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Thread: Decisive types and relaxing

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    Default Decisive types and relaxing

    What is some advice to relax for a decisive type?
    I'm a generally neurotic personality, and when my mind gets very excited and stressed it disrupts my sleep a lot.

    Most of the time I am able to get myself to relax after being "mobilized" for a while, but right now, I'm about to go to bed and there is so much I need to do this weekend and my mind is already going over it all even though normally I'd just not think about it until it comes (when I'm relaxed. but i've been in a stressed state recently). I would even stay up late to get a start on everything, but I know that wouldn't be good for me because what I actually need right now is to relax, catch up on sleep, and not be working. I just wanna relax right now Well, that's just an example.

    I'd like advice on how to deal with this in general for future times too. thanks.

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    focus on ur breathe. Breathe in 15 seconds.... and then out, while chanting 'om.' It really does work. Keep doing it and you naturally will be calmer/more at peace.

    Or focus on like, dripping water. A sound outside of yourself and your mind. Keep focusing on the sound and paying attention to it, ignoring all thoughts that may arise.

    'I am not this thought. I'm not even this thought' the ego will naturally wander while the First Evil trolls you to do its bidding. Just ignore it.

    "pain is in the world because people believe their thoughts" yes she's a narcissistic bitch that just wants money but Byron Katie was also right when she said this. It's an overly simplified view but the core of it- is where its at. You want to give up the ego, but you don't want to- because the ego has fooled you that it can still help you. It's a begging and dying codependent drug dealer that smells, that wants really badly to 'just stay at your house for one night man.' It will be good, it promises! But you know the truth...

    Thoughts will come. But overly investing/identifying with thoughts is where problems come in. The good is worse than the bad in fact, because the good thoughts dissapoint as reality shows a world not inside your head. You keep grasping hard on to what you know, your ego, your thoughts- but they don't always offer the security that they did before. You've been had. There is a way out. Just listen to me, the world's most powerful Shaman.

    Equanimity is kind of boring and peace is kind of boring but peace tends to be the only thing we really want. You know that infatuation and passion and things don't last and die out- and you feel bad. You know you get rewarded by your ego at times, but you know you also get punished. Then you feel bad. You know feeling bad, also just feels bad. You know there is no 'good', the only good you can find is the peace within a clear mind. And that is how u will achieve Nirvana. Do it enough and the better results u will get.

    TURN YOUR WOUNDS INTO WISDOM - Oprah Winfrey.
    Last edited by BandD; 05-23-2020 at 04:15 AM.

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    there are no "decisive types"
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    that is not even related to being decisive. from what I see, being decisive means not being able to settle down easily after working or playing hard.

    An example is this: this SEI at my work always takes advantage of the 15 minute breaks and even goes over the limit a few minutes, making sure to have a good chat with other coworkers, get some food, and just relax.

    I cannot stand breaks, it just kills my momentum alot of the time since there's nothing I can do during them... I want to get the hell out of my job as soon as possible and so would preferably forfeit all breaks and lunch if it meant going home an hour earlier. Work is a means to an end, not some place I want to spend my precious moments lol.

    What you are talking about just seems like, well, neuroticism as you said. Decisive types aren't all neurotic and constantly go over their work. In fact, many Judicious types are anxious about the future as well.

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    The most decisive types seem to be the most relaxed; many seem to go through moments of Zen just before their pronouncements. Reactionary types seem to be less likely to relax although some can be quite effective with their knee-jerk approach. However, self-confidence and competence seems to be the primary ingredients for cool-headedness and sleep-filled nights. It takes some doing to not worry about things that one cannot control - everyone does it differently but some are never without fear.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Go outside for a few hours

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    it seems to me that you are not looking forward to those tasks. when you ''mobilize'' yourself, you get to use imagination that eventually gets a life of its own. as it's not that easy to get a clean cut from this practice, at least become more conscious of the fact that it's there.
    honest labor needs no master

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    I would just try having a beer or something before bed. Maybe something like hot chocolate spiked with Kahlua.

    My parasympathetic nervous system is really messed up I think. I eat a lot of rich foods high in saturated fats, and try to eat carbs after work before bed as a way to get my body to refuel and relax. I also try to take a warm shower or bath when I want to relax. I recently bought an air humidifier that makes bubbling sounds with anti stress aroma oil diffusion. I also really like things like incense and candles when I have the time and not too much wooden furniture around me lol. If I had a lot of nervousness I would also try to eat some more low-mercury fresh fatty fish; it coats and protects your nerves. Taking probiotic supplements or eating probiotic foods helps as well. Finally, stretching, massage, yoga, maybe a good run. Fresh vitamin c can also provide instant stress relief; eat an orange or squeeze lemon into water. Magnesium supplements can also help, although itís easy to overdose those and get heart palpitations and strained breathing so only take that if you get lots of charley horses and canít simply eat more bananas and leafy greens.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    The most decisive types seem to be the most relaxed; many seem to go through moments of Zen just before their pronouncements. Reactionary types seem to be less likely to relax although some can be quite effective with their knee-jerk approach. However, self-confidence and competence seems to be the primary ingredients for cool-headedness and sleep-filled nights. It takes some doing to not worry about things that one cannot control - everyone does it differently but some are never without fear.

    a.k.a. I/O
    Everybody always calls me calm at work, when Iím actually internally screaming.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    I would just try having a beer or something before bed. Maybe something like hot chocolate spiked with Kahlua.

    My parasympathetic nervous system is really messed up I think. I eat a lot of rich foods high in saturated fats, and try to eat carbs after work before bed as a way to get my body to refuel and relax. I also try to take a warm shower or bath when I want to relax. I recently bought an air humidifier that makes bubbling sounds with anti stress aroma oil diffusion. I also really like things like incense and candles when I have the time and not too much wooden furniture around me lol. If I had a lot of nervousness I would also try to eat some more low-mercury fresh fatty fish; it coats and protects your nerves. Taking probiotic supplements or eating probiotic foods helps as well. Finally, stretching, massage, yoga, maybe a good run. Fresh vitamin c can also provide instant stress relief; eat an orange or squeeze lemon into water. Magnesium supplements can also help, although it’s easy to overdose those and get heart palpitations and strained breathing so only take that if you get lots of charley horses and can’t simply eat more bananas and leafy greens.


    Everybody always calls me calm at work, when I’m actually internally screaming.
    People call me calm too in work and school settings, but those who get to truly know me know I’m high-strung as hell. I was actually going through dichotomies today and I think I did relate to the more decisive dichotomy. I am not truly a relaxed person. That’s a ton of diligent body focus Sb though lol, good on you! I wish I had the motivation/focus for all that, I guess I’m not so bad though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thegreenfaerie View Post
    People call me calm too in work and school settings, but those who get to truly know me know I’m high-strung as hell. I was actually going through dichotomies today and I think I did relate to the more decisive dichotomy. I am not truly a relaxed person. That’s a ton of diligent body focus Sb though lol, good on you! I wish I had the motivation/focus for all that, I guess I’m not so bad though.
    TLDR There is no real way around with cheating Si. You can’t have peak Se performance and aesthetics if you “ignore” Si too much I’ve learned.

    You can’t just eat Red Bull and burgers and expect to just meditate the oxidative stress away lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Namira View Post
    that is not even related to being decisive. from what I see, being decisive means not being able to settle down easily after working or playing hard.

    An example is this: this SEI at my work always takes advantage of the 15 minute breaks and even goes over the limit a few minutes, making sure to have a good chat with other coworkers, get some food, and just relax.

    I cannot stand breaks, it just kills my momentum alot of the time since there's nothing I can do during them... I want to get the hell out of my job as soon as possible and so would preferably forfeit all breaks and lunch if it meant going home an hour earlier. Work is a means to an end, not some place I want to spend my precious moments lol.

    What you are talking about just seems like, well, neuroticism as you said. Decisive types aren't all neurotic and constantly go over their work. In fact, many Judicious types are anxious about the future as well.
    I guess it wasn't clear, but that is exactly what I'm talking about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    The most decisive types seem to be the most relaxed; many seem to go through moments of Zen just before their pronouncements. Reactionary types seem to be less likely to relax although some can be quite effective with their knee-jerk approach. However, self-confidence and competence seems to be the primary ingredients for cool-headedness and sleep-filled nights. It takes some doing to not worry about things that one cannot control - everyone does it differently but some are never without fear.

    a.k.a. I/O
    I do see what you're saying. When I was younger I was always referred to as much too relaxed by my parents. Until I decide that it's time to work, I am completely relaxed and nothing can get me out of my mood. But, when I do decide it's time to work, I'm very focused and get everything done.

    But, sometimes even though I am not working I am still in this "working mode" even though I've stopped, and there's this big shadow over everything of what I should be doing, could be doing, and maybe on the outside I seem very calm but on the inside i feel all wound up. I admit some of this may not be type related, but what I have trouble doing is going from "mobilized" to relaxed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kalinoche the Child View Post
    it seems to me that you are not looking forward to those tasks. when you ''mobilize'' yourself, you get to use imagination that eventually gets a life of its own. as it's not that easy to get a clean cut from this practice, at least become more conscious of the fact that it's there.
    That's a very nice way of looking at it

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    TLDR There is no real way around with cheating Si. You can’t have peak Se performance and aesthetics if you “ignore” Si too much I’ve learned.

    You can’t just eat Red Bull and burgers and expect to just meditate the oxidative stress away lol.
    i really like how you focus a lot on soothing your body in order to soothe your mind.

    would you say that in general, it's better not to ignore the "ignoring function" too much? or like, you can't have peak Ni performance if you ignore Ne too much? or are you just talking about sensing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    i really like how you focus a lot on soothing your body in order to soothe your mind.

    would you say that in general, it's better not to ignore the "ignoring function" too much? or like, you can't have peak Ni performance if you ignore Ne too much? or are you just talking about sensing.
    Yes, it’s better to not ignore the ignoring too much in general IMO

    And the reason I do that is because for me it’s a body issue, not a mind issue. Maybe it’s because I’m a dum sensor but I don’t have any problems with relaxing my mind. If something’s bothering me internally, I try to figure it out, talk to people, or remove the issue right away. Same with physically really, I guess. But I just can’t help you do it mentally unless I know your specific situation. You’re welcome to PM me about it btw.

    Also if you think about it, your brain and body both have nerves. They’re all linked and part of the same nervous system. Neurons, i.e. what your brain is made out of, are just specialized nerve cells, covered in fat. Recently lots of findings have been made linking gut health to mental health especially.

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    That must suck. I know someone else who basically can't sleep and is always stressed out. She also has a lot of digestive issues.
    Most of the problems she has come from night-shift and a fucked up sleeping cycle. If she could sleep it would eventually heal her mind and the digestive issues would go away. The stuff she worries about tbh are trivial things or its just out of her control, but she can't stop stressing out over it and is always "active".

    So just catch up on sleep, get some sunlight daily and hydrate yourself min 2 liters of water daily. It takes about 6 months of regular 8 hours a night sleep to fully catch up on sleep. I use this: https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...l.key&hl=en_US app, ther probably is a similar one for Apple.

    I can't begin to imagine what you guys must be going through, I struggle to stay active tbh, can sleep anywhere within 5 minutes or so and when I fall asleep.. good luck waking me up till morning. Problems with laziness and procrastination tho..

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    ......But, sometimes even though I am not working I am still in this "working mode" even though I've stopped, and there's this big shadow over everything of what I should be doing, could be doing, and maybe on the outside I seem very calm but on the inside i feel all wound up.........
    I never had a problem sleeping until I became a single parent and for years, survived on less than four hours sleep per night. I've successfully worked on and have been responsible for very large scale and complex engineering projects, and never lost a moment of sleep because of them. Now with raising children, I never achieved any measure of confidence in my abilities and was always in "parent mode" so I can relate to the shadow. Barring medial problems (I was tested), most responsible people lose sleep when they feel that they should/could be doing better - regardless of type. For me, my perception of my own competence and performance seems to be directly proportional to how much sleep I get - and no relaxation strategy has ever worked.

    a.k.a. I/O

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    what is this "working mode" ? Ppl have modes they switch in and out of? I don't make any difference between work and play tbh. There is never any point where I can say "now I am working" and "now we will relax". Its more like on/off switch for interested and in flow or disinterested and bored. Being bored is stressful, so I'm always searching for activity that allows me to stay hyper-focused (which is relaxing). I could never just sit around and do nothing outside of sleep, the boredom would get on my nerves. I have no idea how ppl relax at the beach.
    Last edited by shotgunfingers; 05-25-2020 at 10:50 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    But, sometimes even though I am not working I am still in this "working mode" even though I've stopped, and there's this big shadow over everything of what I should be doing, could be doing, and maybe on the outside I seem very calm but on the inside i feel all wound up. I admit some of this may not be type related, but what I have trouble doing is going from "mobilized" to relaxed.
    Here is what I would do:

    - Make a big checklist of all the shit I need to do in chronological order of it being due/urgency. Urgent matters go on top. Write the deadline beside each one. If you feel anxiety about each one of these things, break them down into further smaller actions of what you need to do. Think about the amount of time it will take to do them, possibly in coordination with other deadlines and tasks. Set a time space for yourself to start to execute each of these actions. Be realistic (which means, err on the “takes more time” side) about how much time it will take you to complete each task if you’re new to doing this. You can look up WBS flowcharts for inspiration. Become the operator of your own train system so to speak. The point is to create a timeline of specific small tasks that you can execute without thinking, that will guarantee your success in completing them and remove decision and waiting anxiety.

    - Less necessary “to do” things go at the bottom of the list in their own section

    - Add to or change the list as necessary, checking off or removing items you’ve finished.

    - Set alarms on your phone that correspond to each of these items. If it’s hard, ask someone reliable to help remind you.

    I do this specifically to “dump out” my mind. Usually I use the Notes app on my phone, or Google Docs. Then I can just follow the list and execute mindlessly like a robot, and check it as the days go by.

    If you FEEL ANXIETY, solve the problem. If you feel like you need to do something before you can relax, then do it. If you think about it, it’s a waste of time to lie around in bed tossing and turning. You will lose energy either way. Ironically, just going and doing the thing bothering you would make you gain energy actually through feeling a sense of accomplishment and relief from pressure and anxiety.

    After you’ve made this list you can follow like an automated robot and with each day that you’ve completed your action items, tell yourself it’s time for your mind and body to shut off. Take a warm shower to calm your nerves, eat something with carbs, and go to bed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    ........ Its more like on/off switch for interested and in flow or disinterested and bored. Being bored is stressful, so I'm always searching for activity that allows me to stay hyper-focused (which is relaxing). I could never just sit around and do nothing outside of sleep, the boredom would get on my nerves. I have no idea how ppl relax at the beach.
    I've known several SLI who've said exactly the same thing and I must admit that their don't-give-a-shit level can be rather high for most impersonal things. However, when they've found themselves in uncomfortable situations that couldn't be gotten out of without committing a felony, I've known them to lose sleep. They also seem to fret over something unexplained (like a personal health issue) or a perceived conspiracy that impacts on them directly - and they hate losing sight of a target or being perceived by others as incompetent.

    a.k.a. I/O
    Last edited by Rebelondeck; 05-26-2020 at 11:10 AM. Reason: spelling

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    Everybody always calls me calm at work, when I’m actually internally screaming.
    I'm the opposite.
    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

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    Quote Originally Posted by COVID 007 View Post
    I'm the opposite.
    You get told that you’re internally screaming, or externally screaming?

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    You get told that you’re internally screaming, or externally screaming?
    I'm usually quite calm when I walk in circles. It just helps me to think more vigorously. Thinking is quite relaxing to me, lol. I know people who find it torture.
    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

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    I don't know about relaxing the body in general in times of stress, but when it comes to sleeping (better) try taking some melatonin before going to bed. I had the best experience with liquid melatonin, but others are good too. Also you could try cutting out sugar (completely) from your diet, or anything which acts as an external stimulant like coffee etc (especially if your are already internally excited /stressed / sensitive) to see if there's any improvement. Currently, I'm trying ashwagandha sometimes because it was recommended to me and I did experience some results with it the few times I took it, but I'm still in the testing phase of this supplement, I guess.

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    The most awful thing to tell a decisive type:

    "Can you do x for me?"
    *goes to start doing it*
    "No you don't have to do it now! You can relax first and do it later!"
    *gets confused at instructions and either does it immediately or forgets about it*

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    I am strange because if it’s like, schoolwork, I’m inclined to procrastinate and bust it all out at once, and do quite well at it despite extremely stressing myself out. With errands and the like I feel a NEED to get it done immediately and I can’t wait or it will just press on my mind.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    Here is what I would do:

    - Make a big checklist of all the shit I need to do in chronological order of it being due/urgency. Urgent matters go on top. Write the deadline beside each one. If you feel anxiety about each one of these things, break them down into further smaller actions of what you need to do.
    This really helps too to not get overwhelmed by tasks. I started doing this in the form of a notebooks/journals. It has to be the right size, paper, texture / colour of the cover lol, I'm very picky about it and I basically learned this from an EII friend, and it's actually the only way it works for me. I just note everything down as detailed as possible (sometimes unnecessarily redundant), even if sometimes a bit chaotic and then I have to restructure it again. I buy as many of them as necessary. Post-its / computer docs / smartphone apps don't really work for me, otherwise they would be great too. Sometimes I forget about them and go back to being disorganised, but then I find them lying on my table and I realise I have to get back to structure my tasks etc when I'm in a phase where I'm again stressed out by external stuff / scattered.

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    I make lists on my phone, ive been doing it by each day of the week lately.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    What is some advice to relax for a decisive type?
    I'm a generally neurotic personality, and when my mind gets very excited and stressed it disrupts my sleep a lot.

    Most of the time I am able to get myself to relax after being "mobilized" for a while, but right now, I'm about to go to bed and there is so much I need to do this weekend and my mind is already going over it all even though normally I'd just not think about it until it comes (when I'm relaxed. but i've been in a stressed state recently). I would even stay up late to get a start on everything, but I know that wouldn't be good for me because what I actually need right now is to relax, catch up on sleep, and not be working. I just wanna relax right now Well, that's just an example.

    I'd like advice on how to deal with this in general for future times too. thanks.
    Idk if this is type dependent ...

    Figure out what causes the extra stress/pressure, first. And then deal with that issue head-on, to decrease the pressure.

    Do not stay up uncomfortably late just to get a start on stuff. This would be ok only as a one-off thing/temporary, and only if you wouldn't be able to finish on time otherwise - is not to be done as regular practice. Esp if you are already stressed, don't do it.

    Just find some anchor(s) that you find usually gets you relaxed and structure your day right, i.e. decide consciously that you are done for the day at a specific time, you can stop everything non-urgent in the middle even, because it's time to go relax and rest. Generally keep your evenings free, the hours before you go to bed, just use these hours to wind down, relaxing or doing other fun activities that keep your mind free of stress. Alone or with others. It's ok if the relaxing is hard to get into right away. Just give yourself time to wind down is the idea. And you don't even have to focus on it too consciously.


    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    i really like how you focus a lot on soothing your body in order to soothe your mind.
    Tbh I find anxiety about things that put you under pressure won't get resolved for long by trying to soothe your body. What works is dealing with the issue head-on. Maybe this is individual but this is how it is for me.


    Quote Originally Posted by lynn View Post
    This really helps too to not get overwhelmed by tasks. I started doing this in the form of a notebooks/journals. It has to be the right size, paper, texture / colour of the cover lol, I'm very picky about it and I basically learned this from an EII friend, and it's actually the only way it works for me. I just note everything down as detailed as possible (sometimes unnecessarily redundant), even if sometimes a bit chaotic and then I have to restructure it again. I buy as many of them as necessary. Post-its / computer docs / smartphone apps don't really work for me, otherwise they would be great too. Sometimes I forget about them and go back to being disorganised, but then I find them lying on my table and I realise I have to get back to structure my tasks etc when I'm in a phase where I'm again stressed out by external stuff / scattered.
    I'm thinking for me envisioning the future is what gets chaotic lately and needs restructuring all the time. It used to be fine but I made too many changes I think. It's ok I do the restructuring on my own in my head (no journals or notebooks), I just then get scattered again and have to get back to it again and so on.


    Quote Originally Posted by thegreenfaerie View Post
    I am strange because if it’s like, schoolwork, I’m inclined to procrastinate and bust it all out at once, and do quite well at it despite extremely stressing myself out. With errands and the like I feel a NEED to get it done immediately and I can’t wait or it will just press on my mind.
    What are you stressed out about with the schoolwork? The errands stuff sounds Se creative to me

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    It’s just stressful because I wait until the last minute and then I’m cramming it all at once. I perform well in this manner though.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lynn View Post
    This really helps too to not get overwhelmed by tasks. I started doing this in the form of a notebooks/journals. It has to be the right size, paper, texture / colour of the cover lol, I'm very picky about it and I basically learned this from an EII friend, and it's actually the only way it works for me. I just note everything down as detailed as possible (sometimes unnecessarily redundant), even if sometimes a bit chaotic and then I have to restructure it again. I buy as many of them as necessary. Post-its / computer docs / smartphone apps don't really work for me, otherwise they would be great too. Sometimes I forget about them and go back to being disorganised, but then I find them lying on my table and I realise I have to get back to structure my tasks etc when I'm in a phase where I'm again stressed out by external stuff / scattered.
    Yeah I will occasionally physically write things out also, usually at my current job where I also have printed schedules. For me it depends on whatever venue I would be accessing the most in a given setting. The size of the list too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by thegreenfaerie View Post
    It’s just stressful because I wait until the last minute and then I’m cramming it all at once. I perform well in this manner though.
    I did the same, but I guess I had to learn the slow and painful way that this mentality didn't serve me well, and it's sometimes better to perform worse and keep the stress level low. I still have to remind myself constantly, and it's not always working, but even a bit of stress has proven to be so bad for my health in the long run, it's not really worth it. But in my case, it's easy for me to get stressed / not easy to calm down again (not mentally, but physically). Maybe it's easier for you to get back into balance.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lynn View Post
    I did the same, but I guess I had to learn the slow and painful way that this mentality didn't serve me well, and it's sometimes better to perform worse and keep the stress level low. I still have to remind myself constantly, and it's not always working, but even a bit of stress has proven to be so bad for my health in the long run, it's not really worth it. But in my case, it's easy for me to get stressed / not easy to calm down again (not mentally, but physically). Maybe it's easier for you to get back into balance.
    For studying and other intellectually demanding jobs, or tasks otherwise requiring a lot of attention and details, I find it depends on how big the job/material is, as far as whether it's ok to wait until last minute or space it out more evenly over days/weeks. If it only takes a full day of intense working at it then I'm better off waiting until the last day because the end result will still be quality enough that way and I'll have saved time with working more intensely on it.

    But yah if it is more than one day of intense working at it, then better off breaking it up over more days. And part of the reason is what you mention, beyond quality of the work suffering, your health will suffer too, both physically and mentally-psychologically (yeah physically too if you keep up such a habit long enough).
    Last edited by grumpyvic81; 05-26-2020 at 11:57 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    Yes, it’s better to not ignore the ignoring too much in general IMO

    And the reason I do that is because for me it’s a body issue, not a mind issue. Maybe it’s because I’m a dum sensor but I don’t have any problems with relaxing my mind. If something’s bothering me internally, I try to figure it out, talk to people, or remove the issue right away. Same with physically really, I guess. But I just can’t help you do it mentally unless I know your specific situation. You’re welcome to PM me about it btw.

    Also if you think about it, your brain and body both have nerves. They’re all linked and part of the same nervous system. Neurons, i.e. what your brain is made out of, are just specialized nerve cells, covered in fat. Recently lots of findings have been made linking gut health to mental health especially.
    Yeah, the mind and body are definitely related very closely!
    what do you mean, it's a body issue? So you can be mentally relaxed but your body is all hyper?
    When i'm anxious or something, my body always reflects it, they go hand in hand. Have to calm my mind to calm my body. is it the opposite for you?
    i would love to be a dummy if i were relaxed

    something i've learned, and become quite particular about, is that i want to have a clear and organized environment (physical or virtual) because then it helps my mind be clear as well. I believe for an IEI at least, I'm particularly in tune with my body (i've also been raised to really value my health) and always notice the smallest changes in how my body feels and try to think about... porque. and fix it, if it's a bad thing.

    Maybe you don't have an answer, but, how would you not ignore Ne? I realized that yes, true to the concept of "ignoring function" i subconsciously ignore it, but even even consciously, after knowing Socionics, I don't really seem to see why i need it/what's it useful for.

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    Quote Originally Posted by shotgunfingers View Post
    what is this "working mode" ? Ppl have modes they switch in and out of? I don't make any difference between work and play tbh. There is never any point where I can say "now I am working" and "now we will relax". Its more like on/off switch for interested and in flow or disinterested and bored. Being bored is stressful, so I'm always searching for activity that allows me to stay hyper-focused (which is relaxing). I could never just sit around and do nothing outside of sleep, the boredom would get on my nerves. I have no idea how ppl relax at the beach.
    For me, definitely!
    Thanks for explaining your POV, it's interesting

    It's like.. if I'm in a "relaxed" aka demobilized state I have decided that i am going to RELAX. so like, on weekends, i take my time getting up, and now that it's getting to be summer and warm where i am, i take my time eating breakfast on my patio, then I go and lie under the sun doing nothing for 30 minutes or so. You can't make me do anything before I've decided i'm done relaxing and it's time to work. well, you could force me, but my heart wouldn't quite be in it yet, or it would be a bit of an effort
    ok, now, if it's time to work, then we're focused and we're going to work, and please don't disturb me. when I focus, I focus.

    i don't really go in between the states (work/play) i guess. then i neither relax nor do i get anything done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lynn View Post
    I don't know about relaxing the body in general in times of stress, but when it comes to sleeping (better) try taking some melatonin before going to bed. I had the best experience with liquid melatonin, but others are good too. Also you could try cutting out sugar (completely) from your diet, or anything which acts as an external stimulant like coffee etc (especially if your are already internally excited /stressed / sensitive) to see if there's any improvement. Currently, I'm trying ashwagandha sometimes because it was recommended to me and I did experience some results with it the few times I took it, but I'm still in the testing phase of this supplement, I guess.
    I tried it once, but the root problem is my mind.. so although my body felt very physically tired, it still took a while to sleep. and the actual sleep more restless than usual.
    I've been trying to cut out sugar from my diet from so long! Is sugar a really strong stimulant? at least in the longer term beyond the initial rush/crash?

    Quote Originally Posted by sbbds View Post
    Here is what I would do:

    - Make a big checklist of all the shit I need to do in chronological order of it being due/urgency. Urgent matters go on top. Write the deadline beside each one. If you feel anxiety about each one of these things, break them down into further smaller actions of what you need to do. Think about the amount of time it will take to do them, possibly in coordination with other deadlines and tasks. Set a time space for yourself to start to execute each of these actions. Be realistic (which means, err on the “takes more time” side) about how much time it will take you to complete each task if you’re new to doing this. You can look up WBS flowcharts for inspiration. Become the operator of your own train system so to speak. The point is to create a timeline of specific small tasks that you can execute without thinking, that will guarantee your success in completing them and remove decision and waiting anxiety.

    - Less necessary “to do” things go at the bottom of the list in their own section

    - Add to or change the list as necessary, checking off or removing items you’ve finished.

    - Set alarms on your phone that correspond to each of these items. If it’s hard, ask someone reliable to help remind you.

    I do this specifically to “dump out” my mind. Usually I use the Notes app on my phone, or Google Docs. Then I can just follow the list and execute mindlessly like a robot, and check it as the days go by.

    If you FEEL ANXIETY, solve the problem. If you feel like you need to do something before you can relax, then do it. If you think about it, it’s a waste of time to lie around in bed tossing and turning. You will lose energy either way. Ironically, just going and doing the thing bothering you would make you gain energy actually through feeling a sense of accomplishment and relief from pressure and anxiety.

    After you’ve made this list you can follow like an automated robot and with each day that you’ve completed your action items, tell yourself it’s time for your mind and body to shut off. Take a warm shower to calm your nerves, eat something with carbs, and go to bed.
    Thank you, I will try that.
    What i naturally seem to do is always dump everything out on post its (i have a big pile on my desk I should clean out hehe) or if i'm out of the house, I do it on my phone.

    How come you say to eat something with carbs? is it calming to the body? (do you know the scientific reason) i would think something like watermelon or herbal tea would be more soothing to the body.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    So you can be mentally relaxed but your body is all hyper?
    Yeah lol I just feel an oversurgence of physical energy.
    I mean my experience of hyperness goes to my mind too, but at most I just feel socially anxious.
    When i'm anxious or something, my body always reflects it, they go hand in hand. Have to calm my mind to calm my body. is it the opposite for you?
    It’s connected too for me but my physical state probably takes much more precedence. Or well...

    something i've learned, and become quite particular about, is that i want to have a clear and organized environment (physical or virtual) because then it helps my mind be clear as well. I believe for an IEI at least, I'm particularly in tune with my body (i've also been raised to really value my health) and always notice the smallest changes in how my body feels and try to think about... porque. and fix it, if it's a bad thing.
    Me too. It’s because of this that I’ve learned to control my mind maybe. I avoid stressful situations because I know they’ll make me gassy and break out etc. I try to solve mental/emotional problems immediately whenever I can.

    Maybe you don't have an answer, but, how would you not ignore Ne? I realized that yes, true to the concept of "ignoring function" i subconsciously ignore it, but even even consciously, after knowing Socionics, I don't really seem to see why i need it/what's it useful for.
    Look for more options or different solutions, I guess. Or try harder to see the bigger picture instead of fixating on certain parts of it or your vision; it may cause you to lose sight of some important things. You already have high dimensionality Ne as an intuitive so it’s more just a matter of not getting into a habit of blocking it out completely and taking it into account as needed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    I tried it once, but the root problem is my mind.. so although my body felt very physically tired, it still took a while to sleep. and the actual sleep more restless than usual.
    I've been trying to cut out sugar from my diet from so long! Is sugar a really strong stimulant? at least in the longer term beyond the initial rush/crash?



    Thank you, I will try that.
    What i naturally seem to do is always dump everything out on post its (i have a big pile on my desk I should clean out hehe) or if i'm out of the house, I do it on my phone.

    How come you say to eat something with carbs? is it calming to the body? (do you know the scientific reason) i would think something like watermelon or herbal tea would be more soothing to the body.
    Yes, carbohydrates make your body release serotonin and dopamine which is calming. The digestion and insulin release also tends to make people sleepier afterwards (the crash after an initial rush if you have simple carbs—no rush and only food coma/crash though if it’s complex carbs). These things stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system, the “rest and digest” mode.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chocolatte View Post
    I tried it once, but the root problem is my mind.. so although my body felt very physically tired, it still took a while to sleep. and the actual sleep more restless than usual.
    I've been trying to cut out sugar from my diet from so long! Is sugar a really strong stimulant? at least in the longer term beyond the initial rush/crash?
    I overreact to literally everything, so yes, sugar too. But maybe other people are less sensitive.

    I think there are several relationships in the body system present at the same time ...
    -> body affects the mind
    -> mind affects the body
    -> mind affects the body affects the mind (affects the body affects the mind etc.) --> where it's sometimes not even clear where the initial negative trigger in the system is, or it doesn't even matter. you just have to 'break' the chain.

    Even if the issue is from external pressures, my main issue is how my body (and mind) reacts to it. I basically f*cked up my parasympathetic system at some point ( I think @sbbds mentioned something similar?), due to too much pressure / stress / bad coping strategies in the past, so if I don't take care of this primarily there's no way for me to get back into balance. In any case, you have to work on it in parallel I think, decrease the external pressure, but also regulate your response to it (which is a physiological response). I'm just talking from my experience, so maybe it doesn't apply to you at all ...

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