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Thread: I just want to be happy

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    Default I just want to be happy

    I just want to be happy. I can't express my feelings with anyone without being shamed. I just want to be understood. To feel a deep connection with someone. But I can not find that bond. I have lost all taste for life, all taste for what once made me feel joy and enthusiasm. I have lost all sense of purpose, and I cry as I write these words but I fear being perceived as ridiculous or being put down. But it feels good to cry. I fear losing my religious faith, for it is all I have left besides my financial and physical security provided by my mother. I will always be alone, no one will be there. I will never have children, and if I did, they would be the children of divorce, and years later, they would be accused of being the children of a so-called "sexual predator" by people like my brother, and thus be suspect to suspicion, that, God forbid, they be next. I hate myself. I hate my penis, I hate my feelings of love, I hate gender segregation and social norms. I miss the old me who would smile at life and give everyone a helping hand and get home in time to watch spongebob and study astronomy and biology and other subjects.

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    I hate the attitudes of 1st generation immigrants who I grew up with. Who made it that much harder to reach out and make american friends or dates. not that it was forbidden, but that's a long story.

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    How old are you? Do you live with your mother?

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    Take each day as it comes and make sure to keep doing the things that give you pleasure, within reason. Try exploring new things too, although that may be somewhat limited by the recent pandemic.

    I don't know how it is in your society but you must remain hopeful for the future and focus on the matters that are in your power to change for the better.

    There's no point hating yourself. Far better to hate the situation you are in and for you to do what you can to make life bearable and improve it.

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    I may also be going through withdrawal from nofap. @FreelancePoliceman I am 21. Yes, I live with my mother. I also have ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and other disorders so ive had trouble being independent.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    I may also be going through withdrawal from nofap. @FreelancePoliceman I am 21. Yes, I live with my mother. I also have ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and other disorders so ive had trouble being independent.
    Do you have a job? It might be best to find something to keep you away from home and out in public. It's not good for someone to live long in the same environment they've known since they were a child.

    Also, may I ask why you aren't masturbating?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Do you have a job? It might be best to find something to keep you away from home and out in public. It's not good for someone to live long in the same environment they've known since they were a child.

    Also, may I ask why you aren't masturbating?
    Religious reasons, also, I heard about the health benefits of not masturbating, and also, masturbating for me leads to looking at porn, and I morally disagree with it, since when it leads to me looking at rape scenes, which I got hooked on when I was young. Also, porn in general I find immoral, and for religious reasons as well as secular psychological ones. EDIT: Oh, and no I don't have a job, but I'm going to get one soon I hope. I'm completing a career diploma during my gap semester, and then completing a degree in psychology or economics. (I'm a little late so first i have to complete the junior college general education degree)

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    It won’t help you to keep your concerns to yourself although I fear in a conservative society that it could be deeply problematic if you contact the wrong people. I also don’t think this forum is ideal, as even one person can destroy your hope with toxic or poorly informed comments. But I hope there are numerous online communities well-suited to helping you resolve your perceived issues.

    I suggest you try to describe them as fully as you can to yourself - this may make them seem more manageable, and probably the first step to resolving them. You may see for example that there are things that aren’t really problems or that you can do little about, at least for the time being.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    Religious reasons, also, I heard about the health benefits of not masturbating, and also, masturbating for me leads to looking at porn, and I morally disagree with it, since when it leads to me looking at rape scenes, which I got hooked on when I was young. Also, porn in general I find immoral, and for religious reasons as well as secular psychological ones. EDIT: Oh, and no I don't have a job, but I'm going to get one soon I hope. I'm completing a career diploma during my gap semester, and then completing a degree in psychology or economics. (I'm a little late so first i have to complete the junior college general education degree)
    When I was religious, masturbation made me feel terribly guilty. I tried not to as much as possible, and felt overwhelmed by lust constantly. When I gave in and masturbated it made me feel disgusted with myself. It was when I stopped worrying about it that my mental health began to improve drastically, as did my sexual self-control. Knowing I could masturbate when I liked meant I didn't feel overcome by an urge to do it whenever I could, and I became generally more relaxed about sex and able to think about any woman without incessant fantasies about banging her. Men are wired to seek sexual release frequently; while anything can become pathological, there's nothing inherently wrong with masturbation, and when you keep yourself from it, with no other outlet of sexual release, you'll go crazy. I don't think abstinence from masturbation is helping your sense of happiness.

    Also, if you do masturbate, you don't have to look at porn. Just imagine what you'd like to imagine. Go wild. There's nothing wrong with rape fantasies, and if you explore them and stop treating them as taboo, their hold on you weakens.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    Religious reasons, also, I heard about the health benefits of not masturbating, and also, masturbating for me leads to looking at porn, and I morally disagree with it, since when it leads to me looking at rape scenes, which I got hooked on when I was young. Also, porn in general I find immoral, and for religious reasons as well as secular psychological ones. EDIT: Oh, and no I don't have a job, but I'm going to get one soon I hope. I'm completing a career diploma during my gap semester, and then completing a degree in psychology or economics. (I'm a little late so first i have to complete the junior college general education degree)
    I'd recommend talking to a Catholic Priest of the non-Jesuit/Liberal/Commie persuasion. The younger the better by the by. They are overwhelmingly more likely to belong to a more conservative/biblical world view. The works of Cardinal Sarah are also a great place to start. I found my own views reinforced by his opinions. Hell, to further add to my points, he even cites the times Francis the Crypto-commie actually made sense to my own shock!

    As we Catholics profess to present to the world "the truth" in the most absolute sense of the term it'd make sense that even a supposed enemy of it would nonetheless utter it despite that fact even if he sought to deny it. Satan does this as well by the way. For even if you do not believe, if we look real good and hard, it's patently obvious that the Devil is a most ardent and fanatical believer .

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    r/cringe

    check out Byron Katie.

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    Keep busy/moving with personal projects/goals/to dos.

    I notice when my days are empty, my mind tends to wander and think of depressing things; when I have a purpose/plan for my day, my mind is engaged and active. When my mind is engaged and active, the days feel more fulfilling and happier.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    I just want to be happy. I can't express my feelings with anyone without being shamed. I just want to be understood. To feel a deep connection with someone. But I can not find that bond. I have lost all taste for life, all taste for what once made me feel joy and enthusiasm. I have lost all sense of purpose, and I cry as I write these words but I fear being perceived as ridiculous or being put down. But it feels good to cry. I fear losing my religious faith, for it is all I have left besides my financial and physical security provided by my mother. I will always be alone, no one will be there. I will never have children, and if I did, they would be the children of divorce, and years later, they would be accused of being the children of a so-called "sexual predator" by people like my brother, and thus be suspect to suspicion, that, God forbid, they be next. I hate myself. I hate my penis, I hate my feelings of love, I hate gender segregation and social norms. I miss the old me who would smile at life and give everyone a helping hand and get home in time to watch spongebob and study astronomy and biology and other subjects.
    I relate.

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    'Or do ye think that ye shall enter the Garden of bliss without such trials as came to those who passed away before you?'
    “I have never tried that before, so I think I should definitely be able to do that.” --- Pippi Longstocking

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    Mastrubation, religion, spongebob... oh boy sounds like story of finding what to do with life that seeks get towards general purpose. So integration in this case seems to be a key.
    MOTTO: NEVER TRUST IN REALITY
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    What in your life triggers these kinds of posts?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    To feel a deep connection with someone. But I can not find that bond.
    1) study to feel good from the existing around and coming. your wishes is a part of that, so accept, express and follow them
    2) feel the personal traits of other human. accept them in your heart to become same as that other one. enrich your inner world by personalities of other people. not oppose them inside of you, but integrate as a part of you too

    by both approaches you will feel higher bonds with the reality and should to feel better due to higher its inner acceptance

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