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Thread: On the Internet vs Real Life Inter-type Relations

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    Default On the Internet vs Real Life Inter-type Relations

    Do you notice any difference in your relationships with types over the internet and in "real life", face to face?

    I'm especially curious about semi-duality, but the others are equally relevant to this thread.

    Also, people let their guards down more easily on the internet, and I think this is an important factor to be taken into consideration.
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    Ксеркс, царь царей xerx's Avatar
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    People spill their guts out on the internet because there aren't any real consequences to revealing their hidden feelings. They're more reserved in real life. IME.

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    the difference is like this batman forever scene



    "We all wear masks"

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    "IRL" in informal communications IR effects should be stronger as it allows easier to understand the personalities, allows better to influence on each other. video chats can be close
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Disrupting your illusory reality Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by onfireee View Post
    the difference is like this batman forever scene



    "We all wear masks"
    LOL

    I like it
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    i'm flirtier online

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    not sure, I've been told I'm more cold and serious and Fi-like IRL than online. A persona is a mask, an actor- it allows people to play a part. Whether writing a story online or acting in a worldly Hollywood play with real money involved, the essence is the same, you are pretending. So I can feel the thrill of being somebody I'm not or somebody that's only a little like me instead of the totality of myself. IRL there's usually less masks to hide behind than on the stage or inside a paper, unless ur one of those creepy dark Triad tryhard narcs that are really always grasping for them. The most basic bitch way people manipulate others in this way is by being fakely 'positive.' Like good family man values on the surface but at night u want to creepily bury ppl in ur backyard. Doesn't have to be so extreme either, the 'darkness' can be more subtle but still pervasive and destructive.

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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    People spill their guts out on the internet because there aren't any real consequences to revealing their hidden feelings. They're more reserved in real life. IME.
    This! I control my behavior and what I say IRL. Online I just keep the skeletons in the closet, the rest is going to flow freely.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Duschia View Post
    I'm apparently way more reserved and such IRL.
    I don't believe this. Not that it bad, just unbelievable. I imagine you to be the guy that goes "well actually" at every conversation.

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    I tend to like people better irl than on the internet. People tend to make me more mad online than irl. But I think Iíve gotten to know people that I might have never gotten to know online than irl... I am more disinhibited online about certain things. But I also hold back saying things online that I would say irl, so really itís like there are two different meís. I am pretty reserved initially, but once people get to know me Iím pretty open (maybe too open at times, so Iím told lol). But Iím not much of a conversationalist, not the type of person that chit chats on the phone or on text...pretty much say what I need to say and Iím done. But I think Iím like that online and irl really. So I donít talk a whole lot usually, unless Iím in the mood. But really I wouldnít trust any relationships formed online, Iíd prefer to meet people in person.
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    I find online relationships demanding, and what is more, exhausting, because they place so much emphasis on words. The first conversation I have with someone online might draw forth a torrent of verbiage from me, the next, likely a stream; and after that, probably a trickle. Very quickly, I run out of topics to discuss, because the two of us have spent so much time talking instead of going on walks, playing board games, fiddling around on the piano, etc. And as the conversation runs out, so does my engagement. As such, I have dropped a number of online friends--something that isn't very nice, but neither is telling them that I have nothing else to talk with them about.

    As far as type goes, I have no idea. I don't even know that it's really possible to assign a type to someone on the basis of what they've said to you through a computer screen. The internet affords people with an extraordinary degree of control over their presentation, and the more control over your presentation you have, the easier it is to conceal your real attitudes, motives, and other personal facets.

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    Whatever I please I can take the time flesh out in written words.
    IRL, I have to deal with people who are louder than I am, who talk faster than I do, who have so many things to say while I can barely have the time to translate a thought into something concrete before they have gone to the next topic.
    IRL, I'm this quiet, nice listener with a soft smile. In written form, I allow myself all the rage I accumulate from this disgusting persona I hate and feel stuck with.
    I'm more "fully me" online because I can take the time to be, though I'm still a slow talker with an abstract mind running after the words of the world.

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    It just depends on the individuals involved and how adapted you guys are to, and like, primarily text-only, distance communication, and how much interpersonal experience you have. Also how much you fundamentally get along. Given all these things it’s gonna be hard for the majority of people to find and keep close friends online.

    I have an IEI girlfriend who I originally met online through socionics/typology. We talked a lot for a few years, then met IRL and lived together for a week. I’ve known her for nearly 6 years now and we’re still relatively close even if we don’t talk intensely very often most of the time anymore. Having multiple shared hobbies that involve sharing knowledge online and also shared friendships/circle is important. The simple suggestion that we’re compatible (via socionics) probably helps also. There are a couple other duals and other types who I’ve been kind of close with online for many years now but either we haven’t met irl or we don’t keep in touch/are quite as close as that.

    As for ILI semiduals online, I like @Outlier . Same thing, multiple avenues of sharing music and memes and personal expression, sharing personal experiences helps. Online friends can be more ‘real’ than IRL. Lots of IRL people are boring to make friends with regardless, it just depends on who you find.

    As for dating someone I met online, I highly doubt it. I’ve done it before; two year relationship with an EII where we met irl sporadically.... physical attraction is hard to gauge from online even if you go on video. People can angle themselves and stuff like that. But if they were really cute and charming and seemingly sane-ish and thought they could handle my cock then maybe.
    Last edited by sbbds; 08-29-2020 at 01:27 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Do you notice any difference in your relationships with types over the internet and in "real life", face to face?

    I'm especially curious about semi-duality, but the others are equally relevant to this thread.

    Also, people let their guards down more easily on the internet, and I think this is an important factor to be taken into consideration.
    I'm goofier with all people I know or with most kids I meet, so in an online forum based mostly on writing monologues or replying to someone's, where you and the other person arent orchestrating a fleeting exchange (which is the playful dynamic I sense irl), I make more statements. It's more rhetoric-y.

    I develop relationships in an online group, and suddenly it's playful brazeness instead of serious and distant.

    I communicate a lot with my facial expresssions, so webcam groups show more of who I am. But I get harassed for being a woman so much and have found not having my image up is a good idea...since I have had to protect kids and elderly people I know irl from predators who came for me or might. And I will take that trade off. Harassment is tiring. I just kinda get bored and disappointed and then super tired at the immaturity, etc. I'm not made for introverted fortressy-ness, so it's a bind. Kinda just wait for the 'kid' (usually some dude with no emotional control or with dark tetrad traits) to stop metaphorically pooping in the pool (social milieu) and for it to get cleaned so I can finish my 'swim'(convivializing) an breathe again. I feel more joy around peoole, usually. . I'm better at reaching out to people than doing some protect myself thing. Vaserlan has that down as an ENTJ thing. I was listening to him last week, and I think he has a point.

    I'm not really back from years ago here, yet, imo.I'm kinda still overly polite and trying to be like courteous from the edge. I share a few sincere thoughts and call out bullshit racist ideology spews, blah blah, but ...and this might be the sx-dom talking, but...I'm still kinda looking forward to that buddy vibe that develops sometimes where you get on and have great conversations for hours with people you come back every week to see. Kinda like a house party with your best friends. I've been meeting some people I enjoy talking with but it's all pretty ephemeral so far.
    Last edited by nanashi; 08-29-2020 at 07:03 AM.

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    Relations? Can I eat it?
    I'm changeable in both. I do not predict myself well as in moment basis.
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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    People spill their guts out on the internet because there aren't any real consequences to revealing their hidden feelings. They're more reserved in real life. IME.
    for me I like that I know the person can leave easily online. That makes me feel comfortable being open because many don't feel they have to act out rituals...uncomfortably obligated to stay like some ppl do irl, etc

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    As for ILI semiduals online, I like @Outlier . Same thing, multiple avenues of sharing music and memes and personal expression, sharing personal experiences helps. Online friends can be more ‘real’ than IRL. Lots of IRL people are boring to make friends with regardless, it just depends on who you find.
    I dont bother with those little niceties that are necessary for a smooth social experience irl when I'm online, so the people who have gotten to know me online and endured my temper for long enough to become friendly probably have a deeper understanding of who I am, without immediately getting the positive aspects of it like many people do irl without earning it really.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ergot View Post
    "real life" intertype relations are tempered more by unavoidables such as a third party, a project you're both working on ;greater things left to chance, spanner in the works

    you're less steering the topic of conversation than reading the facial expressions of your conversation partner and bouncing off that to elsewhere accordingly (At least if you're me)
    due to that elsewhere/unexpected tangent, you're less able to obfuscate your weak points.

    the asking-declaring compatibility inherent in duality shines in this kind of back - n -forth; fluid talk > stilted paragraphs

    a raised eyebrow or smirk conveys what you want where emoji can seem excessive
    I got interested. What do you know about asking-declaring compatibility, or at least where can I find info about it?
    I feel this is important, even though I don't really know how it works.
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    Most people I've met irl from online are more natural with a lot of apparent rough edges kind of swept away. There are still rough edges, of course, but they seem more human types of edges and are easier to deal with because of that.

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    tbh I just entertain thoughts and not relations in both places. I lack some sort of self preservation instinct which is paradoxically much stronger online.

    People form relations to survive and I just think that living in the gutter is better option than being attached.
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    On the internet, at least from my limited experience with only one dual, our relationship has been marked with feelings of general apathy and misunderstandings, but also crazy swings in and out of love.
    (But also keep in mind that he might be crazy and immature, or I might be crazy, (definitely immature here) or both)

    I assume IRL you use your functions better and are much more able to support and help each other with real life problems.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BrightDemonSheep96 View Post
    tbh I just entertain thoughts and not relations in both places. I lack some sort of self preservation instinct which is paradoxically much stronger online.

    People form relations to survive and I just think that living in the gutter is better option than being attached.
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    If I’ll just consider the people on this forum, I think there is no difference at all
    People from Discord are more difficult to make sense of
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    @BrightDemonSheep96

    Relationships can hurt if you get attached to someone who is bad for you, but you just need to be able to find the red flags and GTFO before you develop more feelings and before they inevitably hurt you. Of course that's easier said than done, but the relationship will go easier if you can reflect on it and be able to tell what is wrong with it before the train derails. Break up like Czechoslovakia and not Yugoslavia if you can to minimize hurt feelings when breaking up.

    This applies to platonic and romantic relationships.

    Just know that relationships are not just about survival.

    It's about love, about having someone to share your deepest, darkest thoughts with, having someone that brightens your day, makes you laugh and smile, that stirs up your soul and makes it shine, that you can talk about anything freely and be considered and heard without extreme judgement, someone who is genuinely interested in your character, that you can have endless fun with.

    And yes, not everyone is nice and kind, and reality is not some fantasy world where "true love" and "real friends" are just lying on every corner, and no couples have fights. You have to be conscious of your interactions with others, and to also be persistent in trying to find someone who will be worth your time, and eventually if you look hard enough, I promise the statistics shine brighter.

    Or you can live by yourself, there is nothing wrong in doing so if it makes you feel happier and more secure with your feelings.

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    There's more room online to be yourself, to say what you want, to throw everything out there, and nobody can really stop you.

    Giving a good masquerading aura, flickering with desired charisma, playing the pen, and threading the realm of interconnections can transcend a lot more restrictions from distance.
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    This forum is the first place I’ve really spoken to people online. It’s cool- it’s kind of like group therapy but nicer. Sometimes I feel a bit empty when I realise I can’t really meet the people I’m talking to/sharing with. I guess sharing social media profiles could help or something if you do get chatting to someone to make it feel more real. I also get attached and feel a need to reply and check in, and get a bit carried away, saying too much sometimes.

    It’s cool feeling like you’re connecting with interesting people, all across the world, but you have to learn to take a step back sometimes or you can feel a bit confused about what is real. It’s liberating to be able to speak freely and feel listened to, but it can also leave you feeling exposed. I think small doses is good.

    Real life has to come first for me, I like to be around people quite a lot. Maybe you do have to create a sort of persona to talk online. Sometimes I imagine people I know joining the forum and finding my posts, so I do feel like I have to keep it a bit real. I try to be fairly honest as I think this is the most comfortable for me. It’s easier in some interactions than others.

    It’s funny how real it can start to feel though- I think that’s coz there are nice people on here.
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    I actually talk quite a lot in real life. Maybe try to picture some of my old, drugged out novels I’ve posted in the past here: always at least that length, but usually exceeding because my thoughts never stop coming (in a good way, I suppose. I make a lot of valid points and typically very humorous + spoken in a pretty aggressive manner. Sometimes too theatrical for certain tastes, mostly liked for it - I know how to blend in charmingly but I always prefer being groundbreaking, shocking, “savage”, sassy, rebellious, more buzz words, etc. and I’m very clever at it but sometimes hated for it. Sometimes I get playfully asked if I’m on drugs when I’m 100% not (getting asked this is not an uncommon event for me these days... ).

    But I have brief moments of more or less silence for an entire day, or alternatively when I’ve reached peak stoned (enjoy sitting next to friends as we are all doing this staring into nothing on some blood moons ) Inside of my house, my room - or as I dramatically refer to as my Tower when I’m feeling bored It can last for a few days in a row, I am most likely in my bed all day (not necessarily asleep... usually awake and glued to my phone / music / movie.)

    All in all, not really too different from how I am on here; in some places inside and outside my head and some times, I may sound and act like a drastically different person than the one I am here - but I try to incorporate elements of every persona I can consciously think of into what I write on this site ).

    edit: very alike to my mom’s (ESE) pattern of energy as well, but there are some notable contrasts between us ex. my periods of grief and mourning are significantly longer than hers - and are heavily, at their cores, actually periods of time where I am silent and lifeless because I am discovering and connecting several patterns running from the past into the most likely future incarnation, and then further weaving it into an attempt at a singular pattern of life; I am planning what to do or what not to do; other differences are things such as I am the least practical person I can think at any given time and don’t produce or work on anything with my own two hands by default but I do organize every group event or personal one-on-one with flawless ease every time and I always find a plan / solution for anything that’s going wrong, or what I want or need or -by extension- what others want or need... (and predict and already concoct solutions for problems, at that; but I have absolutely no interest in money -beyond that I always want more as soon as I touch some and spend it all- or type nonsense, I just have an internal fantasy world that not everyone is aware of and surely no one is of its depths, that I want the real world to increasingly align with) If I had to limit myself to one archetype, it would be “The Planner” (not sure if there’s an existing one of that very name already associated with something... it just sounded correct in my head ); I am also far more dramatic than her but it can seemingly appear the other way around because I am also far more intellectual and capable of spotting my own contradictions and correcting them, and even more so skilled at pointing out the faulty logic or contradictions in others and letting it be known - but I have far less force behind the things I do or say than her. I romanticize everything good and bad in life but focus more on the bad side of the parallels.

    ^Even saying all of that, I can be incredibly impulsive at times (but I always know what I’m doing, don’t be fooled - it’s basically a plan to release myself and not plan so I can recharge and focus more on the real plan later - but subsequently adopting some subconscious statement that was made by the unplugged moment.... it’s Inception) and prone to “excess” in everything you can trace back to the very word. I am not afraid to push myself or unable to get through the worst situations you can think, both intentionally and unintentionally, time & time again but the underlying cause is that I’m not often aware of what the limit is or that there is one on my body, including my brain (so throw in some mental/emotional wounds as well... if that wasn’t so obvious by now anyways ). (I currently type as EIE)
    Last edited by flames; 04-23-2021 at 11:15 AM. Reason: this is a slightly marijuana influenced novel since I’ve changed my ways <3
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    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    There's more room online to be yourself, to say what you want, to throw everything out there, and nobody can really stop you.

    Giving a good masquerading aura, flickering with desired charisma, playing the pen, and threading the realm of interconnections can transcend a lot more restrictions from distance.
    I'm genuinely curious, why do you feel more like yourself when you can say what you want? Why do your words reflect who you are here more than anywhere else? Is it about a feeling of freedom? How do you relate to creation?
    I rarely feel alone. I rarely talk to anyone, yet in my head i have the most amazing, the most fantastic discussions with the people in my life. In real life, what most people talk about is several orders of magnitude lesser than their inner experiences. Most people never reveal the singularity of their subjective experience.
    Maybe I should learn to explore other people's consciousness. Maybe I should aim for a real space between me and others. Instead of cultivating monologues and fantasies. It's hard, but the alternative to this seems to be madness. ~ lkdhf qkb

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    I've met a few forum people irl now and never been surprised fwiw.

    One thing that stands out: the ILE at work that I thought my sentiment towards made my self type questionable because he has a cute personality and was one of my faves. Has become completely fkng insufferable over zoom.

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    Minde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    This forum is the first place Iíve really spoken to people online. Itís cool- itís kind of like group therapy but nicer. Sometimes I feel a bit empty when I realise I canít really meet the people Iím talking to/sharing with. I guess sharing social media profiles could help or something if you do get chatting to someone to make it feel more real. I also get attached and feel a need to reply and check in, and get a bit carried away, saying too much sometimes.

    Itís cool feeling like youíre connecting with interesting people, all across the world, but you have to learn to take a step back sometimes or you can feel a bit confused about what is real. Itís liberating to be able to speak freely and feel listened to, but it can also leave you feeling exposed. I think small doses is good.

    Real life has to come first for me, I like to be around people quite a lot. Maybe you do have to create a sort of persona to talk online. Sometimes I imagine people I know joining the forum and finding my posts, so I do feel like I have to keep it a bit real. I try to be fairly honest as I think this is the most comfortable for me. Itís easier in some interactions than others.

    Itís funny how real it can start to feel though- I think thatís coz there are nice people on here.
    I just want to hug you.



    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    I've met a few forum people irl now and never been surprised fwiw.

    One thing that stands out: the ILE at work that I thought my sentiment towards made my self type questionable because he has a cute personality and was one of my faves. Has become completely fkng insufferable over zoom.
    I've met a few people, too. For a couple, initially it was a little bit of "who are you again?" but after a bit it's like, "ok, there you are." I think people who are more image-conscious tend to be more different, I think, or they try to be. Or the shy ones. People do tend to let out more online than they do IRL, but in the end they're the same person. For me, seeing people's "real" sides come out online made it easier to pick up on that IRL.

    I've generally liked almost all of the people from here I've met IRL.

    For myself, I've been told by different people that I come across more aggressive online. In person I guess I'm much more 9-ish. In fact, my husband said he'd probably not have tried dating me if all he knew of me was my online presence. Maybe we do have more issues to work out, lol.
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    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    I've met a few forum people irl now and never been surprised fwiw.

    One thing that stands out: the ILE at work that I thought my sentiment towards made my self type questionable because he has a cute personality and was one of my faves. Has become completely fkng insufferable over zoom.
    Everybody is insufferable over zoom. It's like the golden rule of zoom

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    Quote Originally Posted by lkdhf qkb View Post
    I'm genuinely curious, why do you feel more like yourself when you can say what you want? Why do your words reflect who you are here more than anywhere else? Is it about a feeling of freedom? How do you relate to creation?
    The more area you have for construction, the greater and more true to your character your tower can be.
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    C-ESI-Se sx/sp ashlesha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ouronis View Post
    Everybody is insufferable over zoom. It's like the golden rule of zoom
    nobody else at my work does this : he is literally the guy who takes transparently smug joy in announcing that you're on mute.

    EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN TALKING, BUT YOU'VE BEEN CALLED UPON AND YOU'RE STILL IN THE 3-SECOND TIMEFRAME NEEDED TO USE THE MOUSE TO UNMUTE

    he can't stop won't stop

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    Quote Originally Posted by asd View Post
    @Minde how do (they think) you come across aggressive online? You donít come across as aggressive at all to me
    In years past on here I've gotten in arguments or disagreements with people on here. Usually it revolves around something I think they're doing wrong, lol, and I say what I think about it. (See exchanges with Maritsa, dioklecian, rueben, etc.) On social media I also will sometimes get in a conflict with someone about an opinion. Usually that pattern is I'll state an opinion or ask a question and someone takes it as an excuse to get mad themselves and then I get mad that they're picking on me or being illogical or whatever. (Kinda typical social media stuff, I guess.) It happens more with acquaintances, though recently I had a bad experience with someone who I thought was a good friend but how she reacted makes me wonder.

    @UDP has extensive experience with my online "aggressive" side - he might have some insights.

    I think assumed tone has something to do with it (as in their assumption of my tone). I can say or ask the exact same thing in person and get very different responses. Also in person I can see the other and tailor my approach to how they're feeling and what they're expressing or needing. My blank-slate expressions can apparently tickle some people the wrong way.
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    "Have courage and be kind." - Cinderella's mom

    "Fear wist not to evade as Love wist to pursue." - Francis Thompson

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    nobody else at my work does this : he is literally the guy who takes transparently smug joy in announcing that you're on mute.

    EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN TALKING, BUT YOU'VE BEEN CALLED UPON AND YOU'RE STILL IN THE 3-SECOND TIMEFRAME NEEDED TO USE THE MOUSE TO UNMUTE

    he can't stop won't stop
    Well, realistically, heís being true to himself. Heís treating you as if you were a technology-challenged SEI Dual who just needs some excellent advice from a random genius ILE.

    ĒYou have a microphone on your computer. You need to turn it on. You donít have to thank me. Iím happy to help.Ē

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    Quote Originally Posted by ashlesha View Post
    nobody else at my work does this : he is literally the guy who takes transparently smug joy in announcing that you're on mute.

    EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT EVEN TALKING, BUT YOU'VE BEEN CALLED UPON AND YOU'RE STILL IN THE 3-SECOND TIMEFRAME NEEDED TO USE THE MOUSE TO UNMUTE

    he can't stop won't stop
    Lol. Zoom calls at my company feature people who are not polite enough to let others speak and so everyone fights to get the first word in before someone else just starts endlessly talking

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    I just want to hug you.
    ahh E9 hugs haha
    Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.

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    IEIs aren't abhorrent but sooner or later tend to flock to me in a morbidly cultish manner and EIEs seem to always attempt to nag me into submission.
    Long story short, the βNF state of affairs is horrible all around.
    ILEs bother the sh*t out of me both online and in real life... et cetera
    Doesn't seem particularly dissimilar to me.
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    Depends in that particular online forum's culture. I've been to forums where the core group consisted entirely of people with documented mental health issues. Other forums are very argumentative. IRL, it doesn't matter but online its self-aware people who tend to generate the most genuine interactions.

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