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Thread: Adventures in Dating

  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    In this order,

    1.) Stop living with your mom, otherwise known as “Get your own place.”
    2.) Keep dating.

    This last female may or may not be lost to you, but you need to keep trying. Without a woman in their lives, male NT’s tend to look bizarre and scarily eccentric, and ILEs are the worst.

    Single LIIs simply vanish from society, ILIs get into guns and paranoia, and LIEs descend into depression and inaction, but ILEs end up living alone in a trailer on the edge of town, repairing typewriters or some equally eccentric and unprofitable way of making the rent payment.
    So get that female Dual.

    *EDIT*
    I am by no means an expert on Alpha SF females, but I’ve had a lot of experience dating and just talking to people, and my impression of Alpha SF women (which is probably wrong in detail but is just my impression) is that they are social, sensing feelers in an NT world and hence are driven to form stable relationships but have been told by society that they suck at everything. This makes them want to connect but sensitive to criticism and rejection.

    So, your first priority has to be to accept and like them, and not
    1. ignore them.
    2. reject them in the slightest way.
    3. Try to tell them that you are really a super-genius and they aren’t very smart and the fact that you’re living with your mom is just your way of keeping your true identity secret from the Galactic Overlords who will need to eliminate YOU if they are ever going to conquer Earth.
    4. Criticize them IN ANY WAY because you’re feeling insecure that day and they don’t fight back, they just leave.
    5. Fail to tell them that you like them in a truthful way, because they can tell what you really mean better than you, yourself, know. So don’t lie.

    Anyway, good luck. Dating gets easier with practice and as we become less defensive and more fun to be around.
    @Adam Strange

    For Alpha SF’s coming from their conflicting quadra….this is really solid advice. You know your conflictor much better then their own dual lmao!

    But in all seriousness, I agree with it. Especially about the criticism aspect. That and knowing what they mean behind their words generally….relationship skills come in handy in this aspect.

    Anyways….always love your input!

  2. #122
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    Quote Originally Posted by MissDucki View Post
    @Adam Strange

    For Alpha SF’s coming from their conflicting quadra….this is really solid advice. You know your conflictor much better then their own dual lmao!

    But in all seriousness, I agree with it. Especially about the criticism aspect. That and knowing what they mean behind their words generally….relationship skills come in handy in this aspect.

    Anyways….always love your input!

    Thanks, @MissDucki. You've taught me a lot.

    Honestly, I've worked with an ILE and an SEI for almost ten years, but it was the candid conversations on this forum that taught me the most.

  3. #123
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    When I was in my twenties, I had no experience with women and had Gamma NT sensibilities, which basically means I was closer to being a kitchen timer than I was to being a human.
    But I really wanted to have sex with a woman. Preferably with lots of women, so I approached women with that goal uppermost in mind.

    The surprising thing was, I actually started getting laid. The unsurprising thing was, the women who were sleeping with me were all crazier or more destructive than I was.

  4. #124
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Banana King View Post
    This is great advice, thanks Adam Although it's not possible for me to stop living with mum because rent is too expensive for both of us. Might take me a few years until I can get a job that pays enough to support her while I get my own place.

    It sounds a bit dramatic coming from an sx-first but as another sx-first I can relate very much. Loneliness drives me nuts and although I don't think relationships are the solution to all my problems, I do feel more energetic and "purpose" in life when I am with someone.

    I guess I'll try to be more honest with SEI from now on. I think I am accepting enough, but I am afraid of not being accepted so I end up putting an act without realizing...

    By the way, she talked to me again and now we're gonna meet again next weekend lol. By sheer number of smiley and lovey emojis I guess she isn't upset after all. All's well that ends well.
    I mentioned it in my reply to @Adam Strange but have you and your mom considered the benefits of hardcore minimalist living? Assuming she's otherwise healthy and able to take care of herself (e.g. she can drive a car herself at least during the day and is able to walk around without too much aid) she can execute on getting a Vanabode for herself and likely be quite happy with that circumstance.

    Hell, you can get one too and travel about as a pair taking care of each other without that damnable rent payment to worry about. Sell off the superfluous shit you "own" (protip: you don't actually own most of what you think you do or at least, you don't own the "big" items you think you do like, say, land or a house), cash in anything that you can that isn't Precious Metals (because the shit's about to hit the fan and lemme tell ya you'll want every ounce you can muster to barter with), acquire a PO box/negotiate a deal with a family member/close friend who has a street address/learn how "general delivery" works (if you're a US citizen who lives in the US) so you can still get snail mail and order shit off the net, and then tell your landlord the magic words every Gamma/Real American dreams of telling anyone who thought they had absolute control over them as you start up the van and drive off into the sunset with a mirth matched only by the most pure and innocent of children as they play with their favorite toy. Fuck You!

    Hell, random thought, perhaps the ideal future will consist of extended families who went this route forming "caravans" and the like. Fun idea .

    Getting more specific than this (and thus further customizing a solution to your given problems) requires me to ask you very personal questions that I won't ask in public. I've learned about tact (and how I tend to lack it) the hard way.

    And then the last bit I always mention nowadays. If you have attachment issues (and you and your potential wife likely do), fix em'. If not for yourself, than for her. She wants/needs a man who is capable of truly bonding with and providing her with emotional intimacy. Women of all types crave that (hell, men do as well let's be honest). The worst examples of any type are that because they're broken to the point of being lost in that regard. Far as I can tell you aren't, I ain't, and most everyone here isn't as well.

    Many are demonically obsessed, but the outright possessed and subjugated don't seem to be a major issue here. Yet another aside but a positive one regardless.
    Last edited by End; 11-02-2021 at 06:07 AM.

  5. #125
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    When I was in my twenties, I had no experience with women and had Gamma NT sensibilities, which basically means I was closer to being a kitchen timer than I was to being a human.
    But I really wanted to have sex with a woman. Preferably with lots of women, so I approached women with that goal uppermost in mind.

    The surprising thing was, I actually started getting laid. The unsurprising thing was, the women who were sleeping with me were all crazier or more destructive than I was.
    Hahaha! Exactly as my theories predicted! Yet only now do I get exactly why and now actually pity both ends of that tragic equation.

    Again, attachment, like seeks like, and how/why women "use" it and men "seek" it and how that really fucks them up and sets up a viscous cycle everyone thinks they can never escape from once they've been caught up in the spiral. The longer they've been in that spiral the deeper their despair. After all, if you've been a slut/manwhore for 20+ years how would/could any "Good" partner ever accept/love you?

    I guess I was lucky in regards to my given faith. I don't know about other faiths, but I was raised as a Christian and Christianity teaches that no sin is beyond God's ability to forgive. Even if it was on your deathbed, if you really, truly repent of your sins he will accept that and allow you into paradise. For men it is impossible, but in God all is possible...

    Also, spot on in regards to Male NT's becoming what amounts to robots if someone/something doesn't interfere. Code/Keyboard Monkeys are male NT's by and large. It's an easy role to fall into if the pay is good enough. Difference is Gamma NT's are likely to be deliberately exploiting their employer and/or sabotaging said employer's attempts to get them to train their replacements whereas Alpha NT's might not catch on or, if they do, do an even better job at sabotage than the Gammas. I will always give credit where it's due and if some Alpha alpha fucks over the PTB far better than I could I have only one response. A heartfelt thank you and a salute.
    Last edited by End; 11-02-2021 at 06:05 AM.

  6. #126
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    Quote Originally Posted by End View Post
    Hahaha! Exactly as my theories predicted! Yet only now do I get exactly why and now actually pity both ends of that tragic equation.

    Again, attachment, like seeks like, and how/why women "use" it and men "seek" it and how that really fucks them up and sets up a viscous cycle everyone thinks they can never escape from once they've been caught up in the spiral. The longer they've been in that spiral the deeper their despair. After all, if you've been a slut/manwhore for 20+ years how would any "Good" partner ever accept you?

    I guess I was lucky in regards to my given faith. I don't know about other faiths, but I was raised as a Christian and Christianity teaches that no sin is beyond God's ability to forgive. Even if it was on your deathbed, if you really, truly repent of your sins he will accept that and allow you into paradise.

    Well, @End, I guess I could be called a man-whore during that time. I went through quite a number of women. However, I eventually reached a point of absolute despair and stopped dating altogether. I figured that I just wasn't cut out to be married or something. I stopped looking for women and stopped trying to be someone I wasn't and stopped trying to do anything, for that matter, which didn't bring me, or the people I cared about, personal happiness. I stopped looking at women as potential bed-partners and started looking at them as people.

    Weirdly enough, after a little over a year of this, I ran into a woman who, a year after we met, became my wife.

    I think that's why the movie Groundhog Day has always resonated with me. Plus, the heroine of that movie is an SLI, just like my ex.




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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Well, @End, I guess I could be called a man-whore during that time. I went through quite a number of women. However, I eventually reached a point of absolute despair and stopped dating altogether. I figured that I just wasn't cut out to be married or something. I stopped looking for women and stopped trying to be someone I wasn't and stopped trying to do anything, for that matter, which didn't bring me, or the people I cared about, personal happiness. I stopped looking at women as potential bed-partners and started looking at them as people.

    Weirdly enough, after a little over a year of this, I ran into a woman who, a year after we met, became my wife.

    I think that's why the movie Groundhog Day has always resonated with me. Plus, the heroine of that movie is an SLI, just like my ex.
    Once more, another confirmation of my theories. This time in a positive light. If she isn't an ESI what type is she? Like I've said elsewhere "duality" is just icing on the cake. The real "cake" is meeting someone who lacks/is willing and desiring to work through attachment issues who has the patience to endure the episodes/explosions their partner will inflict upon them in the earnest and good faith that they will open up to them in time and learn that they are in fact loveable.

    Again, it's an ILI/SEE romance story but "Taisho Otome" depicts a perfect example (that was also, double luckily for them both, a dual romance story) of a patient partner helping a broken partner to work through their attachment issues and accept their love.

  8. #128
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    I don't really date much unless I already have an established relationship. Otherwise it's just really stressful and feels like I'm supposed to be performing or conforming to someone I don't know, which isn't what dates are about in my opinion.

    Anyways, the last date I had was pre-pandemic. I was seeing an old ILI flame. Technically wasn't a date, we weren't calling it that, but it may as well have been. I went bowling with my ILI-H ex and then we went to Target and mocked the empty culture behind a bunch of objects that people waste their money on. It was endearing. The date before that, we went to see Hereditary but it was only us in the theater, so we had a good time predicting outcomes, looking at symbolism, and also cracking jokes about the characters MST3K style before looking at the movie as a whole. It was also quite sweet.

    It was getting quite serious even though these dates weren't called dates. He wanted me to meet his family, and for our families to meet. So he still cares, too.

    I guess he was the only one I've ever been truly interested in. He's an old flame but I don't think I'd ever go back to it. Or maybe that's a lie. But really, I'm just not interested in gushy romance, and see it all as pointless emotional display. Not that he was particularly romantic though, which was a quality I liked. The dates weren't very romantic but they were the best I've ever been on, because I felt connected to someone else on a very deep level. Maybe that's romance, even if the dates themselves weren't particularly romantic. Maybeeeee.

    As for romance. My highschool sweetheart was LSI, and he was very romantic. He was always buying pointless gifts, giving kisses, embracing me, and even talking about sweet nothings. But it just grossed me out, how he would put everything on display and treat it like some trophy. I get the reasoning behind it, but it's not for me. He's going to be a great husband/boyfriend for someone else, but he's really not for me.

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  9. #129
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vex View Post
    I don't really date much unless I already have an established relationship. Otherwise it's just really stressful and feels like I'm supposed to be performing or conforming to someone I don't know, which isn't what dates are about in my opinion.

    Anyways, the last date I had was pre-pandemic. I was seeing an old ILI flame. Technically wasn't a date, we weren't calling it that, but it may as well have been. I went bowling with my ILI-H ex and then we went to Target and mocked the empty culture behind a bunch of objects that people waste their money on. It was endearing. The date before that, we went to see Hereditary but it was only us in the theater, so we had a good time predicting outcomes, looking at symbolism, and also cracking jokes about the characters MST3K style before looking at the movie as a whole. It was also quite sweet.

    It was getting quite serious even though these dates weren't called dates. He wanted me to meet his family, and for our families to meet. So he still cares, too.

    I guess he was the only one I've ever been truly interested in. He's an old flame but I don't think I'd ever go back to it. Or maybe that's a lie. But really, I'm just not interested in gushy romance, and see it all as pointless emotional display. Not that he was particularly romantic though, which was a quality I liked. The dates weren't very romantic but they were the best I've ever been on, because I felt connected to someone else on a very deep level. Maybe that's romance, even if the dates themselves weren't particularly romantic. Maybeeeee.
    Textbook attachment issues on your part. You feel like you have to perform or conform to others because you subconsciously think you need to somehow earn their approval over already being worthy of it and thus can get into the more fundamental, enduring, and quite frankly important aspects of the relationship. I keep bringing this us up because it is especially relevant here. Love and dating is going to be the most painfully apparent place this will pop up. You quite simply won't be able to find yourself a good partner if you don't fix your attachment. Or at least know what it is, how it works/manifests, and how you can acknowledge and adapt to it but that will also set you inexorably towards fixing it.

    As for that old flame of yours it sounds like you typed him correctly. Don't even get me started on the desolate wasteland we call "popular" culture here in the West. All flash, no substance, no deeper meaning beyond some shallow trend or some show of ephemeral status. Don't ask questions, just consume product, and then get exited for more/next product. Words fail to adequately express my contempt and I could gleefully mock pointless consumerist trinkets all day.

    Your attitude towards romance is also very Gamma. Gushy romance is indeed pointless. What truly matters is intimacy and connection. If you have that, you have romance, period. That can mean a passionate kiss or a sexual encounter, but it could also be a simple moment together in the store where your eyes met and something was just "understood" between you without words or simply holding hands as you walked around discussing whatever. Don't let some asshole in Hollywood or on TV tell you what "romance" is. Especially because they have both a financial and ideological motivation to lead you astray on that front.

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    I'm reposting this from the "thoughts on ESI-LIE Duality" thread, because it also relates to my misadventures in dating.

    I've been thinking about my relationships with ESI Duals recently. I know at least 19 ESIs; 8 females and 11 males. Some of those males are very good friends, and some are acquaintances. Some of the women I have dated with serious intentions, and some are just women whom I know.

    One of my early experiences with a male ESI friend somehow went wrong and we didn't talk for many years, and then I ran into him in a Kroger store and it was like we were still best buddies.
    He seems somehow to be similar to the female ESI that I was dating recently. We started getting close, then she pulled back and I said "Call me when you want to go out again" and she hasn't called me.

    On the other hand, I have a male and a female ESI in my life right now who are good friends and I don't see that ever changing.

    What the hell is the difference? Is it something I might be able to see before I invest a couple years in a relationship? I think that other people might be able to tell the difference right away, but for some reason, I can't.

    The problem, for certain, isn't related to Duality, because that part of the equation is good in all cases.

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    Meh I've been hesitant to share my experiences because I know how cut-throat people are and whatever I say can and will be used against me in the court of Te or Fe - but I will just say I've had a horrible blind date before. I can't believe I ever agreed to going on a blind date- but I was young and stupid. And I was just lonely because I knew my dad was going to die. I wasn't looking for a replacement 'daddy' though- it wasn't like that at all lol the guy I dated was very boyish not daddy-ish but anyway we clashed and it was awkward. He also insulted me and tried to play it off as a joke and was basically a rude asshole. And he wore these ridiculously bright sneakers that looked so bad and 'gay' in the bad way lol.

    Because I am so naturally sensitive and a feeler type and my brain is so narcissitically introverted I have to sniff a person out first for a long time before I agree to meet them and so far everybody I've met I haven't liked 'in that way'. Because if I'm not super cautious and careful and I say 'to hell with it let's give it a chance' and I get burned I might take a longer healing period than other people and might be harder for me to 'just get over it' idk. It's not always their fault of course, I think I'm just incapable of loving a 'real person' and I can only love a fantasy projection of somebody or an idealized version of somebody which of course is going to collapse because it's not real. I feel everybody not-so-secretly hates me and I just not-so-secretly hate them too. I love giving people RPG classes but I'm not sure I can love the real Te person lol. Or I might confuse just a really good friend for something more... I doubt it will ever happen to me.


  12. #132
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I'm reposting this from the "thoughts on ESI-LIE Duality" thread, because it also relates to my misadventures in dating.

    I've been thinking about my relationships with ESI Duals recently. I know at least 19 ESIs; 8 females and 11 males. Some of those males are very good friends, and some are acquaintances. Some of the women I have dated with serious intentions, and some are just women whom I know.

    One of my early experiences with a male ESI friend somehow went wrong and we didn't talk for many years, and then I ran into him in a Kroger store and it was like we were still best buddies.
    He seems somehow to be similar to the female ESI that I was dating recently. We started getting close, then she pulled back and I said "Call me when you want to go out again" and she hasn't called me.

    On the other hand, I have a male and a female ESI in my life right now who are good friends and I don't see that ever changing.

    What the hell is the difference? Is it something I might be able to see before I invest a couple years in a relationship? I think that other people might be able to tell the difference right away, but for some reason, I can't.

    The problem, for certain, isn't related to Duality, because that part of the equation is good in all cases.
    You saw this one coming a mile away but I'll say it because the instant I read this you just crystalized a ton of my thoughts into a coherent structure. Like a video game puzzle you've been spending hours trying to figure out while stubbornly refusing to look it up on the net because damnit you're so fucking close and you ain't about to bitch out now and then suddenly the solution hits you and you are both ecstatic you've solved it yet also cursing yourself for not seeing the solution sooner because it was so fucking simple!

    Yeah, it's attachment issues and I can tell you I've felt the exact same way. Looking back on it all I literally lost my virginity to an SEE (or was she an LSI, it really is a coin flip thinking back) in an ONS that, had I knew then what I know now I'd probably be happily married to her with the big family I dream of (and not have engaged in an ONS) as I would have seen that she was both my dual and her issues weren't crippling (i.e. she wasn't "lost" at the time). I could have put in the effort and been happy with her. Yet sadly that time has now passed and she has now become one of the lost. This is a regret I'll now carry with me forever. I failed to save a soul I obviously could have had I possessed/analyzed more pertinent data. I guess this is why I'm now so obsessed with gathering data with pretty much every post. That loss/failure haunts me to this day. I needed more data and I lacked it at a critical moment years ago and the outcome of that was disastrous.

    I've said it time and again after acquiring this final piece of the puzzle I've spent the last 20 years figuring out. It really does all come down to attachment. Duality won't fix a subconscious belief on either end that you're fundamentally an unlovable piece of shit and even if conflictors hate each other's guts theoretically the relationship they'll have as two individuals who have "secure" attachment styles will still be better than all the others they could have if the other partner isn't also possessing that same style. An ESE with an ILI who both have secure attachment styles will do a better job at being a good couple than an LII/ESE pair who has major attachment issues. It won't be anything resembling ideal conditions but at least they'll try to work it out and they both know for sure that the other person truly loves them and won't ever abandon them...
    Last edited by End; 11-11-2021 at 06:31 AM.

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    Just a little update:
    I might’ve met a dual. All this time!
    It’s one of my colleagues, that one pilot that I thought he was an SLI (his Te is damn good, maybe because he’s quite mature? He’s 15 years older than me) but then as we get closer I realised he’s dom-Fi afterall.

    Ah. I hate the fact that when I FINALLY like an ESI, turns out he’s way older than me.

    Anyway.
    He lives in a different city, but because of work he has to come to my city every month or so, and every time he’s in town we always meet at work, hangout at the cafes, tell each other stories keeping up to date with life lol.
    It’s been nearly a year hahah we’re becoming best friends now.

    Like everyone says, it just feels good when you’re around your dual.
    Like you’re just being yourself but he admires that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarlett View Post
    Just a little update:
    I might’ve met a dual. All this time!
    It’s one of my colleagues, that one pilot that I thought he was an SLI (his Te is damn good, maybe because he’s quite mature? He’s 15 years older than me) but then as we get closer I realised he’s dom-Fi afterall.

    Ah. I hate the fact that when I FINALLY like an ESI, turns out he’s way older than me.

    Anyway.
    He lives in a different city, but because of work he has to come to my city every month or so, and every time he’s in town we always meet at work, hangout at the cafes, tell each other stories keeping up to date with life lol.
    It’s been nearly a year hahah we’re becoming best friends now.

    Like everyone says, it just feels good when you’re around your dual.
    Like you’re just being yourself but he admires that.
    Fifteen years can be long or short.

    To see a world in a grain of sand
    And a Heaven in a wild flower,
    Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
    And Eternity in an hour

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    I've been browsing the Match.com website this morning and I discovered that I'm turned on by really slender women. Nice to know that that's a thing, I guess.

    I also found a gorgeous picture of a woman who looks like an ESI in her one picture. Definitely resting bitch face. In her profile, she says:

    1. If I could eat only one meal for the rest of my life, it would be a steak cooked on the grill with salad with blue cheese dressing. <= I'm a vegetarian.
    2. I've never been arrested. <= I've been arrested more times than I remember.
    3. Never have I ever voted for a Democrat. <= She lives in Grosse Pointe, MI. Yes, that Grosse Pointe. Same as the movie. I'm never voting for a Republican again.

    She's ESI and we're superficial opposites. Perfect, right?

    No.

    That ESI face, though! So easy on the eyes. Damn it, dating is hard.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scarlett View Post
    Just a little update:
    I might’ve met a dual. All this time!
    It’s one of my colleagues, that one pilot that I thought he was an SLI (his Te is damn good, maybe because he’s quite mature? He’s 15 years older than me) but then as we get closer I realised he’s dom-Fi afterall.

    Ah. I hate the fact that when I FINALLY like an ESI, turns out he’s way older than me.

    Anyway.
    He lives in a different city, but because of work he has to come to my city every month or so, and every time he’s in town we always meet at work, hangout at the cafes, tell each other stories keeping up to date with life lol.
    It’s been nearly a year hahah we’re becoming best friends now.

    Like everyone says, it just feels good when you’re around your dual.
    Like you’re just being yourself but he admires that.
    I remember that you said somewhere that you’re so attractive and charming with all of this butterfly zig zag that you are put into an aquarium of all tasting views.
    https://sabrinacasey.webstarts.com/9systemswishes
    https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...logy-articles)
    https://sabrinacasey.webstarts.com/m...ny2gether4ever
    I was watching a Hey You Pikachu video, and it made Me realize that Bunny should be available to everyone with a good Heart!!*
    A lot of people would really Love Bunny if they could play with Her. The possibilities are magnificent and wonderful, to tour pure Imagination with feathers and friendship. The Bunny ride is infinitely mysterious yet lovely. By voyaging into storybook character expression and vibrant atmospheres of elegant matrimony, then they sky would open up, and brilliant auroras of vision and clarity would arise through the telescope. Bunny flows and flowers with canopies of decoration and dreams.

  17. #137
    Kim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I've been browsing the Match.com website this morning and I discovered that I'm turned on by really slender women. Nice to know that that's a thing, I guess.

    I also found a gorgeous picture of a woman who looks like an ESI in her one picture. Definitely resting bitch face. In her profile, she says:

    1. If I could eat only one meal for the rest of my life, it would be a steak cooked on the grill with salad with blue cheese dressing. <= I'm a vegetarian.
    2. I've never been arrested. <= I've been arrested more times than I remember.
    3. Never have I ever voted for a Democrat. <= She lives in Grosse Pointe, MI. Yes, that Grosse Pointe. Same as the movie. I'm never voting for a Republican again.

    She's ESI and we're superficial opposites. Perfect, right?

    No.

    That ESI face, though! So easy on the eyes. Damn it, dating is hard.
    I can't imagine dating like that. Adam!

    I had my absolute best dating experience when I went into it with the expectation that nothing would come out of it. He was too beautiful, too nice, too smart, too talented, etc. It wasn't even a "he is too good for me" issue, but more of a "yeah no, that would be too good to be true." It was the best date of my life .
    “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
    ― Anais Nin

  18. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by KardashevBunny View Post
    I remember that you said somewhere that you’re so attractive and charming with all of this butterfly zig zag that you are put into an aquarium of all tasting views.

    You might have inferred that, but I didn't say it.

  19. #139
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    I can't imagine dating like that. Adam!

    I had my absolute best dating experience when I went into it with the expectation that nothing would come out of it. He was too beautiful, too nice, too smart, too talented, etc. It wasn't even a "he is too good for me" issue, but more of a "yeah no, that would be too good to be true." It was the best date of my life .

    I'm not dating her, @Kim, I'm just searching the Match database for locals and I'm filtering at this point. And no, I don't have much in the way of expectations anymore.

    I initially thought that finding a compatible Dual who wants what I want would be easy, but it's not easy. It's really hard.

  20. #140
    Lugia Aeon Blade Runner 2049 2017 BunnyRaptor ExpBunnyMacroverse's Avatar
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    My intention was to target Scarlet with that idea, but maybe Adam is also sprite like and engaging.
    https://sabrinacasey.webstarts.com/9systemswishes
    https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...logy-articles)
    https://sabrinacasey.webstarts.com/m...ny2gether4ever
    I was watching a Hey You Pikachu video, and it made Me realize that Bunny should be available to everyone with a good Heart!!*
    A lot of people would really Love Bunny if they could play with Her. The possibilities are magnificent and wonderful, to tour pure Imagination with feathers and friendship. The Bunny ride is infinitely mysterious yet lovely. By voyaging into storybook character expression and vibrant atmospheres of elegant matrimony, then they sky would open up, and brilliant auroras of vision and clarity would arise through the telescope. Bunny flows and flowers with canopies of decoration and dreams.

  21. #141
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I'm not dating her, @Kim, I'm just searching the Match database for locals and I'm filtering at this point. And no, I don't have much in the way of expectations anymore.

    I initially thought that finding a compatible Dual who wants what I want would be easy, but it's not easy. It's really hard.
    My point is that looking for only duals seems like dating madness.
    “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
    ― Anais Nin

  22. #142
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    My point is that looking for only duals seems like dating madness.

    Yes, lots of people feel that way. I think I prefer starting from a place which, I think, is more likely to succeed down the road.

    I could, of course, be wrong about this. I've simply found that all my relationships with every other type, regardless of their health or social compatibility, proceed exactly the way that Socionics predicts. I'm taking a leap of faith that Duality will be the same. Provided, of course that that particular Dual is healthy and socially compatible.

    For years, I tried to get my SLI-Te son to date, to absolutely no avail. Maybe he goes out with women when he's hanging with his many buddies, IDK, but I haven't met any of them, and he did not like his IEE-Ne aunt all that much.

    Then I hired a bookkeeper who is an IEE-Fi, and she recently got divorced from her ILE husband. My son went over to her house to help her move to a cheaper place, and now he's spending every spare minute over there. They are 15-20 years apart in age, but they seem to be compatible anyway.

    Strange, eh?


    Post script: I told him that, now that he's interacted with a compatible Dual, he just needs to find one who is younger. He said, Uh, um, er.

  23. #143

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    So I officially gave up looking for a dual a while ago. During the pandemic I did ‘look’ a little bit. Also I just didn’t feel quite ready to date so seemed harmless to keep a look out, out of curiosity. I think I can spot them sometimes but I’m not sure how many cute Estps would still be single at my age. Sometimes I match with them ‘accidentally’..but I end up not liking them. They sometimes appear cuter than they actually are and are quite good at chatting and hooking you’re interested.


    I have an SEI male friend I’m getting to know and he seems like he could be a nice person to date. However I’m keeping my eye out for SEEs, ILEs, maybe SLIs. I’m trying to use Bumble more than Hinge as with hinge you have to ‘send a like’ and I think I end up liking people who aren’t cute just for the sake of liking someone. I worry a bit with SEEs that I might be attracted to the wrong subtype..but hopefully you’d be able to tell if the energy was right after a few dates.


    Soz if I sound shallow. I think I mean ‘cute’ as in ‘my type of cute’.


  24. #144
    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post


    I have an SEI male friend I’m getting to know and he seems like he could be a nice person to date. However I’m keeping my eye out for SEEs, ILEs, maybe SLIs. I’m trying to use Bumble more than Hinge as with hinge you have to ‘send a like’ and I think I end up liking people who aren’t cute just for the sake of liking someone. I worry a bit with SEEs that I might be attracted to the wrong subtype..but hopefully you’d be able to tell if the energy was right after a few dates.

    Why? Superego is horrible. Why not IEIs and LSIs. Those should be good matches.
    The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.

    (Jung on Si)

  25. #145

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    hey@Tallmo are you talking from experience? I knew a young ILI/SEI couple that had a bad break up. But I also know an ILI/SEI couple in their 40s and are getting married. I think superego can be fine if you find a good one. But I think it can be hard to find a good one, also hard to get used to them. (I trust my instincts to spot a bad one..) However, I think it can be a long lasting relationship. The ST/NF difference would be complimentary and the P/P similarity just feels right to me.

    I’ve never really been attracted to LSIs. It feels like there is too much of a disconnect…IEI could be ok but I don’t know if I want someone the same as me, because I kinda hate my brain lol. Not interested in ILI because I have too many insecurities and I need a lot more understanding than they can give. SEE/ILE may beat SEI because I think the bond might feel stronger because of being more different. But ‘S’ appeals more than ‘N’ so SEI could be fine over an ILE I think SEI/SLI are most likely to go for me..maybe SEEs too.

    However..maybe…it is easier to find a ‘good’ LSI/IEI than it is to find a good version of the others? Not sure.

    Edit: @Tallmo Also I don’t know how to explain this but I often think of a type in relation to one of its benefit types, specifically thinker with feeler. So in my mind LII and IEI have a link, LSI and SEI have a link..So although I like and respect LSIs, I think in practical terms I am more suited to an SEI. Similarly I’d be more suited to an IEI than an LII. I’ve read a lot of Rebel’s posts and I agree with him that ITR can be sorted into a hierarchy of suitability/strength. It’s not even necessarily a hierarchy, more of a map showing how each ITR links to each other. The hierarchy/ map makes sense to me, if you apply some common sense on top of it (conflict partner and contrary are not likely to be long-lasting relationships even if they can technically benefit from each other more than other ITR). I also saw a video where Gulenko stated that after duality and semi-duality he doesn’t know what comes next. He said maybe activity. I also find it really interesting that he seems to dislike kindred quite a bit. I should re-read though.

    Also, in my early days of learning about socionics I remember being confused about if activity or identical seemed better. And also why they seemed so inferior to duality. It’s because they’re the same in terms of quality..but have much less potential to duality, generally speaking. Like I said before though, it could be that with activity/identical it could be a little easier to find a good one, than other types. I think I’d be happier raising a kid with an SEI than an LSI. Neither relationship might last or either might last but I think I’d find the experience of raising a kid more natural with an SEI. I would trust the opinions of an SEI more easily and I think it’d be easier to find common ground/ motivate each other.
    Last edited by Bethany; 11-24-2021 at 09:23 AM.

  26. #146
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    So I officially gave up looking for a dual a while ago. During the pandemic I did ‘look’ a little bit. Also I just didn’t feel quite ready to date so seemed harmless to keep a look out, out of curiosity. I think I can spot them sometimes but I’m not sure how many cute Estps would still be single at my age. Sometimes I match with them ‘accidentally’..but I end up not liking them. They sometimes appear cuter than they actually are and are quite good at chatting and hooking you’re interested.


    I have an SEI male friend I’m getting to know and he seems like he could be a nice person to date. However I’m keeping my eye out for SEEs, ILEs, maybe SLIs. I’m trying to use Bumble more than Hinge as with hinge you have to ‘send a like’ and I think I end up liking people who aren’t cute just for the sake of liking someone. I worry a bit with SEEs that I might be attracted to the wrong subtype..but hopefully you’d be able to tell if the energy was right after a few dates.


    Soz if I sound shallow. I think I mean ‘cute’ as in ‘my type of cute’.

    @Bethany, dating is hard, for sure.

    I've seen IEIs with ILEs (three couples, all divorced now), with LSE's (three couples, two divorces, one miserable), with SLEs (briefly. The ones I've seen appear to be brief affairs), and with other IEIs (one couple divorced, one couple still dating).

    Oops. I forgot one couple. IEI and SLE. Met at a HS reunion and have been inseparable since then. Together maybe ten years? My IEI cousin says they are the "Perfect couple".

    Hang in there. It'll happen.

    Just so you don't fall into despair, I know an IEI therapist who seems to be happily married, but I don't know his wife's type.


    Post Script:
    I once was talking to an SLI whom I work with and he was, quite out of character, criticizing a woman he'd just bought lunch from. He normally never criticizes anyone, but he was going on and on about how stupid she was. It took me a minute to figure out that he was talking about the IEI that I was, unbeknownst to him, dating.

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    Aw @Adam Strange thanks. It would be nice to meet someone to have a kid with. Don’t have to be together forever but it would be good to meet someone who would be a good father/ supportive even if you split. Haha at the SLI. My new female colleague SLI is lovely. She’s been very caring towards me, it’s really nice haha. My LIE colleague (female) gave my a hug the other day too…

  28. #148
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Well, I learned something today.

    I was browsing Match.com and came across a woman who is so SEE she could be a poster-girl for the type. She looked like Harley Quinn (she even had a picture of herself in Harley Quinn-type clown makeup) and she had pictures of her little girl and wrote a long story about how she was looking for a guy who would ignore her (ILI, anyone?) because she's busy all the time but she promises to answer EVERY PERSON who reads all the way through her wall-of-text self-description. She also wrote about how she's not been able to find a guy since her divorce who is worth dating.

    Naturally, me being an idiot, I messaged her and suggested that she look at guys who look like ILI Topher Grace.

    She messaged me back and said she preferred guys who look like the Artist in Hannah and her Sisters (possibly Max Von Sydow, INTJ). She also said that I couldn't have read her profile, because she's an introvert and she said she thinks I'm writing to every woman out there hoping to get one to respond.

    FML. Try to do something nice for a person, and it goes straight off the rails.

    To be honest, I should have kept my opinions to myself, but her profile moved me and I felt sorry for her inability to find a good man.

    I'm not doing that again. Fuck 'em.

    I wrote back and told her to just ignore my post. Sorry for trying to help.


    There is one good thing that came out of the exchange. She was basically telling me that I didn't have any idea who she was. Every ESI that I've ever met tells me this, usually right away. I didn't know that this extended to SEEs, but now I think it has to do with being an Se-dom and having weak Ni.

    Yeah. Just because YOU can't intuit other people's thoughts, doesn't mean that other people can't read yours.

    OK, I'm done.

  29. #149

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    SEEs are the hottest. I would sacrifice my house to get trampled and yelled at by a hot SEE.

  30. #150
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    Quote Originally Posted by mysteryofdungeon View Post
    SEEs are the hottest. I would sacrifice my house to get trampled and yelled at by a hot SEE.

    Yes, she was pretty hot. SEEs are my Activity partner, and I'd be happy to do stuff with her, but I can do without the flighty crazy. That's a job for @End.

  31. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Well, I learned something today.

    I was browsing Match.com and came across a woman who is so SEE she could be a poster-girl for the type. She looked like Harley Quinn (she even had a picture of herself in Harley Quinn-type clown makeup) and she had pictures of her little girl and wrote a long story about how she was looking for a guy who would ignore her (ILI, anyone?) because she's busy all the time but she promises to answer EVERY PERSON who reads all the way through her wall-of-text self-description. She also wrote about how she's not been able to find a guy since her divorce who is worth dating.

    Naturally, me being an idiot, I messaged her and suggested that she look at guys who look like ILI Topher Grace.

    She messaged me back and said she preferred guys who look like the Artist in Hannah and her Sisters (possibly Max Von Sydow, INTJ). She also said that I couldn't have read her profile, because she's an introvert and she said she thinks I'm writing to every woman out there hoping to get one to respond.

    FML. Try to do something nice for a person, and it goes straight off the rails.

    To be honest, I should have kept my opinions to myself, but her profile moved me and I felt sorry for her inability to find a good man.

    I'm not doing that again. Fuck 'em.

    I wrote back and told her to just ignore my post. Sorry for trying to help.


    There is one good thing that came out of the exchange. She was basically telling me that I didn't have any idea who she was. Every ESI that I've ever met tells me this, usually right away. I didn't know that this extended to SEEs, but now I think it has to do with being an Se-dom and having weak Ni.

    Yeah. Just because YOU can't intuit other people's thoughts, doesn't mean that other people can't read yours.

    OK, I'm done.
    You mentioned me here and yet you didn't harp on my newest issue on this front? The one I literally spent 20 years trying to find and finally found it? You have no idea who she is? Well yeah, of course you don't. Because she is not and has not actually shown you who she truly is because she's literally deathly afraid of you rejecting her if she does!

    Like I keep saying, the solution to pretty much all of our problems in regards to interpersonal relationships is both so simple/easy it hurts and yet also a demonstration of Herculean willpower and/or of faith on par with the greatest martyrs. To overcome your attachment issues you must essentially knowingly and directly violate your Self-Preservation instinct and/or trust in Christ.

    Take it from an SP first ILI. If I wasn't a Theist I wouldn't have even tried. I needed my faith to even ask my own blood related brother to spend more time with me. I was sure he'd call me a clingy bitch or otherwise reject me. Instead, he was happy I asked him and even asked me to send him my schedule on a regular basis so we could hang out as often as time allowed him.

    I'm not adept at this site's multi-quote system beyond doing it for 2-3 posts but if you have kids and you are their father you must both learn how to attach to them healthily and then do exactly that. You owe them that as a parent.

    Complication: whatever old flames you conceived them with will start throwing themselves at you in most every way you can imagine if you do that. Fixing your attachment with your children is the fastest and most assured way to tap into the Female sex drive. If she sees them being happy with you for the first time in forever and you keep that up and they, in turn, tell her how wonderful of a dad you're being now...

    Yeah, one way ticket to them loving you hard and fast. Not a bad place to be in, but a place you'll have to explain a few of them out of. Monogamy is monogamy and those ladies will insist on you being their husband till death do you part. Don't get too fixated on duality. Healthy attachment can make other relationships feel satisfying. Well, except for conflictors. I know an ESE and while I get why my LII cousin/best buddy adores her there's good reason we have our conversations well outside her hearing radius .

    Quote Originally Posted by mysteryofdungeon View Post
    SEEs are the hottest. I would sacrifice my house to get trampled and yelled at by a hot SEE.
    I agree but within limits. A "Lost" SEE will just trample you with the utmost glee without any reciprocation of your feelings. Being trampled and yelled at is great if and only if they're doing it from a perspective/angle/intention of expressing love and respect (and the meeting of deep seated needs). The truly loving/complete SEE understands that their ideal partner doesn't mind at all if they drag them around or rough them up a bit but limits exist and they ought not go beyond them.

    If everyone else wants examples of this kind of dynamic in action I'd recommend "Taisho Otome Otogibanashi" and "Ijiranaide Nagatoro-san". The former is when an "nice" SEE enters into an ILI's life and heals his soul just by existing and believing in him. The latter is when your "ideal girl" enters into it. Rude, crude, hateful, and yet as time goes on she gets softer and softer...
    Last edited by End; 11-20-2021 at 04:38 AM.

  32. #152
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    There must be something about the Thanksgiving holiday season, because my ex-wife and two ex-GFs texted me this week. All are still unattached.

    I’ll tell you what makes me cry.
    There are people that I could help, but I don’t want to.
    Not that.
    But there are people that I want to help, but can’t.
    That’s what.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 11-20-2021 at 06:46 AM.

  33. #153
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    Went on a date with another bi girl last night (not the same as the last one), and my gosh she sure was obsessed with the fact that I was a foreigner lol

    We met on Tinder like a few months ago and traded contact info on some other accounts, but didn't talk much after that. She was 19 when we matched, so it's not like we could've gone out for drinks or anything anyways. I guess she just turned 20 (legal drinking age in Japan) in October though, and "randomly" came to my town for the weekend yesterday. She texted me to ask if I had any good recommendations for bars in the area, so I started listing a few before asking what she was doing in the area, and when she said she came by herself I took the hint and asked if she wanted me to show her around the city. She seemed really excited about this, so we met up and hung out for the night.

    The first place I took her to was this bar called "Karma" which primarily serves American military. It's got a really cool atmosphere; dark, neon lights, psychedelic art, hookahs, eclectic music, and is usually tended by a young half-Japanese half-American guy and a middle-aged Japanese woman with really high English ability. It was pretty full of USAF and JSDF with their dates, and the norm there was very much bilingualism. I asked her in Japanese if she liked sweet or bitter stuff, and she said sweet, so then I turned to the half-Japanese guy and asked him in English if he could mix us something sweet in the hookah (it's just like a flavoured vape - there's no fun stuff in it), and this girl thought this was the coolest thing ever. Apparently she really loves how English sounds and she'd never gone out with a foreigner before last night, so this was like, a lot for her. I can't remember the last time I saw someone having that much fun lol

    We got along pretty well, went to karaoke as well as three different bars, and eventually ran into one of my coworkers who joined us for part of the night. It was a lot of fun. It seemed a little like she wanted me to come back to her hotel with her, but I felt weird about that given how drunk we were and how that was our first time hanging out. She was very sweet and fun (I suspect her to maybe be SEI or ESE), and I'd definitely go out with her again, but my only reservation is that she seems to just wanna have fun and is enamored with the idea of having a foreign boyfriend. Nothing wrong with that at all, but as much fun as I had, I'm not really looking to be someone's gaijin toy and Instagram model (she posted nine videos of me to her stories)

    I'll let y'all know how it goes if we hang out again. She's very cute and a lot of fun to be around, but I don't feel super confident that she's into me for reasons other than what I am. All she talked about was how great it is that I'm a white American English teacher who can speak Japanese well. Felt a little shallow, but she's also still in college, so I'm not sure what I expected
    Last edited by AWellArmedCat; 11-20-2021 at 04:11 PM. Reason: Spelling
    猫が生き甲斐

  34. #154
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    @AWellArmedCat, she wants to use you.

    Probably to find out if the rumors about Foreigners are true, but also to expand her…….world.

    You should go with the flow. Having regrets is no good.

    I’m still kicking myself for not picking up on Kay Stanley in seventh grade.

  35. #155
    The Darling Duck~ MissDucki's Avatar
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    I have nothing to report on my dating adventures! But my siblings are both happy in relationships.

    Actually false, Im dating school and work. My school relationship is quite toxic atm and work well...hes basically my sugar daddy.

  36. #156
    ✊ A Rebel With A Cause Lady Lunacik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AWellArmedCat View Post
    Went on a date with another bi girl last night (not the same as the last one), and my gosh she sure was obsessed with the fact that I was a foreigner lol

    We met on Tinder like a few months ago and traded contact info on some other accounts, but didn't talk much after that. She was 19 when we matched, so it's not like we could've gone out for drinks or anything anyways. I guess she just turned 20 (legal drinking age in Japan) in October though, and "randomly" came to my town for the weekend yesterday. She texted me to ask if I had any good recommendations for bars in the area, so I started listing a few before asking what she was doing in the area, and when she said she came by herself I took the hint and asked if she wanted me to show her around the city. She seemed really excited about this, so we met up and hung out for the night.

    The first place I took her to was this bar called "Karma" which primarily serves American military. It's got a really cool atmosphere; dark, neon lights, psychedelic art, hookahs, eclectic music, and is usually tended by a young half-Japanese half-American guy and a middle-aged Japanese woman with really high English ability. It was pretty full of USAF and JSDF with their dates, and the norm there was very much bilingualism. I asked her in Japanese if she liked sweet or bitter stuff, and she said sweet, so then I turned to the half-Japanese guy and asked him in English if he could mix us something sweet in the hookah (it's just like a flavoured vape - there's no fun stuff in it), and this girl thought this was the coolest thing ever. Apparently she really loves how English sounds and she'd never gone out with a foreigner before last night, so this was like, a lot for her. I can't remember the last time I saw someone having that much fun lol

    We got along pretty well, went to karaoke as well as three different bars, and eventually ran into one of my coworkers who joined us for part of the night. It was a lot of fun. It seemed a little like she wanted me to come back to her hotel with her, but I felt weird about that given how drunk we were and how that was our first time hanging out. She was very sweet and fun (I suspect her to maybe be SEI or ESE), and I'd definitely go out with her again, but my only reservation is that she seems to just wanna have fun and is enamored with the idea of having a foreign boyfriend. Nothing wrong with that at all, but as much fun as I had, I'm not really looking to be someone's gaijin toy and Instagram model (she posted nine videos of me to her stories)

    I'll let y'all know how it goes if we hang out again. She's very cute and a lot of fun to be around, but I don't feel super confident that she's into me for reasons other than what I am. All she talked about was how great it is that I'm a white American English teacher who can speak Japanese well. Felt a little shallow, but she's also still in college, so I'm not sure what I expected
    Xenophilia is a thing. I am a xenophile myself. My own race just seems too similar to me, and I can't…it would feel like I was trying to get with my brother or something, there's no genuine attraction. I don't think I've ever openly fangirled like that, though…usually my enthusiasm shows more through the music I listen to in private or something (although I listen to music in many languages anyway). I'm sort of tsundere though, so of course I would hide that shit.

    What I'm saying is, it was a first date. I don't think it's odd for her to be into surface level things initially, as it takes time to get to know the deeper aspects of someone. Inviting you over on the first date does make her seem more interested in fun than anything, but nothing you have shared here indicates negative motives, imo. Maybe the foreigner thing is just a fantasy she's had for a while, and now she finally has an opportunity. I'd be low-key the same way about someone who was a native speaker/resident of one of my favorite languages/countries if I was still dating and not already settling down with someone (although Greek is also beautiful). I just wouldn't express it openly.

    Maybe you could just ask her why she is so thrilled about you being foreign, and see what she says. Determine whether her answer is a good one. Take note if it catches her off guard or she hesitates to think of an answer or anything like that, which may indicate she has to come up with something better than her real reasons.

    ESI-Se ✰ ISFP
    Enneagram: 6 Sx/Sx/Sx/So -ish, Tritype 628
    (I think this is a defective system that fails to capture who/how I am for the most part, though. I relate to NONE of the driving motives/defense mechanisms behind any type.)

    "I think that it is sometimes really hard for us to understand what someone else's journey is . . . I think that is part of the intrigue . . . but when we don't understand someone else's culture, or where they have been, we can often misinterpret their actions and what they mean because of that." — Georgia Dow


  37. #157
    AWellArmedCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Noir View Post
    Xenophilia is a thing.
    I mean yeah, I totally get that. There's nothing wrong with having such preferences. It just surprised me that she was already dtf seemingly based off that alone. I'm only really interested in being so casual with guys - especially if they're older than me. I think because homosexuality is already sorta "outside" of the mainstream culture I don't feel much social pressure to make the relationship anything serious, and them being older makes it feel more like they're leading so it's not "on me" anyways. With a girl who's younger than me though I feel very conscious of my position. Japanese people in more rural areas (like the north where I am) can tend to look askance at foreign guys who date Japanese girls since they're expecting that we're just interested in "using" them then going back to our countries
    Quote Originally Posted by Noir View Post
    I'm sort of tsundere though
    Tsunderes are best deres
    Quote Originally Posted by Noir View Post
    Maybe you could just ask her why she is so thrilled about you being foreign, and see what she says. Determine whether her answer is a good one. Take note if it catches her off guard or she hesitates to think of an answer or anything like that, which may indicate she has to come up with something better than her real reasons.
    She mentioned her father being rather cold and her mother being afraid of foreigners, so I'm a little worried I might be just a way for her to rebel/assert herself. I've been in that situation before, and I'm not particularly excited about being hated for xenophobic reasons again lol

    As I said though, I do like her and think she's very cute. I'll go out with her again, but there's just a couple things I'm unsure about. I'll probably post an update here in awhile. Thanks for the response!
    猫が生き甲斐

  38. #158
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    @AWellArmedCat, are you sure she's not SLE?

    Because I could easily imagine the female SLE @niffer behaving that way, especially when she was younger.

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    I just remembered this guy who told me on the first date, "you know that when men hear your ex was black, many won't want to date you, right?" Wisdom imparted.
    “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
    ― Anais Nin

  40. #160
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    I just remembered this guy who told me on the first date, "you know that when men hear your ex was black, many won't want to date you, right?" Wisdom imparted.

    My IEE-Fi bookkeeper also dated a black SLI as a first run at dating Duals after her divorce. She said he was great in bed. (I think that Duals tend to say that about each other, because I don't believe there is an absolute standard here.) However, she dropped him because he only dated white women and because he made a big deal out of mis-assigning people's reactions to him from "him being a jerk", to "him being a black guy".
    Which is a pretty good reason to drop anybody.

    I dated a black girl for a while. She was both pretty and funny. Hmmmm. I hope that's not why many women don't want to date me.......

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