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Thread: Are enneagram 4 (male) and 7 (female) compatible?

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    Default Are enneagram 4 (male) and 7 (female) compatible?

    Turns out, I think my female friend who I thought was an INFj was actually an ENFp, and I think she may be an enneagram type 7. I'm an enneagram type 4, and an INTj. Would we be compatible? She's not allowed by her parents to date until later, because she has a Muslim dad (and possibly mom) and they want her to study first and she's about to turn 18 and she has to be old enough first in the first place. I'm almost 22.

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    no 7s find 4s too depressing and 4s find 7s too shallow and rejecting of their emotions
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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    no 7s find 4s too depressing and 4s find 7s too shallow and rejecting of their emotions
    I would say 7 and 4 is a hot and cold dynamic. Initially, the 4 is attracted by the 7’s ability to show them a whole new world and the 7 is attracted by the 4 being one a kind as manifested through the 7’s fixation on shiny objects (7 thinks, “Wow, you’re not boring like everyone else!”, essentially ). But eventually they begin to hate each other for the very same reasons... Personally, I was never more miserable than when I was in a relationship with a 4. It was basically just me giving unconditional love to the 4, who hated themself immensely, the whole time without any return and I grew to despise their “I’m so speshul nobody is like me im an alien l0l” attitude. And they were very jealous over me being an extravert with a wide range of friends and for being attractive and so forth.

    I think 7 has a much better lasting relationship with a 9, who is also sensitive but withholds it and doesn’t build their life around it.

    OP, I would say tread carefully.
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    Quote Originally Posted by flames View Post
    I would say 7 and 4 is a hot and cold dynamic. Initially, the 4 is attracted by the 7’s ability to show them a whole new world and the 7 is attracted by the 4 being one a kind as manifested through the 7’s fixation on shiny objects (7 thinks, “Wow, you’re not boring like everyone else!”, essentially ). But eventually they begin to hate each other for the very same reasons... Personally, I was never more miserable than when I was in a relationship with a 4. It was basically just me giving unconditional love to the 4, who hated themself immensely, the whole time without any return and I grew to despise their “I’m so speshul nobody is like me im an alien l0l” attitude. And they were very jealous over me being an extravert with a wide range of friends and for being attractive and so forth.

    I think 7 has a much better lasting relationship with a 9, who is also sensitive but withholds it and doesn’t build their life around it.

    OP, I would say tread carefully.
    yeah 7 and 9 is ideal, 7 and 4 is conflicting
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    There are probably some like for example type 7 female ESEs and type 4 male LIIs that work really well together. But it doesn't seem to be that common. Not really.

    My gut instinct "most likely scenario" tells me that the enneatype 7 girl would just too easily/underestimate & look down on the enneagram 4 guy and/or just easily friend zone him. ((especially a young couple in their late teens/early 20s IME)) 7s are also all about a bunch of new, varied experiences and 4s don't really do that unless really "healthy" and even then... nowhere near as much as a 7 would. She might possibly be somewhat intrigued if you're a little older - so it kinda balances out her extroverted 7 having some real world trump-ness to the emo 4 thing. Most heterosexual couples I know the male is older lol.

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    7 ignore internal negative feelings and escape into hedonism as they cannot tolerate such things, 4s dwell on, indulge and analyze these feelings.

    beats me, bu they sound like completely opposite kind of ppl. 4s usually do well with 8s.
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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    7 ignore internal negative feelings and escape into hedonism as they cannot tolerate such things, 4s dwell on, indulge and analyze these feelings.

    beats me, bu they sound like completely opposite kind of ppl. 4s usually do well with 8s.
    it corresponds with Fi lead and Fi polr
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    Quote Originally Posted by Number 9 large View Post
    it corresponds with Fi lead and Fi polr
    I suppose you mean 4 as Fi lead and 7 as Fi polr? If that's the case, you're wrong. Most IEE's are 7, and i'm a 7w8 myself and i'm not an Fi polr. Besides, many IEI's and EIE's are 4's.

    Trying to ignore negative feelings and being an escapist doesn't equate Fi polr. Fi in socionics is not about internal emotions. Fi in socionics is about ethic within relations, psychological distance and whatnot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by flames View Post
    I would say 7 and 4 is a hot and cold dynamic. Initially, the 4 is attracted by the 7’s ability to show them a whole new world and the 7 is attracted by the 4 being one a kind as manifested through the 7’s fixation on shiny objects (7 thinks, “Wow, you’re not boring like everyone else!”, essentially ). But eventually they begin to hate each other for the very same reasons... Personally, I was never more miserable than when I was in a relationship with a 4. It was basically just me giving unconditional love to the 4, who hated themself immensely, the whole time without any return and I grew to despise their “I’m so speshul nobody is like me im an alien l0l” attitude. And they were very jealous over me being an extravert with a wide range of friends and for being attractive and so forth.

    I think 7 has a much better lasting relationship with a 9, who is also sensitive but withholds it and doesn’t build their life around it.

    OP, I would say tread carefully.
    what about an enneagram 2? I know someone who's likely an enneagram 2, and an isfp. someone mentioned an enneagram 8 what about that? anyone? more details as well please?

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    Correlation can suck my big fat Polish Dog.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    what about an enneagram 2? I know someone who's likely an enneagram 2, and an isfp. someone mentioned an enneagram 8 what about that? anyone? more details as well please?
    Here you go. A complete table of which enneatype marries which. Even broken down by sex.

    https://www.9types.com/writeup/ennea...ationships.php

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Here you go. A complete table of which enneatype marries which. Even broken down by sex.

    https://www.9types.com/writeup/ennea...ationships.php
    No wonder I find Toph Beifong from ATLA so hot. EDIT: Thanks, Adam.

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    Forget it, if I haven't already screwed it up, and she accepts me into her life the next time I see her, I'm hers for life.

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    scratch that, I'm not sure I know her enneagram type. I read an article on childhood wounds of each enneagram type, and it led me to believe it may have been another type. forget it, forget enneagram, unless i actually see her after this pandemic or later and can ask her what enneagram type she is.

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