I have a friend whose sister is an EII. The EII is about 19, has been given a great deal of opportunities, and has pissed or is pissing most of them away. For her own sake I would be interested in any advice re. getting through to her to get her to stop throwing her life away.
The main issue is that the EII is going to a private, expensive arts college to get a degree in something fairly specialized; her program is the only one in the country that can provide it. Her tuition is being covered by her parents; none of her siblings had that opportunity, and it isn't as if she was forced to go to college -- her parents had to make big sacrifices for her, because of her own desires. Anyway, this past semester she failed all but one of her classes (the remaining class she received a D- in), because she didn't bother to do the work in them. She simply didn't submit assignments or take tests. Some professors emailed her asking if something was wrong; she didn't even read the emails she received.
She has mostly avoided talking about this with her family, but her justification for this was "I was depressed." Maybe she was, but at some point you have to admit responsibility, I think. Even her depression, to the extent that it's real, is her fault. It's caused by being home. She stopped submitting work when she came home: her university allowed students to return home from the dorms if their family was at risk for Covid. She lied and claimed the school kicked her out; her parents never bothered to check this claim. The school also sent partial reimbursement to her parents for the cost of her dorm; she stole this money from them.
Speaking of her finances, she has two maxed-out credit cards, and spends all the money she ever earns as soon as she earns it. She doesn't even spend it on anything enjoyable, like drugs or alcohol or prostitutes or gambling: she mostly, as far as I can tell, spends it at Half-Priced Books buying videos and movies which she mostly never touches (never actual books, incidentally). Her room is filled with stacks and stacks of disc containers. You can't see the floor for them. The rest of it goes to fast food -- she eats out far more frequently than she can afford -- and online purchases and donations. She seems to buy Funko Pops, movie posters, and various cheap "merch" every single day. She also gives money (she doesn't have) to I'm not sure what. $50 a month regularly goes to Patreon, and I know she at least sometimes makes other donations to...some people; I'm not sure who they are, with the exception of a certain band to which I believe she paid $50 or so in exchange for a box of signed autographs and a lock of hair from the lead singer. She has no expenses; her parents pay her insurance and cell phone bill -- there's no reason she should be in debt already, certainly not over $3k in debt. I'm concerned about what's going to happen to her once she does have expenses.
Her attitude is insufferable. I don't think ever in her life she's admitted responsibility for anything. She's more immature than most 6-year-olds, and acts annoyingly infantile at home (in the general sense of the word). She's obsessed with looking "cool", and much of her buying habits are directed toward this aim: for instance, she currently is planning to buy a flip phone so that she can bring one out in front of her friends and say "oh, I've just never liked smart phones" -- to seem unique. But she's incredibly sensitive, and being received with anything less than total admiration makes her become angry and/or lachrymose, in typical EII fashion. She justifies everything she does with "I felt bad" or "I wanted to buy it" and considers that sufficient.
Back to the topic of her schoolwork, now that a better portrait has been painted, she's talented at art. I actually think she could be competitive at what she wants to do if she put any effort in, and her school provides good networking opportunities. But her problem is that she simply doesn't want to do anything. She doesn't like being at university, in my opinion because she feels smaller there, and she doesn't receive as much attention, especially from her family, even though being home causes her not to do anything at all.
She recently told her sister that she wanted to drop out and become either a professional skateboarder or a drummer. Obviously this is fucking stupid, not least because there's no chance in hell she would ever even practice skateboarding or drumming; she just thinks she'd magically be good at it without any effort. But I'm concerned she's actually planning on it. In any case, if she doesn't make all As this semester, she will be kicked out of her school. I would bet a large amount of money that this happens, especially as she lied again to her parents in order to ensure that she'd stay at home for this upcoming semester also.
I'm not really close with the EII, and I do not think she would accept advice from me. Everyone in her family is scared of confrontation, so they wouldn't talk to her, except maybe my friend. But I've known her for a long time and I feel partially responsible for her (because of personal history. Her family has never been the best, and I used to buy food for her and her younger brother when they didn't have food at home). I feel like in 5-10 years she's going to be married to a loser and addicted to meth, or the sex slave of some thousandaire in the woods. I'd rather not see this happen, but I don't see that I can do much. I'm open to any advice, both in general or even just in the realm of what sorts of communication work better with EIIs or something.