I had met my husband (ESTJ) who happened to be passing through my city while he was in a touring band, he was 27, I (INFJ) was 23. I knew of his band and met up with friends to watch his band play. It’s interesting to me about reading dual stories and how there is just that inexplicable need to meet again. That night we exchanged only a few words and all he knew was my first name but he was able to find my contact through mutual friends/Facebook and we begin long distance dating.
Fast forward to me moving to his city and how our relationship began. We dated for 5 years and married for 8 months. After the wedding I became depressed, I was spending so much effort planning the wedding and when it was all over I wasn’t prepared to go back to “reality”. His business was picking up even more and filling up his time. I was used to not seeing him weeknights but now weekends were out. I was tired of sitting at home those nights and so all I had was a few single girlfriends inviting me out on weekends. Id go out and was getting attention and feeling good about myself. Things led to another, with me meeting another man, having an emotional affair, thinking we were soulmates and essentially going into an irrational manic episode. Meanwhile this is so disturbing to me because I had never experienced anything like this. I was seeing patterns everywhere, and how my relationship was doomed with my husband, no way for me to see anything looking better in the future. I began closing out my husband and friends, not eating, over exercising. Big mistake was not going to therapy, but ya know hindsight. No one was prepared or had seen something like this come from me.
Now I never knew of Socionics when we met and it just so happened our relationship started organically. I can’t say for either of us that we had any type of dual relationships before each other, neither of us had really dated a lot. We always were sweet to each other. Had 2/3 fights in all the years together. No bickering, very supportive, a power couple if you will.
So heres the sad ending. I left our home and rented an apartment nearby and 3 months later he filed for divorce and I agreed to because he didn’t want to work on anything /didn’t consider it salvageable and forced my hand, I couldn’t really object because I was the one to leave. No where was I equipped to have enough knowledge about myself and life to handle this happening to me. So I began my research and what led me to Socionics and I have been filling my brain to the brim to get a better handle on the situation.
Anyway I miss and love this man terribly. I wanted to reconcile a month after I left but he said he had moved on. I tried many tactics to win him over, thoughtful gifts, meals to his place, writing to his family, anything I could do to make his life easier. Even before our divorce is sent in, he posts photos on Instagram of a girl he knew who dated a friend of his in another state from his touring days. He has been in long distance thing with her for about a year now. She’s is the complete opposite of me in terms of style and interests. My guess is she is likely an ISFP, he was always drawn to those whimsical, carefree types before he met me lol.
I’ve been respectful for the most part with his relationship and only have been intrusive 2 or 3x over the year. Anyway last week we talked for 3 hours on his drive to move there. It felt good to talk and I wanted to hear his side on what he thought happened between us. He saw it as me having a manic episode and I asked if we had any issues and he said no, that maybe if I did speak up more this wouldn’t have happened. I mean he wouldn’t have married me if there were any red flags. He’s a cerebral guy, thinks with his head first. With that said....
Do ESTJs ever take the time to reflect on what happened? Do you think he will ever regret it? Can this relationship really work between ESTJ male + ISFP female? He is very closed off from talking about his relationship and I know I have to respect his decisions, and beside he ignores any insights I give him. He says to this day that he loves me and believes in me 100%. Life was never this painful and how and where do I go from here??