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ISTJ stress
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It has gone from frequent warm open communication .......to very short and distant......
It makes it hard to think this person was genuine about their feelings...as it SEEMS their feelings were situational now based on their behavior....
could it be?
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not sure what you're saying, the their is confusing, are you talking about one person or more than one but from this
when a person is in a difficult situation or hurting, they change themselves to feel the pain less or handle the situation better as not themselves but someone else as to distant themselves from the situation to better control and solve it, I don't blame you for taking it personally but talking with the person helps so he/she realizes the effect on you and go from thereSo, this person has completely changed........inverting away and into someone almost unrecognizable.
From someone opening up and wanting to explore and communicate to the situation becoming so unpleasant......it is hard NOT to take personal!
INFP
it is one person......
by the way....I have tried to talk to him about it. He stays pretty much the same at this point....
Is it best to wait for him to come out, or to try to coax him gently????
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I'm having difficulty because the context is somewhat vague.Originally Posted by islandgirl
It's possible.
However, as a pretty-sure ISTj, I've done the exact same thing behaviour-wise on the surface. Thing is, what was going on underneath was something unexpected and illogical. Someone I was involved with was leaving, and my response instead of spending as much time with her as I could, I chose to isolate myself with the intent of compounding my negative feelings of having 'lost out'.
The best thing she could have done was seek me out, and got me to open up about the situation. Of course, that never happened as she made the logical assumption that I wasn't at all interested in her after all.
It doesn't appear illogical at all to me. If she was on the leave, better to start out early not to see any more so that the pain goes away as fast as possible instead of being prolonged for another interval of time.I'm having difficulty because the context is somewhat vague.
It's possible.
However, as a pretty-sure ISTj, I've done the exact same thing behaviour-wise on the surface. Thing is, what was going on underneath was something unexpected and illogical. Someone I was involved with was leaving, and my response instead of spending as much time with her as I could, I chose to isolate myself with the intent of compounding my negative feelings of having 'lost out'.
Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit
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Any improvement?
2nd place is the 1st loser
Not much really......thanks for asking.
I did tell him how I felt.....he said appreciated what I had to say.
He has kept all his feelings to himself at this point.....just saying that at this point all he can control is himself, as the changes around him are full-on occuring between Tgiving and the Christmas.
When I did send the note, I told him that I would not contact him again..giving him an out. I would let him handle how things transpired from here and leaving the contact up to him.
He has contact me a couple of times....saying that when things get settled he will be in touch.
That is about it.
It is difficult to not hear his feelings. He is handling me in a very logical manner, cold......which I understand isnt intended as I do the same.
However, if I am close to someone.....I am not icy.
Very important. Very characteristic.The key moment in his career was when he realized he can do a quality work only by concentrating on one job at a time. Also, he says, continuous concentration on the job, the continuity, is the best stress prevention.
Also, as a general ISTj rule: bigger the concentration on details, lower the stress. If you can't handle the whole package attack the part of it. This can work for INTjs too, but it tends to have somewhat lofty character with them, due to it being pulled out under special circumstances only.
Last edited by Trevor; 12-25-2010 at 10:34 PM.
Same applies to me.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Thanks for sharing. I do it sometimes too, and it seems to be stress relieving more often than not. I wonder how do people of other types relate to it.
i wonder if i'm understanding it right, but if i'm faced with something complex it's definitely stress relieving to focus on the simple and do-able steps that i can focus on so that i can feel like i'm at least making some sort of progress. if that's what you mean.
People of other types tell me that I focus too much on unimportant details and that I tend to analyze (go very deep) and focus on one task/job/detail for a very long time. And I often get in verbal conflicts with people over things they consider to be "unimportant details" and they'd rather not deal with, instead of taking proper care of. Like, they'd rather make erroneous statements over and over again, and spread faulty reasoning, than being "corrected" or called up on, no matter how wrong they are. And they expect me to just accept their ignorance and move on.
Last edited by Park; 12-26-2010 at 05:08 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Sort of.
Come to think of it, it seems like something generally applicable to any person. However the fact that I related it to only to ISTjs surely has to signify something(I hope it doesn't signify my lack of understanding, it is an ISTj characteristic that's for sure). Something type related. Something like a general attitude of dealing with practical situations in a bottom-to-top approach, not only sometimes. Sounds Obstinate, sounds Process. I will have to think about this.
Argh, screw them.
Yeah, screw them for disliking us for being detail-oriented.
Last edited by Park; 12-27-2010 at 01:58 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
Last edited by Park; 12-27-2010 at 01:58 AM.
“Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”
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