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Thread: Dating / Flirting with Identical

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    Default Dating / Flirting with Identical

    Anybody date their identical?

    How did you flirt?

    I am interested in an MBTI INTJ, I being a Socionic INTj , I am pretty similar to her. That creates a sense of familiarity with her. Need to start more serious flirting.
     
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    She has a boyfriend, unfortunately, but she once called me handsome. When she asked me what my physical type was, I pretty much described her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Saberstorm View Post
    Anybody date their identical?

    How did you flirt?

    I am interested in an MBTI INTJ, I being a Socionic INTj , I am pretty similar to her. That creates a sense of familiarity with her. Need to start more serious flirting.
    Why do you put your words like that? Are you the same type or not?
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
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    Probably, but likely my “opposite.” I’m SEE-N and he was likely SEE-C. We got along fine but he wasn’t stable and went to jail. He came looking for me after he got out, but it was bad timing and I rejected him.

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    Lol. I have met few quirky ILE females. Dunno. We are just similar in many ways. Easy to get along but not sure if there is nothing beyond it.
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    One of my old friends is an EII. Our IEE friend introduced us to each other because he felt like we would get along, and he was definitely right. We connected pretty quickly and felt an outstanding sense of mutual familiarity. He's an extremely talented and dedicated musician, and his very analytic approach to music is similar to mine in my own disciplines, which is interesting. We spent a fair share of time together, and to my own surprise, he had a growing romantic interest directed at me. We actually kissed one day, but in the end, the extreme similitudes between our respective schemes ouf thought gave me a very stagnant perception of our relationship. Our interactions lacked dynamism : easy communication, easily relatable, but eventually boring in close communication. Therefor, I didn't allow it to bloom into actual dating, but we remain good friends to this day. I really don't see myself dating an identical at all, I'd rather date a mirror. They're hot af.
    Anyway, even if she's a MBTI INTJ, she might have a different socionics typing, so I'd suggest clarifiying that in order to know whether or not you guys really are identicals.

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    I know five female LIE Identicals.

    One is about 36 and she's hot in a kind of masturbatory fantasy way. I wouldn't mind sleeping with her, but it would only be out of curiosity and it really would be separate from our friendship.

    One is about thirty and an ex-military lesbian in a relationship and they have adopted kids. She's smart but I have zero interest in her aside from friendship.

    One is about 40 and married and I like her as a person but she's not an object of lust.

    Two are over fifty and they are both powerful in their fields. They are more like men than most men, and they are smart, hard, no-nonsense, intimidating without trying to be (I know their internal intention is to be nice, but it comes off as intimidating), and they sometimes seem scary when I think about them.

    Come to think about it, the 36 yo is clearly headed in that same direction.

    I did meet one of the LIE women on Match. There was no flirting. The convo went something like this:

    Me: Hi. I like your profile. Let's meet.
    She, about twenty minutes later: OK, I'm in Lansing.
    Me: I can drive there. Do you have a favorite restaurant, and when do you want to meet?
    She: Yes, the restaurant is ZZZZZ and I'm available on Friday MMM DD after 6 PM. Here is my phone number: 123-456-7890.
    Me: OK, I'll see you then. I'll call when I'm fifteen minutes away.
    She: Looking forward to it.


    @Saberstorm, I've also dated an ILI (MBTI INTJ). No flirting there, either. The convo was very similar to that of the LIE above. Practical, no-nonsense, direct.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 02-01-2021 at 04:07 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    Why do you put your words like that? Are you the same type or not?
    I did not think I was being unclear. I left a little information out. She is into MBTI. She is not into socionics. So my thoughts were to leave her self-typing as it was, and not convert her to socionics as if socionics were the gospel truth, nor retype her myself. Everybody uses different criteria for typing. I do not retype people until we are using the same criteria.

    If I were to retype her, (because we use agreed criteria) I would say she is rational, intuitive, introverted, and logical. So that is INTj in socionics. She is less nerdy than me and more outspoken, but likely the same base type.
     
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I know five female LIE Identicals.

    One is about 36 and she's hot in a kind of masturbatory fantasy way. I wouldn't mind sleeping with her, but it would only be out of curiosity and it really would be separate from our friendship.

    One is about thirty and an ex-military lesbian in a relationship and they have adopted kids. She's smart but I have zero interest in her aside from friendship.

    One is about 40 and married and I like her as a person but she's not an object of lust.

    Two are over fifty and they are both powerful in their fields. They are more like men than most men, and they are smart, hard, no-nonsense, intimidating without trying to be (I know their internal intention is to be nice, but it comes off as intimidating), and they sometimes seem scary when I think about them.

    Come to think about it, the 36 yo is clearly headed in that same direction.

    I did meet one of the LIE women on Match. There was no flirting. The convo went something like this:

    Me: Hi. I like your profile. Let's meet.
    She, about twenty minutes later: OK, I'm in Lansing.
    Me: I can drive there. Do you have a favorite restaurant, and when do you want to meet?
    She: Yes, the restaurant is ZZZZZ and I'm available on Friday MMM DD after 6 PM. Here is my phone number: 123-456-7890.
    Me: OK, I'll see you then. I'll call when I'm fifteen minutes away.
    She: Looking forward to it.


    @Saberstorm, I've also dated an ILI (MBTI INTJ). No flirting there, either. The convo was very similar to that of the LIE above. Practical, no-nonsense, direct.
    Did you enjoy dating/s*x with the intj?

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    Quote Originally Posted by calm View Post
    Did you enjoy dating/s*x with the intj?
    The woman was an MBTI INTJ (ILI), and I really liked the way her mind worked, so yes, I enjoyed our dates. I didn't have sex with her.

    But that was because she was resistant, not because I was.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 02-02-2021 at 07:20 PM.

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    Depends. They can be kind of underrated and good in a way. I think sex wise it actually was pretty good lol- knowing what turns the other person on. ((although both wanted the other to take the lead which was awkward times.)) There is often a lot of mutual understanding and empathy.

    However if the identical is a particularly bitchy sort of IEI- and inwardly self-loathing, they will get way too angry that the other person is basically not a SLE- as they will want to be dualized really badly. I have found I don't care much about this kind of thing as some other IEIs- but it happens.

    I think for relationships- similar emotions connect but mechanics need to be opposite or nothing gets started anyway. I've met many IEIs who thought something good is gonna happen because it's mechanically good and complementary (omg he's outgoing and I'm shy!) - but then they realize the emotions are one-sided and not equal- then they get upset.

    How much it feels like putting the batteries in backwards while idiotically hoping it will still somehow have a spark- I think that sort of thing depends more on the individuals than 'type.' "Victim" and "IEI" often get thrown together but I find there is a lot of variation in that too. Some IEIs I know are very responsible and hard working and they will at least try Se + Te stuff a lot better even if they do it kind of bad and awkwardly - others are very allergic to that stuff. Some IEIs are very draining and vampiric, it's always 'somebody else's fault' - although it annoys me when that type of thing gets unfairly projected into all IEIs.

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    Dated one for 3 years. Probably the best intertype relation besides Duality. So psychologically comfortable, communication is easy and natural, you trust each other. We've never had an argument. Actually, the only serious argument was about what drink to buy from the store. That really put our relationship on the rocks.

    All jokes land. Things that don't make sense at all when they come out of your mouth, somehow seems logical to them. You feel like they will always be there, even when you part, your bond with them will never die and you can always reunite if you wanted.

    It's surprisingly not boring. You're still different people. Sometimes you're just floating together in comfortable silence.

    I ended it with my IEI of 3 years to be with an ESI (seeking Se), but all throughout that relationship I kept on friendly terms with my IEI, and would compare the two critically in my head (The ESI a negative joykill, the IEI a soft angel). I'd be walking with my ESI partner, all serious, spot my identical, and my whole face would erupt into a big grin and I'd bound over to talk to them and share whatever was on my mind

    My flirting style is bullying so I don't like flirting with IEI men because they get confused in a despondent "why are you being so mean? .... i dont get it" way if you're being too rough or teasing with them, if this isn't your usual character and they don't expect it from you. I am the same, I don't like when a typically passive person starts showing edgy characteristics.

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    my son's father is an identical, do you want that story? ahahahah

    i was 16 and i had run away from home and decided to sleep on some elementary school playground equipment.
    what do you know? there was a homeless man who also wanted to sleep at the same playground.
    we decided to walk to up to the gas station and steal some cigarettes together.
    i thought it would be funny to flash him as we were going down the sidewalk.
    and then

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    My LIE-Ni m cousin married an LIE-Te woman. Their relationship was passionate and volatile in the dating phase, with several breakups, and calmed down once they married. They are just alike, and their understanding of one another and harmony of life goals is apparent to the whole family. They have an ESI-Se daughter together, and another whose type I am unsure of. Their style of flirting would consist of inside jokes and play-fighting. The longer they are together, the more they conflict, not over questions of loyalty or values but over small things related to sensory issues. Their relationship is not as warm as it used to be. One expresses misgivings, and the other feels responsible to keep the peace. From an outsider’s perspective, they appear to be “living the life”, but they don’t seem satisfied in their relationship. That is only my impression, however.

    Neither of them ever has heavy conflict with their ESI daughter, and her presence is mollifying to both of them. They just thought they lucked out with a good kid, but since their other daughter came along and is less easily appeased by their LIEness, they’re now realizing what it means to have a dual child.

    Personally, Identical is one of the few intertype relations I would pursue for an intimate relationship. Even when tensions arise, there is understanding. A best friend-type relationship. But after seeing my cousin’s experience, I don’t know if it’s the best for marriage.
    Last edited by PinKDiGiT18; 05-31-2021 at 03:44 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by PinKDiGiT18 View Post
    My LIE-Ni m cousin married an LIE-Te woman. Their relationship was passionate and volatile in the dating phase, with several breakups, and calmed down once they married. They are just alike, and their understanding of one another and harmony of life goals is apparent to the whole family. They have an ESI-Se daughter together, and another whose type I am unsure of. Their style of flirting would consist of inside jokes and play-fighting. The longer they are together, the more they conflict, not over questions of loyalty or values but over small things related to sensory issues. Their relationship is not as warm as it used to be. One expresses misgivings, and the other feels responsible to keep the peace. From an outsider’s perspective, they appear to be “living the life”, but they don’t seem satisfied in their relationship. That is only my impression, however.

    Neither of them ever has heavy conflict with their ESI daughter, and her presence is mollifying to both of them. They just thought they lucked out with a good kid, but since their other daughter came along and is less easily appeased by their LIEness, they’re now realizing what it means to have a dual child.

    Personally, Identical is one of the few intertype relations I would pursue for an intimate relationship. Even when tensions arise, there is understanding. A best friend-type relationship. But after seeing my cousin’s experience, I don’t know if it’s the best for marriage.

    I've watched two sets of ESI's marry. In both cases, it was ESI-Se marries ESI-Fi. I don't know either couple very well and I don't know how things are going for them, but they seem happy with each other.

    I just wonder how long that will last. It probably helps that they are both introverts, because I don't think Identical Extrovert marriages would be appealing at all. They'd run through the equivalent of four years of introvert relations in 16 hours, and then they'd be, "No, this is not interesting any more."

    Personally, I'd never marry a Dual. I might have sex with one just for the experience, if they were attractive and were into it, too, but I have no doubt the relationship would be short-lived, until the novelty of it wore off.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I've watched two sets of ESI's marry. In both cases, it was ESI-Se marries ESI-Fi. I don't know either couple very well and I don't know how things are going for them, but they seem happy with each other.

    I just wonder how long that will last. It probably helps that they are both introverts, because I don't think Identical Extrovert marriages would be appealing at all. They'd run through the equivalent of four years of introvert relations in 16 hours, and then they'd be, "No, this is not interesting any more."

    Personally, I'd never marry a Dual. I might have sex with one just for the experience, if they were attractive and were into it, too, but I have no doubt the relationship would be short-lived, until the novelty of it wore off.
    I honestly think Identity romances stagnate even faster with introverts than extroverts. But, since introverts are more inclined to constancy, they stay in the relationship regardless. Extrovert identity couples often reach out to others more, establish a group of friends mostly from the same quadra, and in that manner maintain the fun and novelty of the relationship. Introvert pairs have a greater tendency to dissolve into the introvert cloud.

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    Some LIE women seem interesting, some are physically and mentally attractive, there's a clear affinity, but i don't know how It would last long term.
    Anyway with some of them there was some chemistry when we were younger but now we're all mostly with our duals so idk
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    my son's father is an identical, do you want that story? ahahahah

    i was 16 and i had run away from home and decided to sleep on some elementary school playground equipment.
    what do you know? there was a homeless man who also wanted to sleep at the same playground.
    we decided to walk to up to the gas station and steal some cigarettes together.
    i thought it would be funny to flash him as we were going down the sidewalk.
    and then
    Jesus, wtf. That's a true story? Dumbest thing I did as a teen was consider communism and watch porn on the family living room computer because I thought I'd hear anyone leaving their bedroom before they'd reach the living room. I thought wrong.

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    I was persistent on the idea. But when I really think about it, I would never do such thing. The idea of dating another intuitive is awful.
    Last edited by username4747; 06-02-2021 at 04:37 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    my son's father is an identical, do you want that story? ahahahah

    i was 16 and i had run away from home and decided to sleep on some elementary school playground equipment.
    what do you know? there was a homeless man who also wanted to sleep at the same playground.
    we decided to walk to up to the gas station and steal some cigarettes together.
    i thought it would be funny to flash him as we were going down the sidewalk.
    and then
    This is very touching. The idea that the power of love suddenly overcame you two and your inhibitions and you decided to have a child together seems quite sweet to me, and I’d like to live in a world where more people did that. It’s a shame it didn’t work out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    This is very touching. The idea that the power of love suddenly overcame you two and your inhibitions and you decided to have a child together seems quite sweet to me, and I’d like to live in a world where more people did that. It’s a shame it didn’t work out.
    I can see what you're seeing, and it's so nice <3
    But I didn't tell the whole story. Should I ruin it? He was abusive and I slept with him sans birth control for months because he demanded it and I was afraid. It's okay now. (:
    His son is cool and doesn't care who he is. even after he turned 18 and I figured it was fine to point out his father on Facebook even though he shares selfies with drugs. His iq didn't get genetically passed forward though, thankfully

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    The thought of deliberate flirting is intimidating enuf without an exact start date and a strategy that can written down. LIIs eh

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    I can see what you're seeing, and it's so nice <3
    But I didn't tell the whole story. Should I ruin it? He was abusive and I slept with him sans birth control for months because he demanded it and I was afraid. It's okay now. (:
    His son is cool and doesn't care who he is. even after he turned 18 and I figured it was fine to point out his father on Facebook even though he shares selfies with drugs. His iq didn't get genetically passed forward though, thankfully
    Oh no!! That did ruin it, indeed! Well, someday I’ll find my happy couple who fell in sensual love with each other at first sight, and that will rekindle my heart.

    Anyway, how did your family react to the situation, if you don’t mind talking more about your past?
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    The thought of deliberate flirting is intimidating enuf without an exact start date and a strategy that can written down. LIIs eh
    What does that last sentence have to do with anything? Did you just suddenly decide to record your disapproval of LIIs??
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    Since I haven’t answered the question in the OP yet:

    I don’t flirt. I don’t think I ever have, and I don’t think I ever would. I can’t really give an explanation for why except that it’s not my in my nature to do it. When girls have flirted with me I’ve tended to automatically deflect it. If I like someone, I try to let them know and to spend more time with them. I don’t really like to be indirect or for there to be tension of any kind when it comes to that sort of thing.

    I’ve never really talked much with other LIIs IRL, so I imagine finding one to date might be tricky, but I think I’d be open to the possibility. Female LIIs are usually attractive in an ethereal kind of way.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    What does that last sentence have to do with anything? Did you just suddenly decide to record your disapproval of LIIs??
    I was just trying to be sort of topical to the environment. Gotta sprinkle in a few acronyms here and there

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Oh no!! That did ruin it, indeed! Well, someday I’ll find my happy couple who fell in sensual love with each other at first sight, and that will rekindle my heart.

    Anyway, how did your family react to the situation, if you don’t mind talking more about your past?
    I remember one big argument when my mom tearfully tried to get me to leave the man. For the most part it was resignation and pragmatism

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    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    I was just trying to be sort of topical to the environment. Gotta sprinkle in a few acronyms here and there
    Explain

    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    I remember one big argument when my mom tearfully tried to get me to leave the man. For the most part it was resignation and pragmatism
    Resignation as to what? That you were pregnant, or that you would keep fucking him/do what you want?
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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    This is very touching. The idea that the power of love suddenly overcame you two and your inhibitions and you decided to have a child together seems quite sweet to me, and I’d like to live in a world where more people did that. It’s a shame it didn’t work out.
    I read this and I just shook my head. Opposite quadra complete miss. I did like reading the phrase "the power of love overcame your inhibitions and you decided to have a child together." Definitely quotable.

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Explain.
    Resignation as to what? That you were pregnant, or that you would keep fucking him/do what you want?
    And, again.

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    Most of INTjs (and INFjs) that I've met felt sibling-like so actual attractions never really developed (though some of the women were quite physically attractive). We seem to become quickly disinterested in each other after only speaking together for a very short period of time.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    I read this and I just shook my head. Opposite quadra complete miss. I did like reading the phrase "the power of love overcame your inhibitions and you decided to have a child together." Definitely quotable.

    And, again.
    I don’t know what confused you about the second quote (I was just asking what ashlesha’s mother was resigned about, if that wasn’t clear) but re. the first, my thinking is that love (even in the sensual sense, despite the hesitancy many people I think feel to consider it “love”) is generally good for people and for society. Too much thought and hesitancy tends to inhibit its spontaneous formation and tends instead to create an attitude of cynicism and distrust for other people, which I consider generally bad to the extent that it dominates someone’s attitude toward all life, or worse, an entire society’s attitude. I think it’s admirable to put that skepticism aside and open one’s self up to a complete stranger, to love them, and to be willing to share your future with them — as I imagined happened in ashlesha’s scenario, though it seems to have been more pressured than that.

    In general, I guess, I would say it’s good to pursue and to be made happy by simple human pleasures; the fact that these pleasures are often out of sync with the anti-human nature of modernity only indicates that modern civilization ought to change, not that human nature should. Falling in love with someone and producing a child is one of the most fundamental things a society needs to reproduce itself; the fact that having a child could mean poverty and misery — especially for young people, who are most likely to fall in love — is terrible. In a better world, I think, young parents should be given all the support necessary to raise their children with the same idealistic love they felt for each other, and, though I recognize it might be for the best to discourage young people from intentionally having children, when it does happen, their pregnancies would be celebrated rather than an object of scorn.
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    Serious Left-Static Negativist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    To the OP's Q: I never flirted with my identical, even though a kind of persistent flirting seems to be ingrained in me - - even though flirting is a part of me I have long-endeavored to eject.

    [An aside on that]: I desire to eject it because I do not like to mislead people. I like to validate folk, as I find them interesting, and then that can give the wrong message. Example is three weeks ago I engaged in what I later realized more than one person present saw as flirting, with someone else's husband, that I just met and found interesting. I engaged him in conversation by the coffee urn, learning so MUCH about him because the large room full of people "disappeared", and our conversation had an immediate intense personal-ness to it. (I believe this intense 1:1 orientation is related to being sx-first, which does not always mean what people assume: being sexy all the time, in fact, ones values can altogether preclude that manifestation of sx-first ). I was meaning just to take an genuine interest in a person I just met, who unfolded to become more interesting as we talked, but when it is opposite-sex, that can be an issue. And ever since that incident I remain feeling very bad about the distinct possibility of making his wife uncomfortable. : ( Because after all that talking to him I had suddenly realized I had rather monopolized him, and made a point to introduce myself to her when he pointed her out walking by; and she seemed more hopeful to keep walking, and when she did backtrack to meet it was with reluctance and reserve, and her coolness convicted me, and I still feel shame for that, which is not going away easily.

    Anyway, back to OP, though flirting seems to come naturally to me I do not recall ever flirting or being mistaken to have flirted with an IEE, though I always take an immediate interest in them. They strike me as a kindred spirit immediately, even before I have identified them as identicals (which comes to me soon), and I pay attention, and love seeing how they do and decide things and I relate to their thoughts and choices. Whether male or female I see and enjoy the differences between us, due to all the various things, besides their individuality, but also astrological influences, subtype, values, moral ideas, background and life priorities, but through all that there is that familiarity, that total understanding of their life choices. I really enjoy them, but the attraction factor never kicks in because it is too much sameness, and the sameness that doses attraction. Similar to how I react as a hetero/"cisgender" person to other women* -- WAY too much sameness for their to be any attraction. And the longer I know IEEs the less the possibility of attraction is there, because of the constantly affirmed sameness about them, and the feeling that I don't have anything of interest to offer, as my gifts are also theirs.

    __________________________________
    *Likewise, I immediately identify maleness or femaleness in a person, making me wish I did not see what I see, which includes the reality of even the most excellent, most well-established transgenders that NO ONE else sees - and I wish I didn't, as I do not desire to uncover that which much effort has been made to cover up. When they have long been successfully established as their current gender, it is devastating to them to see their well-hidden reality reflected in someone else's eyes. This has happened twice, and I now endeavor not to let it happen again. Also the strong gender identification makes it challenging in our times to adapt to our time's newly evolved social requirements of folk wishing to be referred to with the odd personal pronoun-replacement of the plural they/them, when referring to themselves, a singular person (which is hard enough, but my mind so strongly sees gender that it is a real effort to eradicate that impression for the sake of honoring requested preferences, which I intend to learn to do. (It's challenging for an extrovert type, who unlike introvert types are unlikely to think through what they plan to say before they say it).
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

    .
    .
    .


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    PinKDiGiT18's Avatar
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    I’m EII-Ne sx/so; if I were to go the identical route, I would want to date an EII-Fi sp/sx. Less cognitive competition than with another of my own subtype. Capitalizing on the things we still can complement one another on. That’s how most of the identity LTRs I’ve seen have made it work.

    Still one of the few intertypes I would contemplate pursuing romantically, all things considered.

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    I think people are always trying to find someone with the same traits and values. It is very difficult to date with someone who is completely opposite to your expectations. But of course, if you have certain requirements, you can find your match on a dating site https://megapersonalseu.com/3-of-the-best-hookup-sites. It is the easiest way to find a partner on the internet.
    Last edited by mloolks; 08-08-2021 at 08:07 PM.

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