Note: semi venting
I know a handful of LIIs and there seem to be a subset of them that are simply so.. needy, so desperate for any sort of Fe. Ime they are male and Ti-subs.
One of them is a legitimate social outcast and I disregarded everyone's warnings and genuinely tried to get to know him, see for myself.
Oh god- he has a sense of humor that is so.. creepy, and he's creepy, and I can't even look him in the eye anymore because I can't stand him so much.
The other one is my brother. The thing is- he's not weird or creepy or abnormal in any way, like the last one is. He's probably more social than I am, and he's not unsuccessful in the romance department either. Both parents are gammas, which I can imagine how stifling that must feel for him. Growing up, he's always been the more needy one, always begging for love and attention. I don't know if I ever felt what I'm about to describe growing up, but now that we're grown up it's gotten pretty bad for me. I'm the only one who's ever been able to provide him with any Fe/Ti in the family, he's always been the most comfortable with me, and things always loosen up a bit when I enter the room (that biting gamma Fi/Te that I also have trouble relaxing with).
I am not his dual and my Fe cannot be on every moment of the day, I get tired and I get grumpy and I am often in a more withdrawn state. He's always making these, such "Childish" remarks that are literally just a request for some sort of Fe response, idk how I can describe it, I wish I could show you. He's always waiting for his Fe fix from me, always Se-PoLR-ish prodding for it. You know how ESEs get a bad rep in socionics communities for the (subjectively) excessive Fe and can't stop blabbing qualities- well that exactly what he's asking for, actually. He wants emotional response and expression dialed up to 100 percent, all the time, that silly, endless Alpha blabbing and shallow Fe expressions that I'm honestly sick of.
And the problem is, everytime he talks to me I see him watching me, waiting hopefully for my Fe response, and what am I supposed to do? Sure I can give it, but at the end of the day a Fe creative gets sick of it and will start getting irritated. Or I don't give it and he gets disappointed and then I feel bad because I feel like I was mean. The thing is- I can't just do 50% Fe, if you know what I mean, those freaking LIIs will take any modicum of a Fe response as a signal to keep going, and at that point I just want him to stop, so what I'm forced to do is give the most 0% response. I'm talking no expression change at all, a soft-voiced disinterested "yeah", maybe not even looking at him as I respond. And then he'll look away and then hesitantly glance back at me, wondering what he must've done wrong to annoy his big sister, wondering why she is so disinterested all of a sudden, why he isn't good enough- I must feel so unpredictable and hot and cold towards him, one moment I'm warm and cheerful, the next he doesn't even seem to exist based on how I treat him (because even though I'll force myself to keep it up, at some point I just can't anymore and seemingly out of the blue I shut off) I don't enjoy doing this option either!!
It doesn't help that I'm the older sibling- I have such psychological power over him sometimes, I feel like, and I hate it. Why do I have to have such power to hurt him or to make him happy? Why does the slightest thing I do have to affect him so much, can't he be not so needy for all this? I wish I could be able to be in a quieter, more withdrawn less talkative mood, without having it have to affect him so much, still be able to interact with him naturally. Cause when I'm more Fe "off" obviously I'm not as warm and Fe-y, but it's fine, it doesn't mean I don't want to talk to you, but he'll take it as a signal and be all hesitant and cautious.
Another thing- idk if LSIs can be the same way as I do not know as many on a personal basis, but I know they wouldn't be so goddamn cautious, unsure, always asking, if they are also subconsciously desperate for their Fe in the same way my brother is.
I mean, this could be exacerbated by the fact that my brother's probably an LII-H, and he has a 2 fix. Yeah, the connectivity ugh.
I don't have this problem with all LIIs. In fact one of my closest friends is a wonderful LII, and everything has always felt very equal, I don't feel this horrible weight of asymmetry, of benefaction.
I hope to dear god my brother doesn't end up falling for an IEI. I'm sure some LIIs are more romantically compatible with IEIs, but he is not, at least not with the type of IEI that I am. She's going to have too much power in her hands and will not be gentle with his heart.
This is from the POV of a benefactor, but things are too easy with him. I could make him do almost anything! He doesn't fight back, at least not in a way that works on me, he's so *nice*. It's a running knowledge/joke in the family that he really will have to choose carefully who he falls in love with because he's going to be too head over heels and blinded by his love.
Yes, communication is the key to a good relationship, but I can't tell him any of these feelings. I have too much psychological influence over him, it would only hurt him and make him that much more hesitant around me, feeling as if he's walking on glass around me. Anyway, it's not like he can change himself, nor should he change himself just for me. It's also not like he would really understand it, really see this whole dynamic between us, in the way I do. How can you attempt to change if you don't even see? He'll just be stumbling in the dark, trying to please his sister, who he never seems to be good enough for. He'll start being even more sensitive to any changes in my expression and mood. And again, I do not believe he should change. This is not something simple like "I wish you would stop always taking the bigger slice of cake it hurts my feelings".
Ah, what can I do. If anyone has any experience in this subject or insight or just any random observation.. I hope I communicated everything well and sorry this was so long.
I want to note that my relationship with my brother is generally very good, and the above may sound like we have a terrible relationship, but keep in mind it's also the result of many years of slowly bubbling up frustration and irritation.
I wish I weren't so damn aware. Aware of this dynamic between us. Thank you socionics for enabling me to put my scattered sensations into words, you suck.
PS: to all the LIIs who shit on or downplay their duals, because ESEs aren't very popular on here.. every single LII I've spoken to, from the most blatant Fe-sluts to the least, the moment you talk to some Fe you always brighten up, perk up like a little hamster when they hear an exciting noise. Sometimes it's more obvious, while other times it's merely a slight opening up of the expression, a small smile creeping onto your visage. Now, I am simply some Fe blocked with Ni, so imagine what good some Fe with Si would do for you. You may think they're all without exception shallow and dumb, but you are no better in the SF realm of things.