1. An ILE who can actually take care of himself and doesn't need any help with that, and who can help me with the household chores and the children.
2. An ILE who either sticks to one plan instead of jumping from idea to idea or an ILE who has no future plans. This is the most important quality my dual should have. I swear it makes me feel sick and dizzy how many times I have to put up with him constantly jumping around carelessly. Just the idea of my plans being destroyed by this jumping around hurts me.
3. An ILE who doesn't give a shit how his food tastes or how well decorated some room is or about some physical carey thingy and who also doesn't want to talk about such nesty self preservation stuff.
4. An ILE who can take my sadness seriously and not make silly jokes out of nowhere when I am sad.
5. Also it would be nice if I could find one that doesn't talk about the future 24/7 and who also doesn't ask "Would you do x, y, z for me?" constantly.
6. An ILE who can help remind me and get me to focus what I need to be doing right now so I can reach my goals. <- This is optional but much appreciated in a dual
I just want an ILE who fits all of the above because I am starting to get pretty irritated...
I get that he is searching for the best option, yadda yadda, but it makes me feel like I am riding one of those rollercoasters that shake you up and down and all around except you are blindfolded so you don't know what is happening. I feel completely powerless to enforce my vision of how everything should really go in the future and to get him to stick to one option. I am fighting an uphill battle where I will definitely lose... I grow cold and flakey and I am not sure the relationship will even last much longer because I feel so tired of all this stuff... He's not a bad guy, I just think he needs to find Sp first SEI who will actually help take care of him and who won't dismiss all of his needs for caretaking or be irritated by his need for lots of care, and who won't mind that he changes his plans all the time or goes on weird rants about how he wants all this comforting stuff... ( Unfortunately he doesn't like the duals that give off a relaxing aura or make him feel too comfortable...) He can be entertaining when he isn't talking about anything serious or some weird nesty stuff so he isn't super annoying or anything like that.
If there aren't any ILEs that fit all of the above I will have to completely reject my duals as they are incompatible unless I am willing to suffer... Maybe it's true that SEIs are annoyed by their duals and we all have to either suffer and bear the pain or find a different type, but I am thinking maybe it's just this one that is troubling me and that the other ones will actually stick to a plan and more able to care for themselves and not care so much about weird nesty comfort things.
All your answers are very welcome because I need some help for the last time...Then I'll just stop bothering you ILEs if it turns out that you guys are all really crazy as they say...