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Thread: Mirage relationship, matching subtypes

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    Default Mirage relationship, matching subtypes

    Started up with an SEI. It's evident she seeks Ne & tries supplying it herself. I'm pretty well read, aware of socionics (she isn't) & that Ne is my role. Our subtypes match (which is decent) & share important interests. I accept her Si lead & we live separately, which is probably for the best.

    Wondering what forum members experiences are regarding the mirage relationship, particularly when the subtypes match.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    My Mirage relationship is with LSIs. In my case, the Erotic Attitudes match as Victim-Aggressor.

    I've had two GFs of this type. The last one lasted four years. We matched in every important way, from my e8 to her e6, and my sx/so to her sp/sx. I think that she's LSI-Ti, and I don't know if you could consider that to be a matching sub-type, but we usually got along great. She is a wonderful person; agreeable, intelligent, sexy, physically attractive, active and slender. I should say that we got along great when it was just the two of us, but when other people were involved, we didn't operate as a couple.

    She wanted to continue and possibly get married, because when it was good, it was very very good, and when it was bad, it wasn't so bad. However, I felt that since Socionics had predicted the course and details of my Mirage relationships so well, it would be worthwhile to try for a Dual relationship instead.

    I broke up with her last November, 2020. Still looking for a long-term Dual. Lol.

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    I was in a relationship with an SLE for four years. Most of it was horrible but for reasons outside of socionics. Our relationship might have worked out if circumstances had been different because we were pretty compatible personality-wise. If you and your gf share the same important interests and have complimentary subtypes, then I’m sure you can make it work.

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    I was with an SEI for 7 years. It was easy, comfortable and conflict-free. I ended it because I got bored, felt stagnant and craved for something deeper that I couldn't put into words. Only years later after getting into socionics I realized this unnamed craving was Ni dual-seeking. I think from her point of view I was close enough to an ILE (especially due to my C subtype and alpha parents), and the Se leading didn't really bother her as it coincides with many traditionally masculine traits. Her subtype was most likely Normalizing.

    It's an easy "trap" to fall into, because SEI very good at pleasing your physical desires, will not judge you and the creative Ti/Fe HA <-> creative Fe/Ti HA interaction is very enjoyable for both partners.
    I did regret breaking up with her sometimes afterwards and most of all I deeply regretted hurting her in the process, but I think in my case it was sadly inevitable. It's a good compatibility nonetheless, you could do much worse and it all depends on how deep your craving for Ni is and if you could satisfy it some other way.

    The biggest problem is that Se and Si leading have completely opposite feelings about what constitutes a good life, so despite very good interactions there is a fundamental difference in what you desire in life.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    My Mirage relationship is with LSIs. In my case, the Erotic Attitudes match as Victim-Aggressor.

    I've had two GFs of this type. The last one lasted four years. We matched in every important way, from my e8 to her e6, and my sx/so to her sp/sx. I think that she's LSI-Ti, and I don't know if you could consider that to be a matching sub-type, but we usually got along great. She is a wonderful person; agreeable, intelligent, sexy, physically attractive, active and slender. I should say that we got along great when it was just the two of us, but when other people were involved, we didn't operate as a couple.

    She wanted to continue and possibly get married, because when it was good, it was very very good, and when it was bad, it wasn't so bad. However, I felt that since Socionics had predicted the course and details of my Mirage relationships so well, it would be worthwhile to try for a Dual relationship instead.

    I broke up with her last November, 2020. Still looking for a long-term Dual. Lol.
    Appreciate the story. Experienced similar. Sometimes a mirage can be super cool while the dual has kinks to work out. Obviously I can't advice. Everyone has their own path to walk.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poptart View Post
    I was in a relationship with an SLE for four years. Most of it was horrible but for reasons outside of socionics. Our relationship might have worked out if circumstances had been different because we were pretty compatible personality-wise. If you and your gf share the same important interests and have complimentary subtypes, then I’m sure you can make it work.
    Thank you for the perspective. Kinda wish socionics had more literature on how "unhealthy" types manifests. The lack of self-awareness in one dual I've met was f'ing amazing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Northstar View Post
    I was with an SEI for 7 years. It was easy, comfortable and conflict-free. I ended it because I got bored, felt stagnant and craved for something deeper that I couldn't put into words. Only years later after getting into socionics I realized this unnamed craving was Ni dual-seeking. I think from her point of view I was close enough to an ILE (especially due to my C subtype and alpha parents), and the Se leading didn't really bother her as it coincides with many traditionally masculine traits. Her subtype was most likely Normalizing.

    It's an easy "trap" to fall into, because SEI very good at pleasing your physical desires, will not judge you and the creative Ti/Fe HA <-> creative Fe/Ti HA interaction is very enjoyable for both partners.
    I did regret breaking up with her sometimes afterwards and most of all I deeply regretted hurting her in the process, but I think in my case it was sadly inevitable. It's a good compatibility nonetheless, you could do much worse and it all depends on how deep your craving for Ni is and if you could satisfy it some other way.

    The biggest problem is that Se and Si leading have completely opposite feelings about what constitutes a good life, so despite very good interactions there is a fundamental difference in what you desire in life.
    Tbh, I'm relatively cool with my Ni. I got an idea of my future path & what gives me personal meaning with or without another person. I see where you're coming from. IEI are pretty awesome but I'm digging this chick for now. Her Ne dual seeking keeps her interesting. My Se might be too bullish at some point. Who knows.

    Appreciate the personal experiences from you all. ��

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    Unfortunately, my mother's type (ESTj) is my mirage and although we got along well, I did not like the way she constantly castigated my father - though some of it he deserved. Whenever I meet anyone of her type, images always come to the fore of her ripping strips off my father in a self-righteous manner beating him down even further than he already was, so I seem to automatically keep relationships with that type at further than normal distances. Barring personal baggage like mine, the relationships have the potential to be comparable in strength to those of semi-duals; in both of those relationships, there are some similar dynamics to what one experiences with one's dual. I'm not sure how subtype is being defined here but being one does present some handicaps to relationships in general.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Unfortunately, my mother's type (ESTj) is my mirage and although we got along well, I did not like the way she constantly castigated my father - though some of it he deserved. Whenever I meet anyone of her type, images always come to the fore of her ripping strips off my father in a self-righteous manner beating him down even further than he already was, so I seem to automatically keep relationships with that type at further than normal distances. Barring personal baggage like mine, the relationships have the potential to be comparable in strength to those of semi-duals; in both of those relationships, there are some similar dynamics to what one experiences with one's dual. I'm not sure how subtype is being defined here but being one does present some handicaps to relationships in general.

    a.k.a. I/O
    That sucks, man. My mom is ESE, my beneficiary. I'm not real fond of ESEs. I'd like to believe it has nothing to do with certain behaviors ny mom exhibited. I won't get into details & I love my mom but I've seen ESEs behave like idiots too often.

    I guess the way you view your mirage is the way I perceive my beneficiary. Go figure.

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    Some claim that mirage is among the best. Some claim that mirage is among the best for irrationals while semi-dual is among the best for rationals. I have no experience though.

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    I can't even imagine being attracted to LSEs in a romantic or sexual way. However, they can be reliable, trustworthy and supportive as friends.

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    I have been attracted to two ILE 8s before. Otherwise, I am platonically very close to an ILE. Although I appreciate her so much, from this relationship I know I could never be with an ILE romantically.

    I have to say, the PoLR/demonstrative interaction is extremely satisfying.

    Here are the 2 main negatives:
    The way she tries to comfort me only makes me feel worse.
    One way is that she finds a little loophole in something I said or in the situation and makes a completely random joke about it to lighten the mood. I can see why the negativist SEI would appreciate it, but it doesn't go down on me. Makes me irrationally angry, but I don't dare express it because she did nothing wrong (the e1 in me speaking) which leads to resentment over time.

    I believe there is something about IEI-SLE duality (maybe beta duality in general) where it's fundamentally a battle to establish equality. Both tries to take the upper hand (in whichever domain they specialize in) and will unconsciously take it if an opportunity presents. I think only the dual can hold the other in check and establish a balance.
    She doesn't keep me in check the way I need or unconsciously want her to (for example when I find myself starting fights). It's very, very unsatisfying. All I want is to find an equal, and it's not that she's "superior" or "inferior", but instead completely outside of it, as she doesn't think in terms of that- she's not beta.

    Overall, if I take Adam's philosophy, I have to make slightly more compromises in this friendship than I would be willing to make in a romantic relationship. I've observed myself enough to confidently know that in the romantic arena, in the long run, anything less than duality will feel like "settling".

    Stray Cat, I imagine that if I were a Fe subtype, I would have a slightly better experience of mirage if subtypes match. I have no idea if in that case I'd be willing to compromise.

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    I relate a lot to ILIs platonically. Specifically ILI-Ni, they have stronger Fi HA and I have stronger Te HA, so I guess for base suptypes mirage compabibility works too. Problem is we're looking for the same thing - sensing - which is why the mirage relationship is more "looking in the same direction" than "looking at each other" . Make awesome BFFs though; I like to reassure them on their little Fe Polr.
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

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    Makes me think what is going on with them and this site shows it is a lot misunderstanding something what was quite clear but less clarified. Seems a lot like blissful ignorance that can be totally fine for a very long time.
    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    I can't even imagine being attracted to LSEs in a romantic or sexual way. However, they can be reliable, trustworthy and supportive as friends.
    This mirage vs semi dual thing is reversed between rationals/irrationals.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BrightDemonSheep96 View Post
    Makes me think what is going on with them and this site shows it is a lot misunderstanding something what was quite clear but less clarified. Seems a lot like blissful ignorance that can be totally fine for a very long time.


    This mirage vs semi dual thing is reversed between rationals/irrationals.
    In my point of view, J functions determines what kind of language that we talk in terms of romance, therefore, how we love/like someone, therefore who we are attracted to. So irrational-mirage being equivalent to rational semiduality always made sense to me, but I always thought that I may think that way because I am rational.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    I have been attracted to two ILE 8s before. Otherwise, I am platonically very close to an ILE. Although I appreciate her so much, from this relationship I know I could never be with an ILE romantically.

    I have to say, the PoLR/demonstrative interaction is extremely satisfying.

    Here are the 2 main negatives:
    The way she tries to comfort me only makes me feel worse.
    One way is that she finds a little loophole in something I said or in the situation and makes a completely random joke about it to lighten the mood. I can see why the negativist SEI would appreciate it, but it doesn't go down on me. Makes me irrationally angry, but I don't dare express it because she did nothing wrong (the e1 in me speaking) which leads to resentment over time.

    I believe there is something about IEI-SLE duality (maybe beta duality in general) where it's fundamentally a battle to establish equality. Both tries to take the upper hand (in whichever domain they specialize in) and will unconsciously take it if an opportunity presents. I think only the dual can hold the other in check and establish a balance.
    She doesn't keep me in check the way I need or unconsciously want her to (for example when I find myself starting fights). It's very, very unsatisfying. All I want is to find an equal, and it's not that she's "superior" or "inferior", but instead completely outside of it, as she doesn't think in terms of that- she's not beta.

    Overall, if I take Adam's philosophy, I have to make slightly more compromises in this friendship than I would be willing to make in a romantic relationship. I've observed myself enough to confidently know that in the romantic arena, in the long run, anything less than duality will feel like "settling".

    Stray Cat, I imagine that if I were a Fe subtype, I would have a slightly better experience of mirage if subtypes match. I have no idea if in that case I'd be willing to compromise.
    Wow. I totally freaking get this.

    Communicating with an SEI-Fe is easier than with an SEI-Si. I wouldn't live with an Si-dom. Even when mirages have the best intentions, their "corrections", however innocent would irritate. Over the long haul it would suck for us both.

    For what its worth, my mirage & I share views not related to socioi. I'm just baffled I prefer her over my activity relation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Stray Cat View Post
    Wow. I totally freaking get this.

    Communicating with an SEI-Fe is easier than with an SEI-Si. I wouldn't live with an Si-dom. Even when mirages have the best intentions, their "corrections", however innocent would irritate. Over the long haul it would suck for us both.

    For what its worth, my mirage & I share views not related to socioi. I'm just baffled I prefer her over my activity relation.
    I think I also prefer mirage to activity.. granted, I don't have much experience with activity relations.
    Maybe we can look at it this way: In the case of activity, IME-wise it's complementary (Ni/Se Fe/Ti), but IME-placement-wise (temperament & Polr/demonstrative & HA/creative) nothing is complementary. i hope you get what i mean.

    Also, what do you mean by "corrections"?

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    I think I also prefer mirage to activity.. granted, I don't have much experience with activity relations.
    Maybe we can look at it this way: In the case of activity, IME-wise it's complementary (Ni/Se Fe/Ti), but IME-placement-wise (temperament & Polr/demonstrative & HA/creative) nothing is complementary. i hope you get what i mean.

    Also, what do you mean by "corrections"?
    Ne & Ni "correct" each other. Ni tells Ne, "you're under-estimating the probability". Ne tells Ni, "you're overlooking the possibilities".

    Ni prefers finding the one hidden truth among possibilities, while Ne will continue to share other possibilities.
    Ne prefers opening other doors, while Ni researches the most probable one

    In the end, the two "correct" one another because each believes they are fundamentally right.

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