Results 1 to 22 of 22

Thread: Re-living your childhood to your own detriment

  1. #1
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default Re-living your childhood to your own detriment

    How do you overcome the compulsive need to re-live your childhood even if it was abusive? Is it type related or is some type of psychotherapy required?

    Some say people repeat bad habits because they derive some sort of "benefit" from it, even if temporary. My guess is it requires self-objectivity & self-honesty about one's true motivations. It be interesting to hear other's takes on the matter.

  2. #2
    Hot Scalding Gayser's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    The evolved form of Warm Soapy Water
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    14,902
    Mentioned
    661 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Well you naturally do want to re-live some parts of it if it was abusive. I once had a very long dream where I got a second chance to live as a young kid again and it was therapeutic for me. It was 'just a dream' but it felt like it went on for a long time- like a lifetime even though it was just one night. The subjective passing of time is a funny thing.

    You need (we all need) somebody to hug our inner child and tell them it's not your fault and that it's okay. You are worthy of love and you are not damaged goods. When somebody discloses abuse (whether sexual, emotional or physical) a lot of people re-abuse the kids by blaming the victim and it's so sick and wrong! In the 1990s I tried to tell a lot of therapists about being abused as a kid and most of them blamed me and tried to make me feel like I was the one completely at fault- SICK ASSHOLES. That kind of thing really disgusts me. A lot of professionals are creepo-s though and get in the business just so they can hear about kids being bullied or abused and get off on it while masquerading as the good guys. It needs to be a trusted friend & somebody you are pretty sure won't treat you like that. In general I have found semi-duals to be good with this sort of thing but still be cautious.

    /gently scratches his dual behind the ears.

    Sorry I hope you don't mind but I am a cat person.

  3. #3
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Some people want to re-live their childhood because it was idyllic, some want to re-live their childhood because they want a do-over with a different outcome, and some people don't have a choice.

  4. #4
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Well you naturally do want to re-live some parts of it if it was abusive. I once had a very long dream where I got a second chance to live as a young kid again and it was therapeutic for me. It was 'just a dream' but it felt like it went on for a long time- like a lifetime even though it was just one night. The subjective passing of time is a funny thing.

    You need (we all need) somebody to hug our inner child and tell them it's not your fault and that it's okay. You are worthy of love and you are not damaged goods. When somebody discloses abuse (whether sexual, emotional or physical) a lot of people re-abuse the kids by blaming the victim and it's so sick and wrong! In the 1990s I tried to tell a lot of therapists about being abused as a kid and most of them blamed me and tried to make me feel like I was the one completely at fault- SICK ASSHOLES. That kind of thing really disgusts me. A lot of professionals are creepo-s though and get in the business just so they can hear about kids being bullied or abused and get off on it while masquerading as the good guys. It needs to be a trusted friend & somebody you are pretty sure won't treat you like that. In general I have found semi-duals to be good with this sort of thing but still be cautious.

    /gently scratches his dual behind the ears.

    Sorry I hope you don't mind but I am a cat person.
    Nah. Its cool. Animal people rock.

    Pretty much never heard things eloquted the way you just did. Must have been a cool ass dream. Congrats on that. Interesting point about the professionals. I'd say "one bad apple spoils the bunch", to be aware of who one surrounds themselves with. Semi dual works for you. That's awesome.

    It's important I be empathetic, consider others humanity & not take shitty advantage of another person's vulnerability. Wisdom ain't a vague concept. Its pretty legit.

  5. #5
    PinKDiGiT18's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    TIM
    EII-1Ne 4w5 sx/so
    Posts
    569
    Mentioned
    43 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    How do you overcome the compulsive need to re-live your childhood even if it was abusive? Is it type related or is some type of psychotherapy required?

    Some say people repeat bad habits because they derive some sort of "benefit" from it, even if temporary. My guess is it requires self-objectivity & self-honesty about one's true motivations. It be interesting to hear other's takes on the matter.
    I often find myself drawn to individuals whom I perceive as requiring some level of persuading to become convinced of my merit. I was raised by an ESE who was psychologically/verbally abusive. Peace was nonexistent unless I did exactly what she wanted - which, when I did, caused her to create new ultimatums for me that were impossible for me to meet and seemed to reinforce her words. I continued to seek approval from others, and my first relationship was with an SEE who continued the cycle of my best never being enough.

    This was my ILI mom's mother, and with the above being said, I can't fathom what it was like for my mom (their being conflictors). From what she has told me, I have gotten off easy.

    All you have to go by is what you know. And unfortunately, when what you know is toxic, you gravitate towards toxic. From what I observe in myself and others, it's not even that you think that's how life is - your traumatized brain has just accepted that that's how life is for you, and so until your brain's trauma response is rewired, the cycle continues.

  6. #6
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Some people want to re-live their childhood because it was idyllic, some want to re-live their childhood because they want a do-over with a different outcome, and some people don't have a choice.
    What if they want to re-live it because they THINK it was idyllic but they're too naive to understand different?

  7. #7
    Adam Strange's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2015
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    TIM
    ENTJ-1Te 8w7 sx/so
    Posts
    16,229
    Mentioned
    1553 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    What if they want to re-live it because they THINK it was idyllic but they're too naive to understand different?

    Been there. Let me say that there could be a rude awakening in this case.

  8. #8
    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    TIM
    LII-Ne
    Posts
    5,701
    Mentioned
    524 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    How do you overcome the compulsive need to re-live your childhood even if it was abusive? Is it type related or is some type of psychotherapy required?

    Some say people repeat bad habits because they derive some sort of "benefit" from it, even if temporary. My guess is it requires self-objectivity & self-honesty about one's true motivations. It be interesting to hear other's takes on the matter.
    Do you think most people have this need?

  9. #9
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Do you think most people have this need?
    Can't say

    In most instances, a person's childhood makes an impression in their life into adulthood. This impression wouldn't be possible without a memory. A memory, in effect, is re-living. What I was asking about was attempting to recreate those memories to a person's detriment.

    The shitty conditioning which took place during a person's childhood that isn't questioned but only blindly recreated. That's the subject of the thread. I'd say there's a difference between a need & a want. It's a wise thing to make the distinction

  10. #10
    Hot Scalding Gayser's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    The evolved form of Warm Soapy Water
    TIM
    IEI-Ni
    Posts
    14,902
    Mentioned
    661 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    What I was asking about was attempting to recreate those memories to a person's detriment.
    Well realistically we can't ever go back of course. Maybe some people way high in the Illuminati have this power but most of us don't? lol. So you gotta accept it and move on- and the brain subconsciously will help a person sort this stuff over time I think. Unless the abuse really is too bad and scarring but I mean that's why the prison system was invented and I'm not too big on punishment as a solution (imnsho that's more of a Te/Fi ego thing) but it's probably deserved in some cases. Lots of people who hurt others have been hurt themselves though so by killing the perpetrator in the name of justice you're also sadly killing the little boy/girl nobody thought they could save. I guess sometimes this is necessary though to balance the cosmic scales or whatever.

    Hmm this is related to a lot of other stuff too. I think you have to let things happen naturally in a lot of ways and not try to 're-create' anything that was lost as it's like a dark necormancy in the bad way and it won't be the same magic as it was once anyway. Hollyweird should REALLY understand this with how they are re-making all this stuff instead of being original. And not like you can naively pretend something shitty happened when it was shitty and it did happen. Better to process through it naturally instead of sugar coating everything.


  11. #11
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post


    Well realistically we can't ever go back of course. Maybe some people way high in the Illuminati have this power but most of us don't? lol. So you gotta accept it and move on- and the brain subconsciously will help a person sort this stuff over time I think. Unless the abuse really is too bad and scarring but I mean that's why the prison system was invented and I'm not too big on punishment as a solution (imnsho that's more of a Te/Fi ego thing) but it's probably deserved in some cases. Lots of people who hurt others have been hurt themselves though so by killing the perpetrator in the name of justice you're also sadly killing the little boy/girl nobody thought they could save. I guess sometimes this is necessary though to balance the cosmic scales or whatever.

    Hmm this is related to a lot of other stuff too. I think you have to let things happen naturally in a lot of ways and not try to 're-create' anything that was lost as it's like a dark necormancy in the bad way and it won't be the same magic as it was once anyway. Hollyweird should REALLY understand this with how they are re-making all this stuff instead of being original. And not like you can naively pretend something shitty happened when it was shitty and it did happen. Better to process through it naturally instead of sugar coating everything.

    I see your point but I'm not sure a person's mind & reality are always entirely symbiotic. One man's trash is another man's treasure but what if that "treasure" is slowly fucking you over psychologico

    If a person grew up being yelled at & internalized it, as an adult they could subconsciously associate that behavior with love, passion or caring. Should that person one day meet a calm, understanding person, they'd be unmoved. The conditioning they experienced as a child would pre-empt the goodwill. The person would not "feel" love unless it came in the form of hostility.

    I def hear ya, though. Your take shouldn't be ignored

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Posts
    743
    Mentioned
    23 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    To your own detriment or because you're gaining something from it?
    Some people build their identity over key events, being victim of something for exemple. You can go gather a lot of social validation this way too. At least where I live, sharing sob stories will get you a lot of attention, and sometimes, people are even prompted to make a sob show because idk.
    It can be to uphold a status quo.
    It's also reassuring to know what you are, it's less scary and more stable than going into a situation anew. The past, even when dreadful, tend to be treated as safe in a way. Good ol' time. Key events that have brought one here. Identity. Being strong, humane. As if you had to prove something sometimes. To whom?
    Nasty patterns can be comforting since they are known.
    People hang onto that until it becomes less painful to move on, unless they like getting out of their comfort zone, but that can also become a nasty pattern. Living outside of comfort because it feels underserved.
    And what if the thing that caused pain has not ended? i.e. still being in contact with a relative that isn't that great on your self-esteem. How does one gauge these things? Some patterns are rather unconscious, can one simply get to see at any moment or do they need to be ready? How does one get ready?
    Can self-awareness be faked? Can one dupes others into thinking one has all under control? Oh yes, one can. One can even lure oneself.
    There's so many question because that tends to be case-by-case stuff.
    Maybe type determines how it appears and/or what areas are most affected.

  13. #13
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    To your own detriment or because you're gaining something from it?
    Some people build their identity over key events, being victim of something for exemple. You can go gather a lot of social validation this way too. At least where I live, sharing sob stories will get you a lot of attention, and sometimes, people are even prompted to make a sob show because idk.
    It can be to uphold a status quo.
    It's also reassuring to know what you are, it's less scary and more stable than going into a situation anew. The past, even when dreadful, tend to be treated as safe in a way. Good ol' time. Key events that have brought one here. Identity. Being strong, humane. As if you had to prove something sometimes. To whom?
    Nasty patterns can be comforting since they are known.
    People hang onto that until it becomes less painful to move on, unless they like getting out of their comfort zone, but that can also become a nasty pattern. Living outside of comfort because it feels underserved.
    And what if the thing that caused pain has not ended? i.e. still being in contact with a relative that isn't that great on your self-esteem. How does one gauge these things? Some patterns are rather unconscious, can one simply get to see at any moment or do they need to be ready? How does one get ready?
    Can self-awareness be faked? Can one dupes others into thinking one has all under control? Oh yes, one can. One can even lure oneself.
    There's so many question because that tends to be case-by-case stuff.
    Maybe type determines how it appears and/or what areas are most affected.
    Detriment to oneself & a perceived benefit.

    Sometimes it's easy to do a thing & receive momentary pleasure from doing it. In the long run, the person is actually stunts themselves, keeping him/her submissive to their subconscious impulses. A good example would be a person apologizing for looking an older sibling in the eyes. Yes, that person receives temporary validation for apologizing but, in the long run, their self-esteem suffers. Their self esteem will waver according to some external standard, standard chosen for them that they never bothered to question.

    With as many questions as you just asked, it's best to get concrete facts & go from there. Other wise you're simply swimming in ideas with no basis to support any one of them.

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Feb 2021
    Posts
    743
    Mentioned
    23 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    Detriment to oneself & a perceived benefit.

    Sometimes it's easy to do a thing & receive momentary pleasure from doing it. In the long run, the person is actually stunts themselves, keeping him/her submissive to their subconscious impulses. A good example would be a person apologizing for looking an older sibling in the eyes. Yes, that person receives temporary validation for apologizing but, in the long run, their self-esteem suffers. Their self esteem will waver according to some external standard, standard chosen for them that they never bothered to question.

    With as many questions as you just asked, it's best to get concrete facts & go from there. Other wise you're simply swimming in ideas with no basis to support any one of them.
    I'm not swimming in ideas with no basis, the questions matter to fit an individual, and each one will have a different experience, see things from their own perspective, can grow defensive at different words. I wasn't talking of ideas, but contrasting situations and people I saw struggle with key moments.


    I also forgot to talk about how help groups can become a problem, because the stability of the group is threatened if someone grows out of the problem the help group helps with. It can lead to self-sabotage and/or members tearing another apart to keep them.

  15. #15
    Riley and Bunny together forever HicksHawking 14Raptor19's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2021
    Location
    Macroverse MtBattle ScholarsGarden Halloween1993 SuperNexus InfinitiesUltimate AllSpectraEverywhere
    TIM
    RayquazaRaichuArceus
    Posts
    5,646
    Mentioned
    84 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    There's a lot to take from the days of being more imaginative and free spirited, but the more we can experience with age, with learning, with evolving, even if some stuff was left behind, if we look hard enough within our souls, we can get it back, and take further development as well.

    The Kid's WB basket of eggs and Easter always cherishes the bright moon and the rippling water to overturn earth from silver to gold!!
    Raptor had to lose in 2006 to become Revan, important errands of knighthood and valor to walk with Pokemon and charm the melodies of sweet channels to lush frenzy galloping solo yet swiftly into the sunrise for maximum presents and signed in deluxe oceans of fast trading cards bazooka cascading rumba of love Force constellations restoring last battle cardinal plants actively swirling for juice and petals to wishes
    https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...k-2024-edition

  16. #16
    Seed my wickedness The Reality Denialist's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Spontaneous Human Combustion
    TIM
    EIE-C-Ni ™
    Posts
    8,235
    Mentioned
    335 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    Escapism? Or the opposite: Unprocessed life by being suffocated to mold you couldn't escape? Hence you want to realize something. A combination?



    I have always been in some sort of metalevel. I don't have a need for reliving. I rather see new perspectives and try to layer experiences through that lense than trying to compulsively to converge. Truth is out there.
    MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
    Winning is for losers

     

    Sincerely yours,
    idiosyncratic type
    Life is a joke but do you have a life?

    Joinif you dare https://matrix.to/#/#The16Types:matrix.org

  17. #17
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    TIM
    /
    Posts
    7,044
    Mentioned
    177 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't really want to relive these things but I do in my patterns of behavior and in the way I interpret things. It's like everything I built in order to cope now perpetuates it even though it's gone (i.e. It's not gone, it became a part of me). My work aspect of life has definitely become like living in a hellish mythology that is my childhood that I can't break free of. I really don't know if anyone can help me with this but myself and I see it as a difficult problem, it's a problem of such proportions that some ppl can't survive it so I don't blame myself but it's just it's not an easy fix and it's not fast either. I try to think my way out of it but I'm aware thinking isn't enough.i don't know how to find actions and then in my E9ish way I drift off somewhere else bc that was also one of the ways I copied. I became an internal world escape artist with endless places inside myself to retreat to.

  18. #18
    edgy princess eiemo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2020
    Location
    a vacuum
    TIM
    no clue
    Posts
    232
    Mentioned
    21 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I don't really care about my childhood or the past. I just care about pushing towards the future and achieving my goals (most of the time, lolz). I mostly think about the past when I am stressed.





  19. #19
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    26,935
    Mentioned
    699 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    If you have been abused you may often compulsively relive your past because you draw emotions from the acts of abuse that are separate from who you are as to sort them out. You need to understand that abuse done to you had nothing to do with you but the other person’s own evil. You need to reclaim yourself and your identity and to heal and move forward.
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  20. #20
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by inumbra View Post
    I don't really want to relive these things but I do in my patterns of behavior and in the way I interpret things. It's like everything I built in order to cope now perpetuates it even though it's gone (i.e. It's not gone, it became a part of me). My work aspect of life has definitely become like living in a hellish mythology that is my childhood that I can't break free of. I really don't know if anyone can help me with this but myself and I see it as a difficult problem, it's a problem of such proportions that some ppl can't survive it so I don't blame myself but it's just it's not an easy fix and it's not fast either. I try to think my way out of it but I'm aware thinking isn't enough.i don't know how to find actions and then in my E9ish way I drift off somewhere else bc that was also one of the ways I copied. I became an internal world escape artist with endless places inside myself to retreat to.
    I'm in no position to tell you anything, honestly. This is only my opinion:

    Generally speaking, functions need balance. If you find yourself too introverted, you must find appropriate ways to express it's extraverted counterpart. Finding an appropriate way is a personal thing but can be fun if you are patient with yourself. There are IEI who become part time physical therapists to appropriately express their Se (and Ti).

  21. #21
    Stray Cat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2021
    TIM
    SLE-Ti
    Posts
    816
    Mentioned
    107 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    If you have been abused you may often compulsively relive your past because you draw emotions from the acts of abuse that are separate from who you are as to sort them out. You need to understand that abuse done to you had nothing to do with you but the other person’s own evil. You need to reclaim yourself and your identity and to heal and move forward.
    Also interesting is that love & hate tend not to be opposites, that the emotions felt during love or hate are similar. That would mean the real opposite of love might be indifference.

  22. #22
    Rebelondeck's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    1,929
    Mentioned
    175 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)

    Default

    I spontaneously remember and re-analyse my life's turning-points, many of which contain negative components; I tend to forget the moments that didn't cause corrections in my behaviour. Much of my reliving is about what was done to me and that I shouldn't let that happen again, or what I did wrong that I should never repeat. Many Ijs and Eps who I've met seemed to also spontaneously regurgitate unpleasant moments. Information for these two temperaments is rather transient and disposable so I think that it may be a mechanism to help retain certain key information. The other two temperaments seem to integrate information into their beings so such mental exercises may not be as necessary. However, when such memories become obsessive/destructive, there has to be other mental health issues at play.

    a.k.a. I/O
    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 05-20-2021 at 02:50 PM. Reason: grammar

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •