New and confused

[QikTrevor]

Hi Folks,
I'm not young anymore but still looking for a partner.. Introduced to MBTI over 40yrs ago, tested several times since, always ISTP, I was initially amazed, engineer, motorbikes, fast cars, racing etc.. Found Socionics some time ago and have done much reading, do not understand all of your terminology or the p to j of Is, when I take the test here I am still ISTp?
I am fascinated by all of the identified relationship types, have known 3 ENFps from a far and thought they were awesome, but maybe out of my league.. thought they were my duals, then read here: https://sarahbradywagner-58147.mediu...p=b83eb7d749c7
that ENFJ and ISTP were Beta quadra duals and that ISTJ and ENFP were Delta quadra duals.
I am talking to an ENFJ, by an MBTI test, started to ruffle her feathers but are ok now and are planning to meet soon.. so concerned about is this a "conflict" with 0% compatibility or good?
Should I repost this, where??
Good to be here, Trevor
ON Canada

[Adam Strange]

Hi Folks,
I'm not young anymore but still looking for a partner.. Introduced to MBTI over 40yrs ago, tested several times since, always ISTP, I was initially amazed, engineer, motorbikes, fast cars, racing etc.. Found Socionics some time ago and have done much reading, do not understand all of your terminology or the p to j of Is, when I take the test here I am still ISTp?
I am fascinated by all of the identified relationship types, have known 3 ENFps from a far and thought they were awesome, but maybe out of my league.. thought they were my duals, then read here: https://sarahbradywagner-58147.mediu...p=b83eb7d749c7
that ENFJ and ISTP were Beta quadra duals and that ISTJ and ENFP were Delta quadra duals.
I am talking to an ENFJ, by an MBTI test, started to ruffle her feathers but are ok now and are planning to meet soon.. so concerned about is this a "conflict" with 0% compatibility or good?
Should I repost this, where??
Good to be here, Trevor
ON Canada

Hi, Trevor.
It's never too late to find a great match.

As for the woman you are planning to meet soon, be aware that many, many people are mis-typed, and only you can decide if she is right for you.

I've had dates with both Conflictors and with Duals. In my case, my Conflictor was smart, attractive, super-nice, and just a wonderful woman, and I was internally climbing the walls after an hour. The date lasted three hours and it about killed me.

The dates with the Duals have gone better. Not perfectly, because you are talking to someone that you've never met before and you really have no idea about who they are as a person, and what kind of baggage they brought with them, so cut them a lot of slack, and if you feel nothing towards them (and nothing means no downside), there's a pretty good chance that they are a Dual. My dates with Duals last eight hours and we don't get tired and we don't get bored. Mainly, we don't get on each other's nerves.

Now, having said that, I have an ENFJ (IEE) bookkeeper who just started dating again at age 48 or so, and she is looking for an ISTp (SLI) Dual. With my help, she found one and they dated and she said he was the best in bed, but he wasn't smart enough for her so she ended it and now she's back in the pool. What I'm saying is that Duality is a great feature for your date to have, but Duality alone is not a guarantee of happiness.

So one thing you might want to be aware of, because it took me by surprise when I first encountered Socionics after knowing MBTI, is the introverted J/P switch. In other words, an MBTI extrovert ExxP is a Socionics Exxp (no switch, lower case, but not everyone follows this convention), but an MBTI introvert IxxP is a Socionics Ixxj. Some people say that the switch isn't perfect, but I'd say it works most of the time.

The way I discovered this was by giving an MBTI test to a woman I work with, and she got ISFJ, which I interpreted as ISFj (my Dual), and I said to her, "Guess who's your Dual?" (When she was my Conflictor).
She replied, her voice dripping with disdain, as if I were suggesting something disgusting to her, "You?"

Duals can be slow to show themselves, but Conflictors are apparent pretty quickly.

[QikTrevor]

Hi, Trevor.
It's never too late to find a great match.

As for the woman you are planning to meet soon, be aware that many, many people are mis-typed, and only you can decide if she is right for you.

I've had dates with both Conflictors and with Duals. In my case, my Conflictor was smart, attractive, super-nice, and just a wonderful woman, and I was internally climbing the walls after an hour. The date lasted three hours and it about killed me.

The dates with the Duals have gone better. Not perfectly, because you are talking to someone that you've never met before and you really have no idea about who they are as a person, and what kind of baggage they brought with them, so cut them a lot of slack, and if you feel nothing towards them (and nothing means no downside), there's a pretty good chance that they are a Dual. My dates with Duals last eight hours and we don't get tired and we don't get bored. Mainly, we don't get on each other's nerves.

Now, having said that, I have an ENFJ (IEE) bookkeeper who just started dating again at age 48 or so, and she is looking for an ISTp (SLI) Dual. With my help, she found one and they dated and she said he was the best in bed, but he wasn't smart enough for her so she ended it and now she's back in the pool. What I'm saying is that Duality is a great feature for your date to have, but Duality alone is not a guarantee of happiness.

So one thing you might want to be aware of, because it took me by surprise when I first encountered Socionics after knowing MBTI, is the introverted J/P switch. In other words, an MBTI extrovert xxxP is a Socionics xxxp (no switch, lower case, but not everyone follows this convention), but an MBTI introvert xxxP is a Socionics xxxj. Some people say that the switch isn't perfect, but I'd say it works most of the time.

The way I discovered this was by giving an MBTI test to a woman I work with, and she got ISFJ, which I interpreted as ISFj (my Dual), and I said to her, "Guess who's your Dual?" (When she was my Conflictor).
She replied, her voice dripping with disdain, as if I were suggesting something disgusting to her, "You?"

Duals can be slow to show themselves, but Conflictors are apparent pretty quickly.

Thankyou Adam for that detailed reply, as I mentioned I have always been ISTP with MBTI and when I tested myself, 2x now, on the Socionics site, I am still ISTp, which I seem to remember reading somewhere often applies to us ISTps? This ENFj lady is the only person I have had trouble communicating with by email, which is scarey. ENFjs sound nice, but who needs conflict. There is much more involved than type, I am working on attachment issues as well, anxious, had something going with an ENFP, first date was 7+ hrs. and then she backed out, not really sure why, all had seemed good.maybe she was avoidant and scared. some things are much harder when you are older.
Not hung up on finding a my dual, but they do need to be E and likely F and have friends and a social life that I can share LOL
Thanks again
Trevor

[Adam Strange]

Thankyou Adam for that detailed reply, as I mentioned I have always been ISTP with MBTI and when I tested myself, 2x now, on the Socionics site, I am still ISTp, which I seem to remember reading somewhere often applies to us ISTps? This ENFj lady is the only person I have had trouble communicating with by email, which is scarey. ENFjs sound nice, but who needs conflict. There is much more involved than type, I am working on attachment issues as well, anxious, had something going with an ENFP, first date was 7+ hrs. and then she backed out, not really sure why, all had seemed good.maybe she was avoidant and scared. some things are much harder when you are older.
Not hung up on finding a my dual, but they do need to be E and likely F and have friends and a social life that I can share LOL
Thanks again
Trevor

Hi, Trevor.
You are welcome.
Yes, if you are dating a Conflictor, it becomes obvious in no time. I think of intertype relationships like different levels of radioactive material, with Duals being the least harmful, and Conflictors being the most harmful. The antidote, as with radiation, is to limit your exposure time and proximity. You can easily and happily deal with Conflictors for years (I have) if you limit the duration and proximity of your interactions.

As for the ENFp woman bailing on you after your hours-long date, I've had that happen to me before, more than once. In the case of one Dual, we went out and were together for hours and I tentatively liked her and I thought she liked me. There were no red flags at all, and she still wasn't anxious for a second date and told me she wasn't interested in a relationship, she just wanted someone to talk to about her failed marriages.
I thought, "Fine", and just kept talking with her. That was a year ago and she's still not ready for a relationship, although we go out every few weeks. I think that some women get burned so badly by previous husbands or boyfriends that they just STOP. They just don't want to risk anything again.
It can take a long time to heal and to learn how to trust.

In the case of a second Dual, we again went out, had a great time for eight hours, and then she refused to go out with me again. She told me that day that she really liked ILIs and SLIs (like her father), and that I talked too much. Well, I'm an extrovert. But she's obviously not ready for a Dual, so I haven't pushed things. Life is too short to take the time to convince someone of something that they should already know.

On top of Duals not being used to each other, I've read in a thread here (sorry that I don't have a link) that the initial stages of the ISTp-ENFp Duality take the longest to complete of all the Dualities, but once a bond is formed (and this can take years), it is one of the most solid and long-lasting.

It may be that your ENFp is just not aware that an ISTp guy, who seems so different from her last crazy, impulsive choices, might be the best match for her. Or, she just might be crazy and you should run, not walk, to the nearest exit. That happens, too. Lol. You'll just have to hold the course, remain true to yourself, and hope that she, or someone like her, can come to appreciate your qualities.

Because, if she gets to know you, she will.

[QikTrevor]

Thank You again for that wonderful sharing email, really good for me.. had another strange email exchange this morning with the "conflictor", we have now said our goodbyes.. As you say, life is short..
Trevor

[BrainlessSquid]

Hi Folks,
I'm not young anymore but still looking for a partner.. Introduced to MBTI over 40yrs ago, tested several times since, always ISTP, I was initially amazed, engineer, motorbikes, fast cars, racing etc.. Found Socionics some time ago and have done much reading, do not understand all of your terminology or the p to j of Is, when I take the test here I am still ISTp?
I am fascinated by all of the identified relationship types, have known 3 ENFps from a far and thought they were awesome, but maybe out of my league.. thought they were my duals, then read here: https://sarahbradywagner-58147.mediu...p=b83eb7d749c7
that ENFJ and ISTP were Beta quadra duals and that ISTJ and ENFP were Delta quadra duals.
I am talking to an ENFJ, by an MBTI test, started to ruffle her feathers but are ok now and are planning to meet soon.. so concerned about is this a "conflict" with 0% compatibility or good?
Should I repost this, where??
Good to be here, Trevor
ON Canada

Hi Trevor, nice to meet you, ENFP here, also looking for female ISTp women. If you always get this type, it's more likely than not correct, I would definitely trust that. Your type is really rare here, and I'm really glad you've come here.

If you don't mind my asking, can you send a pic of you so I can compare you visually with other ISTp I know?

Best regards

[QikTrevor]

Hi Trevor, nice to meet you, ENFP here, also looking for female ISTp women. If you always get this type, it's more likely than not correct, I would definitely trust that. Your type is really rare here, and I'm really glad you've come here.

If you don't mind my asking, can you send a pic of you so I can compare you visually with other ISTp I know?

Best regards

Hi again, I will try and find a picture and then how to post it, so I'm a 73 YO male ISTp, hopefully I don't look to much like your ISTp girls... No wonder I get confused, Adam S mentioned a thread talking about ISTp and their duals, think I found it, but is the heading wrong?? INTp w ENFP

May21from-deck.jpg
The initial stage of dualization for SLI-IEE (INTp-ENFp) by Stratiyevskaya

Sorry I'm rotated.