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Learned helplessness probably does exist but it's mostly a mental issue -- which means that the things that it encompasses are mental, and not physical. It's true that confidence makes a big difference, and learning to be confident and a go-getter will definitely help with finding a relationship and taking chances you otherwise would let slip. But dealing with issues like mental health and confidence only goes so far, and denying that physicality plays an important role in attraction and sexuality is disingenuous and probably comes from a place of privilege.
The thing is, you can have two really unattractive guys: one who's bitter and an incel, and one who has accepted that he's not going to get laid a lot, or at all, and is focusing his attention on other things that make him happy. An obviously healthier mentality to have, in the long run, is the second one. But that doesn't change the fact that neither of them are going to get laid (much or at all) if they are deeply unattractive in aspects they cannot change.
I disagree when people make sweeping statements about women, for example, and think to myself -- well, I'm not like that. But I used to see incels as a monolith too. It's not a nice thing to do, nor a nuanced way to think about things. A problem exists in society if so many men are relating to the incel mindset, and saying it's just their mentality is basically doing the same thing you're accusing every individual incel for -- not taking responsibility.
We are doing no one a favor by denying that some people have been dealt a very shit hand. Women are affected by this too -- you may have heard of 'pretty privilege'. Only after the problems in society that lead to this phenomenon are acknowledged can we try to push for more personal confidence and less self victimisation. Whatever those problems are, and I'm actually inclined to agree with Grendel. I am all for hope, but only as much as you can handle being let down, lmfao.
Last edited by voider; 02-25-2021 at 08:15 AM.
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