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Thread: ILI but expressive? idk help

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    𝓒𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓹𝓮𝓲𝓪 cassiopeia's Avatar
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    Default ILI but expressive? idk help

    Okay, so I consider myself to be ILI-Ni, but when I read the description of poLr Fe, something doesn't fit.
    And yes, I am aware that I might be mistyped, but I just like to have decided on something.

    The individual tries hard to never let himself "come apart at the seams" emotionally
    Yes, I hate doing this, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes even nauseous.

    or even let out strong feelings publicly,
    What are strong feelings? If laughing, then I don't mind it, unless I am the only one. I feel vulnerable then. I am very careful with expressing anger or sadness. Crying makes me feel very ashamed, and I just don't know how to express anger.

    because displays of passion do not come naturally and make him feel self-consciousness and vulnerable to painful criticism.
    I very much relate to this - I want to avoid being vulnerable at all cost, unless I really trust someone, which rarely happens. I can tell people I love them, but it doesn't come confidently. I have to push it, even though I do mean it. The same with compliments or when talking about problems. And yes, I know that having to talk about your problems or complimenting people isn't necessary, but I try to do it more as a way of developing. I want to be more capable of expressing what I think or feel at the moment, even though it makes me uncomfortable.

    This makes the individual generally seem emotionally neutral and politely indifferent to excitement and agitation around him.
    I wouldn't say I seem emotionally neutral - I am capable of expressing emotion. However, people being too excited annoys me a lot. Like, just leave me alone. Stop being so loud.

    The individual deeply dislikes attempts by others to get him to "cheer up" or "join the fun", especially in the context of group activities with loud emotional expression.
    Yes, I dislike that. If I want to be cheerful and expressive, I will, but no one can decide that for me. Loud emotional expression quickly exhausts me, though I can laugh rather loudly when I'm hyper or in a good mood. I just want to be myself and not express myself in the ways people want me to.

    The reason I doubt it, is because I frequently laugh and smile, but more because of manners than because I actually want to. Most of my smiles are fake.
    Sometimes, when something really nice happens in my daydreams, I can smile in real life to myself, and when I chat with online friends, I can't control my smile at all. I quickly stop smiling when people comment on it, though. I only really epress myself in private. Normally, I guess I can come across as angry or cold, but I try to act friendly and mannerly towards everyone when talking, unless they have annoyed me.

    ILI seems to be pretty unemotional in real life, but I don't really know if I'm unemotional. When I'm stressed, I smile and laugh, but not because I want to. It's uncontrolled and a reflex, a defense. On the inside, I can be very emotional. I have a lot of mood swings and can feel quite strongly, but at other times, I am not aware of my own feelings. When I feel bad, I tend to withdraw even more than normally. If I'm in a good mood, I can laugh and tell jokes.

    Would this lead more to Fe poLr or not Fe valuing in general, or could this seem more like INTj?

    By the way, I'm also a teenager, so poor control of mood/emotional expression is pretty common, I think.


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    Decisive Queen StarPath's Avatar
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    I would say to consider IEI and LII. How good are you at “reading the emotional atmosphere?” How strong is your Te? How strong is your Ne and Si?
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    𝓒𝓪𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓹𝓮𝓲𝓪 cassiopeia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarPath View Post
    I would say to consider IEI and LII. How good are you at “reading the emotional atmosphere?”
    Not very good. Often in real life, people have to tell me how others are feeling. I just don't notice this myself, and most of the time, I don't care either.
    But when someones cries or gets angry, I feel it clearly because it makes me uncomfortable. I just want to get away.

    How strong is your Te? How strong is your Ne and Si?
    For a long time, I thought my Te was bad. My understanding of Te is pretty wack, I think. Basically, Te = the function of something. that bird is flying. i run 8 km/h and so on... Like, taking in information without categorising it instantly.
    But I don't know how strong it is. I find it hard to see. I would say that I'm good at taking information in without evaluating whether it's right or wrong all the time. I get more sceptic after I've 'digested' it.

    My Ne and Si? Well, I do like peace and comfort, but I can live without. I often don't take care of myself and my health, and 'the finer things in life' isn't really my thing. I like to do stuff that gives me a rush of adrenaline - like the fastest roller coasters - but I rarely have an opportunity to do them. I don't like to spend too much time on a decision.
    I like to explore ideas, though I tend to narrow them down. I dislike when people go too much off-topic, though it can be fun for a short time.
    I spend a lot of time in my imagination - I create detailed stories that in general is a simulation of how events play out, but they feel like movies.

    Why do you say IEI and LII, if I may ask?

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    a two horned unicorn renegade Chin Diaper 007's Avatar
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    I don't find t to be the case an ILI would ave troubles expressing criticism.

    ILI's can express lots of negative feelings to a point where people around get really overwhelmed. It is not that hey can not laugh but they really like to laugh at misfortune.
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    FreelancePoliceman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cassiopeia View Post
    Why do you say IEI and LII, if I may ask?
    I don't have an opinion, and I'm not the person you responded to, but IEIs have the same base/suggestive functions, but are more expressive. LIIs can be emotionally expressive sometimes, in a way, and can be mistaken for ILIs.

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    Fe polr is more about inappropriate emotional expression, and not really considering directing emotion into something appropriate like influencing people emotionally towards a goal. And when I say inappropriate emotional expression, I don't mean stuff as off as laughing when everyone else is crying, but perhpas little things like trying to calm people down at the wrong moment (making the other person angrier) or jokes that feel a bit forced etc. These things are done in good intent btw, but don't have the effect wanted in communication and may worsen the relation, which is annoying for ILIs and SLIs if it's a relationship they care about.

    It's not so much about lack of emotional expression, it's very misunderstood on these boards and in some other typology communities.

    That being said, I don't have an opinion on your type. I just want to post this so people don't keep thinking Fe polr is about something it's not.
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    It can be a lot like an elephant in porcelain store. I don't know how easily they detect it themselves. For instance saying something "appropriate" to someone in wrong settings which makes it totally inappropriate. So it can lack bit nuanced information gathering around the settings. You simply should not make conversation topics about others business contacts around group of social outcasts just like that but you certainly can make it so by leading towards it. In contrast Fi PoLR can be a lot about having weird non stable boundaries or approaches between others like being very non-conforming to others shared standards ["I know better(tm) so I go my own way until it makes sense to me. Think whatever you want"].
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