Quick PSA: Some people whether intentionally or unintentionally are using socionics for gaslighting others.
Here are some reasons as to why I think I am going insane:
1. I forget to even take the minimal amount of care to myself, I got sick yesterday because I gave myself chronic dehydration.
2. I am constantly getting headaches and I am starting to have trouble relaxing or sleeping.
3. I am having mood swings all the time from feeling ok to feeling like my mind is going to implode and shut down.
4. My self esteem is getting so low that I am starting to feel worthless and useless, that I will never be able to change anything and I have so many complexes now.
5. I can't even pretend to be happy and bubbly anymore.
6. I feel so alone and I feel like no one ever listens to me, I feel like I am constantly being under attack. (Paranoia?)
7. I feel detached from everyone and I have trouble being present in a conversation.
8. I am afraid of expressing my feelings or thoughts in speech, my speech feels stunted and I feel like a child that is mute. (Again might be paranoia)
9. I get defensive, again I feel like everyone is attacking me or wants me to change...
10. I get bitchy moods all the time where I only want to complain and have another person just listen to me and not try to cheer me up (Jeez I'm selfish)
11. I have done heartless things to people and ignored or forgot their feelings.
12. Not answering messages straight away, wanting to be left alone, pushing away people who try to help me...
13. Taking people for granted...
14. Did I mention that I have been moody and felt low self esteem for my whole life?
15. An extreme amount of cognitive dissonance...
16. And here is the biggest one, I have felt unable to really connect with someone on a spiritual level ever since I was little...
I think I have a disorder... That would be one of my worst nightmares come true if so... Then I don't think I will ever be able to connect with someone, I will have to stay far away from everyone else and just self isolate... I feel lonely and pathetic and desperate for writing this but I need a little catharsis...