There's fear, and then there's a wise amount of caution. "Talking through only the app" suggests you do more talking than originally described.Originally Posted by Poptart
I still think it's unwise not to screen people through some conversation before meeting up.
Most of the time, I choose my words very deliberately. Pay attention to which words I use, because I speak with precision in mind. "Most" means "not all, but the majority," "unlikely" means "improbable, but not impossible." Many misunderstandings can be prevented by simply reading what I have actually written.
根性
ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇ
ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ
In my experience there is conversation between deciding to go on a date and the actual date itself.
Dating is a blood sucking chore and a responsibility to enter a whole world of problems and hardship I can’t even begin to describe. I would just rather spend all day thinking, and having Bunny come into my thoughts following me everywhere as my Pikachu, thank you!!
Hey, my girlfriend just flew into me December 2013, with magic, Star-shine, evanescence, and cinema, ahoy!!
https://sabrinacasey.webstarts.com/9systemswishes
The Mavericks won in 2011, popularizing Bunny as Lugia and Arceus, brought to the highest light by Germany winning 7-1 in 2014. Bayern next won 8-2 in the quarterfinal in 2020 to make 248 Kobe Tyranitar and RaptorWizard as Riley the Raichu. Finally, Real Madrid made 9 saves in the Finals in 2022 as Blastoise and scored with Venusaur to add 9 and 3 to 284 and 71, 2849713. Going for broke with gale harbors of fiction and wizardry dreaming voyages of valor and star dust queries of soul and sprites to grails of whirling torrents to playful sunrise and evanescent chlorophyll marking the silver moon with webs of blessings and the lighthouse!!
After over a year of back and forth, LSI and I finally decided to try dating. Thanks for letting me use this thread as a temporary journal.
I guess I tend to struggle a lot with “relationships” and the previous posts were about the up and down doubts that I battle with.
Last edited by EIE H; 10-03-2022 at 06:10 PM.
Actually, I don't think my situation aligns with whatever theory you're referring to at all. I usually filter out sulky tangents about why I'm awful (though I'll vent that self-frustration to family and it occasionally manifests in the form of self-deprecating jokes with friends), and I have stuff that I only discuss with a couple trusted mentor figures. But otherwise, I'm an open book. I don't wear a mask or lie to people.Frustration in accordance with my own theories! Gah! Why damnit why must this cycle perpetuate itself so effectively!? Damnit!
I can only recommend what I tried and worked when I first approached my own SEE brother with my findings a year (give or take) ago when I told him of attachment issues. I went fullthere I admit and he just... understood. Actually guessed the "hidden terror" of infants on the first try. He then promised me he'd always try to make time for me whenever I asked. Try because he's got a lot of commitments in many fields but he still tries in earnest.
Basically, just fully open up. Tell em' exactly what's going through your head and why you just have to say it to them no filter. Yeah, your brain will be screaming at you to not do that. Lie. Lie one more time both to them but most especially to yourself. Put that familiar mask back on and become that fascimile of a human being that you're now pretty confident won't get immediately abandoned by what happens to be your social milieu.
.
Last edited by Dreymagine; 10-06-2022 at 02:01 PM.
@Tallmo, not a dating adventure, but how do you tell your dual to clean up after themself and actually get them to do it?
I have no idea. Are ILEs bad at cleaning up? Maybe tell them "Please, clean up"
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
Now this is a solution.
It works the 19th time?
thoughts and observations
women are generally more passive due to having less ability to assert themselves in the external world. this makes them more dependant on men. this also makes them not think as much about what they do have control over, because they believe a man should and can take care of it. they get upset when they cant have their way but they may not understand when that is due to the real world simply not giving the opportunity in a reasonable way for what they want. this fosters competition between women about men's power and attention. this also makes women not act and take as much control as they have on reality, which makes them selfish, creates burden on men and other women. women will also manipulate because their needs are often neglected, not just because there is no other way, but because most men dont care about taking care about someone else. most people are users, so they use each other. the more u use others the more u force them to use u and others. this applies to everyone. not using someone involves taking risks for them, because once u give them something they get power and they can use it to not give back and exploit u further. being the higher person is a risk.
https://linktr.ee/tehhnicus
Your face makes your brain and sociotype – how muscle use shapes personality
I want to care
if I was better I’d help you
if I was better you’d be better
HELLO??? COME BACK!!!!
i'm afraid it will hurt like hell, i am afraid of screaming and i am afraid of crying, i am afraid of forgetting but i'm not afraid of dying.
a man can get scolded and threatened to be left if he doesnt change his ways and emotional investments. men's emotional investments are often seen as childish and immature. this can be a wise mother or a cruel mother female archetype. men often mirror that at women, and its also often mirrored by women back at men. my issue is with integrity. if u let someone do bad things and dont stop them, because if u tried to, it would have a countereffect that would set the world on fire, it means u have to submit to them. to submit to them, u need to get rid of ur emotional values and attachments to a large degree. when u lose that u become unable to connect emotionally to a deep level to a person. you become an object. women can use u as an emotional sponge, without u being able (because u are not allowed) to process their emotions and connect to them. they will talk to you as if u can, and act to you as if u can, which invalidates ur emotional state/depression and dissociation. then u get mad and they scold u for being a manchild who cant manage his emotions. the scolding here is smth along the lines that in order to grow u need to suffer. suffering teaches people a lesson. this is the general mentality. suffering causes u to break which forces u to build something that will cancel the suffering so u dont break anymore. to be continued.
he becomes dependent on women because they hollowed him. he sacrificed his integrity, because they had better values, better ideas, they were more empathetic, they claimed there was a better way of being. if he didnt make that sacrifice, they would have left him, which would have also resulted on breach of his values - losing someone that was the goal of his efforts, and losing them also means he cant protect them anymore. the women become a part of nature/the wild and so at risk of suffering the chaos.
all of this could be considered "attachment issues". he is dependent on women because he loves them and cares about their well being - because there is emotional connection. now genuine emotional connection gets severed - this results in hollowing, the solution to the hollowing would be to become independent. to become indepedent, means u will not value others as much anymore, so u will not be able to form strong emotional bonds anymore. this may be why most men are detached/separated. adult sexuality becomes about physical action and force, while infantile sexuality is about love/connection.
why arent women separated - sometimes they are. but some times they are not, because they don't care. they are not invested as much in waht they lose - because unlike men they dont have that much power over the reality that keeps taking from them. they get hollowed, so their integrity gets replaced by delusions. they can start enjoying the suffering, idealizing it, they can develop thought patterns and ideas about how they deserve it, or how its good anyway. its about not having control over reality, so they take control of their mind and plunge it to be something else.
this is the birth of a female psychopath. just as she has been manipulated and forced around, she manipulates a man by promising him better values but they dont exist. they are imaginary. he wants to care about her, but she doesnt value him, and she almost cant, because so far she has mostly learned that its WRONG (pain/suffering means wrong) to love.
a man has learned to cross others boundaries - most basic to kill animals, then to have sex against his will by being seduced (seduction when ingenuine separates a man's mind (or "splits") in parts - separates his sexuality from his thoughts and his emotions), by being forced by women to hurt himself to provide for them when he is not in the health or mind state to do so properly. as he abuses himself, and as he is forced to abuse others against his own will, he loses sense of right and wrong.
most people who grow up develop toxic mentalities that persist and define their lives.
the brain is made of neural connections. when u lie, and when u get lied to, when u get presented information that doesnt fit together properly, but people act as if it does, and u are forced to interact with them as if it does, and to think like they do, and to act like they want u to, the rest of ur brain disconnects, you become stupid and delusional. the other neurons dont get exercised, and u lose conenction between information in reality. lying makes stupid and damaged people.
Last edited by VewyScawwyNawcissist; 10-10-2022 at 05:45 PM.
https://linktr.ee/tehhnicus
Your face makes your brain and sociotype – how muscle use shapes personality
I want to care
if I was better I’d help you
if I was better you’d be better
HELLO??? COME BACK!!!!
i'm afraid it will hurt like hell, i am afraid of screaming and i am afraid of crying, i am afraid of forgetting but i'm not afraid of dying.
playing with Fi-Re at this point. Who knew just talking creates feelings. Starting to feel like "bonding", on my end at least. I can't play stupid now and I need to cut off banter with this LSE lady online. It's just shocking because we are 2 totally different people and would never be caught dead around each other in public as stereotypical as that sounds the realization is more real to me than ever lol. This woman pretty much resembles a karen lol, idk if she actually is but local soccer mom karen is what I get from her pictures, and I'm just a kid from bklyn lol, she's def a generation older than me . I'm a single guy and shouldn't torture myself like this.
I hate to brag but... after 30 or so failed dates over the last 5 months, I finally managed to get a gf. I think most people would've gone insane after so many rejections but honestly it was so worth it.
She's an ESE, very nice and kind girl. Has me honestly questioning if I'm not a mistyped LII all along. We're on the same page about many lifestyle-related things, something I didn't have with my SEI ex.
She's almost certainly ESE-Si, her emotions don't spill all over the place like a Fe-sub, and the Si is very apparent (she appears quite unperturbed at times, like Si leads). However her smile and sunny disposition is very much typical of ESE, and she seems to truly enjoy working and being busy (which is why I'm certain she isn't SEI or something else).
It's the first time I date a girl younger than me. The dynamic feels way different, especially considering the Caregiver/Infantile thing. It's like we both rely on and support each other in a way. Hard to explain but I never experienced it before even with the SEI, she was too independent and mature to rely on me.
Note about typing: Whenever I meet people, I run through Talanov's research result tables to differentiate the types. Not kidding, it types people with >90% accuracy.
I just started dating a cute med student from Aomori City. I'm not sure what her type is yet, but I'd say a sensor for sure. She's very put-together in her appearance, studies medicine, and really likes working out and yoga. Seems Fe-valuing from what I can tell as well. I've only been on one date with her so far though so I'm sure my understanding of her type will evolve. It went well though. We've been texting a lot, and we're going out again next weekend.
I'm not sure how this is gonna work out though. I'm moving back to the US next August and although I think I may move back to Japan in the future it'll probably be couple years before I'm ready to do that. Meanwhile she's got to do 12 years working in Aomori City before she's free to do whatever she wants cause apparently that's how med school and licensing works here. Our paths seem to be pretty irreconcilable, but at the same time we both know that, and I almost wonder if a relationship with a specific time limit on it might be nice... Is it strange to think that?
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell猫が生き甲斐
irrational Fe valuers are on average the ones who are most comfortable with ephemeral relations, so for SLE, for example, this is rarely a deal-breaker
Oh, really? I didn't know that was a trait associated with IEI/SLE, SEI/ILE! Makes sense though cause emphasis is more placed on the emotions of the moment, and I think my long-term analysis of these things is generally a pretty cold thinking process rather than a feeling one. I do romanticize things a lot, but I think my fantasy is mostly oriented around the moment in time I find myself inirrational Fe valuers are on average the ones who are most comfortable with ephemeral relations, so for SLE, for example, this is rarely a deal-breaker
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
I don’t think so. I think it’s quite plausible. Just be clear on the intentions and enjoy it for what it is. Not every meaningful romantic connection is meant to be long term. In fact, I dated a guy for only TWO months but then we agreed to be friends and he’s been one of my best friends for the last 6 years. Although the situation caused a lot of mixed emotions, I have no regrets.
Knowing that there is a time limit will most likely complicate things, but at the same time, “you only live once”, right?
Last edited by EIE H; 11-11-2022 at 03:08 AM.
Dating takes up time, energy and patience lol. Even when the matches are ok! I miss the days of meeting someone on a night out and of not knowing their type and not being able to tell if they were suitable
I think my matches are getting better, touch wood. Happy girl.
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
Going to be spending all day tomorrow with the girl I mentioned before. We've been texting pretty much constantly and Socionics came up by accident. She seems very interested in it! I might have a type guess for her soon. Currently I'm pretty sure she's a sensor at the very least given how pragmatic her interests and pursuits all seem to be (studying medicine, her main hobby is working out with her friends like constantly, and she hasn't really engaged with much imaginative media like anime/manga/etc.). I suspect Ep temperament, but kind of don't think SLE so am wondering if she could be SEE. MBTI is fairly well-known in Japan so she actually has already tested in that. She said she got ESFJ-turbulent
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
not that happy haha
IF things go well : cancel your plans to leave, move to Aomori City, and in the future marry her. Live happily ever after.
The decisive thing is not the reality of the object, but the reality of the subjective factor, i.e. the primordial images, which in their totality represent a psychic mirror-world. It is a mirror, however, with the peculiar capacity of representing the present contents of consciousness not in their known and customary form but in a certain sense sub specie aeternitatis, somewhat as a million-year old consciousness might see them.
(Jung on Si)
Unfortunately @Nobita from Japan is not a Forum member but his videos are very interesting. This one fits this thread imho.
By the way, what's his Type ?
Things have indeed gone well. I dropped her off at the train station this morning before work ^^;
We're also gonna spend like three days together this weekend and I can't wait!
I can't believe I didn't meet her earlier in my time here though... The thing is although of course I *do* have the option to stay, I have told my family who I'm incredibly close to that I wouldn't be recontracting for a fifth year so many times now. If it was just cause they didn't want me too, that would be one thing, but it's more than that because my grandpa's health has really not been good, and my dad told me yesterday the doctor told him he'd "be surprised if he had more than 8 weeks"
I'm going back to visit for 3 weeks for Christmas and I hope that's not too late. One of my grandma's is also on the iffy side health wise... I already lost my beloved cat I had since I was a child while I was stuck here because of corona and couldn't go back to see him. I was the human he was closest to and most comfortable with and that hurt bad enough, but I can't have that happen with a grandparent...
Still... I don't want my time here to be done. Especially not now. I feel like I don't have a choice, or like if I make the choice to stay I'm somehow betraying my family. I think I need to go back at least for awhile. Then maybe I can return to Japan again... I told her as much before we got too intimate and she said she could wait if it came to that. I said that was a very easy thing to say now, but probably a very difficult thing to endure in reality. We talked about it for quite awhile and then were just kinda quiet a long time before she asked if for now at least I would be hers and I said yes because of course I did...
It's not a simple situation. I wish it were.
In any case, it's going very well now, and we've spent the whole day texting. I really wanna be with her... ❤
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
So... actually because she has no classes left for her graduate school program, just studying, she said she could probably stay a lot longer than 3 days. Like maybe closer to 3 weeks ^^
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
Had a date with a Beta NF. We got comfortable super quickly and she was incredibly satisfying to flirt/banter with, but i feel like she’s gonna lose interest once she really gets to know me and has to endure enough awkward silences outside of the bedroom. Our connection seems to be entirely rooted in lust for now, which is a little disappointing
edit: she apparently found our communication “effortless” and thinks we both share the same love language
Last edited by Averroes; 11-23-2022 at 03:04 PM.
So my understanding has indeed evolved somewhat.
I now present...
A tentative deductive typing that's probably wrong:
ILE, ESE, SEI, LII
EIE, SLE, LSI, IEI
SEE, LIE, ILI, ESI
LSE, IEE, EII, SLI
Not likely to be IJ temperament. Too active, not at all "inert" or "rigid" in any sense. Took more initiative in starting our relationship than I'd expect from an IJ. Rule out LII, LSI, ESI, EII
ILE, ESE, SEI
EIE, SLE, IEI
SEE, LIE, ILI
LSE, IEE, SLI
Not likely to be NT. Way too much emphasis on people and very little on systems/things. Rule out ILE, LIE, ILI
ESE, SEI
EIE, SLE, IEI
SEE
LSE, IEE, SLI
Pretty emotive and tested as MBTI ESFJ-T. Probably F type so rule out SLE, LIE, LSE, SLI
ESE, SEI
EIE, IEI
SEE
IEE
Probably not Ego-Ni given personal lack of proclivity towards imaginative activities (though she seems to enjoy Ni as I express it). Rule out EIE, IEI
ESE, SEI
SEE
IEE
Relatively volitional, and really into exercise/fitness. Ne-base is probably not possible. Rule out IEE
ESE, SEI
SEE
Probably not EJ. Just not that "pushy" and restless. Seems very laid back. Rule out ESE
SEI
SEE
Though volitional, seems unlikely to be Se-base, at least when combined with Fi. Gamma values really aren't that apparent. Feels more alpha to me as far as surface-level vibes go. Rule out SEE
SEI
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
On review, this is actually very likely her type I think! Messing around with this tool (https://sociotype.xyz/d) I end up arriving at SEI or SEE no matter how I approach it. She's for sure an Ethical Emotivist, and that alone is sufficient to narrow things down to SEI, IEI, SEE, IEE. She also seems like a pretty straightforward example of a Sensing type. Like it really wasn't even hard to arrive at that conclusion. So for sure it'd have to be between SEI and SEE. Given she typed ESFJ-T in MBTI, I find it echoes my own typing journey in a sorta funny way. I also got caught between extinguishment pairs IEI and IEE with EIE as sort of another potential third option. I wonder if that happens a lot
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
I’m talking to a guy who I’ve spoken to before on another app. He looks different and now seems like a different type. He seems very nice. Talking to an SEE too.
Last edited by Bethany; 11-27-2022 at 05:31 PM.
What do you think she VIs as?
gf - Copy-min.jpg
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
maybe SLI
actually ESE also makes sense
https://linktr.ee/tehhnicus
Your face makes your brain and sociotype – how muscle use shapes personality
I want to care
if I was better I’d help you
if I was better you’d be better
HELLO??? COME BACK!!!!
i'm afraid it will hurt like hell, i am afraid of screaming and i am afraid of crying, i am afraid of forgetting but i'm not afraid of dying.
Just got completely dressed down for 3 minutes by the EIE I was dating for being an unambitious loser and not giving an adequate, unprompted explanation for why I live in a slightly bad area with my parents instead of paying 1800 to live with roommates or in a rat infested studio
She could’ve been kinder, but I do feel like I’m not living properly or motivated enough to take that next step in my life. I was attracted to her refinement and haughtiness but never expected it to blow back on me like this since I have a career.
Last edited by Averroes; 11-28-2022 at 12:19 PM.
I'm sorry, that sucks
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
SEI as a guess..from the way she is posing, but not sure
maybe an introvert
she looks a little shy, she hides a little
but from one picture it's pretty much a guessing game 99.9% of the time
@Averroes it’s not that uncommon for people to live with their parents in 2022..people can be dicks when they’re dating. Ignore, and next please
Yeah, I know a single picture isn't nearly enough. Honestly even video can be misleading. Basically everything other than real life interactions spread out over time in different lightings with different backdrops etc. will yield somewhat limited results I think. I was just sort of randomly curious what people thought off the cuff... and maybe also bragging just a little... ^^;
In other news, we're currently living together since her parents' place is kinda far away and she doesn't have to be there for classes right now since she's graduating soon
“Things always seem fairer when we look back at them, and it is out of that inaccessible tower of the past that Longing leans and beckons.”
— James Russell Lowell
@AWellArmedCat Yay, enjoy. I secretly hope she is SEI because I think lookalike can be one of the nicest ITR. Signs of being SEI..like to talk a lot about subjects they are confident in, like to rant/be negative, decent general knowledge and wisdom, find it hard to contextualise themselves in a situation, have a few beliefs they are very passionate and adamant about..adorable and hot..heart of a poet, enjoy
personal well-being is a priority for them too
Last edited by Bethany; 12-10-2022 at 12:28 PM.
IThe crux of the issue for her is that she kept giving me Fe hints (“you live here?!?!” “You’re kidding right?”) and instead of using that opportunity to explain that I’m not a deadbeat and was working towards moving out, I was just insulted and confused and told her she could leave if she wanted to. Would you say I was being a dumb, clueless guy in that situation? I can understand the culture shock and don’t think it’s unreasonable for a woman to want to know if you’re a deadbeat or not, but I just didn’t have the same bias against living in public housing that she does: it’s a decent sized apartment, I’ve never had issues/been mugged, and it’s a building full of elderly people and working families for the most part. I would’ve responded way better to an honest conversation about my goals and experience living there instead of shitting on it and expecting me to read her mind@Averroes it’s not that uncommon for people to live with their parents in 2022..people can be dicks when they’re dating. Ignore, and next please
I guess I’ll just have to wait a year before I can date anyone above 24 seriously unless their family’s poor also
Last edited by Averroes; 11-29-2022 at 06:32 PM.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
