While the title is true, at most it was clickbaitey.
I'm going through a very hard time in my life, and I understand how important sociability is right now. I know that I've purposely made mistakes and isolated myself in the past, but I shall not wait for others to make the first move anymore, specially at my ripe age of 25. So I'm looking for absolution, I need social help. People and circumstances that can make me want and need them more than I need and want my current bad habits.
But to get there, I must be aware of my social presence. Which is something I've neglected all this time, because it doesn't matter, it's irrelevant at least to me, I wish others would understand and think alike, but everyone has their own valid reasons to and not to, so I can't have it my way always. But I can adapt.
I know that I usually/almost always may come across as intense, filling the whole spectrum of "intenseness" actually. I know that while I do not care about it, my actions and body language can have a huge impact on others, negative and positively, but I'm not sure of exactly how. I'm asking for your tips on how to notice negatives and positives, both in myself and others, in terms of first impressions and general body language.
For some context, I know for a fact the following about the impressions I give out to others:
"Knows what he's talking about" - I know a lot of things, I've really accumulated lots of knowledge, for it to only stay in my head because I don't know how to proactively and productively use it in the real world. Yet. I have good grades and I know how to present and teach others as I would like to be taught.
Intimidating / Scary - I'm not afraid to ask questions, and I'm not really aware of how it may come across, of the tone and words that I may be using. That is missing the point and getting carried away imo - while others may see me as being ballsy and asking things of authority figures that a) one should not be asking about or b) others are too afraid to do so. The "sideshow people" are the ones who actually get bothered by this, as the "authority figures" give feedback then continue on with their lives and actually care about it as much as I do.
Honest - I really cannot lie. I'm also an extremely good liar. There's always reason for everything I do and say, and if there isn't at first glance, I can ponder about or try to pinpoint it also - not trying to take my responsibility away ever, just trying to understand myself, and others, and making it known, in that order. While being private, at the same time, I'm really an open book about everything I choose to share and believe, from my own unfakeable facial expressions to the words I say. I'm also uptight and cold sometimes, and I think this kind of "honesty" also fucks me up because I cannot genuinely laugh at things that I don't find funny or worthy of genuinely laughing at. I come across as really serious, and this consumes me, I become super self-conscious about how much of an idiot I am being because I'm not laughing at a lame joke that everyone in my circle found funny. I cannot laugh out of pity or "just chilling out trying to fit in". I cannot fake these type of emotions. Every time I do it, everyone including myself ends up feeling awful.
Rude / Aggressive - It is true that I don't "measure my words", I'm constantly deeply hurting my family and boyfriend because of what I say, but because I genuinely feel like that is the most impactful way of affecting and exposing that specific issue to someone.
Cold - I know that I'm not a sociopath, I have my own personal way of dealing with grief, but I also do know that at the same time that I'm not touched by most things that would probably touch you, I'm very deeply moved by other things that wouldn't probably affect you (anymore, unless you were a 6yo, not even kidding).
Understandable / Reliable - most people who spend enough time with me actually get to this understanding, and learn that I'm a good listener, open minded and non-judgemental. Depravity is part of human nature, and I can keep a secret. They know it's obvious that I'm confident of my criticism, but I can actually handle a lot of paradoxes, emotions, and bullshit at the same time.
I'm really in need of advice in the following aspects - as I really have no idea but I've been told that I in particular have these affect others easily:
voice and tone: softness and projection of voice?
eyebrows and mouth
any books ?
what kind of things are acceptable to ignore
what kind of things I should consider really important for someone and actually give feedback on
signs that someone feels comfortable or uncomfortable around me?
what are some ways/things that I can fuck relationships up?
what are some ways/things that I can create strong relationships from
I know that it is possible to break or make a person, I do believe that myself and most everyone is capable of it, I just don't know how to. I cannot understand and FEEL the true meaning and impact I can have on others, because I'm not influenced or do not believe in the power that others can have on me - I think it may work both ways.
I'm sorry if I may come across as an arrogant loser, that's because I really am.