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Thread: Doorslam

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    Default Doorslam

    There's this MBTI thing called "INFJ doorslam" which is when someone who's supposedly an INFJ decide they are done with someone and close the door, sometimes to the surprise of others.
    Any socionics equivalent?

    I'm making this thread because why not, as suggested by Adam, I know he'll find it.
    I invite @Moharu and @thistle to continue discussion here.
    Everyone welcome.

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    I really wonder which people have never done that at least once in their life.
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    I've done it a few times. It's to the point that I see the person multiple times a week and not even say hi
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    Quote Originally Posted by one View Post
    I really wonder which people have never done that at least once in their life.
    I’m not entirely sure what’s meant by this, but me, perhaps. Often if I become angry/disgusted by someone I’ll leave and stop talking to them, but this tends to come from a feeling that further conversation is useless. I’m not sure there’s a point I’d refuse a request to talk coming from anyone.

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    Hm, the INFJ doorslam was described as final. No interest in reconciliation. Just over.
    It was about taking people's shit until you could no longer and just closing to door in their face.
    It could go on for years before the door is closed.
    No sorry will be accepted, no explaination, no second(or 1378th) chance will be allotted.
    It goes from "everything is okay" to "you're dead to me" in a matter of seconds.
    It's an accumulation of frustration that rear it's ugly head.
    There's a stubborness to it, the possibility of erasing the very existance of a person from one's mind so it feels they simply vanished from existance, even when common spaces are shared.

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    Well, EII's have that Se PoLR so they can not really ration their power- so many broken hinges...


    Sounds more like Fi valuing thingy if regular behavior.
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    "INFJ doorslam" which is when someone who's supposedly an INFJ decide they are done with someone and close the door, sometimes to the surprise of others. Any socionics equivalent?
    There is no MBTI or Socionics "things". It's same Jung's typology, which is described _partly_ differently and with some _mistakes_.

    Human of any type may break communications.

    In general, base Fi tolerate you, forgive, stay soft and polite the most of all types. As they value emotional comfort and do not want to hurt your feelings. So F and especially base Fi prefer do not break relations roughly and so directly. Where EII have the best fantasy to avoid direct conflicts.
    There are rare cases, when significant change in the style happens - the contrast may surprise and be better remembered. Possibly the case for EII in someones experience which wrote texts about types.

    I know one case for EII which broke communications by the words "Never call me". Her opponent was EIE woman with who she had cooperations for some time, not personally close but useful for both. That EIE was upset by EII behavior, made her a phone call and blamed in rude style. I'm not sure that EII had no basis to be criticized and don't know all details, mb there was more before. They did not communicated after that for long or mb never.

    In my personal interactions with that EII there was a case when she broke our conversations by words "Go away". We argued a couple of hours and both were emotionally annoyed. That was not a total break, though since that time there was significant reduction of her interest in our communications. She never said anything directly about changes, I've only noticed the factual situation - her relation to my interests have become worse.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    There is no MBTI or Socionics "things". It's same Jung's typology, which is described _partly_ differently and with some _mistakes_.

    Human of any type may break communications.

    In general, base Fi tolerate you, forgive, stay soft and polite the most of all types. As they value emotional comfort and do not want to hurt your feelings. So F and especially base Fi prefer do not break relations roughly and so directly. Where EII have the best fantasy to avoid direct conflicts.
    There are rare cases, when significant change in the style happens - the contrast may surprise and be better remembered. Possibly the case for EII in someones experience which wrote texts about types.

    I know one case for EII which broke communications by the words "Never call me". Her opponent was EIE woman with who she had cooperations for some time, not personally close but useful for both. That EIE was upset by EII behavior, made her a phone call and blamed in rude style. I'm not sure that EII had no basis to be criticized and don't know all details, mb there was more before. They did not communicated after that for long or mb never.

    In my personal interactions with that EII there was a case when she broke our conversations by words "Go away". We argued a couple of hours and both were emotionally annoyed. That was not a total break, though since that time there was significant reduction of her interest in our communications. She never said anything directly about changes, I've only noticed the factual situation - her relation to my interests have become worse.
    Interesting. Any thoughts on NiFe breaking up relationships, to add some contrast?
    Or other types, if you see fit.

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    I've done this maybe 2 or 3 times in my life after very explicit and protracted disagreement in which my position that the person is essentially rotten was very clear. No surprises. I can see how it might be more of a surprise from an se polr. But I can't imagine that cutting off contact with people who harm you is an Fi thing ffs

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    I also have done this a few times. When you learn a new piece of info or when something repeats itself in a way that it shows something at core of that individual, it feels you leave like you havent really known the true face of that individual, then doorslam happens. No matter how much other person knocks the door, person who slammed the door, never opens it again.

    About Fi vs Fe thing, I am sure every type can do this, it depends on person. However, Fi valuing types have a hard time breaking a well established bond. One EII who is betrayed in way that a few witnessed in their life time, still continues to talk to that person. She broke up the relationship but continue to talk with that person as a friend. I can feel intense love or misery, however, I would cut all the contact if I face a betrayal close to it.

    Fi is by definition calibrates the distance, Fi gets closer and put a distance. Fi adjusts this distance with more nuance. It doesnt easily cut all contact after a sudden realization. It prefers to transform the relation instead of ending it, if they established a strong bond with that person. It is more characteristic for Fi to put some distance and put more distance again, rather than suddenly end everything. Again it is more characteristic for Fi, to talk to that person from a distance rather than stop communicating when other party wants to.

    For example, SLE and ILI friends that have known each other for years. ILI hold a grudge about SLE's wrongdoings, however, keep the relation going, release that grudge by talking SLE's back. ILI accidentally send a message to SLE, in that text ILI insulted SLE. Then SLE cut all the contact. ILI due to Fi continues, prefers to keep relation although he is wronged, but SLE cuts it and doesnt back from his decision.

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    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    I also have done this a few times. When you learn a new piece of info or when something repeats itself in a way that it shows something at core of that individual, it feels you leave like you havent really known the true face of that individual, then doorslam happens. No matter how much other person knocks the door, person who slammed the door, never opens it again.

    About Fi vs Fe thing, I am sure every type can do this, it depends on person. However, Fi valuing types have a hard time breaking a well established bond. One EII who is betrayed in way that a few witnessed in their life time, still continues to talk to that person. She broke up the relationship but continue to talk with that person as a friend. I can feel intense love or misery, however, I would cut all the contact if I face a betrayal close to it.

    Fi is by definition calibrates the distance, Fi gets closer and put a distance. Fi adjusts this distance with more nuance. It doesnt easily cut all contact after a sudden realization. It prefers to transform the relation instead of ending it, if they established a strong bond with that person. It is more characteristic for Fi to put some distance and put more distance again, rather than suddenly end everything. Again it is more characteristic for Fi, to talk to that person from a distance rather than stop communicating when other party wants to.

    For example, SLE and ILI friends that have known each other for years. ILI hold a grudge about SLE's wrongdoings, however, keep the relation going, release that grudge by talking SLE's back. ILI accidentally send a message to SLE, in that text ILI insulted SLE. Then SLE cut all the contact. ILI due to Fi continues, prefers to keep relation although he is wronged, but SLE cuts it and doesnt back from his decision.
    But I'd say that once Fi has finalized it is final. Door slammery as a hobby mb more beta but hinges off slamming mb Fi.

    I have received final slams because I disturbed consensus just by thinking different. Not that I want to come back and peg. I just do not really care. They can do whatever sort of plausible information corruption they want.
    Last edited by BrightDemonSheep96; 03-24-2021 at 08:55 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chin Diaper 007 View Post
    But I'd say that once Fi has finalized it is final. Door slammery as a hobby mb more beta but hinges off slamming mb Fi.
    I don't know how ILEs approach to relations since I don't know any ILEs in depth What I wanted to point out that Fi doesnt prefer to suddenly end an established strong bond. They can't say after this new info, this is final, no contact, no backing away.

    However, Fi itself put some distance or get closer before the relation. If Fi doesnt want to get closer to you, then Fi wont whatever you do. So I understand how it may seem like, it would be more final to them.

    When gammas and deltas decide that they dont relate to you. Their attitude is more finalized, yes, but after they form a close relationship with someone for some good amount time, it is also hard for them change their attitude or put a huge distance all of a sudden. Even if they are betrayed, they somehow want to contact to that person because they used to it and/or because of all the memories. They think they know that person's character and the character of that person doesnt change after some puzzle piece in the form of betrayal or harm. Maybe it would be easier if other person doesnt knock their door

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    "INFJ doorslam" is really just Beta Fe mixed with valued Se to throw up theatrics that you're displeased with someone but have issues verbalizing it and therefore, finding a solution is not on the table (borked Te).

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    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    I don't know how ILEs approach to relations since I don't know any ILEs in depth What I wanted to point out that Fi doesnt prefer to suddenly end an established strong bond. They can't say after this new info, this is final, no contact, no backing away.

    However, Fi itself put some distance or get closer before the relation. If Fi doesnt want to get closer to you, then Fi wont whatever you do. So I understand how it may seem like, it would be more final to them.

    When gammas and deltas decide that they dont relate to you. Their attitude is more finalized, yes, but after they form a close relationship with someone for some good amount time, it is also hard for them change their attitude or put a huge distance all of a sudden. Even if they are betrayed, they somehow want to contact to that person because they used to it and/or because of all the memories. They think they know that person's character and the character of that person doesnt change after some puzzle piece in the form of betrayal or harm. Maybe it would be easier if other person doesnt knock their door
    Tbh, I'd love to say I doorslam and that's it, but truth is it only works so long as the person doesn't knock.
    I find sad to spend time building a relationship to end up having to keep a distance because it's not working. Not because of anything related to the past, I just want to keep building it. Like gardening: prune plants, let them rest, care for them, watch them grow...
    There's a part of me that just wants to love people.
    I love getting to know people and taking interest in others, but this gets taken for granted often.
    Now I'm a bitter old witch.

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    maybe people who dont understand the necessity of the infrequent doorslam have never had to interact with people who actually have intentions to hurt them

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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    Tbh, I'd love to say I doorslam and that's it, but truth is it only works so long as the person doesn't knock.
    I find sad to spend time building a relationship to end up having to keep a distance because it's not working. Not because of anything related to the past, I just want to keep building it. Like gardening: prune plants, let them rest, care for them, watch them grow...
    There's a part of me that just wants to love people.
    I love getting to know people and taking interest in others, but this gets taken for granted often.
    Now I'm a bitter old witch.
    I generally dont want to get involved in other people's relations. I may dislike someone and my friend may like that person or vice versa, I dont like when someone interferes with my relationships and I dont interfere other's relations.

    BUT if a person I love is treated like shit, it drives me mad. Even if a stranger is treated like shit, I get angry. I dont know your type and what happened with the person in equation. If that person showed you that s/he is capable of betraying you, harming you, disrespecting you and if these signs, events are not accidental nor random, if they are result of that individual's core or if they are repetitive or has a pattern. If that is the case, I dont understand the point to keep that relation, can you explain what compels you to open the door? why grow something that could harm you? when it grows it will harm you more.

    When we fill our time and our mind with unworthy people, there is no to little space for others. When a person says ok to be treated badly, that person gets accustomed to that and it leads to some chain reaction. It affects related and unrelated areas of that person's life.

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    I think it is pretty legit in plenty of situations. Sometimes people just aren't compatible with what you're trying to do in your life even if you make a good faith effort to include them. I don't think it even has to necessarily be a big deal in a lot of situations (ones where contact is fully voluntary)

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    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    I generally dont want to get involved in other people's relations. I may dislike someone and my friend may like that person or vice versa, I dont like when someone interferes with my relationships and I dont interfere other's relations.

    BUT if a person I love is treated like shit, it drives me mad. Even if a stranger is treated like shit, I get angry. I dont know your type and what happened with the person in equation. If that person showed you that s/he is capable of betraying you, harming you, disrespecting you and if these signs, events are not accidental nor random, if they are result of that individual's core or if they are repetitive or has a pattern. If that is the case, I dont understand the point to keep that relation, can you explain what compels you to open the door? why grow something that could harm you? when it grows it will harm you more.

    When we fill our time and our mind with unworthy people, there is no to little space for others. When a person says ok to be treated badly, that person gets accustomed to that and it leads to some chain reaction. It affects related and unrelated areas of that person's life.
    The truth is I just forget.
    I think stuff like "it's enough" or "I'll tell them" and then I forget. It's so much easier to just forget sometimes.
    That's very 9, I have almost nonexistant boundaries.
    I see people and I forget I exist as a person with needs, and I can't stand being the cause of other's pain. It's rare people get angry for me, they are generaly mad at me because I try to change the dynamic and they didn't sign up for that.
    And those relationships don't exist anymore. I'm now the bitch they talk about like they talked to me about those bitches.

    It's a good thing being told that it's wrong, because it is. So thanks.

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    EIE: master door slammer
    IEI: apprentice door slammer
    all other types: do not slam doors in the way the beta NFs do and therefore when they do it, it's a different kind of door slam

    /circular logic

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    maybe people who dont understand the necessity of the infrequent doorslam have never had to interact with people who actually have intentions to hurt them
    I don’t want to get into details, but I’ve interacted with those kinds of people. While I’ve cut myself off and don’t talk to them anymore, I haven’t reached a point where I’d just refuse to talk to them if they wanted to try to make amends or something. Unless someone were to really pester me, I don’t understand why it would be necessary to refuse contact entirely.

    As I see it relations generally go south because one party refuses to communicate. If the other party is the one who’s made communication impossible, why should I try to stop them from trying to talk again? I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where that’s happened, but wouldn’t it be good if they did want to try to apologize or something?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I don’t want to get into details, but I’ve interacted with those kinds of people. While I’ve cut myself off and don’t talk to them anymore, I haven’t reached a point where I’d just refuse to talk to them if they wanted to try to make amends or something. Unless someone were to really pester me, I don’t understand why it would be necessary to refuse contact entirely.

    As I see it relations generally go south because one party refuses to communicate. If the other party is the one who’s made communication impossible, why should I try to stop them from trying to talk again? I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where that’s happened, but wouldn’t it be good if they did want to try to apologize or something?
    um, the woman who manipulated my family into being my legal caregiver when i was extremely mentally vulnerable due to head trauma because of an attempt to coerce me into adopting her presence as an authoritative figure and share the funds from my lawsuit? i don't think that really went south because of my unwillingness to talk to her. and i don't really care if she apologizes or not. i still have no interest in maintaining a relationship with the woman who tried to take advantage of me while medically incapacitated. i don't think that's unreasonable. i'm starting to warm up to the idea of continuing my relationships with the family members who ignored or helped facilitate the attempted destruction of my brain.

    do i stay in romantic relationships way too long? yes. but that's a little different

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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    The truth is I just forget.
    I think stuff like "it's enough" or "I'll tell them" and then I forget. It's so much easier to just forget sometimes.
    That's very 9, I have almost nonexistant boundaries.
    I see people and I forget I exist as a person with needs, and I can't stand being the cause of other's pain. It's rare people get angry for me, they are generaly mad at me because I try to change the dynamic and they didn't sign up for that.
    And those relationships don't exist anymore. I'm now the bitch they talk about like they talked to me about those bitches.

    It's a good thing being told that it's wrong, because it is. So thanks.
    I am glad that they are out of your life. People who talk will talk, some would agree to them and some wont. Noone can please everyone so who cares

    About establishing boundaries, changing any kind of behavior or characteristic, if you want to change in this area and if it is difficult for you, it would be easier if you try to establish boundaries, assert your needs and be concious about this regard when you are in a new environment or meet with new people. I think you would suprise to see how different people react to this differently and how you approach to their reactions. If you persist to keep this change, you would see how same people can treat you differently, you would witness a whole different view.

    People generally resist when you try to transform an established dynamic or even resist to accept the new you even if it has nothing to do with them. However, after some time(it doesnt even have to be long) they get used it and wont even remember the old times.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    I’m not entirely sure what’s meant by this, but me, perhaps. Often if I become angry/disgusted by someone I’ll leave and stop talking to them, but this tends to come from a feeling that further conversation is useless. I’m not sure there’s a point I’d refuse a request to talk coming from anyone.
    I get that. In my case I always verbalize my thoughts to people and readily explain my side when needed, but when it seems like the relationship is going nowhere I just go focus on other things and not talk to them anymore. I think people would see that as sudden because they expect people to keep their relations but we always have a choice who to talk to. You cannot just be civil to the person specially if he is part of the family, and sometimes the conversations go round and round and just confuses you. You also cannot fight them back a lot because of family ties. I have a family member who I did the doorslam to because of unfair behavior (I hate when people are not fair in financial matters and deliberately use people for their own gains specially family, it's not worth it) so I said to him that given the person that he is now I don't want to interact with him. So I stopped talking to that person for a few years now even if we always see each other and family always pushes us to make amends because of family ties and awkwardness at social functions.
    R

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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    The truth is I just forget.
    I think stuff like "it's enough" or "I'll tell them" and then I forget. It's so much easier to just forget sometimes.
    That's very 9, I have almost nonexistant boundaries.
    Argh I have the same problem. I'm still learning to allow myself to be angry sometimes and to honor my boundaries and interests without exploding at a random time with someone random. I think that's maybe the influence of the 8 wing. I also can have a hard time determining who cares about me and who doesn't but I'm getting better at that. Sometimes I also delude myself into thinking that I care about someone when I don't...
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    I don't slam doors as much as I just go into "I'm not listening anymore" mode and stop caring about the other person/the relationship/their interests because caring is just too annoying. At some point the person gets it and starts saying stuff like "we drifted apart/our lives are just too different" blablabla.

    As with any relationship, when you don't water it, it withers from itself, no need to slam anything. Take the focus away from the thing, and the thing doesn't exist anymore. The disadvatage with that approach is that you end up being too passive though.
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    Ijs and to a lesser extent Eps have been known to erupt out of the blue (usually due to pent up stress). Many seem to put off dealing with many minor personal issues causing pressure to build, and even the most innocuous event can cause them to detonate, which can puzzle those nearby. Now some Ejs and Ips can be testy sorts and deliberately slam doors but they don't usually let things fester. An out-of-the-blue door-slam from a seemingly benign individual is far more memorable than from someone who is habitually irritable. An EII eruption is usually an out-of-control event for which most would be embarrassed. Now, some may deliberately create emotional displays for effect but such overt acts would not be the preferred approach. However, they are quite capable of easily writing people off for good, which is a metaphorical door-slam - just without noise.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by flowers and sugar View Post
    There's this MBTI thing called "INFJ doorslam" which is when someone who's supposedly an INFJ decide they are done with someone and close the door, sometimes to the surprise of others.
    Any socionics equivalent?
    yeah I did this recently to an EIE, RIP... also to my grandmother and a few other ppl.. I can be very stubborn, vengeful and brutal aboutt his tbh. I sometimes do this with specific people I deem to be detrimental. I like setting boundaries and burning bridges, I'm an arsonist and a wall builder >3. Lyf is just better without certain ppl and their problems.

    Last edited by SGF; 03-25-2021 at 01:53 PM.

  28. #28
    Looking into his gorgeous blue eyes... SlytherinPower's Avatar
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    I've never told someone I'm never talking to them again AND actually followed through with it. I've had people that were friends of friends that have acted "funny" to me before that I just avoided & never talked to again. Actual friends & family? Nope. I had a friend who's also a former fling even get me a charge for underage drinking at college by telling campus security on me because he was jealous of some other guy & 6 yrs later we're still friends.

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    Ahhh the doorslam.... The ultimate tool to get away from creepers and weirdos.

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    I used to be good friends with an EII girl. And an IEE girl. Introduced them to each other and we became a bit of a group along with some others.

    I fell out with the IEE girl and started hanging out with some new people. Tried to still see the EII girl. I got the impression she was beginning to think I wasn’t interesting enough for her anymore (she’s e4 and I’m e9) since she got a new career as an art therapist. She also seemed to expect me to invite her out with my new friends even though she never introduced me to any of hers..we eventually just stopped texting each other. I shouldn’t be surprised- I remember her making a few threats about dropping people, when we first became friends.

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    This is NTR... Any human being on earth is capable of being fed up with another to the point of completely shutting them out of their life.

  32. #32
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    #EveryoneIsINFJ
    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    Just rename this place Beta Central lmao
    Quote Originally Posted by MidnightWilderness View Post
    The only problem socionics has given me is a propensity to analyze every relationship from the lens of socionics and I also see that it is worse in my boyfriend. Nothing makes any sense that way and it does not really solve any problems.





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    It's normal behavior, what is abnormal, is therefore not doing this ever. Or I should say, consciously avoiding it.

    Meh, me avoiding this kind of thing has to do with my rational emotional side.

    Someone who is used to their rational emotional side will not care as much, I assume, and freely will break bonds as they can easily create them. Me, not so much.

    Fi suggestive is weird.

    But yeah, I can say confidently, that I will never intentionally break a friendship. It does happen that people stop talking to me, and that's how it usually goes.

    I still consider them friends, and reach out every so often.

    There is one person that is basically dead to me, and that's because they never were friends. That can change though, we'll see.

    But yeah, I like to say once a friend, always a friend.

    Compare and contrast the behaviors, and the supposed motivations behind them.
    Last edited by Alomoes; 03-30-2021 at 09:05 AM.

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