Adventures in Dating

[Midnight Maverick]

I really need to listen more when my LIE tells me something is just a mood I'm in...part of him seeing patterns over time better than I can, I guess. My mind does not think in a “throughout time” way. I live in the present moment and each thing is as though it's new. I only know "this has occurred before." I don't see things as though they are on some sort of timeline. My Ni is complete shit. As a result, I get caught up in moods and think they are more important/significant than they actually are. I don't always realize it's just a moment. That applies to my disappointment about my relationship needs, which I spoke on here, as well.

A balance must be learned, as this can be taken too far and become minimizing the concerns I voice also.

This has some strengths as well as the weaknesses, btw. It makes me better at recognizing changes when extrapolation based on past patterns fails and only serves as bias. Ni takes longer to recognize the changes, the 1%, the exceptions, the "this is different than the other times before." It more so is focused on the patterns in the overall big picture. I see more easily the case by case scenario.

The left isn't better than the right. It's just different. Having a higher D function doesn't necessarily equate to having greater strengths in that particular function in a linear way; strengths have their inverse sides, their flip sides. Each personality is simply well-suited for something different. Diversity should be appreciated, esteemed, valued, and respected. There are things of value in everyone.

Oh, shit...



So, it's bc I'm Static / he's Dynamic.

[Adam Strange]

my dating update for the week..lololol. I reached out to the Estp and he replied but after I messaged back he didn't reply again. I do not feel disappointed. I am off on a date with the Esfp today- park date in one of the romantic parks of the city. And after following some advice on the forum I put that I was looking for an Estp on one of my dating profile apps. This led to me matching with what I think is an Enfj male and I got caught up in long convo with him..thinking he might be Istp but no...I doubt it now. THEN, I went through some profiles and liked a guy's pic who looked a bit Estp-ish. I later decided to take down the 'looking for Estp' as I felt like it had led to me wasting too much time talking to the Enfj guy...he seems lovely though so maybe I'm being too negative lol. Not for me most likely, but awfully sweet. The Estp I liked has now matched with me and he looks interesting...interesting is the word I think. I don't want to explain in detail but he looks like a nice person. He lives a little out the way...but has mentioned meeting up already.

A couple of years younger than me which sometimes seems to be an issue...but shall see.

I was seven years younger than my SLI ex-wife. It was never a problem. Me not being an IEE and her not being an ESI were the problems.

[Bethany]

I was seven years younger than my SLI ex-wife. It was never a problem. Me not being an IEE and her not being an ESI were the problems.

Ta. Yes tis maybe more likely to be a problem when there are already other problems like poor ITR match. Or other issues. I read on the internet that anything more than two year age difference can be an issue..most of my friends are a similar age to me but my Entp friend is 7 years younger than me and in some ways he’s the one I get on best with..the SEI guy I had drama with at work was 4 years younger than me. I suspect if he were a little older he wouldn’t have been such a dick but I suppose it can take that type of guy a little longer to grow up (more than a little bit cool type). He also genuinely reminded me of my younger LSI brother and I think we had some power struggles, him being cleverer/ more ‘together’, me being older, yet far more vulnerable and naive (and nicer?). It’s said in lookalike relations one person has to be the leader…it was really hard for me to let him be the natural leader when he was acting like a dick lol. But it was also very hard to resist. God I’m glad that’s all over.

[crazymaisy]

My parents were 2 years apart, my mother EIE older than my dad SEI. They had a stormy marriage but stayed together.

My SEE is 1 year +1 week older than me. <-- Perfect.

[Bethany]

I guess part of the worry is that I’m in my thirties. Younger men might worry about a woman’s fertility in the same way I worry about it (although I haven’t done that much research). I’m not sure at what age I should be deciding it’s time to settle..perhaps sooner rather than later.

[myresearch]

I guess part of the worry is that I’m in my thirties. Younger men might worry about a woman’s fertility in the same way I worry about it (although I haven’t done that much research). I’m not sure at what age I should be deciding it’s time to settle..perhaps sooner rather than later.

Some people care, some don't. If you want to have kids, age might be an issue but if you don't then who cares.

One of my cousin (ST type) was very popular among women. He dated many, I didn't count the ones I know. Now he is in his early 40s and having a relationship with someone older than him, and she cannot have kids. He is ok with it, we will meet her as an extended family because he thinks this as a serious relationship. Things may not work out between them but it wont be due to her not being able to have a kid.

[RileyPukaProgram]

I took a cube personality test before, and 1 of the results was that I don’t want to have kids. It also said that I’m big and have exotic goals.

I love being macho and supreme in vice-gripping terror strikes of the eclipse canon arrow of extrication.

[Adam Strange]

I guess part of the worry is that I’m in my thirties. Younger men might worry about a woman’s fertility in the same way I worry about it (although I haven’t done that much research). I’m not sure at what age I should be deciding it’s time to settle..perhaps sooner rather than later.

A lot depends on whether or not the guy (and you) want to have kids. Personally, I see having kids as the only reason to get married. The tax advantages are certainly not worth getting married for.

If a woman can't have kids, there is very little chance that I'd marry her. On the other hand, if she got pregnant and was willing, I'd marry her.

[Bethany]

Some people care, some don't. If you want to have kids, age might be an issue but if you don't then who cares.

One of my cousin (ST type) was very popular among women. He dated many, I didn't count the ones I know. Now he is in his early 40s and having a relationship with someone older than him, and she cannot have kids. He is ok with it, we will meet her as an extended family because he thinks this as a serious relationship. Things may not work out between them but it wont be due to her not being able to have a kid.

cool cool. I would like to have a kid..I think I am the point where I will naturally start to be a bit less fussy about finding someone..will they be loyal/ a good father may become the most important factor in how I judge someone. As far as I know, I am able to have children, but I guess as you get older, there are more risks of things going wrong in pregnancy. A guy may worry he'll fall for an older woman and then she ends up not being able to have kids. They might even feel bad to date me because if it doesn't work out then they have wasted my time when time is starting to run short for me in terms of having kids.

[Bethany]

A lot depends on whether or not the guy (and you) want to have kids. Personally, I see having kids as the only reason to get married. The tax advantages are certainly not worth getting married for.

If a woman can't have kids, there is very little chance that I'd marry her. On the other hand, if she got pregnant and was willing, I'd marry her.

I'm not fussed about getting married, if the guy had a lot of money maybe there would be some benefit. If there were some legal or financial benefit I'd do it but probably not otherwise. I think the time for that has passed. Maybe when I'm older or something and trying to find romance in life. I never liked the idea of being the centre of attention in a ceremony. It might have been nice in a different life.

also...I have watched my IEE friend get quite upset about fearing her chance to have a family was over. She was my age at the start of the pandemic, and she didn't want to date during the lock downs. Two years have gone by and luckily she met someone a month or so ago. Interestingly, she is considering travelling for a bit, without the dual. I think she senses that he is willing to wait, still I will remind her of the luck she has had in meeting the dual and to be careful. I don't want to wait two years to meet a dual..and get as upset as she was. I would rather get into a relationship sooner and have a higher chance of being able to have kids. You could wait two years and no one comes along, or they do, but it takes longer to start a family.

[Bethany]

yeah so I'll see how it goes in the next month or so on the dating apps. I genuinely find it so hard to find people on them. I probably am still being a little too fussy when it comes to 'type'. But I have been trying for a long time (ok 10 months) to not match with people based on type and haven't had much luck. People just don't come across well on apps..I may even give up on them. I have this idea of going to a nightclub by myself every weekend until I meet someone. I'm sure it's what most men do lol. And not seedy clubs, nice ones.

When I was first using dating apps, two plus years ago, I actually did match with a couple of people I really liked the look of. Little did I know, how rare it was. I wasn't 'ready' to date and didn't end up meeting them. But they seemed keen. They were Estp and Entp. Who am I to know if they were really more long term material than other people I've matched with. But they did stand out. I suppose it happens in real life too, that some people you meet wow you at first and some don't.

[Midnight Maverick]

Trying to be understood by anyone vastly different than you sometimes winds up as arguing to try to get your side across and having communication failures because each of you cannot conceptualize those things outside of the realm of their own experiences. It's too foreign to each other. That is what I learned from the LIE ex. As for the ESI friend, everything is understood and related to, and I am thoroughly understood with minimal effort.

[Adam Strange]

I’m texting with an ESI on Match who keeps bringing up the word “whores”. What the fuck does this mean? Does it mean she feels guilty about wanting to date, or is this something else? Childhood issues? Some heretofore undocumented feature of ESIs? Raised in Nevada? What?

I for sure can’t tell.

[crazymaisy]

Maybe she's a big fan of Whores.

[Adam Strange]

Maybe she's a big fan of Whores.

God, I hope not.

[Armitage]

I’m texting with an ESI on Match who keeps bringing up the word “whores”. What the fuck does this mean? Does it mean she feels guilty about wanting to date, or is this something else? Childhood issues? Some heretofore undocumented feature of ESIs? Raised in Nevada? What?

I for sure can’t tell.

Just ask her. If her explanation isn't satisfying, I'd recommend you to pass this one up, because she doesn't sound all too mentally stable. Also, if your brain is now saying: "But I'm neither all too stable.", then that isn't an excuse to date someone who will only worsen it. Either way, good luck, Adam!

[Midnight Maverick]

Just ask her.

Yes. Always a better option than speculating.

[Armitage]

@Lady Leviathan, I like my waters shaken, not stirred.

[Midnight Maverick]

@Lady Leviathan, I like my waters shaken, not stirred.

Hahah...coincidentally, I thought that part of my sig sounded lame and removed it just before reading this.

You wouldn't want me to shake it up though

[lookin4waifu]

triggered

[Midnight Maverick]

triggered

The fuck do you know? Not a thing.

[lookin4waifu]

The fuck do you know? Not a thing.

You’re misunderstanding me. I’m triggered because I need to lose weight and you said “tipping the scales” lol.

Major Fe polr hit too (I’m ILI, can’t read nuance sorry).

There, I saved you a “how so”.

[Ocean Man]

triggered

[Lord Pixel]

Trying to be understood by anyone vastly different than you sometimes winds up as arguing to try to get your side across and having communication failures because each of you cannot conceptualize those things outside of the realm of their own experiences. It's too foreign to each other. That is what I learned from the LIE ex. As for the ESI friend, everything is understood and related to, and I am thoroughly understood with minimal effort.

ex?

[Midnight Maverick]

ex?

Not going to answer. I shouldn't have posted about it, it's no one's business.

[Armitage]

Me right now: Wants to say something, doesn't know what to say, doesn't say anything in the end. I should say something! But I've got no clue as to what? I have not been trained for this, this is feeling territory!
I don't know if this comes across right, but I'm sorry for your loss, @Lady Leviathan.

[Midnight Maverick]

Me right now: Wants to say something, doesn't know what to say, doesn't say anything in the end. I should say something! But I've got no clue as to what? I have not been trained for this, this is feeling territory!
I don't know if this comes across right, but I'm sorry for your loss, @Lady Leviathan.

We're good, actually, but thanks. I just overreact sometimes. I get over it, though.

[Bethany]

I got chatted up by a very young guy yday lol. Well, he wouldn’t leave me alone..far too young to fancy or keep in touch with but it was lovely to speak with him. He was SEI-fe, a particular type of SEI-fe that I meet rarely but I’ve come to know it as my most fave type of person. It’s nice to think there’s more than one of them out there. And funny to think you can connect with someone so naturally, despite them being half your age. I think this type of person is my faux dual. I think I feel safe with them as they remind me of my parents but also of me. ESE/SLI/IEI combo. A light floaty cheeky SEI prince. Sweet.

[Armitage]

I got chatted up by a very young guy yday lol. Well, he wouldn’t leave me alone..far too young to fancy or keep in touch with but it was lovely to speak with him. He was SEI-fe, a particular type of SEI-fe that I meet rarely but I’ve come to know it as my most fave type of person. It’s nice to think there’s more than one of them out there. And funny to think you can connect with someone so naturally, despite them being half your age. I think this type of person is my faux dual. I think I feel safe with them as they remind me of my parents but also of me. ESE/SLI/IEI combo. A light floaty cheeky SEI prince. Sweet.

Why not give him a chance? If he is an adult, he is entitled to making his own decisions in life. Love is love. Just be sure to meet up safely, but that's my general advice regarding dating applications.

[Bethany]

Why not give him a chance? If he is an adult, he is entitled to making his own decisions in life. Love is love. Just be sure to meet up safely, but that's my general advice regarding dating applications.

aww no he really was too young. Would have been far too weird. Sometimes a chance encounter is beautiful in and of itself It did make me feel happy..made me realise that there is a special type of SEI who likes me, and all the hurt that the SEI-fe from work caused me, wasn't meant to be. Or it was, but I have to move on because deep down I know he'd take away the hurt if he could because he did care even if he doesn't feel like he can show it. The boy on the night out was equally as charming and the attention was flattering and almost felt like a sign that I was right all along, when I felt the strong connection with the SEI at work. Even if it wasn't quite meant to be.

[Midnight Maverick]

I figure i'm always venting and I should add the good things (which are many) for a change...but then it just seems like PDA and makes me feel uncomfortable. Mother fucker. Well, that, and I consider those who might be lonely and single, and how sharing may just have the same effect as rubbing it in someone else's face that I have something wonderful that they don't have. Yet, if I don't share the positives, I'm then painting an imbalanced negative image of my partner.

This is why I am best with 1 on 1 where I can read the individual and avoid sensitivities in a way that's specifically tailored to what that person is able to hear. I can't predict all of the possible reactions of 75474885336 people on a forum, I have to know someone and predict just their's. My sharing never belonged on a forum.

[VewyScawwyNawcissist]

I dont like it when someone beli3ves their voice doesnt belong. Its harmful to censor someone bc their happiness or grief makes u uncomfortable.

[Armitage]

Well, that, and I consider those who might be lonely and single, and how sharing may just have the same effect as rubbing it in someone else's face that I have something wonderful that they don't have. Yet, if I don't share the positives, I'm then painting an imbalanced negative image of my partner.

That's kind of you, but not necessary, because I'm happy for your happiness.

[Lord Pixel]

Not going to answer. I shouldn't have posted about it, it's no one's business.

My bad for prying.

[Midnight Maverick]

My bad for prying.

No, all good ^^

[Midnight Maverick]

I dont like it when someone beli3ves their voice doesnt belong. Its harmful to censor someone bc their happiness or grief makes u uncomfortable.

If you meant me, I don't view it as my voice not belonging, and I have 0 problems with making my voice heard. I'm simply considering how my choices might affect others.

[Adam Strange]

My EII secretary is divorced and so am I, and I took her out to dinner and we were discussing our misadventures in dating.

I think that she and I both wish that we were more compatible, but we’re both pretty realistic about what we have together and what we’re missing.

She said that it was really hard to find “the One. That person who will be the last person.”
She said that her dates always start out with high hopes and then go downhill. She said she’s always waiting for that other shoe to drop, by which she meant, discovering that the well-dressed guy across the table is really an axe-murderer.

I told her that I solved the “compatibility” problem by only dating Duals, but within the Dual domain, I’m still looking for a good friend.

She asked me about the ESIs I’ve dated recently, particularly if they are jealous of other women.

I said that they appear to be lethally jealous. The ESI-Fi nurse hated the ESI-Se interior decorator, and the ESI-Se interior decorator said that the ESI-Fi nurse was damaged and wasn’t good enough for me.

The EII thought about that for a second and said, “Everyone wants to feel that they are Number One, and when they don’t get that, it kind of poisons the relationship.”

I said, “Well, you’re my Number One secretary. Never leave me, because I can’t replace you.”

She laughed at that, but it’s true.

[Leo]

WE SHALL TRUMP

[RileyPukaProgram]

My EII secretary is divorced and so am I, and I took her out to dinner and we were discussing our misadventures in dating.

I think that she and I both wish that we were more compatible, but we’re both pretty realistic about what we have together and what we’re missing.

She said that it was really hard to find “the One. That person who will be the last person.”
She said that her dates always start out with high hopes and then go downhill. She said she’s always waiting for that other shoe to drop, by which she meant, discovering that the well-dressed guy across the table is really an axe-murderer.

I told her that I solved the “compatibility” problem by only dating Duals, but within the Dual domain, I’m still looking for a good friend.

She asked me about the ESIs I’ve dated recently, particularly if they are jealous of other women.

I said that they appear to be lethally jealous. The ESI-Fi nurse hated the ESI-Se interior decorator, and the ESI-Se interior decorator said that the ESI-Fi nurse was damaged and wasn’t good enough for me.

The EII thought about that for a second and said, “Everyone wants to feel that they are Number One, and when they don’t get that, it kind of poisons the relationship.”

I said, “Well, you’re my Number One secretary. Never leave me, because I can’t replace you.”

She laughed at that, but it’s true.

Searching the whole wide world for your perfect fit sounds like a big game of whack a mole at Chuckecheeses, getting on a big chase for everything that seems like a golden opportunity, but really just turned out to be an illusory and fleeting hope of the crown on top to make the 2 of you king and queen together forever.

[Hawk]

This is why people commit not just to a relationship but making it work for the long haul. The idea someone can get married and live the princess lifestyle is a fantasy. Having a culture that allows a breakup and departure with cash and prizes for any reason, while another's life gets shattered doesn't help. Marriage is supposed to be until death do you part. Not, "unless you feel like it".