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Thread: Do you struggle with meetings at work?

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    Default Do you struggle with meetings at work?

    If you do, you're not alone. The truth is, everyone does - though each of us have our own personal struggles.

    As an introvert, my personal struggle has been dealing with the human element. I still find that challenging at times, but over the last twenty years I've discovered a lot of strategies to make that easier.

    The key realisation is that there are two aspects to any interaction that can cause problems. The first is the personal element. Is listening a struggle? What about asking questions? Most of us spend time focusing on that - if we consider it at all.

    But the second element is just as important - perhaps more. This is extra-personal - in the sense that it's not necessarily to do with you. You see, if you're finding a meeting challenging, maybe the issue is the meeting itself.

    To work out if that's the case, there's two questions you need to answer:

    1. Should you be at the meeting?
    2. Can the meeting succeed?


    If the answer to either of those questions is negative, then no amount of personal soul-searching will help you. The meeting will most likely be painful, frustrating, and a complete waste of your time. And unless you realise the problem is the meeting, you'll probably think the problem is you.

    Those questions tie together. The next time you receive a meeting invite, work out for yourself:

    • Is the meeting the best use of your time?
    • Do you have to go? Just because you were invited doesn't make the answer 'yes'.
    • Do you want to go?
    • Whether the meeting can succeed - does it have a clear purpose, the right people and the right approach?


    Once you decide to go, then you need to consider what you can do to make the meeting successful for you.

    There are strategies, frameworks and decision schemas that can help with each of those questions.

    Here's one. We call it the Axiom of Don'ting: think first to drop, the defer, next delegate and finally do.

    So, if the meeting is not the best use of your time, don't go unless you have to. And the times when you have to are not as frequent as you might think.

    Once you take care of the extra-personal issues, you can then focus on being your best. What struggles do you face at meetings?

    Last edited by Matthew EOD; 02-11-2021 at 09:48 AM. Reason: I was attemptingto gain feedback, but was told that was viewed as advertising - so removed final line.

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    Shazaam's Avatar
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    Most meetings at work consist of a boss being narcissistic and useless and ppl having to coax a boss' narcissism if they wanna keep their jobs.

    Don't need to take a course that preys on people's corporate fears & makes a narc stronger and me weaker.

    Also please don't advertise whatever it is you're trying to sell here - I'm pretty sure that's considered spam and against the rules.

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    BandD, you win a free course!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Most meetings at work consist of a boss being narcissistic and useless and ppl having to coax a boss' narcissism if they wanna keep their jobs.

    Don't need to take a course that preys on people's corporate fears & makes a narc stronger and me weaker.

    Also please don't advertise whatever it is you're trying to sell here - I'm pretty sure that's considered spam and against the rules.
    Hi BandD, thanks for your comments. Not all meetings are that way, but they can be. If all the meetings I went to were like that, I'd be seeking some way of making things different.

    And thanks for the reminder about the rules - I'm not actually trying to sell anything here, but I am trying to get feedback - particularly from introverts. I didn't think that violated the codes, but I've amended the post just in case.
    Last edited by Matthew EOD; 02-11-2021 at 09:49 AM.

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    Shazaam's Avatar
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    If all the meetings I went to were like that, I'd be seeking some way of making things different.
    The only way to make them different would be (1 to start my own company and crush the competition. Or (2 do things that appeased the boss' narcissism. But I may not have any personal desire to do either of those things. Anything else, some in-the-middle mealy mouthed thing is obviously a BS scam designed to prey on a shy person's insecurities and I will not tolerate people being taking advantage of on this forum in that way. /Daddy bear growl.

    And thanks for the reminder about the rules - I'm not actually trying to sell anything here, but I am trying to get feedback - particularly from introverts.


    Thank you for adhering to the warning. Posting spam or soliciting is not something to be lenient about as it pretty much just pollutes the forum with garbage.

    I didn't think that violated the codes.


    All good. Now you know. I'm not trying to be a dick- but if you try to do it again, no matter how subtle/clever you think you're being with it, I'm (or another moderator) is going to ban you because the threads or posts can't be filled with that sort of stuff.

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    Haikus SGF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Most meetings at work consist of a boss being narcissistic and useless and ppl having to coax a boss' narcissism if they wanna keep their jobs.

    Don't need to take a course that preys on people's corporate fears & makes a narc stronger and me weaker.

    Also please don't advertise whatever it is you're trying to sell here - I'm pretty sure that's considered spam and against the rules.
    This.

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    Now just need an EIE to like my first post and the Beta army can be complete ....
    @golden pleeeease?

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    I tried to read the OP like three times and my eyes kept glazing over lmao. who is "we"? axiom of "don'ting"? lmao what companies even exist where you can just tell your boss "sorry boss man, can't make the meeting today, i have decided it is not the best use of my time" hhahahahahah

    i think i'd rather suffer through reading "who moved my cheese?" again than think about work meetings outside of work lmfao
    ~we're just out here havin a good time~

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    DeliMeat's Avatar
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    lol what even is this

    (1) Effective On Demand (u/Matthew_EOD) - Reddit

    Hey @Matthew EOD you should fill out a type questionnaire for us.

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    Seed my wickedness Existential Ibuprofen's Avatar
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    Yeah. Make everyone hate your guts. Life saved, money lost.
    MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
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    Carnivore | Student | Still a hedonist one's Avatar
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    99% of the time:

    Should you be at the meeting?
    No! Email is the KEY

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    Haikus Computer Loser's Avatar
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    I only like meetings if I'm running them

    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Now just need an EIE to like my first post and the Beta army can be complete ....
    @golden pleeeease?
    @golden has been pretty inactive dude, she might as well be a dinosaur fossil now lol
    Last edited by Computer Loser; 02-12-2021 at 02:03 PM.

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    I have no problems with meetings if everybody in the meeting knows when to stop running their mouths and let others speak.

    I always hesitate to cede the floor to some people because I know they'll have this compulsive tendency to take over the meeting. It's annoying having to wrest it back each time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DrDonkeyBallz View Post
    I only like meetings if I'm running them


    @golden has been pretty inactive dude, she might as well be a dinosaur fossil now lol
    Golden came back three weeks ago, looked at chat for two minutes, said "This is why I left this place", and off she went.

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    one time i was in a really awful meeting where the head of the nursing department was trying to chew us out over quality of care dropping after extreme budget and staffing cuts and i got so mad i yelled at her that if she couldn't connect the dots and advocate for more staff then the whole place deserved the threats of lawsuits they were getting and i walked out of the job lmao

    that was the coolest meeting i was ever in (for me)
    ~we're just out here havin a good time~

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    I have nothing against meetings unless it is something boring like politics. Sometimes I have had enough and I kind of want to upset people. I rarely do it but if they are very by the book authority respecting sort non-thinkers I might do it.
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    Struggle? My very presence command respecK.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    Now just need an EIE to like my first post and the Beta army can be complete ....
    @golden pleeeease?
    I liked all your posts in this thread but didn't read them. No idea what I liked.
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    Ксеркс, царь царей xerx's Avatar
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    Yes. They're boring and I hate them. I try to doodle on a piece of paper while other people are talking.

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    I go into meetings with a positive outlook and the best of intentions. I always end up doodling.
    Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

    -Carl Jung



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    It depends. I like them if itís a break from doing something thatís boring or pointless. If the meeting adds more to my work, as in make me be behind, then I wonít be happy and will more than likely voice that itís a waste of time. As a result, nearly every job Iíve had, people are afraid of what Iíll say in meetings because they donít know how Iíll take the information and may turn it against them.

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