Friendship with a dual

[Bethanyclaire]

I thought it might be nice to have a thread about duality friendship.

What are your experiences, positive or negative? Would mainly like to hear about positive experiences but negative could also be interesting.

I have a semi-dual sister who I am close to. I’m very grateful for her and when I think ahead I imagine my life including moments of romance because she’ll be around.

I have observed that my youngest brother is best friends with his dual. They were close all throughout high school and continue to be in their early twenties. They do seem a bit couple like lol.

It’s nice to think you could meet a really good dual friend at some point in life and have cool convos and feel good around them and support each other.

I do have a dual friend but she moved abroad. I haven’t actually seen her since discovering socionics. The last time I saw her I visited her abroad and it was really great seeing her. Defo special feelings. Our friendship wasn’t plain-sailing from the start. We did indeed have some issues. But did move on from them.

We like the same music so I know when we see each other we’ll dance and it’ll be awesome.

I remember her once inviting me to a dinner party with select acquaintances. I wasn’t super in the mood but I went and I had a great time, surprising myself by talking to people quite confidently..was a cool crowd.

[Adam Strange]

I know five male duals.

RH
DN
PM
EV
TW

I get along great with all of them. When I want a lift, I call them up, and just talking to them makes me feel better. Sometimes, we go out to lunch.

I know five female Duals.

SW
HM
BK
BD
AS

I've tried or succeeded at dating all of them at some point. Dating, or just going out together, and while they have the same invigorating effect on me as the males do, they don't seem to be interested in maintaining the relationship, except in one case, and she's a lesbian.

Maybe this has to do with our particular Duality, IDK.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

My best friend as a kid was probably an LII or LSI. We were friends all throughout school.

We would hang around each other all the time and kids would sometimes joke that we were "gay together" (we weren't).

I actually think our parents were getting suspicious as well.

I think platonic dual relationships can look a little odd from the outside. But that might be just me lol.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

I used to have a female SLE friend in high school. We would gossip about everybody we didn't like and we were pretty honestly brutal & playfully rude about what we didn't like in other people but we were never rude or mean with each other. If she said something mean about me behind my back ((which I didn't think she did)) but if she did, I'm not sure I would care because she was fun to hang out with. However we kind of just lost in touch I think because we had different lifestyles. She liked to do more real world-ish things and I was involved in nerdier IEI crap she would probably never get into. ((and well we both didn't try to get the other to be involved in that stuff either...))

A few years ago I talked to a LIE and she told me that this person still misses me and wonders how I'm doing. LoL it made my overly sensitive IEI ass cry. I don't make friends very easily at all - and I enjoyed hanging out with her. Usually if I try to gossip about other people with Deltas they take their side and dump everything back on me. Meh I know I have my own issues but that is not a fun thing to do when you're gossiping about people hehe.

[Bethanyclaire]

Haha @BandD you should get back in touch with her if poss. I know what you mean about having someone to gossip with or complain about stuff and feel comfortable doing so. I worked at a school for a year where I became good friends with an IEI and EIE. I saw the IEI on the day I had my interview and thought ‘who is she, I feel like I know her, I hope she’s here when I start’ and the EIE started shortly after I did. We would travel from the school to the station together and have long chats. Sometimes the EIE would drive us and we would have lively rants about the school and our personal lives. The following year when i had left I remember missing them, thinking..they really cared about stuff and we looked out for each other.

I’ve been close to Deltas in the past who I shared a lot of views with but I was never truly honest with them about my personal life which I think stopped me from feeling let down by down them for a while. In the end I did feel massively let down though. Now I have 2 nice IEE friends and one EII colleague, not as close as I was to the others but it’s ok (less in common..maybe it helps). There’s been some problems but I think we’ve reached an understanding. At the low point of my heart being broken the IEEs decided to take the side of the person doing the heart breaking..in the end they took my side but it took a while lol. I’m careful what I say around them but not too careful because I know an argument wouldn’t be the end of the world.

When I called my SLE friend recently we spoke about Covid and she was shocked I hadn’t been doing regular Covid tests. I think she thought it was unethical of me But then I told her all about my depression and she sounded so sad for me, she’s nice

[Bethanyclaire]

@Adam Strange hmm not sure I could easily be friends with male SLE. Maybe if it happened quite naturally or they had a gf. But I wouldn’t want to be friends with the SLEs I’ve dated recently. There would be weird mixed feelings and maybe some trust issues.

[Adam Strange]

@Adam Strange hmm not sure I could easily be friends with male SLE. Maybe if it happened quite naturally or they had a gf. But I wouldn’t want to be friends with the SLEs I’ve dated recently. There would be weird mixed feelings and maybe some trust issues.

@Bethany, I think I understand what you are saying. I believe that you can only be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you are sure you will never, ever have sex with them. I have a few female friends, and they all meet that standard.

I have been working with a female lesbian Dual and she told me that she was happy that we are friends.

I immediately said that I don't think of her as a friend, but rather as a valuable person whom I know who has talents that I admire. Her face instantly fell.

I instantly regretted saying what I said, but I was trying to stay out of the Friend Zone. I mean, she's a lesbian and is age-inappropriate, but I'd still have kids with her if she were willing.

The Friend Zone is not for partners whom you could ever imagine having sex with.

[EUDAEMONIUM]

I may have encountered my dual of the opposite sex a while ago. It was years ago and I don't know for sure but from what I remember I was oddly attracted to her and I didn't know why.

I worked in a job where there were few women, before I met her I heard rumors about her. Everyone seemed to hate her, they said she was confrontational and nitpicky.

She was known for being a heavy rule follower, she would report people who didn't follow what they were supposed to do and that was really why no one liked her.

I was finally assigned to her location, I was a float position for this job so I moved around. I was picturing some giant middle-aged woman.

She was actually very pretty and in her late twenties. She took me under her wing and I would listen to her intently. I developed a sort of crush on her, but I knew there was no way we'd be together.

She was married and much older than I was at the time.

So to @Bethany and @Adam Strange earlier points, dual friendships between opposite sexes can get you quickly catching feelings.

[Bethanyclaire]

@Adam Strange. Yep remember you saying that. Hm yeah like there are some rave friends of mine I’d like to party with again- one is an SLI guy who is hot but he’s my friend’s ex and dated my sister so I think we’ve always been in a comfy friend zone with each other. His ILI mate is hot but I’d prefer to keep him as a friend and I think in the context of partying in a group it works.

With the SLEs I went on dates with..it’s a bit more complicated. I guess ultimately I wasn’t attracted to them. One made me feel a bit uncomfortable and the other two were ok guys but I didn’t fancy any of them. There was one who could potentially grow on me but honestly, I’m not ready ‘to settle’. (One day my idea of ‘settling’ might change though). With the guy I saw a few times..(90% sure he was SLE although he was a bit of a weird one) I did have a lot of nice convos with him so honestly if we were to remain friends I would probably feel a weird attraction/repulsion which would be unbearable. Also, he didn’t seem completely trustworthy/nice. I don’t wanna hang out with an SLE who is annoyed because I won’t sleep with him, he seemed like that type lol. Also, I just don’t have the time/energy to stay in touch.

I am becoming friends with another SEI rave buddy who has a gf but he is hot..it feels platonic but I don’t fully trust him yet :s I think maybe we could decide to be friends because the chemistry is subtle not fiery. I would so love to have a relaxed male SEI friend. Raving is actually such a good hobby for making friends and sharing intimate moments that aren’t sex? Ha.

[Scarlett]

One of my best friends is an ESI. Female. We met while travelling overseas, now she's back in her country, but we still keep in touch.
It's funny that we just met but it's like I've known her all my life. It was such an easy friendship.
We're very different though. Sometimes she doesn't get it when I explain things figuratively in a logical way, but she just keep listening.
And I have no idea how I can just pay attention to her stories about cooking and baking and other sensory things that I don't care about, but she can make it interesting?
I imagine all duals are just like this, they are so different than you, but you will feel comfortable just being around them, you complement each other.


Oh, I should add, we met when we both were in our late 20s.
Because I think it matters how mature you are when you meet your duals. In highschool or uni, all of my close friends are NTs or NFs and a few STs, I remember I don't have ESI/SEE close friends at all, we're just not connected.