Yes, that's why I shared it even though it'd bother him. Didn't want people to keep focusing on that dynamic of it when it isn't what my post was about and he's a virgin so the physical aspects are different.Originally Posted by Leo
Yes, that's why I shared it even though it'd bother him. Didn't want people to keep focusing on that dynamic of it when it isn't what my post was about and he's a virgin so the physical aspects are different.
Well, thanks for sharing <3 Sharing is caringIs he old? And is he like a Christian? Is he saving himself for someone special? I actually lost my real virginity with girl when I was kinda old. I was 21. I was embarrassed to talk about it, because I wasn't a virgin in other ways
LOL hell nah, I would never go after a Christian (sorry not sorry). He just never had interest in most girls.Well, thanks for sharing <3 Sharing is caring
I'm a filthy cougar, he's 4 years younger.
I dated a Christian school girlLOL hell nah, I would never go after a Christian (sorry not sorry). He just never had interest in most girls.
I'm a filthy cougar, he's 4 years younger.She was fucking weird. I would be with her on messenger and I would be thinking to myself "Leo, bounce bounce bounce, NOW!". And I did. She left me on her 18th birthday and she said that she's with someone
YAY, a cougar! That's fucking hot! You go, cougar! I am myself into young souls. My usual demographic is 18 years olds
Really? Hmm. The schism between values and worldviews isn't something that bothers you? I have a lot of reasons I won't go for religious people, but that is one of them. Can't ever see eye to eye, compromise, etc. in certain subjects, it ends up being their way or the highway...plus, they always want to infect you with their religion so they can "save your soul," and that constant undermining of your beliefs and not respecting your autonomy in not believing, while refusing to move an inch from their own and expecting you to respect theirs completely, is fucking gross. Christians are usually the biggest hypocrites I've ever laid eyes on.I dated a Christian school girl
YAY, a cougar! That's fucking hot! You go, cougar! I am myself into young souls. My usual demographic is 18 years olds
Tbh, I don't care much about age, I just care about age gap. Most of the people I fwel I have the most in common with tend to be in their 50's or above, anyway...they have more wisdom, more life experience, and I feel like my own life experiences aged me too fast, so it's just always felt like I was an old soul and they're more on my level. The best relationships in the world to me, however, are the ones who are my age but also old souls. Don't meet those online much...too many lonely guys who live in mom's basement and have hardly even held a job, much less more life experience. The mental age / maturity gap between myself and them makes it almost impossible to even have a friendship, even...it's like we live in two different worlds...
I'm with him on everything except not VCing.
I'm not sure how much to elaborate, bc I doubt his reasons would be the same as mine.
I also wouldn't make any big sacrifices or plans around him before you have career & financial stability to land on your feet if he flakes. Don't take a 1-way to Greece with no backup plan.
I wouldn't. Independence is #1 for me. I don't put myself into situations in which someone else is capable of having power/control over me. Besides that, I wouldn't sacrifice my life to be with someone.
He's also coming to USA first, and him coming here is going to entail him leaning on my own situation briefly, as in, he'll have a job but not a home right away when he arrives.
As for plans/sacrifices, I have been doing that, but this changed my mind and made me realize I need to change my plans and make him Plan B. I'm not doing jack shit unless he makes me more of a priority.
The first is pretty accurate. Not sure if the second is. It hasn't seemed like it whatsoever, but I'm not sure what I think, after talking with my therapist.
I just know I'm done being the sucker in every relationship ever, so if he wants me, he's going to have to declare it. It's seriously not that hard. I think it's a load of horse shit that he supposedly doesn't share with people other than his parents due to them not being close enough for him to bother, because then why won't he even share with his sister? They're closer, she's not someone who would tell, and she doesn't seem like she would not take the relationship seriously. I feel like I've been blind at this point.
I've done everything I'm supposed to do, and if he doesn't do the same, I'll just move on. I'm not going to wait around for the inevitable shitty ending to come along after sacrificing my time, opportunities, and so on, for someone who doesn't even want to admit we're together to those who mean the most to him. If it's really that fucking difficult to do that, then him hiding me from others probably means he's also hiding something from me. I'm not going to pine away until I discover what that is, if that is the case.
Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 03-15-2023 at 01:05 AM.
I like the word "cougar". All the women I had sex with were older than me. The passion of my life was five years older. Another passion (less powerful than the first but important nonetheless) was eight years older.LOL hell nah, I would never go after a Christian (sorry not sorry). He just never had interest in most girls.
I'm a filthy cougar, he's 4 years younger.
When I was in high school I almost had a let's say "touchdown" with a young substitute teacher. You know those moments just before surrendering to the will power of the passion, just before the point of no return. Those moments when both whisper to each other : "we shouldn't do this..." but inside scream : "please do it !!! do it !!!", yeah that kind of thing...
The school (grand)supervisor (a woman in her 50's) suspected something because I often stayed alone with her long after the end the class and since she was teaching in a building on the other side of the main one and the supervisor office (another little building) was on the way, we would have to pass in front of it. The supervisor saw the pattern several time thus her suspicions. I don't know if it's related but one day the supervisor stopped me while I was on my way back from that class and alluded to her suspicions (between the lines...). The day after the substitute teacher was gone, last time I saw her was her last day in school, her boyfriend came to pick her up on his motorcycle, she smiled at me and said bye with a hand movement... Anyways, I feel you Macron ! (I'm one year older than him btw !).
Last edited by godslave; 03-15-2023 at 01:06 AM.
IMO, his behavior sounds a little E6 (sp/sx) to me, in that perhaps until he can look you in the eyes and touch you, he'll remain skeptical and won't allow himself to sacrifice his life line/primary means of support (his family) for something that might not ever come to fruition (in the sense that he doesn't trust his ability to see how things will unfold over time and/or might only be able to see all the ways something could go wrong and not work out).
From his POV, it's probably "safer" and makes better sense to bet on what he verifiably and concretely KNOWS is real and true, that being his support system (family and friends that have raised him, that he's more readily and tangibly attached to). E6 types are the epitome of www.mixedsignals.com because, on one hand they can manifest this seemingly "fuck the world," risk-adverse, badass energy where they're willing to go to war for their beliefs and, conversely, be rather cowardly, dependent and needy when it comes to situations that might potentially alienate their primary support systems--they can rapidly move back and forth between cowardice and bravery, culminating in what looks like someone who is very indecisive and uncertain. This behavior wouldn't necessarily mean that he doesn't love you or isn't sincere in his desire to want to be with you, but only that he's even MORE terrified and riddled with fear that it might be "too good to be true," and, subsequently, is inflicting all sorts of suffering and hell on you due to his own nervous, rattled mind. For some people, it's actually easier to take risks with their "bodies" than it is with their "hearts" and "minds."
Unfortunately, you'd just have to make peace with the fact that, for the time being, you will have to navigate some pretty rough, uncertain waters until your respective situations stabilize and allow for actions that make everything "really real" to each other. A complicating factor is that, oftentimes, the more you grow to care for someone, the scarier and more anxiety-ridden things get because the ability to be hurt increases. Sometimes, talking about the anxieties (and how they are natural and normal given the unstable context) and debunking them with evidence-based "reality checks" that true progression is being made might help. I'd also remind him that, in the same way he'd be expected to push past his fear while bravely running head first into battle, the same type of courage can be showed when it comes to directly facing his family and friends head on; being afraid, but still powering through.
I'm placing him on the same level he's placed me. If I'm not important enough to declare, I'm not declaring him either...and when I'm hit on, etc. I'm just not going to share, since "they might not take our relationship seriously" and "I don't get that personal with them because they're not that close that way." When people suggest boyfriends or girlfriends to me like they egg him on to go for, I won't tell them I'm not available, either. I'll say I'm single, too, the same way he does. My family can think whatever, because they are unimportant to me so I'm not going to bother with sharing or not sharing with them...but when friends inquire, I'll pretend I'm single just as he does. When flirtatious men/women inquire, I won't share. I'll lie and say I'm single, just like he does. I'm done sharing my RL details with him as well, and if it kills our relationship, so be it.
I'm done with the bullshit secrecy. I'm done playing games with grown ass adults. Eye for an eye. You wanna set the standard there? Fine, we'll see how much you like it when I do what you do. Let's see how long that low ass standard lasts then.
Dr. G associates Ne (esp Ne +) to risk taking. Ne intuition of opportunities and risk taking is what makes ESI and LSI go "no no" and since that's also a characteristic treat of Enneagram 6 I am inclined to think that all ESIs and LSIs have at least a 6 in their tritype.
This is a pretty good example of how typology creates a bias in people. One that causes them to misundersrand others.Dr. G associates Ne (esp Ne +) to risk taking. Ne intuition of opportunities and risk taking is what makes ESI and LSI go "no no" and since that's also a characteristic treat of Enneagram 6 I am inclined to think that all ESIs and LSIs have at least a 6 in their tritype.
I do believe I mentioned that I was being patient and understanding, but my therapist urged me to take more of a stand and assert myself more.
Ultimately, it boils down to the simple fact that I didn't see it as a problem because I'm so used to not being valued that I didn't notice I wasn't being valued enough. I don't have a problem asserting myself, but I do sometimes have problems with realizing there's a problem to assert myself about, because bad shit is so "normal" in my life that I don't even notice it's bad.
I believe I probably am more willing than others to take some risks. I'm generally fearless, bold, tend to confront everything head on, and I'm sometimes impulsive. I tend to think outside of the box, strong willed, rebellious but not when it's without cause, independent-minded, pioneering, stubborn, defiant, trust my own judgment more than that of others, innovative, a trail blazer, at times a bit defensive. I self-taught my trade starting at age 15 and then was living off of my self-employment income as an entrepreneur by age 23. Independence/control/power over my own everything, others at jobs not having control over me, was something that I valued enough to do that. These traits tend to go along with risk taking quite a bit. Typology doesn't know me very well.
Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 03-15-2023 at 01:55 AM.
My post was in the reference to what @Alonzo said. I am most certainly biased (aren't we all ?), but to me it's just a game to connect stuff whether they are true or not is almost irrelevant under those circumstances. If anything The risk aversion taking thing I talked about was about your boyfriend not you, again
When you get that feelin', It's called Se for a reason.
Say that when your kid is at the walmart acting a damn fool and knocking over all the cereal while yelling at the top of his lungs because you didn't get him $129.99 lego set displayed in all it's glory for all to see a big glass in the center of the toy isle.
Last edited by Lord Pixel; 03-15-2023 at 02:37 AM.
Whoops! My bad, disregard.
I hate to say it, but I can understand your boyfriend a bit. I used to be kind of like him and didn’t want to put anything definitive because it just felt so certain. Probably ended up hurting a few people in the process…oops. As much as I over share here, in real life, I compartmentalize all my relationships and only start to integrate them when I start to feel more comfortable.
He doesn’t sound like he’s emotionally ready for a relationship. if he can’t emotionally meet you, it’s perfectly legit to walk away. That’s why I mentioned commitment and avoidant attachment issues.
I don't think long-term relationships work either. He's not telling other people about you because he doesn't know you IRL, and you could be different from what you say you are. And real life normies would just be like 'but you haven't even met her irl yet' no matter what he tries to say about you, and he knows that and that's why he's being secretive. I don't think it's any more complicated than that. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. Take it one step at a time and meet him IRL first and go from there. If it's not meant to be for whatever reason it will be revealed either way.
I went on a date with a guy that really liked my online persona but he clashed with my real persona. Real True Self Sammy is just shy and sweet but I also can be deathly serious & stern, unlike my internet persona that's a lot more entertaining. Why don't I just act online like I am irl you say? I don't know it's complicated - probably because I like the boundary between meat space and online and me being different over the internet is part of that protection, it's too cringe-y to me to just break the 4th wall at all times. I come off like an EII irl, Coeruleum Blue feels like my true friend in a way because she sees that whereas a lot of you don't.
Last edited by Hot Scalding Gayser; 03-15-2023 at 02:55 AM.
I think Beta STs and LSIs, in particular, find this behavior to be kind of attractive, actually--essentially, it sounds as if you're describing a form of "acting" where you play a role in order to create a certain vibe and atmosphere (very Fe/Ne). IMO, it keeps things dynamic and interesting to not really know "who you're going to get" next. And especially if you have the social intelligence and intuitive foresight to know that there's a "time and a place" for every sort of persona and if you can be whatever is necessary to impart the vibe/mood most effective in steering/influencing the other party to get what you want (and meet their needs, simultaneously), then I'd say that's a sign of a rare breed of interpersonal intelligence.
I think Delta relations are like "comfortable and we get along" and Beta relations are like "We have our ups and downs but we have made it through alot." Because I've seen a number of Beta relations where the people FIGHT, but stay committed for years on years.
Thanks, that makes a lot of sense. Didn't you used to type as LIE though or am I thinking of somebody else? Yeah I'm probably still IEI and your dual- I just don't want Alive to carve IEI into my chest like the creepy serial killer that he is lmao.
And yeah I do it to manipulate people but some people enjoy being manipulated that way anyway and I feel as an ethical type if I didn't manipulate people I'd just be roadkill or something so I wish other people would give me a break about manipulating them. lol. I should be more logical but that sounds boring. <3
The fighting thing makes me think I'm Delta again though because I hate fighting. Truthfully I really do. I know I act feisty and sassy but I don't like fighting with anybody lol. Unless I can do it playfully or make a joke/story out of it or something. /whacks Candace Cameron Bure in the face with Olaf's Hammer.
Me and my best friend had a huge fight and we tried to make up but nothing has been the same since. I remember the singer Pink had this ideal that people should fight and argue and then make up the next day but uhh realistically I'm not sure you can so easily take back what you say to people like that. lol Ethical Cringe. I will always remember cruel or asshole things ppl said to me and I don't expect others to forgive me either when I was too harsh with them. =/ But ppl need that or we'd all go insane... Probably.
I have a 4 year old and raised more than a few kids
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Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Perhaps you've never heard of me but I will mention the thing I've been harping on like a broken record in this department because it literally is the primary deciding factor in whether or not any interpersonal relationship ends up working out for better or worse. Attachment. Theory.
You are currently dealing with what sounds like a manipulative Dismissive-Avoidant. Or what is more widely known as a clinically diagnosed Sociopath/Psychopath. This is the kind of person most people associate with my own type BTW when we go off the deep end. I both resent this and admit that, if I indulge in the fantasy of being evil, it's spot on. ILI's are considered a "Villian" type for a reason. However, I'm not so I'll try to help you out a bit.
Step One: Insist on meeting him in person ASAP. His mother is likely completely nutso so if he insists on informing her of his every action (especially the possibility of meeting you in person) he's beyond help. Remember, attachment issues are essentially inherited through bloodline descent so once one ancestor becomes insecure for one reason or another all their descendants will become like that unless and until someone recognizes the problem, swallows the natural inclination to retaliate against those who cursed them, and just fixes the problem. There are instances of people spontaneously realizing things like their parents are utterly insane and that what they did to them wasn't natural but those cases are pretty gosh darn rare. Point is, if your parents had attachment issues (and most everyone who was born after 1980 was born to parents with them) you got em' too. Deal with it as best you can.
Step Two: Assuming he doesn't just gaslight you into oblivion trying to manipulate you into being his little submissive dopamine fountain and actually starts talking sense you try to help him (and you by extension) fix the attachment problem. It's both really easy and so difficult it hurts to even think about. Again, as I've said, attachment issues are welded to your "fight or flight" response in your brain. The reason he's doing what he's doing and why you're just taking it is because both of you think (subconsciously mind you) that if you act otherwise you will literally die a most slow, horrible, and painful death and (if you're religious like me) burn in eternal helfire afterward because that's what you get for daring to think someone else could possibly truly love you.
I'm exaggerating a bit but that's pretty much how your brain is wired if you're telling me the truth about all this. His too though I sadly think he went down the darker road. Most avoidants like me are just "nervous" about it. That is, we desperately want others to connect with us, but we're paranoid that once we allow someone in they will hurt us. We aren't at all certain they will, but the concern is there so we reflexively keep others at bay while we desperately hope they keep pushing us to open up to them. I skipped several steps once I figured it out and just told people like my brother that I wanted to get closer to and spend more time with them. Unsurprisingly they responded positively to my request and I've been way, way happier ever since. Fun fact: Most people aren't assholes if you're fully open and honest. Direct physical experience has matched my theories to the great benefit of both my mental and physical health.
Manipulatives are fully convinced that others will hurt them and thus they overtly manipulate and control others by any means because they've already concluded that your potentially earnest overtures towards intimacy and love are intended to make them vulnerable, controllable, and thus manipulatable. Well, you can't manipulate me if I manipulate you first! Eat that you naieve harlot! By the time I'm done with you you'll be just another member of my ever expanding harem of dumb bitches who are only good for a single orgasm before I move on to some other dumb bitch who is younger, hotter, and tighter in the vag!
Don't be his "YoHoTi" as a sphere I used to frequent would put it. Insist you both get serious about a committed relationship or go home. If he runs away (and he probably will given what you've said) than good riddance. You never wanted to be some random sociopath's "Tuesday Fuck" if ya catch my meaing. You want to be someone's amazing and wonderful wife! There is a man who will see you as such. You just have to believe you are worthy of that accolade and work towards being in a state that will attract them.
I'll use myself as an example as I am not currently in that state yet working quite hard towards attaining it ASAP. Ya don't gotta be super fit, ripped, and have a New York Times Bestseller already published and selling millions of copies a month. However, you do have to already have demonstrable progress towards that pie in the sky dream. Hit the gym on the regular. Read voraciously with intent on imitating the best by knowing through direct experience what made them so damn good. People, those who are worth your time and effort, will know this and "get it" on an instinctual level. Talk is cheap. Action is anything but.
Take. Action. Fear not that he may leave you. Fear the possibility that he sees you as a mere object to dispense what amounts to a Pez candy. Small. Unsatisfying by itself. Yet if taken in with the context that it's but one shot out of a dispenser that has a lot of "charges" to drain well why not binge on it and then grab the next?
You're not some lowly Pez candy dopamine fountain fit only for the consumption of the worst among us. You're a human being created in the likeness of God. Believe that and start acting in accordance with that belief.
lol In the Random Thought Thread, at the peak of Alive tap dancing on everyone's last fucking nerve, I remember you saying something to the effect of being hesitant to ban him because perhaps he didn't have much else communal support and, to even consider that (something I never thought of myself), was such a thoughtful, beautiful, kind hearted sentiment. Only my dual has that kind of patience and tolerance. lol
Aw I noticed SLEs think I'm a better person than I really am, one of my SLE buds would jokingly call me 'Jesus.' I'm far far from Jesus many times - I can be an asshole too + I have my own sins. But I think it's just duality working as the SLE appreciates the IEI's heart and the IEI admires the SLE's strength. <3
Yeah I still stand what I said about Alive and this place being his emotional support system- but then again if another moderator wants to ban him, I fully respect and support their decision. LOL. See, now I can be tougher and more direct cuz u gave me Se. =D
lmao Agreed. The thing is, it impresses me even more when someone can own and acknowledge their darkness but still find it within themselves to flash a lil light on us poor, miserable wretches. Not everyone has the capacity for that kind of empathy and many on the receiving end don't even deserve it, tbh--at that level, you have to be drawing on a form of strength that I damn sure don't have. I'm captain of the "talk shit, get hit" brigade. So God Bless you. lol
You've raised all the kids on earth though?
I just believe that punishment should be left for the worst offenders or something. Alive is super annoying sure, but is he a child molestor, a serial killer for real? Probably not, tho I do like the idea of him carving IEI symbols into victim's chest as an amusing joke. Well there is some issues supposedly of him plagiarizing others work but I don't know the full extent and I'd prefer somebody better at Te than I am looks into it.
And as a Christian my job is to forgive and love people and let God do the judging but I mean that's an ideal and people do judge and I have been pushed to use my authority before even though I prefer being lenient. Even though in real life it doesn't work that way of bad people getting their just desserts - some greedy idiots in my town just built a cell phone tower in front of an elementary school for kids that's known to cause cancer, and they should only be built in rural areas and everybody is upset that it's right near the school- some ppl think it's going to cause a lot of damage but somehow legally they were allowed to get away with it cuz of $$$. So I get now why people believe in Hell if it does cause a bunch of real ppl to get sick & die, even tho before I naively thought that was being too strict.
I do think shadow play can actually be morally healthy as long as the person doesn't act out on some things. Jung was right about not repressing the Shadow. Like neither is that moral or ideal but if you asked me would I rather want phantom people being hurt or real people, of course I'd choose imaginary figures. Some Deltas have these moral ideals that are too sugar coated and pretty to how the world really is; they want ppl to be over-the-top nice and moral in a way that's not realistic.... and in some unhealthy Deltas it's how their repressed shadow that attacks and hurts others thinking they are being the good guys.
God bless you too btw. <3 It's nice discussing things with you.
Very true. And likewise, you're a sweetheart.
Beta is the most aggressively punitive Quadra as far as reserving the worst treatment for those who have been “cast down” or deemed unfit by our societal standards; EIE and LSI are perhaps the most structurally/systemically oppressive, but SLE is the most outwardly despotic and casually cruel/terroristic. IEI’s purpose is to mitigate that damage via romanticizing and constructing narratives that valorize the struggle (of those who won AND lost), essentially by finding some noble meaning/purpose in the destruction. (Our quadra is lowkey trash!! Lmao). However, IEIs serve as the healer, heart and conscience of Beta Quadra, and, therefore, will be the most lenient and compassionate towards the “fallen.” My point is that, theoretically, it makes sense for you to operate in the way that you do.
One of my favorite words in the English language is “magnanimous,” which means to be “generous or forgiving, especially towards a rival or less powerful person”–this is a trait I constantly seek to embody though I certainly fall short of it, at times. I pride myself on being someone is who fair, just, and protective, who looks out for the underdog/marginalized, oftentimes reserving the worst wrath for those who seek to harm and take advantage of “the weak.” But even when I’m acting based on good intent, ngl there is something sadistically pleasurable about punishing motherfuckers who had it coming. I can’t help but to feel like they deserve it. Nevertheless, even then there should be temperance and restraint. I happen to be a big believer in redemption and rehabilitation–I’ve done many things I’m not proud of in my life but I’m a much better person then I used to be and everyone should be given the grace to change. For those who don’t, GUILLOTINE. Lol
Thanks for your intentions to help anyway, but this isn't accurate whatsoever.
Btw, I'm in the psychology field. There's technically nothing all that clinical about Psychopath/Sociopath. The clinical diagnosis of that is ASPD. There is no such thing as being diagnosed with an Attachment Style, as it is not even close to being a disorder. Furthermore, Attachment Styles aren't genetically inherited, they form during childrens' very early developmental years in response to parents' responses to them as babies. They also at times change once people are older. Dismissive-Avoidant is also not even remotely close to Sociopathy, Psychopathy, or ASPD at all.
Hope that clears things up for you a bit.
Idk, personally, I probably won't tell my kids "no" much when they want something. Instead, I'll tell them they can earn the things they're wanting, especially the bigger things. Opportunity to teach A) Delayed/Long-term gratification, B) Working to get what you want, rather than it being out of reach. I'd probably teach them they can have it after they do X (chores every day for X time, shit like that). I'd also promote their thought about their decisions. Ask them why they want it, and so on, so they will later in life be conditioned to make rational choices and not be too impulsive. Just me personally.
Oh yeah, I mean, Christians here probably aren't as hardcore as in US. They aren't cray cray. I am a Christian, but I take it up the butt sometimes. I mean, I believe that Jesus Christ is the original ****** sooo idk. She was never criticizing me. She once tried flexing her religious beliefs, but she wasn't anal about Christ at all. She was a solist in choir. She appeared in many huge events, that was kinda hot for me, even though I did not want to go to see her perform Christian songs. She had a great voice actually and when she was singing pop songs to me, it was great. She also showed herself off to me, going to a shower on the phone together was kinda her thing.
Oh, my bad, I'm into young bodies and old souls actually. I mean, it's my edgy side showing. To say something like that I'm strictly into 18 year olds. I mean, what matters for me is a real connection. I could date a 70 year old if she was kinda hot and very nice.
This response is perfectly in line with my own research and the experiences described by the dude that got me into this line of thinking who was/is, funny enough, a trained psychologist who specialized in trauma and family therapy. I'm talking prison inmate levels of trauma BTW so he wasn't exactly taking the easy route.
Where do you think the "disorders" in that manual you're trained to regard as a bible come from? Our current "medical" model of mental health in the west has a ton of holes in it and it is also pushed on us (and you) for many reasons. The two big ones are A) It's hella profitable for big pharma and B) It gives the average person an excuse to not do anything to fix/help themselves. Also C) there's a critical shortage of health care professionals and the system is pushing out "professionals" who could be more accurately described as triage specialists. They do triage and surface level treatments. They don't "cure" anything because of A and B and that results in mass misery.
As I've said elsewhere, Miserable people are easy to control and manipulate. Just as the PTB would like us all to be. Infinitely malleable and interchangeable cogs in their soulless machine. The "medical" model is custom made for our Managerial Elite. I'd question it if I were you. Don't pop the pills indefinitely. Find out why you (and your patients) are fucked up and fix the root cause. Then they won't need the pills anymore. Of course, that also means they won't need you anymore.
A "fixed" psych patient doesn't need therapy and thus won't fork over 10k a year for the privilege of bitching at you and then who knows how much more for the pills that don't actually fix the problem. This is a recurring theme in my own research. People who realize there's a problem start complaining about it only to find out that if the thing they're currently complaining about gets fixed they lose their newest and most lucrative income stream. Thus, they don't mention any real solutions as that'd mean they're right back in that lower income bracket that they don't want to be back in.
I can assure you that in your case you're safe. So many people are so fucked up that you won't have to worry about losing overall client load/income until your grandchildren follow you into your profession. Even then they'll still make a good if modest living. Humans won't stop having psychological issues even if our culture and society focus on eliminating the root causes of them. They'll just get way less prevalent and fixed before they blow up in spectacular fashions like school shootings or people becoming politicians.
Tell them that when they say "NO I DON'T WANNA! I WANT IT NOW!", and again, tossing cereal boxes all through the isle causing a massive scene while yelling at the top of their raspy lungs.
I'm not sure what the point you're trying to make is. Obviously, that's behavior that will be responded to with discipline in most children...but it also is behavior that might originate from deeper issues, too.
Older children (6-7) shouldn't be behaving this way. If they are, it's most often from parents giving in to their tantrums in the past. They should be able to recognize by then that this kind of behavior won't get them what they want, and that they are expected to use communication.
My ex's toddler acted similarly. It turned out to be due to autism. We were trying to get him to communicate instead of throwing tantrums, but because of his autism, his communication was stunted. He was happy to use sign language instead, when they realized he was autistic and taught him some sign language.
I don't believe in responding to undesirable behaviors with discipline in every case. Sometimes, there is something going on with children that needs to be understood. Before we knew the toddler had autism, I used to discipline the toddler for things such as shoving his plate of dinner off the table and onto the floor. However, no reasonable or humane level of discipline worked with him. In fact, he responded to it by behaving even worse. Once it was discovered that he had autism, I realized the discipline wasn't working because there were things going on that needed to be addressed in specific special ways.
I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to children. However, I do know that they must be taught to express their feelings in ways other than outbursts. There needs to be some form of conditioning that allows for emotional expression in some way other than tantrums. Otherwise, disciplining for emotional outbursts only sends the message that feelings are bad and it's not safe to feel, which is obviously not the message a child needs, and it will result in them being emotionally stunted later on.
On a side note, I felt so sorry for those kids. My ex used to mock them during tantrums and egg them on to provoke them into even stronger tantrums. He had very clear favoritism toward the boy, and he would purposely upset the girl, then call her dramatic and laugh at her after making her cry. She was 2, he was 3. I hated that guy once I realized what kind of person I'd gotten into a relationship with.
Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 03-18-2023 at 08:58 AM.
Yeah, you would think, yet it seems to happen every time I go to the grocery store. It's bizarre, the parents just ignore the kids and the kids just keep at it. I now started wearing headphones and going late at night when they have about an hour before close. Much more peaceful and nobody is constantly blocking the aisle with their carts.
I hate grocery shopping.
Oof. Strangely, I don't seem to have that encounter when I go to the store usually. I am not very educated about kids, but in some cases I do think you are supposed to ignore their tantrums, otherwise it can turn into negative attention-seeking behavior. Idk, I will be researching children, developmental psychology, etc. the first time I get pregnant, since I won't be working during that (I will struggle with bipolar since I'll be unable to take the meds for it). I don't have much time or interest in doing it before then, honestly. Kids aren't my subject. Never have been.
All I know is, when I was one myself, my family was emotionally neglectful of me and at the same time abusive physically, sexually, psychologically/emotionally. I had emotional issues as a result, and my family's solution for all unwanted behavior was discipline, and it wasn't what I needed. I just needed love. I'd have responded to softness, gentleness, love, affection, kindness, support, understanding, empathy, and encouragement, with fierce loyalty (because I was so starved for love that I used to latch on to any glimpse of it). It would've solved a lot of my behavioral problems (drinking, doing drugs, running away, anger issues, etc). Discipline only made me worse. So, I'm a firm believer that there are times when discipline is not the answer to unwanted behaviors.
Last edited by Fluffy Princess Unicorn; 03-18-2023 at 02:14 PM.
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