These are examples of what I'm speaking about...and it's all of these points together being repeatedly and frequently used, not just one or two of them once un a while.
-Character assassination. This usually involves the word “always.” You’re always late, wrong, screwing up, disagreeable, and so on. Basically, they say you’re not a good person.
-Yelling. Yelling, screaming, and swearing are meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. It might be accompanied by fist-pounding or throwing things.
-Digital spying. They might check your internet history, emails, texts, and call log. They might even demand your passwords.
-Unilateral decision-making. They might close a joint bank account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without asking.
-Lecturing. Belaboring your errors with long monologues makes it clear they think you’re beneath them.
-Direct orders. From “Get my dinner on the table now” to “Stop taking the pill,” orders are expected to be followed despite your plans to the contrary.
-Outbursts. You were told to cancel that outing with your friend or put the car in the garage, but didn’t, so now you have to put up with a red-faced tirade about how uncooperative you are.
-Feigned helplessness. They may say they don’t know how to do something. Sometimes it’s easier to do it yourself than to explain it. They know this and take advantage of it.
-Unpredictability. They’ll explode with rage out of nowhere, suddenly shower you with affection, or become dark and moody at the drop of a hat to keep you walking on eggshells.
-Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.
-Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes about you. If you object, they’ll tell you to lighten up.
-Blaming you for their problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is all your fault. You’re not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, or stuck your nose where it didn’t belong.
-Demanding respect. No perceived slight will go unpunished, and you’re expected to defer to them. But it’s a one-way street.
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What Is Emotional Abuse?
Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health.
-Making unreasonable demands of you
-Expecting you to put everything aside and meet their needs
-Being dissatisfied no matter how hard you try or how much you give
-Criticizing you for not completing tasks according to their standards
-Expecting you to share their opinions (i.e., you are not permitted to have a different opinion)
-Demanding that you name exact dates and times when discussing things that upset you (and when you cannot do this, they may dismiss the event as if it never happened)
-Undermining, dismissing, or distorting your perceptions or your reality
-Refusing to accept your feelings by trying to define how you should feel
-Requiring you to explain how you feel over and over
-Accusing you of being "too sensitive," "too emotional," or "crazy"
-Refusing to acknowledge or accept your opinions or ideas as valid
-Dismissing your requests, wants, and needs as ridiculous or unmerited
-Suggesting that your perceptions are wrong or that you cannot be trusted by saying things like "you're blowing this out of proportion" or "you exaggerate"
-Accusing you of being selfish, needy, or materialistic if you express your wants or needs (the expectation is that you should not have any wants or needs)
Emotionally abusive people create chaos. Some examples include:
-Starting arguments for the sake of arguing
-Making confusing and contradictory statements (sometimes called "crazy-making")
-Having drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts
-Nitpicking at your clothes, your hair, your work, and more
-Behaving so erratically and unpredictably that you feel like you are "walking on eggshells"
-Use Emotional Blackmail
Emotionally abusive people use emotional blackmail. Some examples include:
-Manipulating and controlling you by making you feel guilty
-Humiliating you in public or in private
-Using your fears, values, compassion, or other hot buttons to control you or the situation
-Exaggerating your flaws or pointing them out in order to deflect attention or to avoid taking responsibility for their poor choices or mistakes
-Denying that an event took place or lying about it
-Punishing you by withholding affection or giving you the silent treatment
Emotionally abusive people act superior and entitled. Some examples include:
-Treating you like you are inferior
-Blaming you for their mistakes and shortcomings
-Doubting everything you say and attempting to prove you wrong
-Making jokes at your expense
-Telling you that your opinions, ideas, values, and thoughts are stupid, illogical, or "do not make sense"
-Talking down to you or being condescending
-Using sarcasm when interacting with you
-Acting like they are always right, know what is best, and are smarter