Successful Super Ego Relations

[Hope]

Do you have any experience of success in a Super Ego Relation at close distance (relatives or romance)?

Distance has been the only tool to get some peace on Super Ego relations at close distance. So if you don't mind sharing your experiences and what do you think could help to improve such post in this thread.

[Adam Strange]

I know a few Super-ego ESE’s and they are ok at a business distance. Just ignore the fact that they don’t like your friends.

[Aria]

My parents are SEI and ILI and have been married since 1980. It's a stable, comfortable, and emotionally distant relationship. They've had rough patches but neither of them is a fighter so they keep the peace pretty well.

Physically they're together a lot, but rarely talk about their inner feelings, thoughts, or reactions. My mom (SEI) does vent a lot to my dad about her work issues but it's purely from a Social perspective, "this person did this, and then this person did that, and then he responded like this!" My dad supports her by listening and nodding.

Fortunately for their marriage they both place a low premium on intimacy and are Sx-last. In a way I think this helps keep their expectations of the other low. They don't really expect the other person will understand them. I could see it being really difficult if one of them was longing for a closer bond.

[Computer Loser]

I usually have warm feelings / mutual respect toward my super-ego (INFj) friend. I seek him out when I need a new perspective on things, and he gives pretty good insightful advice. Our relationship works best when we "keep things professional" and pretty straight forward without getting too close.

When we do attempt to get closer, sooner or later we'd do things that would shock/disappoint each other... This usually happens when I take off my polite Fi-facade and start to use my creative function (Se). He usually receives this information as too aggressive and a bit antagonistic, so I'd say be careful about going too overboard with your creative function since it's your Super-ego's PoLR.

[Lord Pixel]

One of my best friends is an LSI. We are good friends because we have similar worldviews, very very similar so we kinda feel like we understand each other more than other people understand us. It feels good to be understood.

[Rebelondeck]

I've been in two long-term, super-ego relationships, which were somewhat successful; type wasn't really a contributor to their eventual failure. However, the type aspects that would contribute to some sort of breakdown are:
Ijs can want too much personal space and isolation, which can cause one to lose interest in the other; as difficult as it might be, one has to occasionally invade the other's space.
Ips can be too defensive and sometimes look at their partner's behaviour with suspicion without verifying anything; they need open, neutral ground/activities where personal standards/barriers/prejudices aren't in play.
Ejs can crowd each other out or spar for centre stage, often for trivial reasons; they need to take turns bowing out or giving ground, and doing some things together without other company where competition is irrelevant.
Eps can go off in different directions for protracted periods and not spend much time with each other; they need to be dragged to home base regularly, which requires mechanisms that will force them to physically meet.

a.k.a. I/O

[Sol]

Do you have any experience of success in a Super Ego Relation at close distance (relatives or romance)?

Seems, there were similar discussions about IR.

Bad IR predispose to inner issues as feelings of exchausting, aversion or indiffirence to opponent's values, irriration, neurotic symptoms, etc. Generally it leads to behavior of opposing, but it's secondary. People may communicate surfacely good if don't try to be friends and to make close interpersonal distance. If you don't know 2 people good - you may overesteemate how good they feel together.

I never saw romance/friendship pairs which can to name as good. Only such working/cooperating pairs with mb pals personal distance. Some people may name pals relations as friendship. The difference is that with a friend you share the most of your life/thoughts/feelings, but not just have a fun and some cooperation - it's rare.

> Distance has been the only tool to get some peace

It's one of ways to reduce interpersonal conflict - to make farther personal distance: higher self-control, following to social norms of good behavior and duties, of being formally polite, sharing lesser of inner world, etc.
The other solution is to find external positive compensations to support you.

As for peace on surface level.
You may accept values which are not common for your type and behave by them - you just may feel not good from this. The more your type is expressed (hypothetically you may arise weak regions, such to reduce your type and negative effects of bad IR) - the more inner conflict should be. Also mb the stronger your psyche is - the better it may resist to negative effects of IR, making this factor as lesser meaningful - same as with better body health we may better react on negative physical influences.
IRL friendly communications with conflictors show the problems the psyche gets when you tune to alien values of your opponent. It's harder to deal with such people - to understand them and to take into account their life attitudes. Same as you may walk and to carry some kg of a weight - you'll feel worse than with free hands or with lesser weight (better IR), but you may go, accept and don't querrel about the situation.
There are always some problems with people where we need to take some "weight" to deal with them - it's the price of good we get from them. Jung type is one of important traits to deal with people. In case of so bad IR as superego when people try to be friends or a pair - this factor becomes rather hard compared to average level. Generally people reject to carry that, conflict and drop. They may carry that if they want despite it's hard, and when you see them from a side you may don't understand their inner problems in relations and assign negative influence on other factors (it's easy, as people which are weakened by one problem may react worse on other problems). You never know what feels other human and why - you may only guess that or hear his and others' opinions about that. If a human don't whine and smiles - it does not mean he feels excellently from what happens and could not felt better with other people or with other situation.
We may assume, that if a human is psychicly strong enough, has external positive supports (good friends, for example), arise in some moments the interpersonal distance, has a motivation to keep the relations as good and to do the needed efforts - so to look as feeling not worse than average in bad IR marriage, to behave and communicate ok in that marriage (even for the view of closer people) and mb do not understand that could be _better_. It's possibly but should be not common. As common, in bad IR marriages I'd expect neurotic symptoms (at children also), some psychopatisation, regular querrels, cheatings, etc. To notice a much of that you may need to know that pair closely.

[Lolita]

Mutual ignoring each other is successful.

[sbbds]

I think superegos are one of the best ITR for working together indirectly or at distant/semi-close range to create some change.

[The Reality Denialist]

My sister is SEE. She thinks I'm reality challenged nerd who is good with kids, random and quite wise. I think my sister has the ability to run family and so on while being psychotically challenged (aka realist).

We sometimes roast each other and so on have come to similar inventions to improve things. We laugh at similar things and make similar twisted (even Trumpish) remarks. So it is like our cognitive style is very similar. She is a realistic opportunist because she does not too much into future and I'm like reality challenged realist who gets bogged down by plausible negative outcomes. She manipulates people and materials with ease while I manipulate other sorts of things.

So we are different but we have lots of weird similarities.

[chriscorey]

I get along great with my brother's SEE wife. Every-time she sees me she starts singing this:


I then remind her of the time she passed out on my sofa with me and was so drunk she pissed all over me. I also tell her she looks like a furby and blink widely at her.

We joke with each-other until my ESI sister shows up and they start talking about all their friends and their relationships, and then I become bored.

[eiemo]

I might be an EIE-Ni and someone I am very close to is possibly an LSE-Si. We are pretty distant from each other and we have different points of view. I have this energetic idealism to me while the LSE that I am close to has this negativistic logical realism to them. I am able to understand how an LSE thinks but the LSE that I know is much calmer.

[on a peaceful hiatus]

super-ego is interestingly the relationship with the most quarrels and arguments. conflict is more like an inner irritation that grows over time till it explodes into a scandal. both are one of the worst relationships. try to avoid them.

[Scarlett]

Actually I never avoid my superego or conflictor.
We're just not in tune with each other and that makes us naturally not very close. And I don't really care.
Haha.
Anyway, I have to agree, distance is best for a successful superego relation. I can really respect them in distance.
But with conflictor it's different, even though we're close, I can still respect them, I have quite a few conflictor friends. There are just too many female SEI, they're everywhere.

[The Reality Denialist]

super-ego is interestingly the relationship with the most quarrels and arguments. conflict is more like an inner irritation that grows over time till it explodes into a scandal. both are one of the worst relationships. try to avoid them.

Probably not all the time but imagine putting whole supervision ring in the same room lock it and come to see what has happened in 24 hours. Supervisees are like hot and cold when it comes to supervisor while super ego is trying to break their supervisor. I have been in 3/4 supervision ring set up. It is pretty tense.

[BrainlessSquid]

Actually I never avoid my superego or conflictor.
We're just not in tune with each other and that makes us naturally not very close. And I don't really care.
Haha.
Anyway, I have to agree, distance is best for a successful superego relation. I can really respect them in distance.
But with conflictor it's different, even though we're close, I can still respect them, I have quite a few conflictor friends. There are just too many female SEI, they're everywhere.

Have you considered the possibility of your conflictors being actually duals and vice versa?

[Scarlett]

Have you considered the possibility of your conflictors being actually duals and vice versa?

Oh no they're completely different.
It's quite a surprise how people mistaken their dual for conflictor, or vice versa.

My conflictor, SEIs, are very, very traditional, respectful (dom-Si) and I quickly see lots of Fe, how can you mistaken high Fe for dom-Fi? And they're quite logical for a feeler, they have tert-Ti afterall. They're strong, but somehow they like to be abused lol.

My dual, ESIs, are different dynamic. They're really into action! They're kind of people who passionately (dom-Fi) want to touch this, do this, get their hands dirty, very sensory (aux-Se). Ask an SEI to do dirty things like showering in mud lol they will scream laughing saying no, see that high Fe.
But ESI's feeling is more inside, you can notice they have dom-Fi. They don't have Fe, ESI's are not into group dynamic, things like that.

And if you compare ESI and SEI, they both are feeling person, but SEI is more logical than ESI.
I have dom-Te, I can easily see that, but even though SEI is more logical, the way they think contradicts with mine, Te/Ti difference, at the end of the day I'm more comfortable with ESI because deep down ESI actually has the same way of thinking, inf-Te.

So yeah, to my eyes, they're completely different.


- Ah, I just realised this is a superego thread