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Thread: The magnetic effect of Duality

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    Default The magnetic effect of Duality

    According to socionics.com, the magnetism of Duality "becomes obvious when partners do not see each other for a while".

    What's your experience with this? Is it true?

    Also, does this magnetism manifest when partners are distant or as they interact again?
    hi

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    AAaarrgghhhh......

    How about if I just think about a Dual all the time when we are apart?

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    When you are together everything seems good and normal. Life is easy. When you are apart that's when you notice how much you need each other.

    I think that's what they mean.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)


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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallmo View Post
    When you are together everything seems good and normal. Life is easy. When you are apart that's when you notice how much you need each other.

    I think that's what they mean.
    Alright. I was expecting something deeper.

    I have observed this little fact with pretty much everyone I have come into contact with if they had any value to add to my life. :/
    hi

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    AAaarrgghhhh......

    How about if I just think about a Dual all the time when we are apart?
    sounds like love addiction, not duality
    hi

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    I feel like that when I see @Baboooshka in the shoutbox <333

    Or read some posts by @BandD or @barely real , etc

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    I feel like that when I see @Baboooshka in the shoutbox <333

    Or read some posts by @BandD or @barely real , etc
    Like you want to enter the screen and travel to their place and invade their personal space?
    hi

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Alright. I was expecting something deeper.

    I have observed this little fact with pretty much everyone I have come into contact with if they had any value to add to my life. :/
    Yes but its a feeling specific to duality. As you know duals have complementary functions. You get what you unconsciously expect. Duality can feel like "nothing". When you are apart that's when you realize what you have been taking for granted.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)


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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    Like you want to enter the screen and travel to their place and invade their personal space?
    Yeah I suppose but I actually want to do that to everybody always.

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    > the magnetism of Duality "becomes obvious when partners do not see each other for a while"

    Duality predisposes to feel a sympathy. It's noticable during the process - the degree you feel a pleasure to see or communicate with someone. Friendly and love interactions with complemetary types may give very pleasant emotional states, to give the feeling of inspiration and joy. Types is significant factor for this. So it's not obligate to loose to understand that you like someone and he gives good emotions to you.

    If you get something regularly and for long - you adopt to this and then may underesteemate how much you get. When you are geting a pleasure from something and then loose it - you feel the lack of it. The more you got - the more you feel this lack. To loose good interactions with a dual (and other good IR) may be very emotionally hard. Duality gives psyche stimulation and if to lose this abruptly - depressive state appears easily, it needs a time to adopt to the lack of positive influence of other human. It should be comparable as to loose communications with a close friend as good IR is a strong factor for close friendship relations.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    In my case, we don't see each other very often mostly because our lifestyles are so different. That adds to the mystery and intrigue I suppose.

    I don't understand how sensors... sense. It's a bit difficult for me, to just kinda absorb your surroundings like that and live totally in the 'real world.' I can definitely be more realistic and practical when I have to be but to SENSE? It's totally foreign/kinda intriguing to me personally. But I guess through talking to them, we kinda arrive to somewhat similar conclusions based on different ways of getting there. But it feels too good to be true in a way as well. I probably saw some dumb romantic picture thing in my dumb little naive IEI head and to them I was just a hot fuck, or they were naive in different ways than me. In some ways this is to be expected cuz of N vs S.

    Romance feels that way to most people I think like 'oh I'm just being a silly little naive flower, the world is a harsh brutal place with no love!' so in order to effectively snag you it has to kind of be rare and not a very often thing otherwise.... it doesn't seem like it would work so maybe that's all part of it. Love doesn't exist because it's so rare, but then you think it must exist because of how rare it's actually being.

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    @BandD, you're turning into an EII.

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    I feel like I kiiiiinda experienced this. Long story short boy EII (me) girl LSE (her). We were friends not even that great of friends, but we hadn't see each other in awhile and when we saw each other again it felt like an enthusiastic reunion and even though there were other people around it felt like it was just me and her n the room, someone that I'm not even that great of friends with at that so it seemed weird enough for me to question what was going on.

    And there was one time I worked with an LSE, we are very far apart in age and background but we were light friends, but when he got another job and left the company he called one of his friends at our company and told them to say hi to me. I was like "me, I know the guy, he's funny, but me?" didn't know he considered me that much of a friend.

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    Duality doesn't seem to have any magnetic attraction; duals are often ambivalent toward one another in the beginning. The relationship is more akin to establishing, over time, roots in each other's garden, both of which remain separate and distinct on the surface. Below, roots intertwine and for them to separate, parts of their root systems have to be left behind; it's the unquantifiable nutrients that they miss even though they can usually easily survive without them.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by Megatrop View Post
    sounds like love addiction, not duality
    It's duality but it feels exactly like love addiction.

    I experienced this right after meeting my dual (now my husband of 6 years) and falling for him totally against my will. Our meeting was not much longer than an hour, maybe two. (We'd been friends by writing and I truly valued his (written) friendship but that is all I wanted it to be - friends). After the brief meeting (on my way home from elsewhere) I returned home 6 hours away. So, immediate separation. From the moment time I "fell", I experienced what felt to me like the the most powerful, consuming and stupid (yet frighteningly real) love addiction ever. It only increased in intensity as I got further away. I was so mad at myself for this foolishness.

    It happened at a time when I truly did not want to date and had learned to be quite content in that state, and I wanted nothing more than to keep it that way. So I did not "ask" for this. Plus he seemed like truly the wrong guy to pick (if I even wanted to pick one), in so many ways!

    When I couldn't "get rid of it", and after a brief but powerful prayer experience concerning this*, I decided to just accept it and see where it went, knowing there would at least be some relief if it didn't go anywhere anyway.

    A month or two into this thing that felt like mind-numbing love addiction, I went looking for MBTI info and stumbled on Socionics and Intertype relations. I looked up our types on a chart and that's when I saw our Duality. And then then it all made sense.

    Yes, this feels exactly like love addiction.

    _______________________________

    *(I'd though my ridiculousness in this made God displeased with me, this prayer experience clearly and simply showed me that He was not)
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

    .
    .
    .


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    lol, if we use term magnetic we must understand what we observe at magnetic attraction first.

    This is not duality, correct. However one could use term like memory effect or something although energetic minimum and out of balance are bit harder to coin together with duality.
    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

     

    Sincerely yours,
    idiosyncratic type

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    Dating my conflictors Megatrop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    It's duality but it feels exactly like love addiction.

    I experienced this right after meeting my dual (now my husband of 6 years) and falling for him totally against my will. Our meeting was not much longer than an hour, maybe two. (We'd been friends by writing and I truly valued his (written) friendship but that is all I wanted it to be - friends). After the brief meeting (on my way home from elsewhere) I returned home 6 hours away. So, immediate separation. From the moment time I "fell", I experienced what felt to me like the the most powerful, consuming and stupid (yet frighteningly real) love addiction ever. It only increased in intensity as I got further away. I was so mad at myself for this foolishness.

    It happened at a time when I truly did not want to date and had learned to be quite content in that state, and I wanted nothing more than to keep it that way. So I did not "ask" for this. Plus he seemed like truly the wrong guy to pick (if I even wanted to pick one), in so many ways!

    When I couldn't "get rid of it", and after a brief but powerful prayer experience concerning this*, I decided to just accept it and see where it went, knowing there would at least be some relief if it didn't go anywhere anyway.

    A month or two into this thing that felt like mind-numbing love addiction, I went looking for MBTI info and stumbled on Socionics and Intertype relations. I looked up our types on a chart and that's when I saw our Duality. And then then it all made sense.

    Yes, this feels exactly like love addiction.

    _______________________________

    *(I'd though my ridiculousness in this made God displeased with me, this prayer experience clearly and simply showed me that He was not)
    You should definitely write a book (or at least an article) about it.
    I hope this will happen to me someday
    just for the experience.
    hi

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    Just thought I'd repost what my LSI mentor at the time (who ironically got permantly banned from the forum, wrote about duality vs activity) back in 2011:

    (I know this goes without saying, but I'm paranoid and would like to ask those who are privy to the details of my personal life to not divulge any information beyond what I bring up myself in this topic.)

    I've amassed a fair bit of personal experience with both of these intertype relations. That is, I've been in relationships with two IEIs and two EIEs -- one of each subtype -- and I've developed what I think are some neat insights.

    My previous relationship was with an Fe EIE, and right now (and hopefully permanently) I am in a relationship with an Fe IEI. Both are compatible subtypes for Ti LSIs, such as myself, so I think this is the perfect comparison, and it will be my primary focus. So perhaps instead you might think of this as subtype-aligned Activity v subtype-aligned Duality.


    Initial attraction:

    One of the most stand-out features for me was the initial attraction I had for both women. With the EIE, I would describe the attraction as cautiously optimistic. A sense of trepidation mixed with a feeling of intrigue and thrill. "She'll be the death of me" mixed with "She's awesome and fun."

    With the IEI, there were no downsides. Rather, there's an immediate, powerful, mutual attraction unaccompanied by any negatives. "She's awesome and fun" mixed with "She's awesome and fun." So I think I can tentatively say that there is a much stronger initial attraction to your Activity partner.


    Personal growth:

    A key, oft-noted aspect of Duality is the way in which both partners naturally, unconsciously facilitate the psychological betterment of one another. The key words here are naturally and unconsciously. Perhaps an even better word would be effortlessly.

    As an example of what I mean, one time at school I encountered the EIE waiting in the snail-paced line to the financial aid office. I went over to speak to her, and she mentioned that she was going to skip a class in order to once and for all take care of the bureaucratic horror that is college financial aid. She seemed visibly perturbed by this, not at all confident that she was making a sound decision (Te Role).

    My response was firm and resolute. Instead of listing out practical reasons for staying or going, I said, "Class should take precedence over something that can be done at anytime (Ti). You should go to class and come back later (Se)." Note the hard-line nature of the first statement, in which I take on the role of Ti for her, not expecting any feedback. Then note the Se that serves a kind of firm-but-gentle poker. "Here's your Dual-Seeking, now go fulfill your Hidden Agenda." She instantaneously appeared to lighten up, saying, "That's a good idea," and off to class she went.

    With Activity, this kind of help can occur, but it requires conscious effort. The IEI I am with was complaining about having a creepy boss who occasionally makes inappropriate physical and verbal gestures toward herself the other female employees. For example, he'll sometimes lightly poke female employees or massage their shoulders while they are working. That's obviously totally unacceptable, and my typical advice would be to make a Ti statement about why that's bad, then offer an Se nudge advising her to report him. However, I knew that she would be very uncomfortable doing this, and that it would be better if I took on the role of Se for her, in a kind of "Fuck this!" manner, then using Ti to clarify and explain my actions. So I wrote down a list of all the things he has said and done, as well as the names of the girls who have been harassed. I would actually call today (in fact, I just now sent her a text informing her of my intent to do so), but she objected on the grounds that they're too busy and that she doesn't want the day devolving into chaos. I'm only going to hold off so long though; you don't touch my fucking girlfriend you foul specimen of human trash. Lucky I don't beat your ass. ajfgkdshfdhfsd

    Sorry, off on a tangent. But the point is that she loves having someone take on this Se role for her, and all it takes is this kind of leaping outward for me, her Activity partner, to do so pretty effectively. The subtype alignment makes it easier too, since her Se expectations are much more in like with my Se output. Even the way I pursued her was Se-oriented. I just decided to seduce her one day, and that's what I did. No mystery as to why it worked.

    As far as the Super Id help that I receive, it's actually very similar with both. With both, I get lots of happy, inclusive Fe output coupled with a subdued, more playful Ni that serves to encourage instead of forebode. This subtype alignment creates an asymmetrical dynamic that makes it easy for the IEI to help in these areas. Recently I was anxious about something, and it put me into this dark, sullen mood. My IEI noticed this and said, "I love you. Stop worrying so much, everything is going to be fine." That's exactly what I needed to hear and it made me feel better right away. I do worry too much and it's silly.

    Okay, so just to reiterate, the point here is that aligning subtypes create a kind of mini Duality that can still help while having all the fun of Activity. It's more awkward, but it doesn't feel like a chore. It just seems like happily going out of your way to help, and it's deeply appreciated by the recipient. "It makes me happy knowing that you'll defend me" isn't something an IEI says to someone who is pocketing their Se.

    This segment went on way too long lmao.


    Ease:

    Duality is like .5mg xanax and 40mg adderall taken at once. Invigorating yet relaxing. A balance of two drugs that were made for each other. The adderall makes things fun, and the xanax eases away anxieties and insecurities so that you feel comfortable even talking about your weaknesses.

    Activity is like 80mg adderall followed three hours later by 5mg ambien. VERY invigorating, but the come down is more dramatic. Fun as hell, but you both need to pass out and get some sleep afterward. I think this holds true especially for introverts. Several descriptions claim that both partners need to be alone, but I find that it's more that both partners just need to take a nap, but can do so in the same bed. You don't mention weaknesses because neither of you perceives any in the other.

    I think of Duality as two partners staying up all night in a castle library, in big chairs by the fireside, talking and losing track of time, intimate, like a little pocket world, delighted with each other. Relaxed yet stimulated. I see Activity as Belle and the Beast dancing in the library during the day, all colors and music and energy that will inevitably be followed by passing out in a feather bed. There is overlap here, of course, but that is how I'd articulate the far end of either spectrum. The thing about the subtype alignment is that it shortens the span between either extreme. The Dual is more "active" and the Activity is more "dual-ish," though each relation is still closer to its respective side.


    Stability:

    In this area, Activity wins out by quite a bit. There is very little, if any, reason to stay mad at your Activity partner. You don't even quarrel. It feels solid, yet never boring.

    Duality is a love-hate sort of thing. You love them but they drive you crazy. Unfortunately, this can easily lead to breaking up. I'd wager there are far more Duality divorces than Activity.


    Closing, the reason I wanted to write this because, with my grasp of Socionics, I can see that all these little problems described in Activity relations aren't actually big deals at all. Like I said earlier, I've been in relationships with both an EIE and an IEI of aligning subtypes, there are noticeable differences, but it doesn't feel in any way worse or less fulfilling. And the feeling is mutual, us both having had Dual partners in the past and feeling the same way now. With a little effort, you can get some missing Duality features while retaining the benefits of Activity.

    I know I kinda bashed Duality in this topic, and made it sound like Activity is better, but that's not what I think. While I do maintain that Activity trumps Duality as far as initial attraction and relationship stability are concerned, Duality is obviously better-aligned as far as input-output. However, with a decent grasp of Socionics, as well as the presence of subtype alignment, it's pretty fucking easy to make Activity relations just as fun and happy.

    I'd rate them 50-50.
    Last edited by fireee; 08-23-2020 at 04:34 AM.

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    I talked to one much older LSI a few years back... I really liked his vibe. Ironically he just got out of a toxic marriage with a EIE so he wanted my perspective of how EIEs operate. If I get into a relationship with a LSI, he will probably be an academic-oriented type 5. Otherwise, I primarily envision being with a NT type long-term.
    Last edited by Stance; 08-24-2020 at 11:57 AM.

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    You feel naked without them

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