I have Asperger's and when things go out of routine too quickly, which doesn't take as much a "neurotypical" (person without asperger's) i start to freak out. my entire identity was built around the idea of me being a knowledge bearer to the world but now im not sure if i can finish my college degree and im disillusioned with college life and want to get a programming certificate. i feel like ideals of youth have been lost, where everyone tells me i can do anything i want, but now people tell me just to get by (Im intj in socionics). i keep worrying about what others are thinking, and feel lost. i feel an identity crisis. i feel like i should be an intellectual, but like i cant, and i shouldn't. but let's be honest my gpa is 1.98 but my high idealism led me to believe i could get all 4s afterward and get a 3.0 gpa. ill be honest i feel like i sound spoiled, and i kind of am. a spoiled upper middle class child. but i need to know, who i am. and i need to feel structure. i have always wanted to be a source of light in the world, but i feel like shit. im panicking, its manifesting in physical symptoms.