Adventures in Dating

[Averroes]

Just got completely dressed down for 3 minutes by the EIE I was dating for being an unambitious loser and not giving an adequate, unprompted explanation for why I live in a slightly bad area with my parents instead of paying 1800 to live with roommates or in a rat infested studio

She could’ve been kinder, but I do feel like I’m not living properly or motivated enough to take that next step in my life. I was attracted to her refinement and haughtiness but never expected it to blow back on me like this since I have a career.

[AWellArmedCat]

Just got completely dressed down by the EIE I was dating for being an unambitious loser and not giving an adequate, unprompted explanation for being the way I am

I'm sorry, that sucks

[Bethany]

What do you think she VIs as?

SEI as a guess..from the way she is posing, but not sure

[nifl]

What do you think she VIs as?

maybe an introvert
she looks a little shy, she hides a little
but from one picture it's pretty much a guessing game 99.9% of the time

[Bethany]

@Averroes it’s not that uncommon for people to live with their parents in 2022..people can be dicks when they’re dating. Ignore, and next please

[AWellArmedCat]

maybe an introvert
she looks a little shy, she hides a little
but from one picture it's pretty much a guessing game 99.9% of the time

Yeah, I know a single picture isn't nearly enough. Honestly even video can be misleading. Basically everything other than real life interactions spread out over time in different lightings with different backdrops etc. will yield somewhat limited results I think. I was just sort of randomly curious what people thought off the cuff... and maybe also bragging just a little... ^^;

In other news, we're currently living together since her parents' place is kinda far away and she doesn't have to be there for classes right now since she's graduating soon

[Bethany]

@AWellArmedCat Yay, enjoy. I secretly hope she is SEI because I think lookalike can be one of the nicest ITR. Signs of being SEI..like to talk a lot about subjects they are confident in, like to rant/be negative, decent general knowledge and wisdom, find it hard to contextualise themselves in a situation, have a few beliefs they are very passionate and adamant about..adorable and hot..heart of a poet, enjoy oh also- they seem to care about people’s immediate safety..an interest in animals/nature/plants

personal well-being is a priority for them too

[Averroes]

I

@Averroes it’s not that uncommon for people to live with their parents in 2022..people can be dicks when they’re dating. Ignore, and next please

The crux of the issue for her is that she kept giving me Fe hints (“you live here?!?!” “You’re kidding right?”) and instead of using that opportunity to explain that I’m not a deadbeat and was working towards moving out, I was just insulted and confused and told her she could leave if she wanted to. Would you say I was being a dumb, clueless guy in that situation? I can understand the culture shock and don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to want to know if you’re a deadbeat or not, but I just didn’t have the same bias against living in public housing that she does: it’s a decent sized apartment, I’ve never had issues/been mugged, and it’s a building full of elderly people and working families for the most part. I would’ve responded way better to an honest conversation about my goals and experience living there instead of shitting on it and expecting me to read her mind


I guess I’ll just have to wait a year before I can date anyone above 24 seriously unless their family’s poor also

[Tallmo]

The crux of the issue for her is that she kept giving me Fe hints (“you live here?!?!” “You’re kidding right?”) and instead of using that opportunity to explain that I’m not a deadbeat and was working towards moving out, I was just insulted and confused and told her she could leave if she wanted to. Would you say I was being a dumb, clueless guy in that situation? I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to want to know if you’re a deadbeat or not, but I just didn’t have the same bias against living in public housing (and a relatively tame one at that where I’ve never personally had issues. It’s a building full of elderly people and working families for the most part) that she does. I would’ve responded way better to an honest conversation about my goals and experience living there instead of shitting on it and expecting me to use it as a prompt to justify my existence to her

These things come up when dating, that's for sure. I try to be honest and direct without making a big deal about it. My very modest job and living space. Then I stand for who I am, that's always a good thing. But it's not always easy, sometimes I fail. Have I really accepted it myself? Dating is a lot about your public persona and one cannot escape that. Maybe your experience is a step towards becoming more comfortable with your situation? Can require some friction and suffering, which you just got.

[Bethany]

A week or so ago I matched with a cute guy but I acted a bit weirdly and he unmatched me. I thought he looked quite cool and got excited. Like the type of guy I’ve fallen for before that wasn’t right for me maybe

then I matched with another guy, the one I mentioned earlier in the thread and now I’m really nervous because he seems really nice and smart and normal

[Bethany]

@Averroes I think you know if she was being rude..Someone on here said that in illusionary relationships it’s often down to the maturity of the extrovert whether or not the relationship will start/work. Also, chemistry seems highly important in these relationships- with ILEs I think I know if I like them fairly quickly. I annoyed an ILE guy on an app who looked ok, we matched a couple of times and I ignored him a bit..he got annoyed in the end and unmatched me. I think Tallmo’s advice is good. Honestly, if you’re a genuinely nice guy, you probably should be with quite a nice, non-judgemental woman. EP/IP and EG/IJ relationships don’t seem that easy to get started. There can be some misunderstandings at first- not to say you should let EJs off the hook if they’re rude at first..but at the same time bear in mind that they might not be used to IJ/EJ interaction..

Using apps, whilst also having type knowledge whilst also learning about dating is a lot to contend with..but I have felt like I was moving forward..it’s not a waste of time

[AWellArmedCat]

@AWellArmedCat Yay, enjoy. I secretly hope she is SEI because I think lookalike can be one of the nicest ITR. Signs of being SEI..like to talk a lot about subjects they are confident in, like to rant/be negative, decent general knowledge and wisdom, find it hard to contextualise themselves in a situation, have a few beliefs they are very passionate and adamant about..adorable and hot..heart of a poet, enjoy oh also- they seem to care about people’s immediate safety..an interest in animals/nature/plants

She definitely behaves very caregiver-y. I was really surprised to come home and find the bed neatly made, clothes all folded and put away, and grocery shopping all done. She also found a new way to hang up the laundry so it dries faster (I don't have a dryer). For dinner she showed me how to make Japanese fried chicken ^^

I don't think I'm wired to expect caregiver behaviour so it really caught me off-guard, but I was grateful lol

She seems super Alpha overall. So does her family. Her mom is just chill and hanging out in the living room with their little dogs, snacking, drinking tea, and reading all day. Her dad spends all his spare time taking photos in nature. Her mom is like her twin too. She's a nurse and looks exactly like an older version of my girlfriend who is going to start work as a doctor soon. The Si of their household is palpable

[Bethany]

She also found a new way to hang up the laundry so it dries faster (I don't have a dryer). For dinner she showed me how to make Japanese fried chicken ^^

I love her. Sounds like a nice family too.

[Tallmo]

@AWellArmedCat Yay, enjoy. I secretly hope she is SEI because I think lookalike can be one of the nicest ITR. Signs of being SEI..like to talk a lot about subjects they are confident in, like to rant/be negative, decent general knowledge and wisdom, find it hard to contextualise themselves in a situation, have a few beliefs they are very passionate and adamant about..adorable and hot..heart of a poet, enjoy oh also- they seem to care about people’s immediate safety..an interest in animals/nature/plants

It's so funny that you have this firm belief in lookalike. I still don't see it, because I have never been able to connect with IEI, despite some decent superficial chemistry in the beginning. And my parents are ESI+LSI, and they have had some major communication problems and unrelatedness to each other. I still hope that you have seen something that I haven't, but I can't help thinking that maybe you don't know the SEIs well enough. But what do I know, maybe you have had great relations to SEI.

[Bethany]

It's so funny that you have this firm belief in lookalike. I still don't see it, because I have never been able to connect with IEI, despite some decent superficial chemistry in the beginning. And my parents are ESI+LSI, and they have had some major communication problems and unrelatedness to each other. I still hope that you have seen something that I haven't, but I can't help thinking that maybe you don't know the SEIs well enough. But what do I know, maybe you have had great relations to SEI.

Lol it's just my personal fave. The thing is I don't have great relationships with them actually, I'm too quiet for them. I do have an SEI friend but it's very business-like. It's not super easy. I think we tried hard with each other and just accepted that it's sometimes a bit awkward, and it doesn't matter because we both make an effort and sometimes it just feels super nice and interesting (I feel happy after seeing her, it's strange), plus we have friends in common. I worked with one SEI male for a year and that felt much more natural, we really got on..then I worked with another and we had intense superficial chemistry and it took us a long time to realise just how superficial it was. (Or simply way too intense, depending on how you look at it).

I can think of three lookalike couples who seem like decent couples, only one I know well. My brother lives with a lookalike friend too, and I observe people being friends with lookalikes. I'm not sure how common SEI/IEI friends are..I don't know it may be that it's an easier friendship if you don't have much of a subtype (because I have a little bit of a subtype at least), or just better between some types. It's funny I seem to have collected some matches recently- one is SEE, one is SEI..and they're just there...I couldn't talk much to the SEI because I knew we would get on and I decided the SEE seemed..more appealing. Is it a coincidence that I was looking for an SEI...(edit, I don't mean looking I mean looking out for) and I might have found one. I'm at the point where I'm like, right I am going to give it a go with someone. (I've also found a nice SLE but don't wanna talk about that lol). But yeah, maybe we are just destined to end up with certain types? I think I've always gone for duals and IPs because my dad is SLI..similar types. Maybe I like the idea of IP relations because I'm easy going...it's quite a friendly relation.

Socionics - the16types.info - Business Relations INFp and ISFp by Stratiyevskaya There is this article too...what I imagine about these couples is that they get into a nice rhythm, and it feels less awkward than at first. I can also picture people falling for lookalikes who aren't quite right for them..but staying with them anyway because it's not unbearable.

I admit I romanticise it, I think the more exciting lookalike matches probably aren't built to last....but then maybe some are, and maybe it's just that they aren't for me..

I also have two other SEI friends who I imagine I'll see every now and again, during my life. It's an interesting bond. It could be more of an SF/NF thing rather than lookalike specifically..

I think the stronger ITR are the ones that don't seem that interesting lol. Apart from dual. But the most important things is probably a good connection. I've matched with some ok IEIs/ at least one LSI...but something tells me it would be an easier life with an SEI. And though I have liked ILIs in the past, I think they'd make me dwell on my past problems too much.

Sorry kept editing and turned into an essay...

oh also I think for romance I only like SEI-fe..I find that really interesting. Similar to how I don't fancy EII men...I don't think I fancy SEI-si. (Hard to say for sure). They just seem almost like women or something, does that make sense? Not that I literally think of them as feminine, but that their energy is too similar to mine or something

[Leo]

You guys have to stop screwing around and start making babies.

[Leo]

The quality of women I attract on dating sites is terrible. They are all gross looking. The problem is that majority of pretty girls online arent't that pretty. They just select a couple of good pictures and that's it. I'm used to girls falling for me in real life. Not just the girls, but majority of girls and especially the pretty ones. "Leo, let's go clubbing, my sister is coming to town". They try and they fail. Funny thing. Today, I switched to international mode in Tinder. I got tens of obese young sluts from US. They were all pretty bad looking and none of them swiped on me. Haha, fucking losers. Who's gonna fuck them anyway.

[Bethany]

@one it’s not ‘surprisingly’, super-ego can be a very good ITR, especially if you are a well-balanced individual

my inner ILI is on a mission to spread the truth lol

[AWellArmedCat]

It's so funny that you have this firm belief in lookalike. I still don't see it, because I have never been able to connect with IEI, despite some decent superficial chemistry in the beginning. And my parents are ESI+LSI, and they have had some major communication problems and unrelatedness to each other. I still hope that you have seen something that I haven't, but I can't help thinking that maybe you don't know the SEIs well enough. But what do I know, maybe you have had great relations to SEI.

I'm kinda surprised you say this actually. I've never had any issues with SEIs before. They're a pretty hard type not to get along with I feel

[AWellArmedCat]

Day 10 of living together and so far so good! I don't think either of us are looking forward to her having to go back to Aomori City next week.

We were out at dinner the other night and she told me how much she likes that I'm not bothered by showing affection while we're out and she half-jokingly said she doesn't think she'll ever be able to date a Japanese guy again (Japanese guys are rather famously stereotyped as not even willing to be seen holding hands - just a stereotype to be sure, but she said her last boyfriend would absolutely never hold hands in public and it's more common than you might think here). I don't feel like I'm going overboard on the PDA, but apparently it's a lot for what she's used to.

Also yesterday she took me to the gym and I followed her workout routine. I don't think I've ever been to a gym before. I did taekwondo for many years in the US and took a few kendo classes here, but I've never been to an actual gym gym. Anyways, I learned that despite being the average height of a fifth grader she could probably carry me out of a burning building without any difficulty. Her workout nearly killed me

Anyways, here's another pic of her. This time in front of a Life Flight helicopter. She's the short one in the middle

LifeFlight-min.jpg

[Tallmo]

I'm kinda surprised you say this actually. I've never had any issues with SEIs before. They're a pretty hard type not to get along with I feel

If SEIs are easy to get along with as a type then that's not connected to the ITR. The ITR will manifest later. I don't have any issues with IEI either, it's just that we don't really connect despite of promising chemistry in the beginning.

[Bethany]

@AWellArmedCat do you know her subtype? I’m fascinated by SEI-fe in particular. I was at a rave earlier in the year and a young good looking lad kept following me around like a little kid following their sibling around, it confirmed all my beliefs that SEI-fes are my soul mates. Despite the age gap, there was instant connection. I would call it romantic but it’d feel a bit unethical lol

anyway I just realise it might be impolite to ask you about the subtype..but also happy for you, hope all is well

i am chit-chatting with a nice guy atm, and can’t wait to meet him, it feels positive..

also on SEI note, I am feeling grateful for my SEI-si friend, I have always thought she has a refreshing energy. Also a boyishness about her oddly, lol, weird IEI fancying everyone, everything. IEE are like this too lol.

[AWellArmedCat]

@AWellArmedCat do you know her subtype? I’m fascinated by SEI-fe in particular. I was at a rave earlier in the year and a young good looking lad kept following me around like a little kid following their sibling around, it confirmed all my beliefs that SEI-fes are my soul mates. Despite the age gap, there was instant connection. I would call it romantic but it’d feel a bit unethical lol

anyway I just realise it might be impolite to ask you about the subtype..but also happy for you, hope all is well

i am chit-chatting with a nice guy atm, and can’t wait to meet him, it feels positive..

also on SEI note, I am feeling grateful for my SEI-si friend, I have always thought she has a refreshing energy. Also a boyishness about her oddly, lol, weird IEI fancying everyone, everything. IEE are like this too lol.

I'm not sure about her subtype, but Fe wouldn't surprises me! She tests ESFJ in MBTI so that may be indicative of ISFp-Fe. I really doubt she's ESFj in Socionics since irrationality feels pretty obvious in her behaviour

[Bethany]

I'm not sure about her subtype, but Fe wouldn't surprises me! She tests ESFJ in MBTI so that may be indicative of ISFp-Fe. I really doubt she's ESFj in Socionics since irrationality feels pretty obvious in her behaviour

I love both the subtypes I want both lol

also if you don’t have strong subtypes then it probably doesn’t make much difference in ITR

I think the SLE I’m talking to is SLE-ti. He seems so nice and normal.

[Scarlett]

Hello I'm back again haha. Happy New Year!
I can't believe it's 2023. It's been 2 years since I joined this forum hahah
I remember I made an account because I started appreciating a dual. And now I'm back again because I think I might have met a dual. Who knows.

Anyway, yeah, so I'm seeing someone atm. Not sure if he's my dual or mirage, I don't really care actually, even if it's mirage it's fine too. Like I said before, I love LSIs, they're "my type" of guy.
So yeah this is the first time I wasn't sure with someone's type. I don't know if it's because I like him so I couldn't see, I don't know.
But yes, he's either LSI-Se or ESI-Se. I can see his aux-Se and tert-Ni, that's how we connect I think, and he's definitely Se-subtype.

So at the beginning I thought he was an LSI.
My first impression of him: he's kinda smart.
Ok look, I don't know how, but I kinda like to "test" people when I start getting to know someone, I just like to see how they respond to my texts, to my questions, my statements, things like that.
And turns out he can keep up!
I would say I have a really high standard of things (and people) and it's not easy to impress me really, but, ah I can't believe I say this, but he made me laugh! So cliche.
But yeah, now I understand why people keep saying that sense of humour is important. I've never thought so because I don't like funny or silly people. But then I met this guy, he's not funny or silly but he's a little bit witty I guess, and I didn't realise I actually enjoyed our conversation. So weird.

So we met online. I guess if not online, we would never meet at all. He's completely from different world, he's very into sports, gym, all those Se-activities.
So from our little chat I can see that he is a passionate person, but not as passionate as I am, I think. He even said so.
Anyway when we finally met for the first time, I found out he's actually very kind!
Because I was expecting he's an LSI, you know with dom-Ti, most LSIs I know are a bit cold, but nope, he's kind.
But I still think he's an LSI, he could be a kind LSI haha.
He's also calm, so definitely not a SLE or SEE.

But then I realised something.
Usually, when I meet dom-Ti for the first time, I find them so interesting, that's why I'm attracted to LSIs. I keep saying even on my previous posts, I love LSIs. But I don't like ESIs.
So when I met this guy for the first time, I just felt comfortable. It's funny I'm not attracted to him, because I thought I would be if he's really an LSI.
Anyway.
So yes, it's comfort. Well, he is good looking and I thought "ok he's not bad looking" but that's it, it wasn't attraction or anything, but I just felt comfortable.
You know how comfortable? Look, when you meet someone online and finally decided to meet up for a first date, it's usually only for 1 or 2 hours. But we stayed for 7 hours I can't believe it. It's like meeting an old friend.

Ok let me tell you some traits about him:
- He didn't really know what he wanted to do when he was a kid but he's good in math and physics (I can see that he's smart as well) but he said he doesn't really like to study back in school or uni, anyway he did engineering at uni.
- He loves animals! So I said "oh why didn't you want to be a vet instead?" And he said "I don't wanna see them get hurt, I don't wanna meet sick animals" I was like ??? Anyway. He said he would rather be a zoo keeper but the salary is not good. I was like, Ok, you got a point.
- He said he used to play video games when he got free time, but now he wants to do more productive things. I was like, Alright.
- Seems like he pays attention to his apartment, a lot. "Oh my apartment is a mess" "How was your day? I was just doing laundry today" "I have today off, I will just do some cleaning" something like that. I don't really like talking about this things, I like talking more about ideas but anyway..
- He's very observant. It's like he's trying to read me and connect patterns, I don't know if it's his aux-Se and tert-Ni, but I find it cute. One day he said "you're giving me mixed signals" and I was like, Oh yeah keep up with me.
I don't know if it's agressor-victim style, but I kinda like the chase and I like that he doesn't give up on me haha. We always joke around and flirt to each other.
- He's surprisingly confident. One day I said I should get present from Santa this Christmas, and he said "maybe Santa gave you me" haha
- Seems like he has strong opinions when he believes in something, not sure if this is dom-Ti or dom-Fi. For example, he's so mad when government fire people just because they don't take covid vaccines, vaccine should be a choice he said. We have bikes and scooters in our city, but he doesn't like that government charge penalty a lot if we don't wear the helmets, he said we're adults, kids should be wearing helmets of all times but not adults. Haha. Um, what else, he doesn't believe in god, but now that he's older (he's in his mid 30s) he said he should believe in something greater than us.

Haha

[Bethany]

I had my first date with a dual who I’ve been talking to for a while. He was nice. It’s funny how much I can idealise someone before actually meeting them, I’d say it was a more realistic and normal version of what I had imagined, but it’s real and that’s better. I hope he wants to meet again, I hope there was a connection despite any of my weird quirks lol. He’s been so nice it’s hard not to idealise it lol. It was a good date. Anyways, let’s see what is next on the agenda.

[Scarlett]

I had my first date with a dual who I’ve been talking to for a while. He was nice. It’s funny how much I can idealise someone before actually meeting them, I’d say it was a more realistic and normal version of what I had imagined, but it’s real and that’s better. I hope he wants to meet again, I hope there was a connection despite any of my weird quirks lol. He’s been so nice it’s hard not to idealise it lol. It was a good date. Anyways, let’s see what is next on the agenda.

Yay wishing you all the best Bethany!

In my experience, it's actually the opposite.
I don't idealise that person before meeting him. And every time we meet, it's always him who hopes and wants to meet me again.
But I think, deep down, I have insecurity if I actually really like him or not, I don't know if it relates to inferior Fi or not. Anyway.

[Bethany]

@Scarlett thanks, I'm gonna try not to talk about on here too much at first, he seems so nice though. Weird- something about him reminds me of one of my very first crushes, who I think was an ESI-fi. Does your person remind you of an IEI-ni? lol. From your description I can't tell if they are LSI or ESI, ESI have a softer demeanour?

[Scarlett]

@Bethany
One of my close friends is an IEI, I don’t really think they’re similar, well maybe if the ESI has a very developed Ni, but I can always notice the high Fe from IEI but not ESI, and high Se from ESI but not IEI, they’re quite different to me I think

Guess what, since now we’re getting closer day by day, we literally talk every day I don’t even know why I do that, I’m the first person he texts in the morning as soon as he wakes up and he’s the last person I text before I go to bed. Haha.
Anyway, yes, now I can tell he’s an ESI.

He’s very, I don’t know how to describe, kinda like has high moral value, very very Fi. He has some sort of big purpose/ideals to his actions. He doesn’t look outside to judge things, he has his own structure to understand the world and tend to be more headstrong, I really like it. He’s highly opinionated on who he likes and dislikes, he ranks people/things on this scale hahaha I find it funny because I actually think the same way, I mean, we’re always on the same page.

I can’t believe I met my dual. Well, let’s see how we go.

[Clarke]

After all, if you've been a slut/manwhore for 20+ years how would/could any "Good" partner ever accept/love you?

I think it depends on whether sexual promiscuity detracts from the characteristics a person looks for in a partner. If person A is a slut/manwhore, but still has the characteristics that person B likes in a partner, then it makes sense for person B to like them despite not being a slut/manwhore themselves. This doesn't say anything about whether person B is a "good" partner, however.