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Thread: How do I not be intimidated by my ESFJ dual?

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    Default How do I not be intimidated by my ESFJ dual?

    I found my dual. now what? i cant date her now, for some reasons, but i can occasionally talk to her, though. just not now, because of the pandemic. EDIT: she's age appropriate, we're both legal adults. EDIT: like socionics says, i being the introvert find her intimidating. same dual i mentioned before.

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    I'm only here thinking why you would think it was relevant to add that she's age appropriate?

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    Some people in here will claim that accepting and being "ready" for your dual only happens once you reach a certain level of personal growth and maturity. I personally think this has less to do with her being your dual and more to you being shy af.

    I suggest maintaining that occasional talk and gradually opening up to each other over time, sharing memes, until you feel comfortable enough not to be intimidated.
    I don't know your reasons or friendship level and quick face-your-fears schemes usually go wrong, but shock therapy is a thing so idk.

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    Rebelondeck's Avatar
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    Self-confident LIIs would not be intimidated by ESEs whatsoever. However, LIIs tend to be perfectionists who fear failure or being perceived as a failure so they find it hard to accept that rejection by someone is not personal failure. Eventually LIIs will become experts at objectifying people including the ones to whom they're attracted or attached. Getting self-confidence is a separate issue - a maturing process that some never achieve.....

    a.k.a. I/O

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    What's the purpose of SEI? Tallmo's Avatar
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    Duality is just a type relation. You cant assume that all duals are compatible.
    A true sense-perception certainly exists, but it always looks as though objects were not so much forcing their way into the subject in their own right as that the subject were seeing things quite differently, or saw quite other things than the rest of mankind. As a matter of fact, the subject perceives the same things as everybody else, only, he never stops at the purely objective effect, but concerns himself with the subjective perception released by the objective stimulus.
    (Jung on Si)


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    Build on your confidence levels by working on yourself, taking on challenges and increasing the width of your comfort zone by doing things you've never done before and learning more.
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    you should be intimidated by the possibility to mistake in types. as it's often and especially for noobs alike you are
    you'd better forgot about types and acted by general situation

    even when IR are good, the initial communication goes on formal distance where the importance of IR is lesser
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Must be a good catch if they're that good at life that they intimidate you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    I found my dual. now what? i cant date her now, for some reasons, but i can occasionally talk to her, though. just not now, because of the pandemic. EDIT: she's age appropriate, we're both legal adults. EDIT: like socionics says, i being the introvert find her intimidating. same dual i mentioned before.
    Does she want to date you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FreelancePoliceman View Post
    Does she want to date you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by CowboyBibimbap View Post
    I'm only here thinking why you would think it was relevant to add that she's age appropriate?
    because i previously shared on another thread i liked another girl before, a 17 year old and im 21 so i didn't want people to misunderstand

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    Why is she intimidating?

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    Quote Originally Posted by xerxe View Post
    Why is she intimidating?
    seems out of reach, or beyond my understanding or like she wouldn't understand me.

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    xerxe xerxe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Misfit View Post
    seems out of reach, or beyond my understanding or like she wouldn't understand me.
    That's normal. Just ask her out.

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    I know my LII father found my ESE mother intimidating when he took interest in her. They were coworkers who didn't really know each other and worked in different departments. He thought she was too beautiful for him and was way out of his league (and she is still beautiful to this day since she takes such great care of herself) and he had incredibly low self esteem. They luckily had the same circle of mutual friends since they were/are in the same religion but different congregations, so after a few group outings with their friends he saw how sweet she was which soothed him and put him at ease, and he asked her out. She loved how funny and intelligent he was, so she said yes and the rest is history.

    They have been married for 23+ years. Their marriage isn't perfect of course, but no marriage is perfect and that's perfectly OK.

    Just a story that maybe will help, idk.

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    To me, and maybe this is only clear because I superivise them socionically- but ESEs are clearly superficially abrasive/intimidating but in truth quite gentle and sensitive underneathe it all. EJ temperment is kind of bossy and annoying but there is a soul beyond that. They are Alphas. They're gonna love you being soft and cuddly cuz they are soft and cuddly. It's not that simple (but at the same time, it is)

    The abrasiveness and intimidation is clearly a veil for how kind & gentle they are underneathe. They can fight pretty hard still if they feel they are being attacked but all in all they are definitely one of the 'nicer & sweeter' socionic types. They are really empathetic, and I don't see them hurting others without also feeling hurt themselves. In other words, there's nothing to be afraid of because there's no genuine sadism. (ILIs are creepy in that in a lot of ways they are the opposite of this, and so their sadistic streak is just more ... objectively sadistic.) So I mean... its like ur initial Se polr is being afraid of a veil or a shroud. It's like this with many polrs I think, especially the external ones like Te/Se, they can make you initially terrified of something surface-y that objectively, isn't really a big deal.

    My dad was also so very shy, and a LII. I don't even know how I was born tbh. It must be magic because as Olimpia would say 'women can't penetrate people with their vaginas.' Or can they? I think they definitely can socially/emotionally or 'magically' (Lol magic vaginas), and they can do it in a way where then the male can follow the lead even if they are shy/withdrawn and not how a 'typical male is supposed to be like.' I think my mom inspired confidence in my dad, because he was so shy like me. It also didn't hurt that he was hot and looked kinda like Ashton when he was younger. He looks brooding Fi in some pics but I mean in most others he has a kind of campy Fe valuing grin.

    If you are still insecure after all that... I don't know what to say. I think maybe like what Yoda would say, and I used to hate this quote cuz I guess it was over used on the internet by people trying to be 'profound' but do or do not there is no try. When ur really ready, I think the nervousness goes away and u kinda just... go for it. Or you are a bit nervousness, but your excitement for 'something more' is more powerful than your nervousness at the time and it just wins anyway. As obviously if you "try" when ur too afraid - it will have bad results, because people pick up on it and they are empathetic and if you feel unsure they tend to feel unsure. What the fuck I'll shut up now I'm just ranting, I think LIIs are definitely my beneficaries tho lol. Like u guys are so cute and adorable to me I want to keep u all in cages like parrots and tell u how to live a better life.

    I need sleep. byeeeeeeeeee.

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    I could be reaching, but:

    If you say you have issues with emotional signals, you'd expect that to make someone an overconfident bull-in-the-china-shop, not shy and withdrawn. I'd suggest capitalizing on that; you might feign confidence you don't actually have.

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    a two horned unicorn renegade COVID 007's Avatar
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    Just ask her to carry you past the mob.

    Measuring you right now

    Winning is for losers

     

    Sincerely yours,
    idiosyncratic type

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    Whip out your cock and rub it in her face.

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