ESIs making sense of their circuitous pathways through life

[spacious]

Whenever I start feeling disappointed in myself for the circuitous paths I've taken in grad school (and in the path to coming to this institution, and to settling on an institution for my undergrad degree, and other big life decisions/events), this passage from the Fi description on the sociotype website makes me feel better, like... at least I'm functioning in a predictable way:

"ESIs value their own sense of fidelity and life stability, and they may always try to treat others with fairness and decency. However, they often tend to be highly reliant on their attitudes towards others in directing their path through life, which can sometimes lead them down circuitous and complicated pathways and interfere with their moral rectitude."

From <https://www.sociotype.com/socionics/types/ESI-ISFj/>

At 31, I'm approaching the most independence and clarity about myself and where I see myself going/want to go that I've ever had, but at the same time I'm still connected to all of these projects (about to join another one... that I do think will give me useful methods training for carrying out my own independent work) that are founded on a not-great fit between my interests and the scope of the project. But my interests weren't clear enough for the longest time to set out on my own and do my own thing, and those projects gave me experience...

Anyway, it's this weird thing of coming into my own while also helping other people senior to me (mostly) with their work, and trying to make my own contribution to it.

I long to be able to plot a clear through-line of my grad school experience, to hypothetically give advice to others, but... hahaha. I've been soo caught up in the moment and almost like treading water so many times over, how could I even expect to have a clear through-line like that? I have recently crossed a crucial milestone in the program, though, so am moving into a period where *I* get to make more of the calls and shots. And I want that!

Basically, I'm human and grappling with my own particular, adaptive yet not ideal ways of dealing with life.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Well my Te polr perspective is that often there is this ideal that people can follow their unique passions and get paid for it- like the 'American Dream' is that you can just kind of be an idea of yourself and do whatever you want and get paid for it and become incredibly powerful as long as you're not breaking too many rules etc. Although the most memorable people always break some of the rules! However, most jobs people land - the 'average person' - they have to give up their narcissism and passion to work with others. They learn the harsh truths it's not so much what they want but what other people need that they can give them. Which if it just so happens to also align with what they want- great, but usually- nah, it's more complicated than that. Or they have to learn to balance it better because there is so many complicated forces that clash with their own ideals and goals. But I still think ideally yes, people should have the freedom to do what they want to do.

The ESIs I know feel best when they're being kind of 'worldly' and trying out a variety of things in a mostly urban setting. They do just like to live life- and I think their valued but 1D Te- they rely on others to sort out a lot of that other stuff. Human beings are very 'interdependent.'

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

You don't have to worry about not having a groovy story to share and base advice on. Our narratives of the past are not the whole picture anyway. One could argue that they cannot be and that their utility ultimately is questionable (or at least varies according to your goals, of course, so keep an eye on those? Maybe clarity/solidity will come out of being aware of motives rather than ensuring cohesion in other ways). Also, take a look at what you consider to be good or bad mentorship? Do you wish you yourself were given (better) guidance ?

[spacious]

Thanks for the perspective, both of you. Really useful. And I can see that there's more context I could give, but I've already learned a lot / connected to some missing pieces in the picture from your thoughts. It's Monday morning, so... I'll give some more particular replies when the time feels right. Ty

[Sol]

freedom, independence...
ESI are centered on more earthy things. I recommend to make a typing videointerview and possibly to get another types for you.

[spacious]

@Sol Thanks for the input. I'm ESI, but I'm on a less traveled career path for ESIs. I'm getting my PhD

ESIs can have spiritual interests, too--this itself can be earthy

I don't plan to make a typing video anytime--I'm too private, and I know I'm ESI and have talked with others extensively offline about it.

///

Leaning on your weaker functions does something to a person, as you can imagine. There's hope for using more of my Fi in my next phase of my program, though. But this is a long, slow process still. No sustainable quick gratification like my Se wants

I didn't know just how much of a challenge to my weaker sides this program would be before I enrolled. But it's the only real occupational/vocational thing I've ever felt called to do, so I'm sticking it out and connecting w/ myself and my 'core' self whenever I can.

:-)