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Thread: Spotting a compatible dual-help!

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    Default Spotting a compatible dual-help!

    I’m remembering a person I knew a few years ago..

    I think he was E7..from my memory, he didn’t seem like an enfp/Entp or esfp.

    so that really only leaves Estp?

    but he wasn’t like any of the estps i’ve met..

    He was actually similar to me and we worked with each other every day for two years quite comfortably. It’s too long ago for me to remember much more than that. Oh we also had crushes on each other (me first, then him) at different times..

    Could he have just been a really compatible dual for me?

    I feel like with most duals I can tell they are a dual straight away- there is a weird energy about them..but it varies in strength and sometimes it can be a more subtle energy

    and he wasn’t like any of the stereotypes of Estp..

    there is a chance he was enfp I suppose :s but it doesn’t seem right..

    Is it possible that the right dual for you..might not even seem like your dual?

    I met another compatible dual once—he was more typical but
    softer than others..you see my best dual would be so/sx which is probably the gentlest of the stackings..in the way they come across?

    Super grateful for any feedback..maybe I need to get better at typing non dual types to be more confident :s
    Last edited by Bethany; 12-06-2020 at 07:31 PM.

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    Right, did some research-watched some enfp videos..and this guy I’m thinking of was probably enfp. But very compatible stacks/tritype for me hence the attraction..and there were def some similarities between him and an so/sx estp 7 guy I knew..I think they have similar tritypes, including 9..both did jobs relating to psychology, looked a little bit a like and had some similar mannerisms when being funny/playful

    Still so much to learn..but sharing in case anyone’s interested in my train of thoughts

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    > He was actually similar to me

    duals are among the most differing from you

    > Could he have just been a really compatible dual for me?

    could with low chance
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    You’ll have to come across several of your duals to know if you can get along or not. For certain relations like friendship, or even family, it’s easier because it requires less work to keeping it going, but in some other relations it could be less “compatible” due to a variety of factors. Don’t worry about the ITR. You have to accurately figure out the T first to determine the R.

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    Disrupting your illusory reality Megatrop's Avatar
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    getting to know a dual (or maybe even a semi-dual or mirage) is very likely a transformational experience, it's like you get to know a total different part of the world, and they make you value stuff you used to overlook. So if your world hasn't turned upside down yet, maybe you haven't met them yet
    I see potential relationships everywhere

    If I could ask for anything impossible, that would definitely to talk to every human being ever born

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    > He was actually similar to me

    duals are among the most differing from you

    > Could he have just been a really compatible dual for me?

    could with low chance
    Yes I agree with how you put this. I was having a really weird evening of over-thinking stuff..but it did make me see how much tritype and instinct stack matter. I guess I was drawn to him because he resembled my ‘ideal dual’ in a way..

    Had not really thought much about the similarities between super-ego types before (even if only on the surface)

    Social 7 are known for being a bit awkward..so an estp so 7 may be like me in this manner

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    getting to know a dual (or maybe even a semi-dual or mirage) is very likely a transformational experience, it's like you get to know a total different part of the world, and they make you value stuff you used to overlook. So if your world hasn't turned upside down yet, maybe you haven't met them yet

    thanks. Um, well I have known 2 duals quite well. I have a mirage friend atm too. I regard discovering typology as a transformational experience and I regard all my strong friendships as transformational (in some sense..) I think I’m too old and I’ve seen too much to idealise duality anymore. (I know that sounds contradictory considering the title of this post but my thoughts change/develop quickly regarding socionics, also I am still learning)

    People can be very happy and ‘successful’ in life without a dual too I’m not saying I want to date an enfp however (much better as friends). I think we end up with people who resemble our ideal duals somehow..even the friends we choose will do so as well..and we can end up feeling quite inspired by those people and happy and motivated because of their existence in our lives
    Last edited by Bethany; 12-11-2020 at 09:18 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiana View Post
    You’ll have to come across several of your duals to know if you can get along or not. For certain relations like friendship, or even family, it’s easier because it requires less work to keeping it going, but in some other relations it could be less “compatible” due to a variety of factors. Don’t worry about the ITR. You have to accurately figure out the T first to determine the R.
    indeed. But I do also think it is true that the duals who are the ‘best’ for you might not be the duals that stand out the most..

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    Determining type online and in public can be very difficult because most people develop public personas that won't be lowered unless they're very self-confident and or trust everybody in their company. Also, physical characteristics are the tips of the iceberg. With SLEs, I've occasionally caught glimpses of that self-satisfied gleam in their eyes when they've bested someone or something; SLEs seem to have that characteristic more than some Ejs I've known.

    As an aside, I've noted that many IEIs seem to want the readers digest version so they don't have to go through too much bother themselves; the blurb on the cover can sometimes be good enough for them. However, lasting relationships usually require reading the entire book before committing.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by BethanyR View Post
    indeed. But I do also think it is true that the duals who are the ‘best’ for you might not be the duals that stand out the most..
    Yes. That’s due to a variety of factors but I think the main theme is the unrealistic high expectations tied to duality. If both types don't have a realistic appraisal of their own suggestive, their base can be very smothering and draining for their dual because they refuse to really listen to them. It's why I haven't liked some base/demonstrative Ni types in the past and still don’t; they kept not getting that us having Ni in common doesn't make theirs equivalent to mine. Mine is relevant in a particular context, and they kept misunderstanding it because they kept trying to understand it without context and that context is my Se base, for which a lot of them over-estimate themselves on (because they are delusional).

    And the problem with victim types is already that they communicate with difficulty and misinterpretations will ruin the channel for communication. The projection was the worst, because they projected their Ni on me rather than really communicating with me and then priding themselves on “reaching” me, it was suffocating. I’ve come to the conclusion that you can base your dual and you’ll have to suggestive yourself as well. And it takes the realization that you will never care about your suggestive outside of the context of your base. I think in completely normal dynamics, you get lowkey mutual contempt toward the dual for using the suggestive “wrong” so people who tell me that the dual is supposed to “get” me, my response is a firm NO. Just because someone believes they get me doesn’t mean that they actually do. And even then, that requires a lot of time to see for itself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BethanyR View Post
    I’m remembering a person I knew a few years ago..

    I think he was E7..from my memory, he didn’t seem like an enfp/Entp or esfp.

    so that really only leaves Estp?

    but he wasn’t like any of the estps i’ve met..

    He was actually similar to me and we worked with each other every day for two years quite comfortably. It’s too long ago for me to remember much more than that. Oh we also had crushes on each other (me first, then him) at different times..

    Could he have just been a really compatible dual for me?

    I feel like with most duals I can tell they are a dual straight away- there is a weird energy about them..but it varies in strength and sometimes it can be a more subtle energy

    and he wasn’t like any of the stereotypes of Estp..

    there is a chance he was enfp I suppose :s but it doesn’t seem right..

    Is it possible that the right dual for you..might not even seem like your dual?

    I met another compatible dual once—he was more typical but
    softer than others..you see my best dual would be so/sx which is probably the gentlest of the stackings..in the way they come across?

    Super grateful for any feedback..maybe I need to get better at typing non dual types to be more confident :s
    Here is a video of SLE-IEI duality. The subtypes are Creative-Harmonizing. (typed by me in real life)
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)


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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Determining type online and in public can be very difficult because most people develop public personas that won't be lowered unless they're very self-confident and or trust everybody in their company. Also, physical characteristics are the tips of the iceberg. With SLEs, I've occasionally caught glimpses of that self-satisfied gleam in their eyes when they've bested someone or something; SLEs seem to have that characteristic more than some Ejs I've known.

    As an aside, I've noted that many IEIs seem to want the readers digest version so they don't have to go through too much bother themselves; the blurb on the cover can sometimes be good enough for them. However, lasting relationships usually require reading the entire book before committing.

    a.k.a. I/O
    haha ok I feel like I might know what you mean about the gleam in the estp eyes.. I am not generally too bad at typing, but I do have my bad days where my mind zooms off in weird directions. The thing which puzzled me about this enfp guy from my past was how different he was to other enfps I know..I guess I know a few enfps quite well and probably formed a stereotype based on these people. I like realising stuff like this as I really don't want to stereotype people. At the same time, I am really interested in observing similarities between people of different types. This can probably be explained by socionics but the ennegram explanations (however vague/ undeveloped) appeal to me more. Rather than simply developing my understanding of people by comparing them with people of the same sociotype..I can now also compare them with people of the same instinct/ e-type/ tritype, order of tritype..and it makes me feel like I can 'see' them on some deep level..or at least stop me seeing them as 'a type'. With a view to developing our relationship for the better of course.

    Hmm sure I have been know to imagine my whole future with someone I barely know lol. Ok trying to take in your advice...take things slow. I have a non dual romantic interest in mind- he seems nice..I think maybe I need nice atm.

    Yeah..hard to spot people's types on dating apps but maybe video dates could be a good idea..save me the disappointment of going to meet them and them not being the perfect dual haha.

    Also, I feel even if you do 'match' with a dual on these apps...it is really not easy to hold their attention lol
    Last edited by Bethany; 12-12-2020 at 01:50 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    Here is a video of SLE-IEI duality. The subtypes are Creative-Harmonizing. (typed by me in real life)
    they're cute haha. ok thanks- the guy's face is interesting to me..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Consilience View Post
    @BethanyR: just as important as the actual typing are compatible goals, belief systems, sexual tastes, backgrounds, vision. Even with duality, there are only going to be a subsect of those duals who align with you on a deeper level. For example, I have come across several LSIs, a good chunk of them fall flat, but with the others, there's an easy mental chemistry that's unlike most other things.

    I had a relationship with a LSI that fell apart because of factors that went well beyond type. He was the one who actively pursued because he wanted to experience "duality" but I wasn't feeling it. And our incompatibilities really started to create chaos. It would be cool to see what a healthy dual dynamic would look like so I have been interested in befriending some (in fact, I have made a few on this site). However, I would be hesitant to go for another romantic entanglement with an LSI. Long story short, duality, in theory, is cool, but it can't just be any person who is your dual. Non type related factors also play a large role.
    Yes, this is stuff I feel I know sometimes..but I like how you've explained it, it's in a language that resonates, ta

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    Don't trust anyone just because they're your dual. Duality is the type where you can find your best friend or your worst enemy. And sometimes both.

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    OP doesn't;t have enough information given.

    The only thing to go after is energy. He she gave you energy? Or ... You gave each other?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post

    As an aside, I've noted that many IEIs seem to want the readers digest version so they don't have to go through too much bother themselves; the blurb on the cover can sometimes be good enough for them. However, lasting relationships usually require reading the entire book before committing.

    a.k.a. I/O
    I do think that learning about things like the instincts or maybe 'tritype' can be helpful in finding someone compatible though..a little bit helpful at least. Of course, even if I found what in my head I consider to be a 'compatible' dual..this doesn't mean it would work out with them. I hope my knowledge, experience and instincts are enough to help me spot the difference between a 'good/ok' dual and and highly incompatible dual at least...but when/if I find a good one..I will try to read the whole book..

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    Quote Originally Posted by BethanyR View Post
    ....... I hope my knowledge, experience and instincts are enough to help me spot the difference between a 'good/ok' dual and and highly incompatible dual at least...
    Watch out for the ESTp in shiny armour because they don't normally polish it themselves. Many IEIs have puzzled me in that they seem to metaphorically marry images not people. They seem so perceptive of those that they keep at a distance; yet, they can be so blind to those who have awed them at one time. It's as if they resist shattering an image that they have created even when experience shows the person not to be representative of it. I've witnessed a few IEIs waiting for their spouses to magically transform to that ideal even while that very attractive person was being very destructive to them.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Watch out for the ESTp in shiny armour because they don't normally polish it themselves. Many IEIs have puzzled me in that they seem to metaphorically marry images not people. They seem so perceptive of those that they keep at a distance; yet, they can be so blind to those who have awed them at one time. It's as if they resist shattering an image that they have created even when experience shows the person not to be representative of it. I've witnessed a few IEIs waiting for their spouses to magically transform to that ideal even while that very attractive person was being very destructive to them.

    a.k.a. I/O
    ok ta..I will.

    umm I dunno if I'd ever put up with a bad relationship for that long though..do you think these IEIs were in incompatible relationships or do you think they were just being too accommodating?

    I could see myself getting into a mess but I would probably make a drama out of it I think and get really mad. I've definitely had unhealthy attachments/ crushes before. Most recently, I liked a colleague very much. He is isfp. He is very flirty, and cute but I also very quickly felt a strong bond with him. He reminds me of everyone in my family- dad, three younger siblings, even mum a bit.

    I liked this person and he flirted a lot with me so I told him I liked him and he said he didn’t like me back. But then he continued to flirt and I pointed it out to him and after than he seemed to put up a massive wall and it seemed like he didn’t want to be my friend anymore. This really upset me as I felt like it was such a shame that we could have been good friends if things had been different. I made some attempts to talk about it with him but he wouldn’t (I always stressed to him I just want things to be ok with us). I really did believe that I would feel very unhappy without him in my life.

    And the reason I liked him in the first place was 1. because he seemed like a really nice person (over all) who made me laugh a lot and 2. he wasn’t perfect- he’s quite arrogant. I liked the idea of ‘helping’ him with this. However, he doesn’t want my help haha. Well, his loss. I bumped into him recently and I think I finally realised..this person does not enrich your life, I do not feel ‘love’ from him like I do from my other friends. I believed us capable of a loving friendship, but..quoting my high school RE teacher here..maybe love is ‘something you do, not feel’. Uh that doesn't quite make sense..maybe I was mistaking my feelings together with his overall vibe as being love, rather than a combination of compatibility and deeds (and I mean just as friends). Anyway, he has a lot of growing up to do if he ever wants to be in my life again. Or maybe we are just too different after all..Btw I didn’t know about socionocs until things got bad with us and I went searching for answers.

    Um, I think when he was upsetting me and I was panicking that our friendship was ruined- I did focus on the overall image I had of him. I saw him as a lovely guy, who would see me for the understanding, honest, deep-feeling person I am and he would eventually start being my friend again. But it hasn’t happened yet and I can’t try any longer. There are other isfps out there. I saw the potential in him, and I wanted so very badly to be a good friend to him. I hope I’ve learnt to be more open about the hurt I feel by people’s actions/ non actions in the future so that they don’t turn on me once I finally pluck up the courage to tell them they’re wrong, when it is probably already too messed up to be fixed. I wasn’t perfect in all of this either btw (not that bad though :s) but I did deserve at the very least some clarity on whether we were friends and whether he cared about me or not.

    I don't know if I'm feeling too sorry for myself but I think I need to feel that way rather than hating him/ idealizing him lol
    Last edited by Bethany; 12-16-2020 at 02:25 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BethanyR View Post
    .......do you think these IEIs were in incompatible relationships or do you think they were just being too accommodating?.......
    Yes, they seemed like odd couples and were told that by various people before getting into the relationships. However, their potential partners were either exceptionally good looking or very wealthy (none had both traits). I think it took them a long time to admit that they made a mistake; one is financially trapped. IEIs don't seem to listen to advice from people who have somewhat different values than them, or listen to advice that's not positive and or supportive of their somewhat idealistic visions of what might be.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    IEIs don't seem to listen to advice from people who have somewhat different values than them, or listen to advice that's not positive and or supportive of their somewhat idealistic visions of what might be.

    a.k.a. I/O

    Yes, I sometimes find it hard to listen to people..I find it easier when they first try to empathise with what I’m feeling or thinking- ‘that’s tough, I can see that this is hard for you’ etc and then offer their opinion. Otherwise it can seem like they aren’t really listening. Also a person will sometimes give conflicting advice and I perhaps interpret it wrong. Sometimes I also feel like people use my convos about my problems as a chance for them to explore their own philosophies rather than actually trying to comfort me. Advice/discussion is good, but I need comfort too. (It doesn’t have to be agreeing, just some sort of sign they’re on my side/ don’t think I’m completely crazy) This can also make it seem like they’re not really listening. This is what I experienced recently anyway.


    Anyway now I know about socionics and enneagram I feel more comfortable listening to people. Now I wouldn’t assume they weren’t listening (‘it’s just the way of their type’) and would ask for clarification if I was confused by what they had said. Also I’m probably calmer/easier to speak to now maybe lol


    Thanks for your comments btw


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    If you want to get an idea of typical SLE, look up Low Tier God on YouTube. He’s super hilarious (unintentionally) but you’ll noticed his emotional maturity is in the gutter. He’s SLE-D.

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    Also I’m aware that I am using this forum to work through my thoughts/personal experiences atm. Sorry if I’m tagging people in stuff which they don’t really need to be tagged in, it may come across as if I’m ignoring your points @Rebelondeck It’s odd getting used to writing on a forum, especially a socionics one
    Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

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    I think one way of finding a compatible dual..is through meeting them through a friend..or a friend of a friend.. or a friend of a friend of a friend..
    Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

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    I think some duals work better than others naturally. I don't think SLE/IEI or SEE/ILI is a very good dual pairing usually, objectively speaking. I know many SEE/ILI relationships have the issues that Kiana described. I think ESE/LII is usually very good, ILE/SEI can be great. I think EII/LSE is very common and good as well. I think generally speaking, Si valuing duals have a much better time than Se valuing ones.

    Not that a SLE/IEI can't be successful- it's just rarer. Quite Frankly, Se valuing types have issues getting over their own willpower over things and their own narcissistic my way or the high way type of attitude. That gets in the way of any relationship. But if you're asking me personally- no I'm not really ready to give up my own narcissism for a relationship lol =/

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    ...I'm probably guilty of loving images/ideals of people and not real people. =/ Idea of Asshole is hot and sexy and amazing, real assholes are smelly and stinky and disgusting and make me not wanna be gay.... that's just one example though. In theory I want to love somebody's flaws and dark side and in reality I don't think I'm very good at it. I think I still am nice to SLEs though- kind of organically. I was told by an EIE once how "inspiring" it was how I gave SLEs chance after chance. (not with *me* but in general, in a forgiving sense) But that doesn't necessarily make a romance or a good relationship. I'm nowhere near that forgiving or lenient in a real relationship... I need to have standards like a harsh EII.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    Don't trust anyone just because they're your dual. Duality is the type where you can find your best friend or your worst enemy. And sometimes both.
    I'm not sure what you mean by this. It makes duality sound epic and like some kind of special unicorn; 'best friend' or 'worst ennemy'. Is this based on your experience?

    I have trouble 'seeing' my duals most of the time, they are so 'unnoticeable'. Since they embody the information processes of my shadow, my attitude towards them is pretty similar to my attitude towards my unconscious. And that ranges from repression and contempt to suggestion and admiration. What is interesting about duals is that they are so 'natural' to me that I always feel 'in sync' with them(which is a pain in the ass if they are toxic). Even conflict doesn't feel like a conflict with an 'Other' but more like an inner conflict. Even with the most annoying duals, I have to make things right because in a way they 'live inside me'.

    I hope that makes sense to you.
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

    Life is soup. I'm fork


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    How on earth dual would screw you over? It is like you can't really get in that headspace in order to make destruction. I see that this is more true in static-static and dynamic-dynamic relations.
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    I don't know how duals can be your worst enemy. Don't you see through them? I thought that's one of the main things about dual relationships. And if they can hurt you by using your weakness against you, you can do the exact same thing for them. I always think that the subconscious realizes this. Fighting will just lead to stalemate, so the two individuals will drop their weapons, act honestly towards each other, and achieve balance.
    Last edited by one; 01-25-2021 at 07:57 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by one View Post
    I don't know how duals can be your worst enemy. Don't you see through them? I thought that's one of the main things about dual relationships. And if they can hurt you by using your weakness against you, you can do the exact same thing for them. I always think that the subconscious realizes this. Fighting will just lead to stalemate, so the two individuals will drop their weapons, act honestly towards each other, and achieve balance.
    You can be friends with any type or enemies with any type. ITR doesn't exclude liking or disliking anyone just because of particular type. With duals, they can be effective enemies as in the psychological understanding between the types can be used for "good" as in forging beneficial partnerships or "bad" as in causing problems for one another. Often times, they can cause problems for each other whether consciously or unconsciously simply because they think they "get" each other. Overestimated appraisals of your weakest functions often leads to disasters.

    I've met 2 of my duals, 1 is C subtype and 1 is H subtype. They do understand me, but that doesn't mean they APPROVE of what I think/say/do. It doesn't mean that they LIKE me, either. We do finish each other's sentences so that's cool. But as far as duality for what's beyond business or friendship, like with romantic relationships or family ties, that's still going to be dicey since it will heavily depend upon other factors such as love styles and how developed the parties are with Fi.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiana View Post
    You can be friends with any type or enemies with any type. ITR doesn't exclude liking or disliking anyone just because of particular type. With duals, they can be effective enemies as in the psychological understanding between the types can be used for "good" as in forging beneficial partnerships or "bad" as in causing problems for one another. Often times, they can cause problems for each other whether consciously or unconsciously simply because they think they "get" each other. Overestimated appraisals of your weakest functions often leads to disasters.

    I've met 2 of my duals, 1 is C subtype and 1 is H subtype. They do understand me, but that doesn't mean they APPROVE of what I think/say/do. It doesn't mean that they LIKE me, either. We do finish each other's sentences so that's cool. But as far as duality for what's beyond business or friendship, like with romantic relationships or family ties, that's still going to be dicey since it will heavily depend upon other factors such as love styles and how developed the parties are with Fi.
    Yes but I don't see why there would be a motivation to make them your worst enemy, given that you lack what they have and you seek and appreciate it. Stratiyevskaya did mention for example that ESI might not approve of LIE's ways and it might get frustrating, but the mutual understanding is there. And if ever there is a motivation to make them an enemy, as I was saying you see through each other's bs anyway so it won't work. I think it was Gulenko who mentioned that outsiders might see two duals as fighting, but both of them couldn't really hurt each other psychologically for real. It's just how duals are described.

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