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Thread: How to prevent someone from using their Role (on you...)

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    Default How to prevent someone from using their Role (on you...)

    I need to know how can I STOP my super ego to try to use their Role on me. This person is a family member and doesn't care if I don't talk to her, just keeps trying over and over (for years) to contact me to complain and make suggestions on Si matters (I guess she feels anxious about Si matters).

    This is a serious question/issue.

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    is their own upkeep alien to them, are they avoidant with it 'til it bites them in the butt and they then try to solicit you for advice?(to be steered on the right track)
    what kind of Si matters* are these?

    edit:

    more generally, for a person to ease up on their role fixation
    they need to find themselves an outlet , or some thing/one appreciative of their base + creative functions.

    perhaps your relative is lacking positive feedback to their Ni + Fe offerings. or this is outweighed by true (or perceived) expectations placed on them, in the area of Si*
    Last edited by ergot; 07-14-2020 at 05:47 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ergot View Post
    is their own upkeep alien to them, are they avoidant with it 'til it bites them in the butt and then they try to solicit you for advice?(to be steered on the right track)
    what kind of Si matters are these?
    Role is basically ppl believing they need to keep doing something to balance their Ego Elements. Is what ppl believes others or society needs from them or in what they should keep an eye to fit in or to be good. Super Ego block is like the conscience of the Ego Block. But also it can be used in excess when stressed or unhealthy (and its not a good/really helpful use because its a weak element).

    Si matters like my home, my style, my body shape, my food, my pets, my car etc. And mostly saying things that are not even true, just her figuring things out and then talking to me about it as if it were tested and true, instead of taking care actively of things that are actually her responsibility (like her weight, her home, her food, her car, etc). Its not like an alpha SF, which is basically helping and/or taking care of things, but its more like being so stressed/concerned about it to not being able to stop herself to tell me what I should/nt do according her criteria or what's "wrong".

    Thanks for the edit. You are right. She lacks positive feedback in her Ego, but I can't give it to her because I don't value them. I think relating to Se ppl would help her (mb) but I'm not and I want her to stop.
    Last edited by Tommy; 07-14-2020 at 05:58 AM.

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    perhaps she would benefit from being reminded that by distracting herself (via Ti-infodump/soundboarding) she is not directing care unto herself that would allow her to become proud of her surroundings and accomplishments.
    right now she's passively taking the backseat and offloading all the worries onto you, waiting to be revved into action.

    working on improving one of those areas and noticing how it affects her overall outlook may make that overwhelm of Si seem like less of a chore ...or right vs wrong.
    the idea being Si tweaks would feed Ni desire to achieve real quantifiable things

    hope I've understood properly what you said. This could just be rambling.

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    Appreciate their efforts and give what they expect from acting that way. They will be scared of messing things up. Our brains have a mechanism of compensation. So, eventually, and hopefully, they will cease to do it. If it goes for too long though, I'd be oblivious about it, as it may also impact their expectations.

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    I know one SLE who got upset because I responded quickly to Si remarks. Kind of funny but SEI obviously did not mind.

    So I see how it can upset you. But the issue of role response... I don't typically to it heavily. Ingrained habits. Maybe you could signal stuff more clearly but then steps in the enigmatic SLI personality. Catch 22 mb.
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    > make suggestions on Si matters (I guess she feels anxious about Si matters)

    There can be other type. It's common for S types to discuss S regions and to make advices there.

    Try to say that do not want to talk about some themes every time.
    Improve your general positive emotions. Perceive people easier where they do nothing serious.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    I need to know how can I STOP my super ego to try to use their Role on me. This person is a family member and doesn't care if I don't talk to her, just keeps trying over and over (for years) to contact me to complain and make suggestions on Si matters (I guess she feels anxious about Si matters).

    This is a serious question/issue.
    Reinforcement of the ego with the super-id will stop all the problems.

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    Quote Originally Posted by onfireee View Post
    Every time I hang out with my INFj he wants me to tell him all my secrets and express how I feel inside (Fi) ... He does this weird thing where he would look at me, pause, and expect me to gush out my life story lol. And I dunno... I always walk away from the interaction like "why did I just say all that," feeling worse than before lol.

    From now on, I just vaguely share, but not go too deep into details, and switch topics, since the former makes me uncomfortable.

    I'd rather face my problems head on, but I guess there's a time and place to share feelings (just once in a while)
    this is interesting. That's how my 2 close relations with EIIs have been. They really want to hear ppl talking about how they feel and understand them. I had no problem with it, but after a +10 friendship with one I started to notice some stuff that made me feel uncomfortable. She always tried to figure out what was inside my head to guess what I'd like so she could adapt to it. I started to feel like I was being treated like a project instead of like a friend or like a person to who she could relate. Though it were alluring to me as an introverted sensor that someone will be so deeply interested in listening to what I thought and felt about stuff and ppl and about my ideas and plans, and wanted to really get to know me.
    In the other hand, my relations with 2 IEI-Fe females have been quite different. They sometimes want me to "open up" but thats basically me responding to their requests made through Fe. Its more like "I'm happy today so you should be happy too", or I have this problem so "you should do X for me", or X is wrong so "you should obey what I say", etc. I probably feel it as imperative because of super ego relation. I basically feel like I'm being played.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aramas View Post
    Reinforcement of the ego with the super-id will stop all the problems.
    yeah, but I can't do that cuz I'm not Beta ST.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    I need to know how can I STOP my super ego to try to use their Role on me. This person is a family member and doesn't care if I don't talk to her, just keeps trying over and over (for years) to contact me to complain and make suggestions on Si matters (I guess she feels anxious about Si matters).

    This is a serious question/issue.
    Have you told your family member / or made explicitly clear (perhaps repeatedly) that she's crossing your boundaries by making these suggestions about domains of your life, your home, your body, etc., which are none of her business, and that she should refrain from doing this in the future?

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    a humorous response to her suggestions on fixes for your life would be something like "hey, have you seen your own car/backyard lately?!" (the get your own sh*t together implication is pretty clear)

    alternatively , if this is serious beyond family gibes,
    letting her know how her behaviour is impacting you in a negative way will force her to reassess her narrowed, anxious perspective... you would hope.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    I need to know how can I STOP my super ego to try to use their Role on me. This person is a family member and doesn't care if I don't talk to her, just keeps trying over and over (for years) to contact me to complain and make suggestions on Si matters (I guess she feels anxious about Si matters).

    This is a serious question/issue.
    This doesnt sound like role to me. If it was why does this perspn keep contacting you about it for years if she/he doesnt care about it?
    Role i believe is more for awkward elevator conversations where u unconsciously 'fake' the personality of someone u supervise/ur kindred partner. (Creative + role im assuming, but role + polr might be possible too i guess?)
    So taking me for example id use Ti creative as lead and Ne as role, that or id use Ne role instead of leaf and still equally my creative, which woupd make me act like an ILE instead of SLE.

    Anyway whats ur real question? Im assuming u just want her/him to bugger off.

    The only real thing u can do then is to stop giving what they came for -> stop talking back to them or stop being a listening ear to complaining bs u dont care about.
    Give one word answers, theyll prolly get the memo. If they dont after a few more times u can probably start ignoring altogether. Not ur fault if this person is too self absorbed to acknowledge or even see ur needs.
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