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Thread: Is the male aggressor romantic-style outdated?

  1. #121
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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    How exactly does it feel to you when someone is very aggressive, that makes it so you don't like it/them? can you pinpoint it?
    I think it’s what nanashi mentioned before earlier in this thread, that it can feel like they are not attuned to my desires or needs. I guess I just want to be the more active person, it feels unnatural to me otherwise... it’s as simple as that I think. I feel good when I make the decision, choose and get what I’ve chosen. I think when I was younger I had a lot of my natural desires usurped by overbearing family members, which is why I can’t stand being overbowled now.

    I just want to be with someone who feels good about being chosen by me, and who chooses me back (in part because of that).

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    I think it’s what nanashi mentioned before earlier in this thread, that it can feel like they are not attuned to my desires or needs. I guess I just want to be the more active person, it feels unnatural to me otherwise... it’s as simple as that I think. I feel good when I make the decision, choose and get what I’ve chosen. I think when I was younger I had a lot of my natural desires usurped by overbearing family members, which is why I can’t stand being overbowled now.

    I just want to be with someone who feels good about being chosen by me, and who chooses me back (in part because of that).
    that makes a lot of sense when you explain it like that

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    sbbds, this happens with the ESI's that I like, particularly the ESI-Se's. If I make any sign that I kind of like them, they get dismayed and dodge. This seems to be consistently true with this type. Eventually, they might think about it and will return to the conversation, but their first reaction is to hide or run away.
    I think it worked well when I was charismatically just entertaining the group of us that were at the event together (some strangers but all connected somehow and at a big event together where we all felt a little shy). And he was VERY quiet. I kept reaching out to him and connecting and then moving on. I mistook the ESI-Se for a SLI or something and was just being extroverted and paying him compliments in a warm, sincere way but also turned back to the group. I think it let him get the idea I wasn't hunting him. When he started stationing himself at my side the next hour and offering to drive me to the next place we all danced and talking to my friends about me, I realized he was introvert version making a gesture/move/asking me out. It made me uneasy because he was so starched (literally), and I misunderstood that's sometimes a XSI thing. I am a swaggery,fly-by-the-seat of my pants person, and I thought he had the wrong idea about us working out. But the buddy telling me he was sleeve-tatted up under the clothes and my friend's exhortation got me to warily agree.

    I liked that there was a mutual confidence, freedom/you don't own me, and power-sharing vibe the rest of the time. Kinda seems like we could both be hunty but on the same team...Hunting orgasms together is a good past-time for Ni-Se couples, imo. I want to run at him sometimes, him lurch at me others...kinda like that song..
    Last edited by nanashi; 08-16-2020 at 11:59 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    A male seems to need a modicum of testosterone to have any kind of sexual drive. Male drive (not testosterone) seems to linked to possessive, controlling/manipulative behaviour - like animals. This may not translate to observable aggression so I'll wait for a study involving orders of magnitude more than 120 people. In order to get laid one has to push into a crowd or schmooze a straggler; it's certainly not lay on one's back passive action.

    a.k.a. I/O
    Males depend on their estrogen in order to have erections.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    it's not about aggressor vs. victim, in general now it's a good time for extroverted women and introverted men and also a bit of a bad time for introverted women (who are socially forced into more "aggressive career" roles) and extroverted males (who are supposed to spend more time at home, etc. etc.)
    Basic human rights to provide for ourselves (and not being coerced into hoping the nearest male relative will feed us when we're able-bodied to provide for ourselves) has not caused introverted women to be pushed into 'aggressive career' roles. If any man or woman is pressured into a career role, it's other forces at work than the right to provide for oneself.

    Extroverts often like doing extroverted things at their homes. I'm a nearly nomadic entj happiest out adventuring, but I don't want my introvert boyfriend/fiance/partner doing all the domestic drudgery. We extroverts managed our own shit when we were single, and I can find shit I like doing, like raking leaves and moving furniture and taking out trash, etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Ni-types do seem to have trouble with that. They seem to have much understanding of and insight into everyone but themselves; the ones that I've known were so convinced that they were right or righteous that I doubted that they ever took the time to analyse themselves. They also seemed to want to avoid details that might detract from the positive outcomes for which they strove.

    a.k.a. I/O
    i dunno. Mentors and counselors keep telling me I have an 'impressive' understanding of myself.

    I still find introspecting during conversation challenging, but I think that's because switching between extroverted foci and introverted ones sometimes is hard to do..?
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    it's not about aggressor vs. victim, in general now it's a good time for extroverted women and introverted men and also a bit of a bad time for introverted women (who are socially forced into more "aggressive career" roles) and extroverted males (who are supposed to spend more time at home, etc. etc.)
    I agree with @nanashi on this , especially since there always were plenty of introverted men who are making lots of money. One doesn’t need to be an extroverted man or woman, socially or otherwise to make money and have a successful career.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    I agree with @nanashi on this , especially since there always were plenty of introverted men who are making lots of money. One doesn’t need to be an extroverted man or woman, socially or otherwise to make money and have a successful career.
    True. I met a fat bald manlet ILI-Te yesterday. He shits money, the cheapskate and drives an Audi A8 L 60 TFSI e quattro from 2020.
    Last edited by shotgunfingers; 08-18-2020 at 09:06 AM.
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  9. #129

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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    True. I met a fat bald manlet ILI-Te yesterday. He shits money, the cheapskate and drives an Audi A8 L 60 TFSI e quattro from 2020.
    I just woke up snd thought you meant my ILI buddy, but then I remembered he has hair and not excess fat. Smh. He does drive beaut vehicles, tho.
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    I just woke up snd thought you meant my ILI buddy, but then I remembered he has hair and not excess fat. Smh. He does drive beaut vehicles, tho.
    You don't live in Romania nanashi.
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  11. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    True. I met a fat bald manlet ILI-Te yesterday. He shits money, the cheapskate and drives an Audi A8 L 60 TFSI e quattro from 2020.
    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    I just woke up snd thought you meant my ILI buddy, but then I remembered he has hair and not excess fat. Smh. He does drive beaut vehicles, tho.
    Driving BMW's or Audi's is an ILI trait, probably stemming from Se-Dual-Seeking. I notice that they rarely go for Mercedes, though. They don't want to be seen as the one running the show, merely as the Mastermind in the middle of a dark spiderweb, controlling everything from behind the scenes. To an ILI, being the Main Man is SEE territory.

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    Mercedes is for status and comfort (old men). Audi and BMW are ”younger” and more geared for the thrill of driving fast.

    Of course, A8 and 7 series are luxobarges like the S-class. M and RS models are where the fun is.

    And yes, ILI love cool cars. I know one that drives Audi, one that drives Tesla and both of the two fellow Tesla owners that chatted me up at a Supercharger were ILI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Driving BMW's or Audi's is an ILI trait, probably stemming from Se-Dual-Seeking. I notice that they rarely go for Mercedes, though. They don't want to be seen as the one running the show, merely as the Mastermind in the middle of a dark spiderweb, controlling everything from behind the scenes. To an ILI, being the Main Man is SEE territory.
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  14. #134
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    I agree with @nanashi on this , especially since there always were plenty of introverted men who are making lots of money. One doesn’t need to be an extroverted man or woman, socially or otherwise to make money and have a successful career.
    But that's not what I wrote. I didn't write that introverted males don't make money. I wrote that extroverted males may be supposed to spend more time at home and introverted women may be forced into aggressive career roles. You can make loads of money in non-aggressive career roles and you can spend your time outside drinking with friends rather than doing business. Now it's a good time to be an extroverted woman compared to the past because nobody would ever say that you're not taking care of the house etc. when you're outside doing your own thing. This is a good thing. But it's not counterbalanced by a positive attitude towards the same thing in males.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    But that's not what I wrote. I didn't write that introverted males don't make money. I wrote that extroverted males may be supposed to spend more time at home and introverted women may be forced into aggressive career roles. You can make loads of money in non-aggressive career roles and you can spend your time outside drinking with friends rather than doing business. Now it's a good time to be an extroverted woman compared to the past because nobody would ever say that you're not taking care of the house etc. when you're outside doing your own thing. This is a good thing. But it's not counterbalanced by a positive attitude towards the same thing in males.
    Well you didn’t say that last part lol. I disagree though, I think it is. I don’t see how it’s not seen as positive for males too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Driving BMW's or Audi's is an ILI trait, probably stemming from Se-Dual-Seeking. I notice that they rarely go for Mercedes, though. They don't want to be seen as the one running the show, merely as the Mastermind in the middle of a dark spiderweb, controlling everything from behind the scenes. To an ILI, being the Main Man is SEE territory.
    I think it is a ferari.
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    Quote Originally Posted by nanashi View Post
    "New scientific evidence refutes the preconception that testosterone causes aggressive, egocentric, and risky behavior."https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/12/091208132241.htm

    incel or PUA ideology and myth but not science
    Good shit. I'm tired of "PUA" (incel) spreading their ideology everywhere online, these days.

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    For one thing, hormones do not directly change behavior; they influence the expression of a behavior within appropriate environmental/ social contexts

    In terms of helping us understand the relationship between testosterone and aggressive behavior, the current evidence suggests that the relationship is nonlinear. Instead, there seems to be a threshold level after which exogenous administration of very high doses of testosterone may lead to negative behavioral changes in particular people under certain circumstances

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Correct. Behaviour does depend on how the urge is managed but barring self-preservation, the animal instinct does tend to tempt males to get it done by any means necessary. Because most males don't act upon it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

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    bullshit. rape apologetics. lmao.
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    Victim Girls will seek Aggressor Males and vice versa. It is somewhat interesting how society is promoting male victims and female aggressor relations though. Though I will point out that they make out the female aggressors to be, shall we say, overly aggressive and the victim males to be, well, far more "feminine" than they actually would present themselves if we were being honest about all this.

    No male "victim" who has an adequate amount of self esteem would ever pass as a "simp" if ya catch my meaning. We only bow before and offer our services and loyalty to the truly worthy of the opposite sex, not just any HB/H 10 (and I'm being generous with that consideration) who happens to give us a time of day. Yet that's how the media is presenting how things ought to be. I've said it many a time, we're all being told to adopt behavioral patterns that will ultimately Immiserate us.

    I'd rather be happy than miserable. How about the rest of you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Driving BMW's or Audi's is an ILI trait, probably stemming from Se-Dual-Seeking. I notice that they rarely go for Mercedes, though. They don't want to be seen as the one running the show, merely as the Mastermind in the middle of a dark spiderweb, controlling everything from behind the scenes. To an ILI, being the Main Man is SEE territory.
    Another point for ILI, lol. Look at my excessive laptop as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Duschia View Post
    Another point for ILI, lol. Look at my excessive laptop as well.
    Lol they certainly go other way than me. I even charge my phone with a self made bicycle dynamo charger [although it contains mosfet rectifiers and microcontrollers as well s super caps - so it is not exactly behind of its time]. I also use raspberry pi 4B as my desktop machine. My router is hacked originally cheap ass Chinese only machine which now has openwrt firmware. It is my own route.
    Last edited by CoViD Spurdo 007; 08-22-2020 at 10:09 AM.
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  23. #143
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    Romance styles don't really seem to have a solid basis. In general, the tendency is to select for certain genetic make ups and these may even be culturally enforced. There have been several scientific studies done on what people find attractive and how the sexes differ in general cases. I would imagine that individual preferences far outweigh the supposed compatibility of sociotypes. We as humans can learn to adapt to people who are not perfectly compatible with us but genuine, authentic attraction can't be manufactured.

    As for the OP, I dislike aggressive men. They make me uncomfortable. I prefer men of any sociotype that can make their attraction clear and unambiguous. I dislike being pursued, it's a legitimate turn off. However, I also don't do the pursuing. If it's a good match, it happens naturally, without effort.

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