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Thread: 16types Adventures: The Rise of the Eternals

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    Hot Scalding Gayser's Avatar
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    Default 16types Adventures: The Rise of the Eternals

    16types Adventures: The Rise of the Eternals

    ((Warning: This story gets kinda dark and fucked up at times. If you are easily offended, or don’t want to be offended- please leave now. You have been warned.))

    Chapter 1: King vs Queen

    Oprah Winfrey hummed along to herself as she walked in the eerie graveyard at night. She looked down at her custom made Apple watch. It was 2:55 AM. She was wearing dark purple hoop earrings and a beautiful black dress.

    There was a lot of work to do if Oprah was to become an Eternal. Oprah was already a Pure Demon Immortal, a Nightmare, an obsidian colored Dragon and a Ghetto Vampire from Mars.

    Yet even being all those powerful entities - she could still be destroyed. Yes, it would probably take multiple nuclear bombs from the government to do it but it could still happen. (they probably would have to also drop a few moons on her as well)

    “Once I become an Eternal I will have infinite HP and everything will be set in to motion” Oprah said calmly to herself, knowing she could safely use bnd/Sam’s nerdy RPG speak because nobody was around to judge her.

    “The Ideas are so stupid and short-sighted. The common-folk thought it all ended with the Ideas, didn’t you- didn’t you! But I’m not seeking to become an Idea of myself like so many before me. I know that’s ultimately just a back and forth cycle that in the end means nothing.”

    “Poor Esther Hicks was so weak she didn’t even know …” Oprah smiled to herself as she got out a sleek black bag. Well she kind of just materialized it with her Dragon Powers as they gave her the ability to conjure things in a hurl of purple smoke.

    She read the tombstone on the grave.

    November 19th 1933 - January 23rd 2021.

    Oprah then reached inside and revealed a decapitated head from the sleek designer fashion bag. It was none other than the rotting dead head of Jerry Hicks! - Esther Hicks husband who had died from cancer. Oprah had preserved it all these years but it was beginning to decay really badly and pieces of flesh were dropping down on the ground.

    “The Law of Attraction doesn’t exist- clearly.” Oprah said at the same moment another piece of flesh dropped down. Plit. “Because you tried to use it to become Gods and you just became this instead” Oprah said as she shifted her glance towards the head in a very serious way. You could see the calm satisfaction in her face as she looked at Jerry’s Head in sadistic delight, happily knowing Esther is forever without her loved one.

    Oprah then materialized a sharp serrated knife and began cutting up the head in a bunch of pieces over Larry’s grave. Like she was grating cheese kind of.

    “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku” Oprah said, reciting a dark and ancient ritual that’s been thought to have been lost for ages. “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku” … “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku” “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku.” She kept cutting up the skull.

    This was about the task of focusing - because when most ‘dark beings’ do satanic rituals like these they lose control and become too sexually turned on. Which does give them an incredible orgasm but also gives them nothing else more- and most importantly it ruins the process and they can’t become an Eternal.

    Ever again. The Gods’ rules are harsh & strict for a reason.

    Even though Oprah was ecstatic that she was doing something totally creepy & f*cked up like this- and getting completely away with it- she had to also calm herself down to not be aroused so she could complete the ritual.

    She breathed and calm down and thought of something boring, like Eckhart Tolle’s books that she had to pretend to like for more money, and it worked to keep her under control.

    She socionically also used the function ‘Fi’ to not get too aroused as perhaps Bertrand was correct and Fe valuers would be much more likely to get off on this weird pervy shit- but that’s up for debate.

    As the pieces of flesh fell over onto the grave and Oprah said the right words and didn’t get too turned on - the grave began to glow.

    Again, Oprah couldn’t get too excited here…..

    Oprah’s eyes turned a soft grayish pearl white now, totally illuminating most of the dark cemetery. “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku!.” “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku!!.” “Unskul bmedsk bahs vsk rosku!!!.”

    A flash. Oprah got knocked back, but well because she’s Oprah- it didn’t knock her back so much as cause a little strand of her hair to subtly blow back.

    Oprah calmed down. She realized *now* she could be excited. Well not in that way but- yeah.

    Oprah looked at the being she just raised. He didn’t die too long ago so the body still looked fresh. She looked across at him and smiled while rubbing a locket around her neck.

    “..Uh Oprah Winfrey?” Larry King said, adjusting his glasses. The man looked sad and tired in the eyes, like he was waking up from a bad nap- but also like he was all together there too. Of course he was also wearing his infamous suspenders. “Is that you?” Larry smiled in a calm way. And very subtly looked even better than he did a few seconds ago.

    Oprah kind of frowned. Something wasn’t right here. “You’re supposed to address me as Queen” she said haughtily.

    “That’s funny Oprah” Larry said as he smiled that genuine smile that won over the hearts of Americans both left-wing and right. “Now can you please tell me why you resurrected me?” he asked in that curious and compassionate journalist tone that he does.

    “Ugh fucking goody-two-shoes Larry King” Oprah whispered under her breath. Why does he have to ruin everything?

    You’re supposed to be a mindless zombie b-but you still have your free will. You’re still you? Oprah wondered what she had done wrong here. She didn’t answer Larry’s question out loud and continued to just stare at him in disbelief.

    You were supposed to be The Idea of Zombies under my thrall, releasing an apocalyptic Zombie invasion event upon the world as the next stage of my plan to becoming an Eternal - and you do seem to be the very perfection of Zombies, just … not the under my thrall part.

    But Oprah was of course, sinisterly Machiavellian. She didn’t dare tell Larry her plan out loud like some people do when they tell their feelings too much to strangers on online message boards.

    Larry King looked at Oprah Winfrey.

    Oprah Winfrey looked at Larry King.

    Larry then knew what he had to do- he had to get out of here, and find someway to stop Oprah. Something wasn’t right.

    Oprah quickly tried to stab Larry in the face with her knife, but he smacked her wrist and it sent the knife flying out of her hand. Oprah then grabbed Larry by the throat before he could escape, but she had to let go when she felt more hands tugging on her feet and legs. She looked down. The hands clawing away at her and beautiful black dress, shredding her nylons. Larry King was using his newfound zombie powers and trying to knock Oprah down.

    “Oprah I’m saddened as to what you’ve become” Larry King said like a caring father to the cosmos (which he was) “We’re not any better than the people who helped make us famous. We’re all One” Larry King said. “When I passed away last week, I learned that lesson maybe more than anybody.”

    Larry King coughed, and then farted a bit. His farts still smelled bad- like very bad. Because Larry King was a beloved Hero but even he wasn’t a Mary Sue or anything.

    “The Idea of Oneness is nothing compared to a Soon-Be-Eternal like me” Oprah seethed hatefully. She elbowed a zombie in the face.

    “Oneness isn’t an Idea… it’s a truth” Larry King said, never losing his calm and heroic demeanor.

    She then realized it was a risk to be so open with Larry as he no doubt would use his journalistic powers to double-cross her- and reveal to the Illuminati her true nature, which would inevitably thwart Oprah’s plan.

    She probably shouldn’t have mentioned that she wanted to be an Eternal. But she was cocky. She knew she could best Larry King in a one on one battle.

    Or could she? Oprah looked around at her perilous situation. More and more zombies were dragging her down, her body was completely on the cool grass now and it had even begun sinking down into the earth. She tried to use her powers to conjure something… teleport out of there, change into her dragon form- do something, but the zombies were blocking all of her abilities. Larry King continued to stare Oprah down all calm and regal-like.

    “I don’t get any satisfaction in doing this” Larry King said. Okay, so he was lying a little bit. “It’s just- we both need to go back to being part of Jesus Christ’s Oneness” he said. “The true spirit of things- the peaceful Oneness. Oneness isn’t a mental construct or fairytale. It simply is.”

    Oprah’s cries for help became muffled as her body began sinking down further into the earth. Could this be it? Could this be the end of Oprah?

    “Oneness isn’t to be confused with Equality or ‘That’s Boring’ which the Ego naturally does when it tries to conceptualize Oneness” Larry King continued. Really, Oprah has heard this all before in her Book Reading clubs but she never really actually absorbed it genuinely inside her heart because it was all a means to an end.

    “You see- Good always wins in the end, Oprah” Larry King said as the zombies dug her body deeper into the earth.

    Oprah hatefully gurgled up dirt as her body sunk further into the ground. She thrashed her arms from side to side trying desperately for anything else to happen other than her own demise, but to no avail. A zombie even began biting one of her hoop earrings, and then ripped off and begun devouring her right ear!

    “Don’t worry- when you go- I’ll still let you keep your awesome external reputation” Larry King said with a compassionate half-smile on his face. “Nobody but me will know you’ve died this way. Because this isn’t about vengeance, Oprah. This is about doing what’s right.”

    Grrrrrouggghgglg. More and more zombies began releasing themselves from their tombs. As they came out of their graves, they all instinctively leapt on Oprah’s body- following their subconscious orders from Zombie King Larry King.

    Oprah felt herself slipping. All those billions of Hit Points slowly but surely draining. Going even into the millions now… Oh shit. Feeling weaker… even feeling yuck, normal, like she only consumes media instead of creates it. Come on. Is this really how Oprah is going to go out? Outmaneuvered by a bunch of zombies?

    Damn that Zombie King Larry King.

    To be continued…

  2. #2
    Aramas's Avatar
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    Is this the 16types adventures or the BnD Soapbox Adventures? I never really looked at these stories all that much but now that I have it just seems like you're airing out all your personal opinions with these stories.

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