ESIs and our verbal output
hello there. Speaking for myself and another ESI I've known: Goddamn we can produce a LOT of words when we're talking or texting/chatting about our feelings. or writing out our thoughts on a work project in our notebook or in onenote.
I keep thinking i've gotten it more in check but then it unleashes itself again. why are we like this? (apart from the obvious reasons) it's clearly so inefficient to take so long to get to the point in our long notes to ourselves. like, okay i guess i needed to get those thoughts out there, but i may never visit them again -- or visiting them again may not be very forward-leading, and that makes the exercise of the writing kind of weird to me... contrast this with how you may learn something substantially new when you reread a meaningful text written by someone else another time.
when you have this tendency, it's really important to be clear with yourself about what writing is personal journaling that you're good with keeping to yourself and what thoughts or feelings you want to share with a close friend--whether to be heard or to hear what they think. the line between the two can be blurry for me at times. still though, when i really get going in chatting with someone whom i really trust, i can still on occasion produce more words than they can keep up with in the moment :x usually because my Fi had a lot to say to them...
will it always be like this for us? :x i mean, my friends stick around; i've joked that excellent reading comprehension is a characteristic shared by my friend O_O. and i used to write even more to people, when i was less developed and was hungry to form bonds, but the tendencies even in my writings to myself are still there. i'd just like some way to think about being like this and what i can expect for the future... thanks.
Talk all you want. I like to hear it.
Originally Posted by spaciousfreedom
OK, more of an answer, @spaciousfreedom.
I once read (on here) an article or a post which said that ESI's don't talk much to strangers, but when they get home, they unleash onto their mates a torrent of criticism of the people and events of their day, and they expect their mates to agree with them.
I read that and, thinking about how experiencing that would feel to me, as an LIE, I was a bit put off. I mean, all they do is criticize? And I'm expected to just agree with them? That did not sound like a formula for marital bliss.
However, I was imagining this as happening in the future. What I wasn't remembering was that in high school, I had an ESI best friend (my very best friend), and after school, I'd go over to his house and we'd hang out in his basement and we'd just talk. And talk. And talk. For hours, and I never got tired of the guy. I think he'd talk about his day and I'd talk about my plans, but whatever it was we talked about, I liked and, to be honest, needed that.
So I've recently been platonically dating an ESI. Our dates sometimes last all day. What do we do for eight or ten hours if we're not having sex? We talk.
Recently she's been talking about how her lawyer, whom she had before she met me, wronged her. This is exactly what the post I read said she'd do. And you know what? I agree with her. Her lawyer did wrong her.
Of course, her lawyer was not Gamma, and the person who wrote the above description of ESI's home life wasn't Gamma, either, so what might seem right and necessary to a Gamma might seem equivalent to running over bunnies with a lawn mower to an Alpha. But who the fuck cares what Alphas think? I only care what ESIs think.
And yes, I've known some ESI's for many years, both male and female, and when they like someone, they tend to want to talk to them. A lot. So it doesn't change much with age, but it's actually OK to do this when you have the right friends.
Consider this: If ESI's spend a lot of time talking about their feelings, you can be sure that that is exactly what is necessary to get through to their Duals. Honestly, feelings are a foreign country to me, and only by hearing the facts repeated many times will there be the slightest chance that even a little of it gets through. But it is important that it gets through.
Last edited by Adam Strange; 02-16-2021 at 04:40 AM.
ESIs are not especially verbal, but, of course they talk more about things that they are interested in.
So much these points Adam made...
Originally Posted by Adam Strange
When I imagine a gorgeous future, it's full of an ESI mate opening up and talking to me about things that matter to him for hours.
Yeah, not sure about this one.
I know when I was young I was quite the chatter box.
However, as I've gotten older I find I am much more reserved and I often have a hard time thinking of what to say. Even now, writing this, I'm trying to figure out what I can actually add to the discussion.
I guess what I mean is I don't relate. Heh.
They tend to talk to people that they trust to remain discrete and they'll talk up a storm on social media when anonymity seems assured. They will talk to those that they have feelings for about issues that they have with others but they often won't confront those same people about problems that they have with them. Unfortunately, they'll sit on issues, problems and irritations allowing the pressure to build until something gives. I've known several who've walked out on bewildered spouses without ever having once voiced any dissatisfaction directly to them although I'm sure that certain friends or co-workers knew about the discontent. I wrote this about ESIs at their worst:
Originally Posted by Adam Strange
Go read the definition of ILI. God damn, it's me but wrong.
Unless I am ESI. Anyways, how forward thinking are you, and have you gotten to the depressing part.
And, as you noticed, there is no line here.