quite toxic to him. The third time I didn't let him stop me from ending it.
    Afterwards, he told me that his libido had actually always been fine, and oftentimes he would masturbate himself before I arrived at his place. It didn't hurt because I had stopped caring a long time ago. Because I never had even liked him, not like that: beyond friendship.
    Because I had finally accepted that I had never even been attracted to him at all either; just craving something so, so dearly, but from the wrong person.

    To be sexual-blind is to not trust the subtle intelligence of attraction.
    To be a sexual-blind 4 is to subliminally believe that you will never get the person you truly desire, need.

    Yet there is this characteristic about myself: which my parents have always insisted on, which on the night we parted, my ex told me he realized about me: that I am someone who wants what I want, and when I want something, absolutely nothing stops me. Except, well, myself. But, clearly, even then.
    And I suppose that's what it's like to be a sexual-blind, yet triple frustration, type. In some way, it's a terribly lucky counterbalance.

  17. #817
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    So I'm now on Tinder and yesterday I finally had a few minutes to look at some Tinder offerings. I'm using the free version, which doesn't allow me to preview the women who have "liked" me. I asked the ESI-Se why she recommended not paying the $29/month for that additional service, and she said I had a lot more money than she does, so I could buy it if I wanted, but she didn't see a need for it. So, I thought I'd just go with the cheap version and see how it goes.
    I'm taking it on faith that sometimes my Duals will do things which are best in the long run.

    Anyway, I was looking at the latest offerings and was swiping left, left, left, left, when an ESI appeared. I thought, "Hmm, more ESIs here than on Match", but she didn't look smart enough, so I swiped left (No) rather than right (Yes), and I immediately got a message saying that I'd just rejected someone who liked me.

    Apparently, they only tell you this after they are gone.
    Still, if you assume that you can tell if you like someone within a few seconds, maybe going with my initial impressions is best.

    I have a bad tendency to overthink possible relationships, both rejecting the very possibly good and sticking too long in the bad.

    But there's hope. I may be a relationship idiot, but I think it's fascinating that, of all the women out there, an ESI liked me. Maybe there's something to this Socionics stuff after all.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-19-2022 at 01:04 PM.

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    As I was eating breakfast this morning, I looked out my back window and saw my ex-wife in the back yard. I haven't seen or talked to her in six months.
    I've been having the back yard landscaped, and apparently, she decided to inspect it for reasons beyond my knowing.

    I walked outside and said Hi to her, and she said she was "just passing by and wanted to see what was going on." She looked at the new brick boundary to the rose bushes and she said it looked nice. I said it was done by my (ESI) decorator. My ex removed her sun hat and fiddled with the cloth ties in the back. I told her the hat looked nice, and she said she'd had it for years and she loved it. It had faded in the sun to an exact shade of color which highlighted her natural hair color.

    She carefully repositioned a bobby pin in the hat, and I was struck by the relentless Si that she was presenting. I found it slightly annoying. What a contrast to the easy, and this-could-be-your-future, feelings I have when I'm around the ESI.

    How could I have not known this before I got married, when I was dating a lot? I think the answer is that my Delta parents steered me away from the person I actually am and the preferences that I naturally have, and I hadn't yet figured out who and what I needed.





    *EDIT*
    Why did she think she could just walk into the back yard and inspect things, when we're divorced and I haven't seen her in half a year?
    A year after we were divorced, I had to ask her to give me back the keys to the house, because she'd just unlock the front door and walk in unannounced, any time of the day or night, and would immediately go upstairs to inspect the bedroom and bathroom (for signs of my dating life, I assume) before coming back down and saying "Hi, Adam." Fucking hell.

    It's because she's my Supervisor, and when you're around your Supervisor, YOU'RE ALWAYS ON THEIR TERRITORY.
    It's also because, really, my sense of boundaries sucks.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-19-2022 at 12:57 PM.

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    Hm I vaguely recall those notifications saying you’ve missed a match (on tinder or ok Cupid). I never paid
    any attention to them, assuming they were just trying to get you to swipe right more and use the app more. Those two apps have a ‘phoney’ feel to them for some reason. For me, I think I can kinda tell if an Estp has potential by looking at their eyes or mouth. They have to have a nice shaped mouth and not too small or scary looking eyes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    Hm I vaguely recall those notifications saying you’ve missed a match (on tinder or ok Cupid). I never paid
    any attention to them, assuming they were just trying to get you to swipe right more and use the app more. Those two apps have a ‘phoney’ feel to them for some reason. For me, I think I can kinda tell if an Estp has potential by looking at their eyes or mouth. They have to have a nice shaped mouth and not too small or scary looking eyes.
    @Bethany, which dating app are you using?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Bethany, which dating app are you using?
    Hinge- seems to be the new tinder here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    Hinge- seems to be the new tinder here.
    Thanks. I'll look into it.

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    I'm continuing going to these dances as I wrote before. There's always excitement in the air. Ladies standing there alone listening to the band, giving the I-am-available look. I approach and ask her if she wants to dance. Almost every time some lady gets interested after we have danced, but it's hard to move things forward from that. One gets the feeling "it was just a dance" or "we are too different" (this might be true). It's a really good environment for meeting women, in theory, but in practice it's harder. I'm not that good at having a conversation while dancing because dancing in itself requires all of my attention. We can connect with our bodies for those few minutes, but then we drift apart. But there's lot's of potential so I will keep doing this. Yesterday I got interest from a couple of women, and before that I met this young girl (ESE-N) who could have been my daughter and I became kindof her mentor, showing her how to dance. She wasn't experienced. That constellation creates attraction and interest in itself. Anyway, I'm pretty introverted and the challenge is not to get stuck in the formalities of dancing and react when the right moment comes. But let's see what happens...
    Last edited by Tallmo; 08-19-2022 at 04:17 PM.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Thanks. I'll look into it.
    hmm another thing that relates to what you were saying, I often feel like I recognise the profiles of the Estps I match with..so perhaps I’ve hovered over their profile before and not been sure about them..it could just be that I’ve seen their profile before but sometimes it feels significantly familiar. You know what, the better matches are probably with people where I’m not sure if they are Estp at first.

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    This wasn’t a date, but it applies to ESI-LIE dating.

    My waitress last night was attentive and competent but not demonstrative. While ordering, she and I just kept talking, almost as if a conversation was the natural state of nature.
    I saw that she had pastel pink fingernails and decided that she was probably an ESI, but I thought I’d try to be sure.

    I asked her (she was in college) if she was studying to go into some field where she helps disadvantaged people in society, maybe at a government level?
    She told me that that’s exactly what she is studying. “Not to run the agency, you understand, but to help the CEO get things done.”
    “And do you divide the world into two groups; the Good, and the Bad? And you never tell them which group they are in?”
    Now she was staring at me, but trying not to stare, as if it wasn’t unusual to meet a guy who knows how you secretly operate.
    She wasn’t wearing a ring.

    ”I think you are an introvert”, and she started to object but held herself back, “and you know exactly how you, yourself, value things, and are a sensor in the sense that you know what looks best on you. You are an Artist with yourself as the canvas. You take care of things right in front of you immediately because who knows what might happen in the future, and you could use some help with facts and money.
    ”Furthermore, you are a Judger because you have a Plan for your life. You aren’t one of those people who just takes life as it comes and says Oh, whatever happens, happens. It’s all fine with me.”

    Now, I was kind of being a jerk, but she ignored that like a normal ESI is immune to assholes and broke into a big smile and said “Yes, I’d say that’s all true. How do you know this?”

    ”I can tell what type you are because your personality comes out in your face.” She seemed pleased with this thought. Some ESIs know they look good and take secret, but barely disguised pride in that fact.

    ”Let me tell you why I’m saying this. You have a psychological profile”, and here she looked alarmed, “which you share with about twelve percent of the population. There is a best match for you, but they only comprise a very small part of the population, so if you are going to find your very best romantic match in life, you need to know what you are looking for. Look up the word ENTJ.”

    My dinner companion, an ENTJ himself, said “About two percent, I believe.”

    ”Now”, I continued, “how can you identify these guys? If you look up ‘ENTJ’, you’ll find that a lot of them run businesses and are assholes. Which just goes with the personality traits they get. But how can you see them?
    ”Well, it just so happens that you’re talking to two of your best matches right now.”

    She looked at my friend. She didn’t seem impressed.

    I laughed and said to her, “Now, that was a really roundabout come-on, don’t you think?”

    She ignored that and reached for a pen and paper. “ENTJ?”

    ”Yes. There are online tests you can give to your prospective boyfriends.”

    ”Well, I’ve been going with a guy for three years. I hope he’s a good match.”

    ”Do you have a picture of him?”

    ”Yes.” She reached in her pocket for her phone. I’m always amazed at how free some people are with their private lives.

    Anyway, this brings me to the whole point of this post. In over six years of looking, looking, looking for ESI-LIE Dual pairs, I’ve seen only three.

    She showed me a picture of herself with a big, contented smile on her face, cheek to cheek with a guy who was a dead ringer for an LIE. They looked happy.

    She somehow got it right, without any outside help.

    Maybe the world really is getting to be a better place.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-20-2022 at 02:56 PM.

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    There is a separate thread somewhere on sub-type matching, but I’m too lazy to look for it right now, and since this post applies to how I, an LIE-Te experiences his female Duals, this thread is an acceptable place to post this.

    Last summer, I was seeing an ESI-Fi. The relationship didn’t work out the way I wished it would, possibly because she was still reeling from her separation and divorce from her second husband, or maybe it was for other reasons, but what I want to discuss is my subjective experience.

    She was easy to get along with. Not super-exciting, but very durable in public and in private. When we were out and about, no one doubted that we were a couple.

    I contrast that with the time I’ve spent with an ESI-Se. That relationship also didn’t work out in the way that I’d like, both because she’s a 27 year old lesbian who doesn’t want kids and I’m a hundred year old hetero male who does want kids, but again, I want to discuss my subjective feelings here.

    With the ESI-Se, we do Activities. Shopping, lunch, planning activities, doing things together. We have fun. I look forward to seeing her and I fall into a bad mood when she’s not around. We seem to cycle our time together, with a few days on and a few days off, to recover.

    I could see where people are coming from when they say that the best social match is the partner leaning towards your Activity partner, in my case, an ESI-Se. My god, we have each other’s backs and we have FUN together. I could also see where people say that your best “private” match, the match where you make a family and your common goals together, would be the subtype whose dominant preference is opposite yours. In my case, this would be the ESI-Fi.

    But health levels and experience and expectations play such a great role that either subtype, if both parties are healthy and can agree on a direction, would be perfectly fine.

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    I went to a dance again last night. The whole thing is organized by volunteers and I was involved in this too. At the dance I ran into this girl I've seen before. She is kinda cute in a normal way and quite introverted, calm but nice. She looks like she could be a nun, her clothes, her slightly nerdy style. But she is attractive in a nice way.

    We danced for a while and introduced ourselves. Then I lost her for awhile and later in the evening we danced again. The weather was moist and too hot, and with all the people dancing and the band playing it got very hot inside. (I can't stand heat and was getting really uncomfortable) The music was loud and I was getting exhausted but we danced the last dances together and then I asked her to join me outside. I had first thought she'd be LII, but I was getting ILI vibes now and I also could see how her previous positive reactions to Se made sense. Her appearance is passive but alert at the same time, something I've seen in ILI before. We talked for awhile, not much, just this and that. She is not very talkative. Then she said she was going to go home and we hugged, and she waited for a second or so for what to happen next, and then asked if we could keep in touch. I took her number. It was this typical situation were there is a spark of interest between us, but we are not very close mentally, despite of all the dancing. But I'll call her this week and maybe we can meet again. I am not sure if she wants to, but seems like she would.

    Btw: I think this thread should be in the "Lifestyle" section, not "intertype relationships"
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    I went to a dance again last night. The whole thing is organized by volunteers and I was involved in this too. At the dance I ran into this girl I've seen before. She is kinda cute in a normal way and quite introverted, calm but nice. She looks like she could be a nun, her clothes, her slightly nerdy style. But she is attractive in a nice way.

    We danced for a while and introduced ourselves. Then I lost her for awhile and later in the evening we danced again. The weather was moist and too hot, and with all the people dancing and the band playing it got very hot inside. (I can't stand heat and was getting really uncomfortable) The music was loud and I was getting exhausted but we danced the last dances together and then I asked her to join me outside. I had first thought she'd be LII, but I was getting ILI vibes now and I also could see how her previous positive reactions to Se made sense. Her appearance is passive but alert at the same time, something I've seen in ILI before. We talked for awhile, not much, just this and that. She is not very talkative. Then she said she was going to go home and we hugged, and she waited for a second or so for what to happen next, and then asked if we could keep in touch. I took her number. It was this typical situation were there is a spark of interest between us, but we are not very close mentally, despite of all the dancing. But I'll call her this week and maybe we can meet again. I am not sure if she wants to, but seems like she would.

    Btw: I think this thread should be in the "Lifestyle" section, not "intertype relationships"
    Hopefully, dating is not a lifestyle. Although, I suppose it could be, if you are not lucky.

    @Tallmo, if you want to get on better terms with the woman who might be ILI, just ask her to plan the next date. Tell her you want to go somewhere interesting and get something to eat, and let her plan the details.
    SEEs set the impulse and the direction, and ILIs set the details and the timing.

    It also helps to act incredibly confident (but not mean) and hopelessly stupid about facts when around ILIs. It even helps to tell them that you are an idiot when it comes to details and facts. That's who they are looking for.


    I've dated every introverted type in the socion (except SEIs), and, eventually, I got tired of imitating their Duals just to improve relations. But your mileage may vary.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post


    I've dated every introverted type in the socion (except SEIs), and, eventually, I got tired of imitating their Duals just to improve relations. But your mileage may vary.
    you can’t get everything from a dual, they’re not perfect. Therefore other types can be good in other ways. If you’re lucky, super-ego relations can be really good. So can semi-duals/illusionary. The rest all seem a bit addictive/ co-dependent.

    semi-duals seem to be good in that they often resemble people I’ve had unrealistic crushes on/ could have had short term relations with. I don’t know about after the romance fades…but does it really fade if you love someone?

    edit: I guess any ITR can be healthy…but the less fulfilled you are in life, the more important it becomes to have strong ITR?
    Last edited by Bethany; 08-28-2022 at 06:39 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post

    I could see where people are coming from when they say that the best social match is the partner leaning towards your Activity partner, in my case, an ESI-Se. My god, we have each other’s backs and we have FUN together. I could also see where people say that your best “private” match, the match where you make a family and your common goals together, would be the subtype whose dominant preference is opposite yours. In my case, this would be the ESI-Fi.

    But health levels and experience and expectations play such a great role that either subtype, if both parties are healthy and can agree on a direction, would be perfectly fine.
    SLE-ti seem to notice me..I do match with them, but it’s hard to get conversation going and they end up annoying me too much and I can’t deal with it even if I know I’m being a bit silly. But I think the fact they notice me means something- I do think there can be a strong pull between opposite subtypes.

    I think I’m actually gonna be avoiding duals from now on- they’re mean lol

    i do like both subtypes for duals..and also both when it comes to IEE pals too

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    @Adam Strange:

    LSI and I officially decided to stay friends… with benefits (any time I think we’re about to go platonic, we end up hooking up).

    I am the only person he’s posted selfies with on social media within in the last few months (on two different occasions) and said he “wish he could be in my arms forever” so there’s definitely affection. That said, if I want a relationship in the future, I will need to look elsewhere. The saga seems nearly complete.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    I think I’m actually gonna be avoiding duals from now on- they’re mean lol
    Yeah, the healthier/more mature SLEs are most likely going to be more active in RL and probably a bit older. Like, above 33.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    I think the fact they notice me means something- I do think there can be a strong pull between opposite subtypes.
    Tbh if I went by the "pull" I'd type as SEE-Fi. I feel that with ILIs more, and LIEs tend to annoy me at first but then grow on me. Ultimately, the compatibility is the opposite, though; better with LIEs than ILIs.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Lady View Post
    Yeah, the healthier/more mature SLEs are most likely going to be more active in RL and probably a bit older. Like, above 33.
    yep I don’t think I’m gonna date younger guys anymore..although guys may think they’re ok with dating someone older I don’t think they think it through. If you’re gonna talk to older women you shouldn’t waste their time..may sound harsh..so yeah gonna try avoiding them now

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    Quote Originally Posted by EIE H View Post
    @Adam Strange:

    LSI and I officially decided to stay friends… with benefits (any time I think we’re about to go platonic, we end up hooking up).

    I am the only person he’s posted selfies with on social media within in the last few months (on two different occasions) and said he “wish he could be in my arms forever” so there’s definitely affection. That said, if I want a relationship in the future, I will need to look elsewhere. The saga seems nearly complete.
    @EIE H, your relationship with your LSI seems to have arrived at the same place that mine did with my LSI. The only problem that I had with that was that, while we were great together in private, we were not good at all in our public relations.
    You should have better luck. I envy you in many ways. My LSI ex was a great person and a terrific half-match.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    yep I don’t think I’m gonna date younger guys anymore..although guys may think they’re ok with dating someone older I don’t think they think it through. If you’re gonna talk to older women you shouldn’t waste their time..may sound harsh..so yeah gonna try avoiding them now
    They're just on a different maturity level. Often not in the same place in life, don't have the same life goals yet (settling down, etc.) often have instead the goal of gaining more life experience. Doesn't help that women mature faster. I think mature women are better paired with older men, they're closer in maturity levels that way. Of course, that's not an absolute. It's just a generalization. One SLE I know is a fucking child, but he's 3 years older than me. He's extremely unhealthy, though. Another SLE I know is also 3 years older, but barely comes online and is very healthy, mature, etc. He recently became a father and is always active and doing things with his kid: taking him to the pool, or on a bike ride, or etc. in his spare time. Most SxE's that are healthy seem that way: always on the go.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat Lady View Post
    They're just on a different maturity level. Often not in the same place in life, don't have the same life goals yet (settling down, etc.) often have instead the goal of gaining more life experience. Doesn't help that women mature faster. I think mature women are better paired with older men, they're closer in maturity levels that way. Of course, that's not an absolute. It's just a generalization. One SLE I know is a fucking child, but he's 3 years older than me. He's extremely unhealthy, though. Another SLE I know is also 3 years older, but barely comes online and is very healthy, mature, etc. He recently became a father and is always active and doing things with his kid: taking him to the pool, or on a bike ride, or etc. in his spare time. Most SxE's that are healthy seem that way: always on the go.
    Yeah I hear what you're saying about guys wanting more life experience. I know an LIE who ended it with an ESE girl..the relationship seemed quite solid but he wanted to move away and she didn't- now suddenly after they've broken up he is happy staying in the same city. But it's annoying when men don't realise this about themselves- and make out that you're stifling them, when in fact they just want more freedom than is necessary.

    My sis is with a dual now (they were friends at work, and he is a lot older than her). My problem is that in some ways I'm mature..and in others not. I have really strong principles but not the life experience to get inside the head of the average guy...I'm quite idealistic. I can't help it that much- developing strong values was a coping mechanism for me in a way- being nice and understanding made me happy when I was secretly living with quite serious problems. But I think men who are a little insecure can misinterpret my strong values and see me as judgemental..when in fact I'm just trying to be honest and open.

    I was talking to an SLE who seemed nice, but all of a sudden I panicked and was a bit too 'honest' with him. (This may be partly due to me having long covid and feeling a bit overly emotional). Also, at the back of mind I knew I was ignoring a really nice seeming SEE guy....and I think I just couldn't deal with the slowness of talking to the SLE. I think I am finally putting my mental health first- I've been looking for someone (seriously) for over a year now and I think I just need to follow my gut, because anything else feels like I am not being kind to myself, and I think...for the kind of person I am...I really need to be kind to myself in order to be stable and not sink into depression. I can't be too nice to guys that aren't doing the same for me..because it just feels too wrong...I've spent my life trying to be a very strong person, and I think I have to honour that part of me, and let it protect me. This probably means not dating a dual lol, because quite frankly I'm probably too nice for them (of course if an amazing one came along etc). I consider myself to have a strong subtype, as well as a background of trauma and struggle, can Gulenko please tell me which type I should be with? lol. Maybe SEE or IEI.

    It would have been good if I could have just kept talking to both the SEE and the SLE...but I think something in me is saying....try a semi-dual, if you have the chance. It will likely be a good experience...whatever comes of it....dating a dual...I think the experience could be hit or miss for someone like me.

    I know people say a dual is great if you've had a life of struggle..you finally find someone who gets you etc. But I haven't had normal type of struggle....if that makes sense. In Gulenko's ITR description for look-a-like it says this ITR is good if you live in an 'unfriendly' environment. There is a lot of understanding etc. I think maybe identical and semi-duality can be good in this way too..making you feel loved.
    Last edited by Bethany; 08-29-2022 at 02:38 PM.

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    Adam always seems perceptive enough to know the exact sexuality of everyone.

    It reminds me of how bad at that I am. Heck, a lot of time people pick up on hand gestures or expressions I don’t even begin to notice.

    In my opinion, human interactions as a whole are just way too nit picky and tribal. We must let go of simple tastes and rivers of control, and instead become more of a conduit, a focus, a redirector. The path to liberation is an exquisite marble statue in the clouds of LiveWire colors and a value system greatly transcended above that of human popularity.

    I also feel this way about so called scientific empiricism. The official measures don’t actually account for all types of evidence, perhaps most notably angel signs and workings of fate/destiny.
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    Something has arrived. That threatens to throw everything terribly out of balance. When it comes, will you accept your destiny? And when it’s your chance to be a hero, will you rise to the challenge? This year, discover how 1 person can make all the difference! Pokemon the Movie 2000 The Power of 1

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    Yeah I hear what you're saying about guys wanting more life experience. I know an LIE who ended it with an ESE girl..the relationship seemed quite solid but he wanted to move away and she didn't- now suddenly after they've broken up he is happy staying in the same city. But it's annoying when men don't realise this about themselves- and make out that you're stifling them, when in fact they just want more freedom than is necessary.

    My sis is with a dual now (they were friends at work, and he is a lot older than her). My problem is that in some ways I'm mature..and in others not. I have really strong principles but not the life experience to get inside the head of the average guy...I'm quite idealistic. I can't help it that much- developing strong values was a coping mechanism for me in a way- being nice and understanding made me happy when I was secretly living with quite serious problems. But I think men who are a little insecure can misinterpret my strong values and see me as judgemental..when in fact I'm just trying to be honest and open.

    I was talking to an SLE who seemed nice, but all of a sudden I panicked and was a bit too 'honest' with him. (This may be partly due to me having long covid and feeling a bit overly emotional). Also, at the back of mind I knew I was ignoring a really nice seeming SEE guy....and I think I just couldn't deal with the slowness of talking to the SLE. I think I am finally putting my mental health first- I've been looking for someone (seriously) for over a year now and I think I just need to follow my gut, because anything else feels like I am not being kind to myself, and I think...for the kind of person I am...I really need to be kind to myself in order to be stable and not sink into depression. I can't be too nice to guys that aren't doing the same for me..because it just feels too wrong...I've spent my life trying to be a very strong person, and I think I have to honour that part of me, and let it protect me. This probably means not dating a dual lol, because quite frankly I'm probably too nice for them (of course if an amazing one came along etc). I consider myself to have a strong subtype, as well as a background of trauma and struggle, can Gulenko please tell me which type I should be with? lol. Maybe SEE or IEI.

    It would have been good if I could have just kept talking to both the SEE and the SLE...but I think something in me is saying....try a semi-dual, if you have the chance. It will likely be a good experience...whatever comes of it....dating a dual...I think the experience could be hit or miss for someone like me.

    I know people say a dual is great if you've had a life of struggle..you finally find someone who gets you etc. But I haven't had normal type of struggle....if that makes sense. In Gulenko's ITR description for look-a-like it says this ITR is good if you live in an 'unfriendly' environment. There is a lot of understanding etc. I think maybe identical and semi-duality can be good in this way too..making you feel loved.
    You know...the healthy SLE I spoke of is with a wife that is very gentle and unassertive, but he helps her in this area. He doesn't walk on her just because she is too nice, but rather, he pushes her not to be too nice. Mature SLEs are really different. (They might be duals, not sure...never met her.)


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    @Cat Lady yeah I’m sure they exist, honestly the guy I was talking to probably was nice..but something went wrong :s he seemed very introverted for an SLE..he got under my skin, I don’t really know why lol. Maybe he seemed too similar to me..I’m probably better off with someone who is quite mature, like you say, to make up for my lack of relationship experience, someone quite ordinary and wholesome

    edit: I still don’t think they’re nice. But I accept them.

    ok ok they can be nice sometimes

    ok there are some nice ones
    Last edited by Bethany; 09-11-2022 at 02:09 PM.

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    @Bethany Do you remember where the Gulenko article is from?
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