What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is the gem that shines within, and from the light there is always a uniquely casted shadow. Love is just like this, you cannot appreciate the good without appreciating the bad in a person. Many times the gem is covered in dirt or rocks and must be washed and chipped away gently to preserve and reveal what is underneath. And so the person that one loves is someone they can bare their entirety to, sharing burdens, and accomplishments without harsh reprisal. Not everyone will find this gem within someone so easily so if someone does find it, it should rightfully be cherished.
What are your most important values?
Honesty. If someone has an issue with me I want them to make it clear to me. I want to be able to understand what it is they care about, and maybe even work out any misunderstandings (because I really dislike them). I want them to be clear about how they feel about me, so I do expect some sort of feedback on this... If feedback is low (when I care about them) it will make me sad, maybe even offended... So I might test the waters on this, but hopefully in a way that won't be intruding. I tend to expect that people are generally honest through their actions though. If they care, it should be obvious... But some people aren't honest, so it's safer to check and encourage where I can. I value family highly but these can include friends, and many blood relatives I don't even count. I decide who is family essentially based on the sacrifices they and I were willing to make and go through.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I would consider myself to be agnostic because there is no way to prove a deity's existence, otherwise it wouldn't be called belief. In general I don't think any god is capable of existing because of my determinist views (but not like I can be entirely sure). I don't think true morality exists (because something true would not be shifting) and it's something that was necessary for survival in society. Technically if I don't believe in true morality then I am automatically incompatible with religion. Religion itself is reformation for society, so I do consider it as an important aspect but not entirely necessary, there are other ways to draw morality from. I should make it clear I don't think I am above or below anyone. I just know that I have my own conception of morality based on needs.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
Yeah we need militaries because we don't want to be too weak that we'll become an easy unfortunate target. We should be strong enough to be a good threat, so other countries are more willing to talk things out with words than weapons. But if worst comes to worst, it's a safe thing to be prepared. Power is an addictive and chaotic energy that must be moderated. We shouldn't over prepare with power because this leaves lack of room to be humbled by. Someone who can't be humbled loses touch with himself and moves into a territory that is no longer soulfully human but feeding into their animal. This is a threat to everyone and especially themselves.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
I've had longest conversations about my stories and characters, discussing flaws and improvements of people, the direction one might be headed in based on the past. My consistent interests have been about world/character building, competitive video game strategies, and typology. I enjoy the first because I am pretty inspired by a lot naturally, and can submerge myself in different story lines as form of escapism. I want to create something that can provoke insights and strange reactions out of people that I don't see pretty often. Indirectly this is my way of gathering insight to how people would receive my inner demons because I infuse stories with essences of myself. I enjoy competitive video games because I find them to be a fun mini simulation of how choices can impact results in long run. Lastly typology is an interest because from a young age I was interested in manifestation of personality, which typology gave pretty neat frameworks (I consider great guidelines) for such. At first it was meant as a tool for self improvement but it ended up becoming mental junk food as I enjoyed the process of typing myself and others more.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
No. Lol. I know generally what is good and bad for my health but don't really care to gain more knowledge about it and don't really act to improve it too much (I am comfortable where I am). I am not focused on my body as much as my mind, and might forget sensations frequently, or don't know what they mean (it's gotten better over time but I still do forget sensations easily amidst working on something). However I will take care of my body to have decent presentation. I don't want to smell or look disheveled. Cultivating aesthetic is of some importance but it's not a major topic of mine by any means
What do you think of daily chores?
Do them last minute but take my time on them to have meticulous results. I don't mind them. If there's a bunch just put on music and start preoccupying myself with whatever I was thinking of before while doing them. Easy stuff, kind of relaxing. Real issue is I might just forget to do them.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
Favorites would be probably The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Silence of the Lambs, A Clockwork Orange, Perfect Blue, Killing Stalking.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
Hey... I cry often to literature. I cry often to my own thoughts and imagination. If I think I see a display of someone who truly cares, this gets to me easily. I might cry if someone is being harsh to me with actual cruel intent. Things that make me smile... Well a lot. Strangers who are nice out of their own detriment makes me smile. They obviously didn't have to be nice, so that's noble to me.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
I don't really feel that I belong anywhere. At first it's pretty easy for me to fit in but eventually I feel that I am not being authentic and it'll wear down on me, so I'll drift off. I don't know. People who know me, knows I drift off pretty easily and do my own thing. So if someone lets me do that, I think I can start truly opening up and not in the superficial manner I do to just simply bridge the distance. An environment that feels like home will give me space, not sensitive to jokes and enjoys dark topics, open to do some crazy stuff for fun. Jokes mustn't be malicious--if someone has an issue with another, gotta talk that out. So being honest/loyal to each other, sort of like us against the world would be quite amazing. But for the most part I imagine myself as a loner who can blend in with people pretty well if I must.
What have people seen as your weaknesses?
I don't really keep people updated enough with plans, too distracted by what I'm doing in my lonesome. It's easy for me to shift what I'd do, and in this manner it's easy for me to be labelled inconsiderate. Unrealistic, naive even with hopeful expectations.
What do you dislike about yourself?
That I'm too internally vulnerable. It's very easy for me to get caught up in my emotions that I might not focus on anything else until I resolve them either by rationalizing them away or numbing myself. But they feel very much like fire that I must keep under control. I'm also too idealistic in my goals. I also don't like how my energy is pretty low and wish I could muster up more of a presence for what I want to do. I don't like that deep inside I am a pretty flawed person and resent myself for it.
What have people seen as your strengths?
That I am a nice break from reality; I'm able to take away their stresses and pains, even if for a short while. I'm able to keep up a very calm exterior in face of conflict/pressure. I've been told that I'm very understanding and I take the time to hear people out. Pretty inventive, weird enough that I can break the monotony every so often.
What do you like about yourself?
My vast imagination, never really feel bored, easily find meaning in even smallest things, I can find an approach to talk to someone I find interesting. I like my healing presence, because I don't want people to feel stressed around me. I think people deserve to wind back and relax with what goes on in this world already.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
Positive affirmation to keep going. I can start projects easily with much enthusiasm but my motivation is dampened pretty easily for numerous reasons. Maybe I found a more promising project. I don't think I receive a lot of affirmation so I feel like I am not doing something that is worth much to other people (due to how I throw in the essence of myself in my work). I might need help with reassurance of my logic. I might need guidance on what action to take in the moment. I already have a vision but often don't know a good impact or the actions to take to make this reality.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Might fall into a rut because I feel like I am unable to do anything right after hearing heavy negativity time after time. I will start by thinking of a way to punish myself, my emotions will keep me from interacting with people. Eventually if I don't want to talk to someone about it, I will just work on something to try to move past it, and hopefully restore positivity in myself eventually.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like when people are open minded intellectually. I want to expand my own horizons because I think I am pretty narrow in my view actually, relative to Ne bases at least. I want to be able to shock people also who also don't seem accustomed to different things, but are still open to it. I get along most with alpha and beta quadra, as well as ESI and IEE. But some ESI don't seem to like me because of Fi reasons (I can be shocking). Edit: forgot to add my dislikes. Well, I don't dislike a lot is for sure. I suppose the passionless, who consistently refuse to see the good in anything and are incredibly dry. I feel like then, there's nothing for me to work with or be inspired by...
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
The qualities I like above... and I would love to be with someone who doesn't mind a dark side and will even be interested in diving into it with me. Maybe even lead me into it, to our own special corner of the world. But I do want to be with someone very loyal if we are to go this far. Despite my desire with space, I would be relieved if they were possessive with me while being aloof/detached at the same time. Yeah, if they were able to be a reasonable kind of rock, this is a major plus. I only want to have sex with people I have feelings for... Eh... Don't really care about other people's policies this is just what I prefer (makes the moment more meaningfully intense).
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I must be a positive, relaxed energy in their life. I don't want them to feel like they aren't at home, I don't want them to feel like they aren't family. Negativity won't help them grow... Constructive, reasonable criticism will, and the gentle reassurance that I am on their side. As well as providing plenty of space they desire to approach their goals. I would like to inspire them to think for themselves, to be free to understand the world through their lens fearlessly. But it's important they learn to treat people how they want to be treated.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
Intrigue. I will probably feel excitement to discuss with them, to understand why they reached their claim, and propose my own belief against them. I like this process of getting to understand a different perspective and challenging them. My goal in this conversation is to see if it's possible to shift their perspective (to which I'll do so passionately), or have my own view bested and consequently shifted.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
Well, I am an outsider to society. Mostly because I don't care too much about current issues, and I plan to detach from society as much as possible in the future. I just wish people would be more civil and get along--so I'll just back away and do my own thing. As for social problems, we have too many people pigeonholing others, encouraging crime ironically enough. I am talking about racism in this case. If you continue to frame a race a certain way and in such a hostile manner, you will bet that this is the mentality they will be stuck to deal with. Treat people with courtesy and this will go a long way. Besides, it's been proven that wealth and education is a huge determining factor for people to be decent in society. If someone of minority has a safe amount of either, there is quite generally no need for them to run around rampant like a goon that people so fear. But this is a parallel to my parenting--I don't want to throw endless negativity their way because this isn't encouraging. This builds up resentment within, and they won't feel like they have the capacity to change. People need positivity alongside what can be improved/avoided so they can feel like they're capable of overcoming obstacles.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
Must be honest. Open minded. In some manner reactive, and not too dry in expression. We don't really need to have common interests, if anything, different interests will be an opportunity to learn something new. Hence why open mindedness is important to allow for this. Around true friends I will reveal my imagination and more analytical nature. I will be much more willing to spend time with them and go outside, aka, not be a hermit for once. Lol
How do you behave around strangers?
It changes because I wear masks. I might be extroverted in a new group of people, engaging people often. Or maybe I will be entirely reserved/cold if I'm just too damn lazy to interact (still pretty frequent). I am much more reactive than proactive, so even if I'm reserved I might respond if something catches my eye (then engaging into some extroverted proactive mode). But it does take lots of energy I wish to preserve.