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Thread: What is your attachment style?

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    Exclamation What is your attachment style?

    Take this survey to contribute to research on attachment styles and personality disorders! You will get a brief indication of your attachment style at the end of the survey. The survey should take about 40 minutes to an hour to complete. Your responses are all anonymous.

    https://uttyler.az1.qualtrics.com/jf...UYKO1FjAtJEUQd
    Last edited by asd; 09-23-2020 at 03:19 PM.

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    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Secure
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
    Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

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    Test presupposes the existence of a "romantic partner".
    Greetings, ragnar
    ILI knowledge-seeker

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    Quote Originally Posted by Psych View Post
    If you don't, you are asked to imagine how you would behave if you had one.
    I found many of the questions ambiguous like there wasn't really a unique "correct" answer among the alternatives. Also, I'm not sure how well my imagination works. This is what I got, the description seems to fit:

    Your RQ Score was B. I am uncomfortable getting close to others. I want emotionally close relationships, but I find it difficult to trust others completely, or to depend on them. I worry that I will be hurt if I allow myself to become too close to others.

    A score of A suggests Secure Attachment in romantic relationships, meaning you tend to be comfortable in close relationships.

    A score of B suggests Fearful Attachment, meaning you want close relationships, but are uncomfortable in them and fear being hurt.

    A score of C suggests Preocccupied Attachment, meaning you want close relationships, but feel like others don't want to be as close to you, or value you as much as you do them.

    A score of D suggests Dismissive Attachment, meaning you tend to be comfortable without close relationships, preferring to be independent, and also not have others depend on you.
    Greetings, ragnar
    ILI knowledge-seeker

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    ♰CHRIST IS KING♰ MrInternet42069's Avatar
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    The site is broken it said the test was finished after i filled in that i have autism

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    ♰CHRIST IS KING♰ MrInternet42069's Avatar
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    Also i generally don't wanna share too much personal shit online because i'm paranoid and i feel like this will just make it easier to eventually make my human replacement clone

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrInternet42069 View Post
    Also i generally don't wanna share too much personal shit online because i'm paranoid and i feel like this will just make it easier to eventually make my human replacement clone
    Goddammit. What gave us away?

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    ♰CHRIST IS KING♰ MrInternet42069's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Goddammit. What gave us away?
    Idk but tell QAnon to send me $5,000

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    Fearful Attachment

    However I don't think I fear being hurt so much as I fear revealing too much of my true self because I believe deep down I may be a toxic or abusive person, as I was raised in a somewhat abusive household by someone who could be considered a narcissist and I see some traits in myself.
    7w6 9w1 2w3 sx/? RLUAI(rl|U|ai)

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    I'm Harmonizing so I try to smooth over things and avoid talking about problems.. however the end result seems to be the same anyway, since the problems affect me and my partner isn't aware that I might actually dislike a LOT of things about her e_e.. so when I'm forced to be honest it all goes to shit as it would have from the start, because we weren't really compatible.

    So I kind of decided to just spill the beans from the get go going forwards and to stop worrying about being liked. EDIT: It saves time.

    I guess that means I'm avoidant and working through it.
    Last edited by shotgunfingers; 11-23-2020 at 01:21 PM.

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    I got avoidance of closeness.


    Which is confusing to me. Because I care about people really easily. You could be a stranger on an internet forum, and while I care about ppl in a general, distant, agape way, if you as an internet stranger talked about yourself for minutes, I could start to care about you personally.


    And I love spending time with the humans. I'm like an addict.

    I crave emotional intimacy and mental intimacy. I crave physical intimacy (including non-sexual) with the people I'm close to. I am always touching kids or friends.

    But this is true:

    "Whether it involves emotional expression or developing a deep intimate bond, you're the type of person who gets somewhat uneasy when a relationship becomes closer. You are also not entirely comfortable relying on your partner when necessary, nor having him/her dependent upon you in times of need."

    I didn't realize that was 'avoidant.' I thought it just meant I was independent and a little skittish about unhealthy dependence.


    Maybe my Big5 extroversion and openness mean I engage with people a lot but the avoidance urges show up when they want to be interdependent.
    Last edited by nanashi; 12-04-2020 at 08:37 PM.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    Tetrisexual inaLim's Avatar
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    Dismissive.



    Your RQ Score was D. I am comfortable without close emotional relationships. It is very important to me to feel independent and self-sufficient, and I prefer not to depend on others or have others depend on me.


    A score of A suggests Secure Attachment in romantic relationships, meaning you tend to be comfortable in close relationships.

    A score of B suggests Fearful Attachment, meaning you want close relationships, but are uncomfortable in them and fear being hurt.

    A score of C suggests Preocccupied Attachment, meaning you want close relationships, but feel like others don't want to be as close to you, or value you as much as you do them.

    A score of D suggests Dismissive Attachment, meaning you tend to be comfortable without close relationships, preferring to be independent, and also not have others depend on you.
    Last edited by inaLim; 12-03-2020 at 05:16 AM.

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    I got B, Fearful Attachment, which was a little disappointing since I think I'm pretty Secure most of the time and have done a lot of work to become so. It can vary with different people, I think.

    Some random thoughts on attachment as related to type.

    I have a hard time seeing NFs being Dismissive Avoidant unless they're nearly catatonic. Fearful Avoidant, yes, but in general NFs are too aware of their emotions and need for relational connection to be DA. DAs are typically numb to their need for connection and are out of touch with their feelings.

    I wonder if DAs are most likely to be IxTx types, if there's even a way to make that claim. ExTxs need more human interaction due to extraversion, however, I could see an ExTx type avoiding emotional intimacy even while socializing with lots of people.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ... It can vary with different people, I think.

    Some random thoughts on attachment as related to type.

    I have a hard time seeing NFs being Dismissive Avoidant unless they're nearly catatonic. Fearful Avoidant, yes, but in general NFs are too aware of their emotions and need for relational connection to be DA. DAs are typically numb to their need for connection and are out of touch with their feelings.

    I wonder if DAs are most likely to be IxTx types, if there's even a way to make that claim. ExTxs need more human interaction due to extraversion, however, I could see an ExTx type avoiding emotional intimacy even while socializing with lots of people.
    Bingo

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    @Emily, what is your opinion of the average attachment style of SF types?

    When I ask an INF out, she wants to know when and where and shows up on time dressed for the occasion. She's done her homework and brings extra to the table.

    When I ask an ISF out, she says, "No", "Maybe but I'll let you know" and calls back a month later to reschedule, or "I'm busy that century".

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    Depends on person. I'm really scared of contact with most but not all. So I don't really know what these refers. And it also depends on stuff.
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    The same thing happened with me, but to contribute, I've consistently tested as a dismissive avoidant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Emily, what is your opinion of the average attachment style of SF types?

    When I ask an INF out, she wants to know when and where and shows up on time dressed for the occasion. She's done her homework and brings extra to the table.

    When I ask an ISF out, she says, "No", "Maybe but I'll let you know" and calls back a month later to reschedule, or "I'm busy that century".
    I think it is usually said that NF's like to close themselves from the world with their selected set of people. SF's would prefer open communication. So I'd like to know if this is attachment style related.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    When I ask an INF out, she wants to know when and where and shows up on time dressed for the occasion. She's done her homework and brings extra to the table.

    When I ask an ISF out, she says, "No", "Maybe but I'll let you know" and calls back a month later to reschedule, or "I'm busy that century".
    Lucky you. ISTs don't even answer or call back when you ask them out. I've noticed sensors get stressed out by having their relationship potential assessed mentally before anything even happens; I guess it's like putting the cart before the horse for them. A better strategy is to go to parties get drunk and have the sekssss with the SFs than any formal relationshippy stuff I feel.... Feels like lower stakes to them.
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

    Life is soup. I'm fork


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    Quote Originally Posted by lkdhf qkb View Post
    Lucky you. ISTs don't even answer or call back when you ask them out. I've noticed sensors get stressed out by having their relationship potential assessed mentally before anything even happens; I guess it's like putting the cart before the horse for them. A better strategy is to go to parties get drunk and have the sekssss with the SFs than any formal relationshippy stuff I feel.... Feels like lower stakes to them.
    God damn. This is brilliant.

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    I'm fearful in normal relationships; when trying to date ST girls, I'm fearful-preoccupied-dismissive-toxic.

    Which is great because I balance STs out; they don't have any attachment style bc they don't reflect about feelings or the relationship enough to have any fixed approach. I mean, they are not something you can see, smell or hear or punch in the face when it's annoying so why bother, right?
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

    Life is soup. I'm fork


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    Quote Originally Posted by lkdhf qkb View Post
    Lucky you. ISTs don't even answer or call back when you ask them out. I've noticed sensors get stressed out by having their relationship potential assessed mentally before anything even happens; I guess it's like putting the cart before the horse for them. A better strategy is to go to parties get drunk and have the sekssss with the SFs than any formal relationshippy stuff I feel.... Feels like lower stakes to them.
    I've mentioned before that my father, my ex-wife, and my son are all SLI's.

    Both my son and my ex have phones which have always been on permanent vacation. I call and no one answers. I can't leave a message because "the mail box hasn't been set up yet." I asked my ex-wife why she's the only person in the world who hasn't set up the mailbox on her phone, and she gave me some BS answer about it not working. This from a Senior Systems Analyst working at the U of Michigan. But my son's phone is exactly the same way. The mailbox hasn't been set up to receive messages.

    I think my SLI father called me once on the phone in his life, and that was to tell me that his wife, my mother, was in the hospital. In case he needed something, I guess.
    Once. In his entire life. That's not an exaggeration.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 12-04-2020 at 08:47 PM.

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    Yea using logistics is a way to regulate the relationship distance for SLIs. When they don't want to talk, they just don't answer your messages. Kinda rude and annoying, doesn't make their counterpart feel emotionally safe tbh
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

    Life is soup. I'm fork


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    I'm the who has the least problems around large groups. One to one interaction is the scariest part. In a way I don't mind making fool out of myself around large group of people but single one can throw me out of balance. More the better in terms of confidence. Does this have
    a label? I know that there are people who can not understand this but I have great reasoning for it: less potential for false rumors.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comatose Lamiac 007 View Post
    I'm the who has the least problems around large groups. One to one interaction is the scariest part. In a way I don't mind making fool out of myself around large group of people but single one can throw me out of balance. More the better in terms of confidence. Does this have
    a label? I know that there are people who can not understand this but I have great reasoning for it: less potential for false rumors.
    Safety in numbers...huh, I wonder if it's related to instincts as it seems some stackings are more comfortable one-to-one while others aren't. Just a thought. Of course there could also be a history of betrayal that would make a person skittish.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    @Emily, what is your opinion of the average attachment style of SF types?

    When I ask an INF out, she wants to know when and where and shows up on time dressed for the occasion. She's done her homework and brings extra to the table.

    When I ask an ISF out, she says, "No", "Maybe but I'll let you know" and calls back a month later to reschedule, or "I'm busy that century".
    Hmm, from personal experience I've observed they seem Secure but can lean towards Anxious. But I've known more Alpha SFs than Gamma. The higher the Fe or more "dutiful" the enneatype (2, 6, 1) the more they can come off Anxious or a bit clinging.

    I've seen a wider range with Gamma SF so I don't know if I could pin down a pattern. The ESI I know is very emotionally distant but worries a lot about her standing with friends. I knew an SEE-Fi who was fairly obsessive over love interests, vacillating between Anxious and Fearful. She's Sx/So.

    I couldn't say why the ISFs you know act like that. But yes, NFs have a tendency to feel like they need to do a lot of the existential emotional work in the relationship. There's more pressure to be all things to all people or something. This is a sweeping generalization but SFs seem to just want to enjoy the relationship, the feelings and experiences in the present. They're less concerned with an ideal.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lkdhf qkb View Post
    Yea using logistics is a way to regulate the relationship distance for SLIs. When they don't want to talk, they just don't answer your messages. Kinda rude and annoying, doesn't make their counterpart feel emotionally safe tbh

    oh! I've seen that!

    @ logistics to regulate distance.

    LIE get super close psychologically. I end up getting engaged when I wasn't looking to...or being asked to be a godparent three months into knowing ppl..... (tangent I'm glad ESI keep people at bay initially)

    But back to distance regulation:

    I know a SLI who clearly finds fault with my gamma ways and enjoys talking with me nonetheless. I realized that steering the conversation to certain topics meant we interacted more positively. Occassionally the SLI doesn't want to talk and references something else (task b) they have to do elsewhere but continues with a task A near me that would allow talking. I don't think the SLI realizes I do better with "I don't have any energy to talk" or "I want to focus" or "Your challenges are not in my wheelhouse, and I feel frustrated thinking about talking about them." I am de-perturbed hearing all those. Everything seems reasonable and like we're on okay terms.

    I wish the SLI knew that.

    Honestly, as long as people indicate how they feel about me (my blindspot), I don't give a shit if they can't 'play with me.' And I'm happy to support their endeavors or jump on board and do the work for them or leave them alone (majority of my longterm friends are introverted).
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    Safety in numbers...huh, I wonder if it's related to instincts as it seems some stackings are more comfortable one-to-one while others aren't. Just a thought. Of course there could also be a history of betrayal that would make a person skittish.
    When you have lots of witnesses then you are much safer against any sort of prosecution or dealings behind your back. Also as you come clear there will much less broken phone communication. I think it is the perfect solution. I also get very quiet in groups less than 3 or 4 I need more to be vocal.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comatose Lamiac 007 View Post
    When you have lots of witnesses then you are much safer against any sort of prosecution or dealings behind your back. Also as you come clear there will much less broken phone communication. I think it is the perfect solution. I also get very quiet in groups less than 3 or 4 I need more to be vocal.
    My ILE friend has talked about finding one-to-one interactions uncomfortable and that she prefers groups, but her reasoning was less based in the fear you described above and more in that she felt pressure to keep a conversation going. In a group she was released from the burden of knowing what to say. Maybe an Fi PoLR thing? I think she appreciates me because she feels we can be together without causing her discomfort...maybe that's how my demonstrative helps her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    My ILE friend has talked about finding one-to-one interactions uncomfortable and that she prefers groups, but her reasoning was less based in the fear you described above and more in that she felt pressure to keep a conversation going. In a group she was released from the burden of knowing what to say. Maybe an Fi PoLR thing? I think she appreciates me because she feels we can be together without causing her discomfort...maybe that's how my demonstrative helps her.
    I just framed that through plausible fears because that is common issue and not especially forefront in my thoughts but yes groups offer diversity which helps with juggling things.one big issue is that these sorts of close interactions bring up things that can be framed through one perspective and I'm very flexible in it which generate problems because most people are not. Also arguing over personal is just not interesting so I let people overrule me with their presuppositions because I don't care which in turn bites me in the ass later.
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