EII - Manipulative meekness?

[lurker]

That depends on how serious your problem is, I can't tell from this distance. It might be as easy as allowing yourself to grow out of it, or getting some serious therapy. If your interested at a serious but low threshold entrance into better understanding your issue and if you need help, get the book "Reinventing Your Life" by Jefrrey E. Young. I have read gazillions of self-help books, and this is the only book I know of that does not only explain how situation A is bad and situation B is healthy, it details the steps how to actually get from A to B, whereas most self-help books just recommend that you should do B instead of A, which is easier said than done. It's a great book, but do not expect a quick fix. Expect the contrary.

Thank you for the recommendation. Unfortunately, I live somewhere that doesn't permit me access to the book. I'm still young though, so this issue may be something I have to outgrow. At least I have Alan Watts's lectures to calm and soothe me.

This actually sounds more like enneagram 9 problems than EII ones. The most common tips for 9s are: Try to work on your self-esteem, until you can sense that your contribution to the world is wanted and appreciated. Maybe make a list of things you wish for yourself, things you're worthy of. Achieve them.

Se skills that could help you are : learn to say no when you don't want something, try to be more present and engaged with the world, get to know your physical strength because you have more than you imagine

Not sure if I'm a 9, but your advice applies to me anyway. I've already started my self-esteem improvement by creating this thread that I was scared to create because I'm scared of people, lol. But I'm also excited because maybe I can make a positive impact.

My self-esteem will be improved if:
-I can make people feel happy after a bad day
-My words soothe people
-I make people feel loved and welcomed
-I can be brave and know what I want

I think Jung said too much idealism is dangerous though... maybe I should just be more present and engaged. Thanks for the encouragement