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Thread: Re-living your childhood to your own detriment

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    Default Re-living your childhood to your own detriment

    How do you overcome the compulsive need to re-live your childhood even if it was abusive? Is it type related or is some type of psychotherapy required?

    Some say people repeat bad habits because they derive some sort of "benefit" from it, even if temporary. My guess is it requires self-objectivity & self-honesty about one's true motivations. It be interesting to hear other's takes on the matter.

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    Well you naturally do want to re-live some parts of it if it was abusive. I once had a very long dream where I got a second chance to live as a young kid again and it was therapeutic for me. It was 'just a dream' but it felt like it went on for a long time- like a lifetime even though it was just one night. The subjective passing of time is a funny thing.

    You need (we all need) somebody to hug our inner child and tell them it's not your fault and that it's okay. You are worthy of love and you are not damaged goods. When somebody discloses abuse (whether sexual, emotional or physical) a lot of people re-abuse the kids by blaming the victim and it's so sick and wrong! In the 1990s I tried to tell a lot of therapists about being abused as a kid and most of them blamed me and tried to make me feel like I was the one completely at fault- SICK ASSHOLES. That kind of thing really disgusts me. A lot of professionals are creepo-s though and get in the business just so they can hear about kids being bullied or abused and get off on it while masquerading as the good guys. It needs to be a trusted friend & somebody you are pretty sure won't treat you like that. In general I have found semi-duals to be good with this sort of thing but still be cautious.

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    Some people want to re-live their childhood because it was idyllic, some want to re-live their childhood because they want a do-over with a different outcome, and some people don't have a choice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Well you naturally do want to re-live some parts of it if it was abusive. I once had a very long dream where I got a second chance to live as a young kid again and it was therapeutic for me. It was 'just a dream' but it felt like it went on for a long time- like a lifetime even though it was just one night. The subjective passing of time is a funny thing.

    You need (we all need) somebody to hug our inner child and tell them it's not your fault and that it's okay. You are worthy of love and you are not damaged goods. When somebody discloses abuse (whether sexual, emotional or physical) a lot of people re-abuse the kids by blaming the victim and it's so sick and wrong! In the 1990s I tried to tell a lot of therapists about being abused as a kid and most of them blamed me and tried to make me feel like I was the one completely at fault- SICK ASSHOLES. That kind of thing really disgusts me. A lot of professionals are creepo-s though and get in the business just so they can hear about kids being bullied or abused and get off on it while masquerading as the good guys. It needs to be a trusted friend & somebody you are pretty sure won't treat you like that. In general I have found semi-duals to be good with this sort of thing but still be cautious.

    /gently scratches his dual behind the ears.

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    Pretty much never heard things eloquted the way you just did. Must have been a cool ass dream. Congrats on that. Interesting point about the professionals. I'd say "one bad apple spoils the bunch", to be aware of who one surrounds themselves with. Semi dual works for you. That's awesome.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    How do you overcome the compulsive need to re-live your childhood even if it was abusive? Is it type related or is some type of psychotherapy required?

    Some say people repeat bad habits because they derive some sort of "benefit" from it, even if temporary. My guess is it requires self-objectivity & self-honesty about one's true motivations. It be interesting to hear other's takes on the matter.
    I often find myself drawn to individuals whom I perceive as requiring some level of persuading to become convinced of my merit. I was raised by an ESE who was psychologically/verbally abusive. Peace was nonexistent unless I did exactly what she wanted - which, when I did, caused her to create new ultimatums for me that were impossible for me to meet and seemed to reinforce her words. I continued to seek approval from others, and my first relationship was with an SEE who continued the cycle of my best never being enough.

    This was my ILI mom's mother, and with the above being said, I can't fathom what it was like for my mom (their being conflictors). From what she has told me, I have gotten off easy.

    All you have to go by is what you know. And unfortunately, when what you know is toxic, you gravitate towards toxic. From what I observe in myself and others, it's not even that you think that's how life is - your traumatized brain has just accepted that that's how life is for you, and so until your brain's trauma response is rewired, the cycle continues.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Some people want to re-live their childhood because it was idyllic, some want to re-live their childhood because they want a do-over with a different outcome, and some people don't have a choice.
    What if they want to re-live it because they THINK it was idyllic but they're too naive to understand different?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    What if they want to re-live it because they THINK it was idyllic but they're too naive to understand different?

    Been there. Let me say that there could be a rude awakening in this case.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    How do you overcome the compulsive need to re-live your childhood even if it was abusive? Is it type related or is some type of psychotherapy required?

    Some say people repeat bad habits because they derive some sort of "benefit" from it, even if temporary. My guess is it requires self-objectivity & self-honesty about one's true motivations. It be interesting to hear other's takes on the matter.
    Do you think most people have this need?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Do you think most people have this need?
    Can't say

    In most instances, a person's childhood makes an impression in their life into adulthood. This impression wouldn't be possible without a memory. A memory, in effect, is re-living. What I was asking about was attempting to recreate those memories to a person's detriment.

    The shitty conditioning which took place during a person's childhood that isn't questioned but only blindly recreated. That's the subject of the thread. I'd say there's a difference between a need & a want. It's a wise thing to make the distinction

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    What I was asking about was attempting to recreate those memories to a person's detriment.
    Well realistically we can't ever go back of course. Maybe some people way high in the Illuminati have this power but most of us don't? lol. So you gotta accept it and move on- and the brain subconsciously will help a person sort this stuff over time I think. Unless the abuse really is too bad and scarring but I mean that's why the prison system was invented and I'm not too big on punishment as a solution (imnsho that's more of a Te/Fi ego thing) but it's probably deserved in some cases. Lots of people who hurt others have been hurt themselves though so by killing the perpetrator in the name of justice you're also sadly killing the little boy/girl nobody thought they could save. I guess sometimes this is necessary though to balance the cosmic scales or whatever.

    Hmm this is related to a lot of other stuff too. I think you have to let things happen naturally in a lot of ways and not try to 're-create' anything that was lost as it's like a dark necormancy in the bad way and it won't be the same magic as it was once anyway. Hollyweird should REALLY understand this with how they are re-making all this stuff instead of being original. And not like you can naively pretend something shitty happened when it was shitty and it did happen. Better to process through it naturally instead of sugar coating everything.


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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post


    Well realistically we can't ever go back of course. Maybe some people way high in the Illuminati have this power but most of us don't? lol. So you gotta accept it and move on- and the brain subconsciously will help a person sort this stuff over time I think. Unless the abuse really is too bad and scarring but I mean that's why the prison system was invented and I'm not too big on punishment as a solution (imnsho that's more of a Te/Fi ego thing) but it's probably deserved in some cases. Lots of people who hurt others have been hurt themselves though so by killing the perpetrator in the name of justice you're also sadly killing the little boy/girl nobody thought they could save. I guess sometimes this is necessary though to balance the cosmic scales or whatever.

    Hmm this is related to a lot of other stuff too. I think you have to let things happen naturally in a lot of ways and not try to 're-create' anything that was lost as it's like a dark necormancy in the bad way and it won't be the same magic as it was once anyway. Hollyweird should REALLY understand this with how they are re-making all this stuff instead of being original. And not like you can naively pretend something shitty happened when it was shitty and it did happen. Better to process through it naturally instead of sugar coating everything.

    I see your point but I'm not sure a person's mind & reality are always entirely symbiotic. One man's trash is another man's treasure but what if that "treasure" is slowly fucking you over psychologico

    If a person grew up being yelled at & internalized it, as an adult they could subconsciously associate that behavior with love, passion or caring. Should that person one day meet a calm, understanding person, they'd be unmoved. The conditioning they experienced as a child would pre-empt the goodwill. The person would not "feel" love unless it came in the form of hostility.

    I def hear ya, though. Your take shouldn't be ignored

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    To your own detriment or because you're gaining something from it?
    Some people build their identity over key events, being victim of something for exemple. You can go gather a lot of social validation this way too. At least where I live, sharing sob stories will get you a lot of attention, and sometimes, people are even prompted to make a sob show because idk.
    It can be to uphold a status quo.
    It's also reassuring to know what you are, it's less scary and more stable than going into a situation anew. The past, even when dreadful, tend to be treated as safe in a way. Good ol' time. Key events that have brought one here. Identity. Being strong, humane. As if you had to prove something sometimes. To whom?
    Nasty patterns can be comforting since they are known.
    People hang onto that until it becomes less painful to move on, unless they like getting out of their comfort zone, but that can also become a nasty pattern. Living outside of comfort because it feels underserved.
    And what if the thing that caused pain has not ended? i.e. still being in contact with a relative that isn't that great on your self-esteem. How does one gauge these things? Some patterns are rather unconscious, can one simply get to see at any moment or do they need to be ready? How does one get ready?
    Can self-awareness be faked? Can one dupes others into thinking one has all under control? Oh yes, one can. One can even lure oneself.
    There's so many question because that tends to be case-by-case stuff.
    Maybe type determines how it appears and/or what areas are most affected.

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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    To your own detriment or because you're gaining something from it?
    Some people build their identity over key events, being victim of something for exemple. You can go gather a lot of social validation this way too. At least where I live, sharing sob stories will get you a lot of attention, and sometimes, people are even prompted to make a sob show because idk.
    It can be to uphold a status quo.
    It's also reassuring to know what you are, it's less scary and more stable than going into a situation anew. The past, even when dreadful, tend to be treated as safe in a way. Good ol' time. Key events that have brought one here. Identity. Being strong, humane. As if you had to prove something sometimes. To whom?
    Nasty patterns can be comforting since they are known.
    People hang onto that until it becomes less painful to move on, unless they like getting out of their comfort zone, but that can also become a nasty pattern. Living outside of comfort because it feels underserved.
    And what if the thing that caused pain has not ended? i.e. still being in contact with a relative that isn't that great on your self-esteem. How does one gauge these things? Some patterns are rather unconscious, can one simply get to see at any moment or do they need to be ready? How does one get ready?
    Can self-awareness be faked? Can one dupes others into thinking one has all under control? Oh yes, one can. One can even lure oneself.
    There's so many question because that tends to be case-by-case stuff.
    Maybe type determines how it appears and/or what areas are most affected.
    Detriment to oneself & a perceived benefit.

    Sometimes it's easy to do a thing & receive momentary pleasure from doing it. In the long run, the person is actually stunts themselves, keeping him/her submissive to their subconscious impulses. A good example would be a person apologizing for looking an older sibling in the eyes. Yes, that person receives temporary validation for apologizing but, in the long run, their self-esteem suffers. Their self esteem will waver according to some external standard, standard chosen for them that they never bothered to question.

    With as many questions as you just asked, it's best to get concrete facts & go from there. Other wise you're simply swimming in ideas with no basis to support any one of them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    Detriment to oneself & a perceived benefit.

    Sometimes it's easy to do a thing & receive momentary pleasure from doing it. In the long run, the person is actually stunts themselves, keeping him/her submissive to their subconscious impulses. A good example would be a person apologizing for looking an older sibling in the eyes. Yes, that person receives temporary validation for apologizing but, in the long run, their self-esteem suffers. Their self esteem will waver according to some external standard, standard chosen for them that they never bothered to question.

    With as many questions as you just asked, it's best to get concrete facts & go from there. Other wise you're simply swimming in ideas with no basis to support any one of them.
    I'm not swimming in ideas with no basis, the questions matter to fit an individual, and each one will have a different experience, see things from their own perspective, can grow defensive at different words. I wasn't talking of ideas, but contrasting situations and people I saw struggle with key moments.


    I also forgot to talk about how help groups can become a problem, because the stability of the group is threatened if someone grows out of the problem the help group helps with. It can lead to self-sabotage and/or members tearing another apart to keep them.

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    There's a lot to take from the days of being more imaginative and free spirited, but the more we can experience with age, with learning, with evolving, even if some stuff was left behind, if we look hard enough within our souls, we can get it back, and take further development as well.

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    Escapism? Or the opposite: Unprocessed life by being suffocated to mold you couldn't escape? Hence you want to realize something. A combination?



    I have always been in some sort of metalevel. I don't have a need for reliving. I rather see new perspectives and try to layer experiences through that lense than trying to compulsively to converge. Truth is out there.
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    I don't really want to relive these things but I do in my patterns of behavior and in the way I interpret things. It's like everything I built in order to cope now perpetuates it even though it's gone (i.e. It's not gone, it became a part of me). My work aspect of life has definitely become like living in a hellish mythology that is my childhood that I can't break free of. I really don't know if anyone can help me with this but myself and I see it as a difficult problem, it's a problem of such proportions that some ppl can't survive it so I don't blame myself but it's just it's not an easy fix and it's not fast either. I try to think my way out of it but I'm aware thinking isn't enough.i don't know how to find actions and then in my E9ish way I drift off somewhere else bc that was also one of the ways I copied. I became an internal world escape artist with endless places inside myself to retreat to.

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    I don't really care about my childhood or the past. I just care about pushing towards the future and achieving my goals (most of the time, lolz). I mostly think about the past when I am stressed.
    virgo sun - aquarius rising - scorpio moon

    oh, nihilism...


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    If you have been abused you may often compulsively relive your past because you draw emotions from the acts of abuse that are separate from who you are as to sort them out. You need to understand that abuse done to you had nothing to do with you but the other person’s own evil. You need to reclaim yourself and your identity and to heal and move forward.
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    Quote Originally Posted by inumbra View Post
    I don't really want to relive these things but I do in my patterns of behavior and in the way I interpret things. It's like everything I built in order to cope now perpetuates it even though it's gone (i.e. It's not gone, it became a part of me). My work aspect of life has definitely become like living in a hellish mythology that is my childhood that I can't break free of. I really don't know if anyone can help me with this but myself and I see it as a difficult problem, it's a problem of such proportions that some ppl can't survive it so I don't blame myself but it's just it's not an easy fix and it's not fast either. I try to think my way out of it but I'm aware thinking isn't enough.i don't know how to find actions and then in my E9ish way I drift off somewhere else bc that was also one of the ways I copied. I became an internal world escape artist with endless places inside myself to retreat to.
    I'm in no position to tell you anything, honestly. This is only my opinion:

    Generally speaking, functions need balance. If you find yourself too introverted, you must find appropriate ways to express it's extraverted counterpart. Finding an appropriate way is a personal thing but can be fun if you are patient with yourself. There are IEI who become part time physical therapists to appropriately express their Se (and Ti).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Beautiful sky View Post
    If you have been abused you may often compulsively relive your past because you draw emotions from the acts of abuse that are separate from who you are as to sort them out. You need to understand that abuse done to you had nothing to do with you but the other person’s own evil. You need to reclaim yourself and your identity and to heal and move forward.
    Also interesting is that love & hate tend not to be opposites, that the emotions felt during love or hate are similar. That would mean the real opposite of love might be indifference.

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    I spontaneously remember and re-analyse my life's turning-points, many of which contain negative components; I tend to forget the moments that didn't cause corrections in my behaviour. Much of my reliving is about what was done to me and that I shouldn't let that happen again, or what I did wrong that I should never repeat. Many Ijs and Eps who I've met seemed to also spontaneously regurgitate unpleasant moments. Information for these two temperaments is rather transient and disposable so I think that it may be a mechanism to help retain certain key information. The other two temperaments seem to integrate information into their beings so such mental exercises may not be as necessary. However, when such memories become obsessive/destructive, there has to be other mental health issues at play.

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    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 05-20-2021 at 02:50 PM. Reason: grammar

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