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Thread: What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone

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    that's alright I like the way it burnz DrDonkeyBallz's Avatar
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    Default What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone

    I don't even talk to this person. I barely knew this person. Yet they keeping popping up randomly in my mind. WTF

    Why am I still thinking about them?

    Is there some psychic phenomena that they are thinking about me as well?

    Is it duality?

    Or am I just being delusional..
    Last edited by DrDonkeyBallz; 02-19-2021 at 09:48 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    I met someone during work late 2019. We worked together for just a couple months and some project for a couple weeks or so. Then I had to leave.

    It's 2021, and I don't even talk to this person. I barely knew this person. Yet they keeping popping up randomly in my mind. WTF

    Why am I still thinking about them?

    Is there some psychic phenomena that they are thinking about me as well?

    Is it duality?

    Or am I just being delusional..

    Magical thinking or something similar: "some psychic phenomena that they are thinking about me as well?"

    if one of you is thinking of the other, it isn't causing the second one to think of the first, etc.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    it's possible you are both thinking of each other or that only one is
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    I met someone during work late 2019. We worked together for just a couple months and some project for a couple weeks or so. Then I had to leave.

    It's 2021, and I don't even talk to this person. I barely knew this person. Yet they keeping popping up randomly in my mind. WTF

    Why am I still thinking about them?

    Is there some psychic phenomena that they are thinking about me as well?

    Is it duality?

    Or am I just being delusional..
    Maybe you need to call them up and invite them to lunch to talk about old times. You might learn why you are obsessed with them.

    Personally, I’d review a few videos of EIEs before your date, just to prepare better in case they are a Dual.

    They might be thinking about you, too.

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    Usually when I have something like this I know exactly why I can't get them off of my mind, I just don't like to admit it (especially not to myself).

    Other times they just represent a large point of growth/unknowns and your brain draws you to them because it'll be helpful for you to get to know and understand them. Or it could be your ego thinks there's a prize there, but be careful with that.

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    You often don't really know what somebody meant to you or how much you really needed it until it was gone. It takes space and distance and time to understand that.

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    It could be that the person constellates something in your unconscious. So you see your own unconscious in the person. If it is romantic then it is Anima projection.

    This is not very informative, I know.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)


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    It's probably not psychic but it is likely there's something about their presence you enjoyed and haven't found in someone else just yet. If going out to meet them seems a little too forward, there's nothing wrong with sending them a message that just says "been thinking of you, hope you're doing well" Worst they can do is leave you on read lol.
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    Quote Originally Posted by megedy View Post
    It's probably not psychic but it is likely there's something about their presence you enjoyed and haven't found in someone else just yet. If going out to meet them seems a little too forward, there's nothing wrong with sending them a message that just says "been thinking of you, hope you're doing well" Worst they can do is leave you on read lol.
    it's complicated, but if I contact this person, it would lead to legal ramifications LOL
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    Quote Originally Posted by ouronis View Post
    Usually when I have something like this I know exactly why I can't get them off of my mind, I just don't like to admit it (especially not to myself).

    Other times they just represent a large point of growth/unknowns and your brain draws you to them because it'll be helpful for you to get to know and understand them. Or it could be your ego thinks there's a prize there, but be careful with that.
    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    You often don't really know what somebody meant to you or how much you really needed it until it was gone. It takes space and distance and time to understand that.


    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    It could be that the person constellates something in your unconscious. So you see your own unconscious in the person. If it is romantic then it is Anima projection.
    This is not very informative, I know.
    nah i actually like these explanations; the 12-year old girl in me secretly likes to read astrology, twin flame explanations, metaphysical, psychic, tarot explanations, etc. my guilty pleasure
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    it's complicated, but if I contact this person, it would lead to legal ramifications LOL
    oh god don't do that then lol.

    Yeah you probably had some kind of connection with them that hasn't been replicated in anyone else yet. Maybe you could try a form of journaling, write out what it is about them specifically that's on your mind, and then start seeing if you can spot those things in other people.
    ~we're just out here havin a good time~

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    i remember I made some joke about working at Mcdonalds, and she responded by telling me that she worked at Mcdonalds. very simple when u look at it objectively. but the psychology effect it had on me was REALLY strange. it wasn't merely coincidental. it was like a spiritual moment. like some twilight zone-like feeling. it's difficult to describe. it was just a convo on Mcdonalds. but it was as if destiny was involved. i dunno. i feel like i'm talking about astrology now.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    i remember I made some joke about working at Mcdonalds, and she responded by telling me that she worked at Mcdonalds. very simple when u look at it objectively. but the psychology effect it had on me was REALLY strange. it wasn't merely coincidental. it was like a spiritual moment. like some twilight zone-like feeling. it's difficult to describe. it was just a convo on Mcdonalds. but it was as if destiny was involved. i dunno. i feel like i'm talking about astrology now.
    If only all the people who worked at McDonalds could have that same connection.

    Really, this sounds like some Ni-HA malfunction.

    Sometimes, that numeral 6 that you saw on that license plate, and the 6 you saw on your Kroger receipt for cereal, and that 6 you saw on the bank statement, are all just coincidences which don't really mean anything.

    The brain searches for meaning where there is no meaning.

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    ひきこもり Eli's Avatar
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    My crush breathes the same air as me and works at a super-common fast chain where I happened to order my burger one night. When I chowed down on that burger I could feel like the divine power of Eros coursing through my mighty phallus. I’m telling you, it’s destiny brah. Once in a lifetime story




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    Love is usually an "on-purpose", rather than an accident.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Love is usually an "on-purpose", rather than an accident.
    what about purposely assigning meaning to random things rather than seeing them as accidents

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    If only all the people who worked at McDonalds could have that same connection.

    Really, this sounds like some Ni-HA malfunction.

    Sometimes, that numeral 6 that you saw on that license plate, and the 6 you saw on your Kroger receipt for cereal, and that 6 you saw on the bank statement, are all just coincidences which don't really mean anything.

    The brain searches for meaning where there is no meaning.
    that's funny. i'm actually drawn to numerology.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    are all just coincidences which don't really mean anything.
    how do you know that this is true.

    i'm not necessarily saying it's true/false... I honestly don't know or I could really be Ni-HA impaired

    Quote Originally Posted by Eli View Post
    My crush breathes the same air as me and works at a super-common fast chain where I happened to order my burger one night. When I chowed down on that burger I could feel like the divine power of Eros coursing through my mighty phallus. I’m telling you, it’s destiny brah. Once in a lifetime story
    lol you're so hilarious
    Last edited by DrDonkeyBallz; 02-18-2021 at 08:50 PM.
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    It is called limerence, infatuation.

    When was the last time you saw her?
    When was the last time you talked to her?
    Did she reciprocate your feelings in any way or amount?
    Do you want to keep feeling this way?

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    lol most if not all of us have an inner 12 year old girl that likes boys/girls and squees over them & just wants pure romantic love with them. It's endearing to me that you admit this in yourself when a lot of worldly & logical/rational Americans would deny or repress it lol. Or sadistic assholes who are incapable of love for one reason or another. But yeah...

    Not that anything is going to happen with this or 'should' happen- but the feeling is both universal and common and rare and inspiring.


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    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    It is called limerence, infatuation.
    this is most likely the answer but its so sterile and straight forward my brain wants to reject it lol

    a part of me also thinks there are some paradigms that exist out there that the logical/scientific paradigm can't explain. i think humanity just has to discover them.

    When was the last time you saw her?
    When was the last time you talked to her?
    about 1 year ago, before this whole COVID thing separated us.

    Did she reciprocate your feelings in any way or amount?
    *deleted*


    Do you want to keep feeling this way?
    not really. it's exhausting. I've been doing everything I can to stop it; There's been no contact. No social media. But they keep respawning themselves back to hijack my brain. And it's eating away at my soul.

    I wish I could cancel culture them in my brain
    Last edited by DrDonkeyBallz; 02-23-2021 at 12:27 AM.
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    Serious Left-Static Negativist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    I met someone during work late 2019. We worked together for just a couple months and some project for a couple weeks or so. Then I had to leave.

    It's 2021, and I don't even talk to this person. I barely knew this person. Yet they keeping popping up randomly in my mind. WTF

    Why am I still thinking about them?

    Is there some psychic phenomena that they are thinking about me as well?

    Is it duality?

    Or am I just being delusional..
    I definitely think it is a connection. Like when you can sense someone looking at you in a crowded room. Yes, I think there is a psychic connection between people. So many times I have thought of an old friend I haven't thought of in a long time; their presence is so clear and palatable to me when I am suddenly out of the blue remembering them. And then that next day or two they call me. It's like we were thinking of each other at the same time.

    I have a particular friend I have thought about for 3 days now and I should just call her tomorrow before she calls me!

    So, yes, I do think this means something.

    [P.S. Also I really think a woman has the power to draw a man to herself with her thoughts.]
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

    .
    .
    .


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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    I definitely think it is a connection. Like when you can sense someone looking at you in a crowded room. Yes, I think there is a psychic connection between people. So many times I have thought of an old friend I haven't thought of in a long time; their presence is so clear and palatable to me when I am suddenly out of the blue remembering them. And then that next day or two they call me. It's like we were thinking of each other at the same time.

    I have a particular friend I have thought about for 3 days now and I should just call her tomorrow before she calls me!

    So, yes, I do think this means something.

    [P.S. Also I really think a woman has the power to draw a man to herself with her thoughts.]
    @Eliza Thomason

    I'm so glad u are here on this forum, too many nerds throwing their logic at me destroying my Disney dreams, you balance it out with this perspective!!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eli View Post
    My crush breathes the same air as me and works at a super-common fast chain where I happened to order my burger one night. When I chowed down on that burger I could feel like the divine power of Eros coursing through my mighty phallus. I’m telling you, it’s destiny brah. Once in a lifetime story


    Quote Originally Posted by myresearch View Post
    It is called limerence, infatuation.

    When was the last time you saw her?
    When was the last time you talked to her?
    Did she reciprocate your feelings in any way or amount?
    Do you want to keep feeling this way?
    >sniffs sock
    >gets erection

    e_e..

    Literal depiction of LSIs:



    fun thread.
    Last edited by shotgunfingers; 02-19-2021 at 07:09 AM.

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    I can usually explain this type of feeling I have about someone by figuring out their enneagram type (tritype and instinct, sociotype too). There are some tritypes or e-types (plus instinct) we will feel a pull towards. They might feel it back sometimes. Also some people have special tritypes (known as balanced). These people can give off a certain alluring balanced vibe I think.

    I can ‘explain’ my top 4 loves/crushes by doing the above. Can provide more information if you like, but it might be hard to explain.

    also there is something called an ‘imago’ which from what I recall is ‘an idealised image’ of the person you would like to be with, I think they are supposed to resemble your mum or dad a bit haha
    Last edited by Bethany; 02-19-2021 at 11:46 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    I can usually explain this type of feeling I have about someone by figuring out their enneagram type (tritype and instinct, sociotype too).
    enneagram hmm that's interesting.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    I can ‘explain’ my top 4 loves/crushes by doing the above. Can provide more information if you like, but it might be hard to explain.
    yes please do share, I'm actually very curious

    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    also there is something called an ‘imago’ which from what I recall is ‘an idealised image’ of the person you would like to be with, I think they are supposed to resemble your mum or dad a bit haha
    yes i've heard of this somewhere, sounds slightly incestuous but it would make sense if we grew up with an influential mom/dad that we looked up to. she did have this quality of looking after others (esp. her own mother) that i liked

    hmmm i wonder if this person resembles my mom
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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post

    >sniffs sock
    >gets erection

    e_e..
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    I definitely think it is a connection. Like when you can sense someone looking at you in a crowded room. Yes, I think there is a psychic connection between people. So many times I have thought of an old friend I haven't thought of in a long time; their presence is so clear and palatable to me when I am suddenly out of the blue remembering them. And then that next day or two they call me. It's like we were thinking of each other at the same time.

    I have a particular friend I have thought about for 3 days now and I should just call her tomorrow before she calls me!

    So, yes, I do think this means something.

    [P.S. Also I really think a woman has the power to draw a man to herself with her thoughts.]

    These ideas are appealing. And PART of the conclusions are true, and PART of them is magical thinking. (I'm not mocking you.)



    This can help you with processing what you're actually seeing and not sliding into magical thinking about it:

    "The scientific reasons you can 'sense' when someone is watching you
    FROM
    Image
    Susie Neilson
    A woman who feels watched.iStock
    July 26, 2017


    Picture this: You're sitting on a nearly empty subway car at night, engrossed in your book or your Instagram feed or whatever you do to pass the time on your commute. You reach a stop, you hear the doors slide open and shut, and the train carries on its way. After a few minutes, your neck begins to stiffen and tense, and a tingling sensation begins to spread — and you can't explain how you know, but you just know that it's because of someone else's gaze. You look up and, sure enough, someone across the car is looking right at you. Your eyes meet briefly, then you look away, slightly spooked. You feel too uncomfortable to check again to see if the stranger is still staring, but your body tells you she is; your neck continues to tingle, as if her eyes are brushing it up and down.

    Most of us have experienced the feeling of being watched at some point, whether the gaze is unwanted (a creepy train stranger) or desired (an attractive new acquaintance at your friend's house party). The sensations accompanying this phenomenon can sometimes feel almost paranormal — it's as if you can physically feel the eyes of others boring into you, even without looking, or like you have a second pair of eyes on the back of your head.

    Obviously, though, you don't. Which kind of makes a person wonder: What makes us feel like we're being watched, even when we can't see the watcher? And why, when we have that strange feeling, are we so often right?

    Because your eyes pick up on more than you know.

    When it comes to being stared at, like many other things we feel or know instinctually, our systems are detecting things far beyond our conscious gaze. Consider a 2013 case study of a patient identified as TN: He was cortically blind, meaning that his visual cortex was damaged such that he couldn't "see" in the traditional sense, but his brain still received input from his eyes. In this study, TN was shown pictures of faces, some that appeared to be looking straight at him, others looking off to the side. Though TN could not explain or articulate what he was seeing, activity in his amygdala — the part of the brain that responds to threat and arousal — spiked when he was shown pictures with faces that seemed to be staring at him.



    What TN's study shows us may explain some of the "sixth sense" feeling we have about being watched: Our brains are doing a lot of work under the surface of our conscious gaze. So if you're walking down the street and you get that feeling, chances are, you may have picked up on other cues outside your direct field of vision.

    Because you can think your way into feeling.

    That tingling sensation? It might feel like something real, but it's likely only the product of your own fixation. One of the first people to study the feeling of being watched was Dr. Edward Titchener, a psychologist working at the turn of the 20th century. He wrote an entire article about the tingling sensation, called "The Feeling of Being Stared At." In it, he dismissed the idea that gaze itself could have that sort of an impact on the skin: "If one thinks hard of one's knee, or foot, e.g.," he wrote, "one will obtain a surprisingly intensive and insistent mass of cutaneous and organic sensations of which one was previously unconscious."

    Titchener's article may be quite old, but it's stood the test of time; since its publication in 1898, multiple studies have tested individuals' claims about a paranormal "gaze feeling," and time and time again the accuracy of said "gaze feeling" has been debunked. We may feel tingly, but the source of the tingling stems from the belief we're being watched, not the watching itself; it's something you've willed into being through your own imagination.

    Because gaze is extremely important.

    We should also talk about what makes us freak out about this feeling in the first place — the fact that we often fixate on where people are looking at all.

    Our brains spend a disproportionate amount of energy wondering whether people are staring at us — so much so that there's a theory that we have an entire neurological network devoted to this activity. In fact, as Oxford neuroscience researcher Harriet Dempsey-Jones explained last year for The Conversation, the human eye is engineered to be revealing.

    "It's not just our brains that are specialized to draw us to the gaze of others," Dempsey Jones wrote. "Our eyes are also exceptionally formed to catch attention and easily reveal the direction of gaze." Human eyes are distinctive from the eyes of almost any other species in that we have a large white area around our pupils and irises, known as the sclera. As Dempsey-Jones noted, the sclera may make it easier for one human to detect the direction of the gaze of another. Why is this important? In a word: communication.

    "Basically, eyes provide us with insights into when something meaningful is happening," she explained. This includes external-world happenings — the mammoth is charging from that direction! — as well as more personal ones: Out of all the Paleolithic dudes in the sea, you're the Paleolithic dude for me. In a species whose primary strength is communication, gaze has evolved into an extremely powerful tool for indicating interest, resources, danger, lust, and even more complex emotions like love.

    Because you often wrongly assume that you're being looked at …

    That's not to say we always get it right. A 2013 study published in the journal Current Biology found that when we're uncertain about which way a person's gaze is directed — like when their eyes are hidden behind sunglasses — we often falsely assume that we're the target.

    Which, in turn, means that the feeling of being watched may become a self-fulfilling prophecy: When you think someone is staring at you from behind, you might turn around suddenly to face them, causing that person to look in your direction. It's also possible that you subconsciously noticed that person staring at you before you turned your back, and your memory alerted you to the fact several minutes later.

    … but that can actually be a good thing.

    Let's face it, we humans are self-centered beasts — beasts that once upon a time had to survive a far greater risk of violent threats than we do now. We're sensitive to gaze, researchers believe, because that sensitivity can be a tool for survival. "Direct gaze can signal dominance or a threat, and if you perceive something as a threat, you would not want to miss it," Colin Clifford, a cognitive scientist at the University of New South Wales and one of the co-authors of the Current Biology study, explained in a statement. "So assuming that the other person is looking at you may simply be a safer strategy."

    Eye contact can also signal other kinds of connection, he added: "Direct gaze is often a social cue that the other person wants to communicate with us, so it's a signal for an upcoming interaction."

    Staring, in other words, can signal intimacy as well as danger — both things we need to pay attention to for our own well-being. Besides, to varying degrees, we're all victims to the superiority illusion, thinking of ourselves that we're healthier, more moral, more observant, and all around better than everyone else — so why not add "more likely to command a stranger's attention" to the list? It doesn't matter if that's actually the case; all that matters is that you believe it.

    Science of Us is a smart but playful window into the latest science on human behavior, with the goal of enlightening, entertaining, and providing useful information that can be applied to everyday life."
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    @DrDonkeyballz Yeah the enneagram definitely caught my eye for a while. In some ways it’s a bit more simple than socionics, which can be really useful!


    Ok so I’ll talk a bit about the people I mentioned..I didn’t go out with any of them but I probably had a chance with 2/4 haha. Was too insecure at the time to do much about it, but that’s a different story. I can’t tell you if they would have been healthy or practical relationship material but there was defo that magical spark. (It might not have been an equal amount of spark but not totally one sided in at least 2/4 cases).


    I’ll also mention 2 other duals I’ve met in the past who stand out in my mind who made the moves on me and who left an impression.


    The things that you need to know about are as follows:


    You need to know their main enneagram type and also their instinct.


    I don’t know how much you know about enneagram, you might need to read up a bit. I know a bit but I’ve internalised a lot of stuff and can’t necessarily explain it ha.


    For a while, I thought about instincts in terms of ‘stacks’ but I think I’ve changed my mind a bit about that. You may have seen people write about so/sx, sp/so etc..the idea that we have a preferred order of using the ‘instincts’.


    Now I think it’s actually the instinct we identify most with that is significant..or useful to think about at least.


    So I consider myself to be a social 9. Others would be self preservation or sexual 9s. I’ll provide a link to a chart I like to use to identify people’s instincts but there are other resources around and you probs need to read into it and observe people until you can spot their instincts.


    http://www.enneagramdimensions.net/a...f_subtypes.pdf


    I find that I have high, intense chemistry with people who are sexual instinct. I find I have more giddy, innocent, lovey dovey attraction to social instinct. And self pres instinct..they can grow on me.


    You also need to know their tritype (everyone relates to mainly 3 e-types- one from each different centre of intelligence).


    There are some tritypes we may have a natural bond with (see the link below for more info). 7s are my enneagram dual and they seem to be attracted to me, where as I, an e9, have been the enneagram dual to many of my close friends and one of my crushes lol. See the article for more info on enneagram tritype compatibility. I don’t necessarily agree with the bit that says you have to share one number of your tritype but I do think the rest of the stuff seems kinda true.


    https://www.the16types.info/vbulleti...gram-Dual-quot (an infp wrote this)


    Crushes..


    Crush number 1:
    Estp 712. Self pres 7. He expressed interested in me. I really fancied him. It was intense in a way, I suppose, but really, it felt simple and pure. According to the above article he’s my enneagram dual, as he is a 7. We don’t however share a number in our tritype.


    Crush number 2:
    Enfj 648. Friend of a friend. A very deep, intense attraction. He’s a sexual 6. As a 9 I am enneagram dual to 648s. Also we share two numbers in our tritypes.


    Crush number 3:
    Intp 549. Social 5. We are friends now but I think there will always be a spark. We are too similar though and I think it would have been too intense/weird. We share two numbers of our tritype-also he’s a 5 and I get on well with 5s. I felt a magical connection with him the moment I saw him.


    Crush number 4:
    This one I’m still recovering from but getting there.


    Isfp 639. We worked together, I told him
    I liked him-it got really complicated and horrible. I consider him my best friend and hope we will be friends again one day, once I’ve fully recovered. Maybe in years and years lol. (This is what made me get into typology.)


    He’s a social 6. And we share 2/3 numbers in our tritype. I’ve always felt like he’s my twin from the other side of the mirror. My little brother is 639 tritype so maybe he reminds me of of him. Also my dad is istp 926 and is a bit isfp-ish. It is weird and incestuous sounding haha but I think it’s normal! (To do with seeking (or providing?) security)


    This guy is also one of the ‘balanced’ tritypes who can be anyone’s ‘enneagram dual’ so I think this adds some appeal.


    This was the most intense crush I think I’ll ever have. Not just a crush :/


    I mentioned that there were two other duals..


    So I once knew this super cute estp guy. He was way too cute and young for me, yet there he was, expressing interest, for a while. He was either sexual or self pres 7, tritype 739. Very attractive and extremely cool person..but wouldn’t have worked.


    Another estp expressed interest in me..I turned him down for stupid reasons but I remember him and now I think we would have been v well suited. He seemed very sweet. He was a social 7 and was 739.


    So I share a tritype number with both of them, plus they are 7, my enneagram dual. Also as 9, I intergrate to 3 so I think that counts for something.


    Current crush:
    Estp 729. Self pres 7. Don’t think he knows I exist. I don’t really have a crush on him, but I do fancy him.


    Hope this makes some sense!


    Perhaps I’m over noticing patterns...but the pattern is there all the same It kinda makes some sense to me atm.

    Maybe there is another way to explain it :s Maybe I am reading into things coz I fancied them..but I think I’ve noticed similar patterns with friends as well


    Edit: I think tritype can play an important role in relationship compatibility. I think having a similar tritype or being enneagram ‘duals’ can create a sense of chemistry. But with particular socionics ITR, it might not be ‘healthy’ to have ‘too much’ chemistry/intensity.

    Even with socionics duals, the chemistry needs to be a healthy level, and not too intense..or not too jarring... Health levels may play a part in this, as well as more general personality traits (as well as tritype).

    As for the enneagram instincts, they are confusing..but I think they can be used to help people understand what it is about a crush they are drawn to or why it is they feel a very strong ‘connection’ with someone.

    Of course, physical attraction is often part of a crush too. I think when someone is a compatible or similar tritype as well as being cute, then this can lead to a very big crush

    Last edited by Bethany; 02-19-2021 at 10:07 PM.
    Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

  28. #28
    Serious Left-Static Negativist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    ...also there is something called an ‘imago’ which from what I recall is ‘an idealised image’ of the person you would like to be with, I think they are supposed to resemble your mum or dad a bit haha
    I haven't heard of imago, but I agree there is often a parental factor in the attraction. More often it seems to be attraction to the opposite sex parent, which would have been good for me, since my dad was my Dual. But also, unfortunately, it can be the challenging parent, or the one you couldn't connect with, that you subconsciously hope to "remedy" by marrying one that is akin to them psychologically, often in the way you felt was missing from the parent.

    So my first husband was my remedy for my controlling mom that never seemed to understand/validate me. Instead of resolving that, my husband, who had been so very head over heels in love with me, immediately after marriage became 10x these traits in my mother. Years in I stumbled upon a book on verbal abuse and was shocked to see what I was deeply immersed in, and my big question was "why?" - how could anyone be this? Then I learned of his bizarrely different worldview, Narcissism, which explained everything. What a mess, and so much to heal from. Praise God, because He did heal me.

    A SEE dear to us has a LSI mom, and her only sibling is LSI - - Supervisors! The most psychologically damaging relationship of the Socion!. SEE still gets angst that her sibling gets preferential treatment and praise and admiration from Mom, while she gets the sting of reminders of her past mistakes, despite her present accomplishments. So which "parent" did she marry? Not dear old Dad, a SLI, but her "Mom" - a LSI. (Fortunately it is going fine. He is a good man and loves her and the two single parents are making a good family, so that blesses everyone and it all looks good. Also she has a prescription for a regular supply of medical marijuana..).

    I want to say my mom was not a Narcissist. Years later as an adult I was shocked to learn from her sister that reason for my Mom's "missing pieces". In her day the treatment for post partum depression was electroshock treatment. : ( So on the outside, she looked perfectly fine, but for those very close - particularly me, the only daughter, with a psychological 6th sense - she was an ongoing puzzle.

    I honestly think the idea for Stepford Wives was based on this once common abuse-of-woman practice.

    _____
    [Mom was ESI, ex was ESE. So, many similar elements between, the two, excepting the E, which I admired much in the ESE, who was such a social "light", not timid at all. And being raised in a very "I" family, I valued the trait. It made up for something "short" in me, more socially reserved.]
    Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 02-19-2021 at 06:26 PM.
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
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  29. #29
    that's alright I like the way it burnz DrDonkeyBallz's Avatar
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    @Bethany thanks for the comprehensive response, it was very informative. It's crazy how you have all your crushes and their tritypes, I can tell it's something you think deeply about. I wonder how they'd react knowing you secretly analyze them from afar, better watch out for e9s

    Hmm... I'm not too knowledgeable on enneagram/tritypes/instincts, but I'm pretty sure I'm an enneagram 1 SX, not sure what my tritype is at the moment but perhaps its something I should look into.
    Last edited by DrDonkeyBallz; 02-19-2021 at 11:39 PM.
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    Serious Left-Static Negativist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    @nanashi, that is interesting explanations! I enjoyed that. I liked TN's story especially.

    So maybe magical thinking is just a reality that science hasn't gotten around to explaining yet. : ) .
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

    .
    .
    .


  31. #31

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    @nanashi, that is interesting explanations! I enjoyed that. I liked TN's story especially.

    So maybe magical thinking is just a reality that science hasn't gotten around to explaining yet. : ) .
    I'm glad you liked them.


    No. I can see why you might hope that is what magical thinking is, and I suspected you might go there. But if you're going there, you're neglecting the other information in the article, such as the tingling when we think about a body part. Magical thinking: It's excellent for you to be aware of it so you are manipulated less often. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_thinking
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    The mind is random sometimes. If you notice how random something is, and try to figure out why, that will sometimes only serve to magnify the random thing in your awareness. Then it'll start to recur. And then you wonder why the damn thing keeps coming back into your mind. And so it keeps coming back into your mind even more. And you think to yourself that there must be a reason why. And then eventually you prove the why to yourself, even though it was just a constructed explanation.

    Why did x keep coming back into your mind? Because you paid attention to it when it did the first time. Thoughts are self-reinforcing.

    I one time had an odd moment several years ago when I woke up and had the weirdest OCD gestalt that there was lead in old ink. I was right. Until 1984 lead was used in print ink. Had to deal with that fear for quite a while even though it had arisen pretty randomly and suddenly as I woke up one day.

    Anyone who has dealt with OCD knows all about random thoughts that catch in your mind. The secret is learning how to let them do what they want and dissipate on their own.

  33. #33
    Italians do it better Lolita's Avatar
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    Doesn’t really mean anything. The mind can wander off and think of all sorts of things.

  34. #34

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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    @Bethany thanks for the comprehensive response, it was very informative. It's crazy how you have all your crushes and their tritypes, I can tell it's something you think deeply about. I wonder how they'd react knowing you secretly analyze them from afar, better watch out for e9s

    Hmm... I'm not too knowledgeable on enneagram/tritypes/instincts, but I'm pretty sure I'm an enneagram 1 SX, not sure what my tritype is at the moment but perhaps its something I should look into.
    Hahaha. They’d be flattered or terrified or both. I have to say I do my best not to care what the isfp thinks now because he was a bit of a rubbish mate to me. Oh- how funny, that the word mate ‘for friend’, is the same as ‘mate’ like finding a romantic mate?


    Honestly, I know it’s silly I guess I was very lonely in my twenties (was dealing with a lot of undiagnosed anxiety and depression etc :s) I’m in recovery of my unhealthy IEI years now and I suppose I have to laugh


    Yes being e9 gives you super powers to obsess over people ha. Or ‘see into their souls’ I just really need an e7 to take me off on some adventures I think


    Yeah been thinking about this stuff for a while, I hope it can help people! It helped me to think about it. Also made me see a cool side to the enneagram too. I like some of the simple descriptions- seeing people as poetic archetypes that have strengths and weakness.
    Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

  35. #35

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    Maybe that person reminds you of someone from your past (possibly parents or yourself) or embodies something you repress within yourself (ex: you're serious and they're cheery), that's usually what we call "instant attraction".

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