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Thread: LIE-IEI supervision

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    Default LIE-IEI supervision

    What are your experiences with this relationship?

    I'm in a situation where for the next year and a half I will be in an environment where I have to interact a lot with a certain LIE.
    I appreciate her a lot and even admire her in a few ways, however I noticed that there's been a lot of hidden resentment growing within me towards her. Before I even knew what supervision was, I noticed I never feel fully (psychologically) comfortable around her, there's always this tension inside of me, I'm always slightly on edge. And now, it seems like I keep greedily taking note of when she has a slip up or messes up. and just now I was reading descriptions of LIEs just to find more flaws in her! In fact right now it's a big effort to restrain myself and not write three paragraphs on why I dislike her! I know it's so bad..

    In fact, it feels even worse because she's always been so nice to me, in particular. I can be very quiet and shy, while she is extremely social, and she always (really, without fail) makes sure to include me in things, which I appreciate a lot. (even though she kinda does that for everyone to some extent) When I really think about it, it seems like she's always been making little efforts to try and get closer to me in her own way- it's just that I've never been super responsive and chosen to close the gap between us, for obvious reasons. So, well, it makes me feel quite bad. She tries so hard in her own way and has been nothing but nice, and I'm just being so unfair to her.
    Sometimes when I get into a particularly positive and social mood, I tell myself I'm going to make more of an effort, and I for once initiate something with her (be it a conversation or whatever), but then as quickly as it comes it leaves, and I really want nothing more to do with her.

    Also, like I said, for the next year and a half I am stuck having to talk and socialize with her every day (well, when corona goes away) as we are in a small school and small class of 20 and she is a part of our friend group (when we're a class she sticks with us because her closer friends are in another class, but they are doing a different program so she can only stay with them during lunchtime or after school and stuff).

    Thanks for your advice. Is there any way I can relax in her presence. Or is, at least according to Socionics, our relationship doomed to stay this way. And please do tell what is your own personal experience in this supervision pair?
    Maybe our incompatibility is exacerbated by her personality in particular (beyond socionics) because there aren't any other LIEs in my life that I interact with enough to tell.

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    Do you know why it is that you feel on edge around her and feel resentful towards her? The way you described her, she seems like a really nice and considerate person. There must be a reason beyond socionics... my best friend and I have a supervision IR.

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    My advice is to show her the Socionics descriptions, along with some concrete examples, then show her the Strat descriptions and then tell her that her Te is hurting you, could she please just show you her Se to the max when she is around you, and then tell her that she should never tell you facts of any sort about anything?

    If you don't want to do this, then just try to keep your distance from her, be polite, show her that you have your own friends, minimize your interactions, and please realize that she doesn't find you stupid or irrational or repulsive like an SLI might. She is actually marveling at your magnificent Ni. She might even tell you that. She also probably envies your Fe, to tell the truth.

    I am LIE-Te and I have a favorite female IEI cousin (we are three weeks apart and did everything together until college) and one of my best friends from HS is an IEI. When I was around my IEI-Fe cousin, she treated me like a king, but I often thought that she had a lot of trouble "thinking" rationally. She nevertheless had tons of friends (whom I thought were a bunch of posers) and she was funny and was artistic and I liked her. I actually like her more than anyone else in my family, with the possible exception of my LII sister. We'd talk less and less as we got older, but we still call each other to this day just to talk.

    She once told me in an offended tone that she was smart, but there are different ways of being smart. She clearly thought I was judging her, when that was not true. She is my cousin and I love her. However, intertype relations happen in spite of your best intentions.

    I learned that in order to keep her from ending our conversations before I was really done talking with her, or before she got worn out and retreated with a book, I had to do exactly what I advised above. I just emphasize my Se, I try to stay in the moment (de-emphasize Ni), joke around with her in a simple way, I don't make judgements about people even when she does (because I can't do Fe like an SLE), and I just try to give her attention and support.

    This must have worked, at least partially. Since my divorce, I have known a lot of IEI's and dated two of them. One was six feet tall and wanted a guy who was over 6', which I'm not, but she liked my Mercedes and leather jacket and my income, and the other just likes my ability to think rationally and to earn. The second one was the one asking me how long I was going to wait to get remarried, because she couldn't find a guy who wasn't gay or a geezer or who didn't cheat on her or steal money from her. I told her that I was holding out for an ESI, and she should hold out for an SLE. When I described SLE's, she said she thought she had dated a couple of them. They cheated on her. It's a rough life for a smart (PhD in Astronomy) older IEI.

    Incidentally, when the IEI and I go out, I make sure to show her maximum respect and to touch her and hug her. I need contact, and she likes to be needed. She has great advice, and she knows people better than anyone I know, and I appreciate that. She basically wants to be the Diplomatic Advisor to the King. On a personal level, I think she sees me like a big dog. Powerful and not very smart (or intuitive, really), but super-faithful if treated well. But that's because I basically turn off my Te and ramp my Se up to the max. If I acted like an LIE, she'd politely make herself unavailable.

    If you find yourself unable to like her, please realize that she is unable to not like you. She will want to hang out with you and will be puzzled when you avoid her, but she'll accept it if you can come up with a diplomatic reason for it. Like Socionics. Lol.

    If you really want to get her to focus her attention elsewhere, find a smart, decent male ESI and sic him on her.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 03-22-2020 at 06:29 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    Before I even knew what supervision was, I noticed I never feel fully (psychologically) comfortable around her, there's always this tension inside of me, I'm always slightly on edge.
    That's because the supervisee feels as if the supervisor is watching and picking apart their weaknesses (in this case, Te PoLR and an over indulgent lead Ni) and that at any given moment, the supervisor might criticize and embarrass them about it. It feels patronizing and uncomfortable af when you believe that someone secretly or openly finds you to be helpless, pitiable and/or deficient in some significant way; but the deficiency that the supervisor notes is more about the supervisee not being "fluent" in the supervisor's primary language (which from their POV is crucial and all important for a successful life), which is experienced as a call for help, and the supervisor wants to engage because they do, in fact, recognize that the supervisee has value, worth and something special to offer; it's just that the supervisor wants the supervisee to clarify/reformulate/translate the fruits of their ego block in a way that both of them can readily utilize. But this process can cause a lot of strain and stress on the supervisee, as if they're constantly being forced by a persistent personal trainer to exercise a muscle that's critically weak.

    Nobody wants to feel like they aren't competent and capable, even in areas they consciously or subconsciously know to be weak, and so there can emerge this desire to prove one's self, but concerning one's supervisor, these efforts can still be insufficient and go underestimated, prompting the supervisor to be even more unintentionally condescending and corrective, thereby creating much understandable resentment in the eyes of the supervisee. And once this happens, the supervisee is turned off and might openly rebel against and resist the supervisor's unasked for help, but the supervisor is disinclined to take much notice and offense at the supervisee's clap back--it's like a baby with no teeth angrily biting their father's finger; it barely registers on the father's radar because of the power differential, and the underlying belief that baby is just a baby and still must be cared for and protected.

    Furthermore, I've said this before, but on this site, the majority of the users don't value Te, have low D Te, or have Te as a PoLR, which can be particularly disorienting for Te leads. And in attempting to find solid ground, the Te lead may over assert, which can come off as too blunt, coarse, dismissive and hyper corrective, like an obnoxious and over bearing know-it-all. But that's not done to wound or injure due to hate or dislike, but only to keep from disintegrating/losing a sense of self. A similar dynamic is often found in relations of revision, where in order for it to work effectively, there must be an understanding that the supervisor only seeks to help > if the supervisee listens, or at least, humors the supervisor, then the relationship becomes like that of an instructor and pupil. Resist, and the dynamic can succumb to mutual attempts to control and find fault with the other.

    Once I accepted that, I began to see my own supervisor in a new light. Yeah, they often view me through the patronizing lens of "bless his heart (conveying criticism, sympathy and concern, all at once lol)," but they really do want me to be great. They're not trying to hurt me or put me down, even if, due to my own inherent weaknesses and shortcomings (PoLR sensitivities), it can look that way. Intentions aren't everything, but they matter. And humbling myself to their brand of help has actually...helped. Granted, I still need to do my own thing and so I must keep some distance for peace of mind, but I like that I can turn to them when I actively want their guidance and assistance--and they do know shit! Supervision, when done right, is the ultimate patronage (i.e., support, backing, encouragement, protection, advocacy).
    Last edited by Alonzo; 03-23-2020 at 06:44 AM.

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    Two co-workers. One female LIE. One female IEI. The IEI is a manager. The LIE is a driver.

    When the IEI manages the LIE, she gets trampled over. 2 nights ago, the IEI told the LIE that she couldn't handle the LIE's cursing. The LIE then cranked the cursing up to 11. A week before that, the IEI told the LIE to wrap things up on closing. The LIE disregarded the sentiment and cantankerously exited the store.

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    divine, too human WVBRY's Avatar
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    Two of my really good friends from hs are superivision relations, one is my supervisee and the other my supervisor.

    I think that supervision actually works out better than benefit, as per my own experience. You have one function you really understand the other through. And each has a function which puzzles the other. But that can be worked through I find.

    Perhaps the resentment you feel is not socionics itr related. I agree with Voider in trying to find the cause of this outside of socionics first.


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    It's complicated.

    I've had a lot of semi-friendships with LIEs. Even when I really like them it's hard for me to be fully comfortable around them. I feel like I have to watch what I say, that I will be judge negatively if I just act like myself. For my own well being I consider that it's best if I limit my interaction with them. But this mindset might be the consequence of very bad interactions that I've had with representative of this type in the past.

    I still have a relationship with some LIEs but I try not to meet with them IRL to much. It's hard for me to understand why they even like me and what they want from me. I think they appreciate my honesty but that's about it. All I know is that I do enjoy spending some time with them but with a lot of moderation.

    I don't think there is a way to cheat socionics intertype dynamics sorry. They are what they are. Just don't try to change who you are in order for the relationship to work better because it will end up messing with your head.

    The best thing to do is to accept the relationship for what it is. She likes you and you don't like her as much. That's not you fault, and you are not responsible for how she feels when she's around you.

    If I were you I wouldn't initiate anything, I would include other people in the conversation when she would try to talk to me, and I would avoid sharing intimate/ personal things about my life and my beliefs. This way she will get bored of the relationship herself or at least she will understand that you don't feel comfortable around her.

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    Quote Originally Posted by My Chemical Bromance View Post
    Two co-workers. One female LIE. One female IEI. The IEI is a manager. The LIE is a driver.

    When the IEI manages the LIE, she gets trampled over. 2 nights ago, the IEI told the LIE that she couldn't handle the LIE's cursing. The LIE then cranked the cursing up to 11. A week before that, the IEI told the LIE to wrap things up on closing. The LIE disregarded the sentiment and cantankerously exited the store.
    I should add that the LIE likes the IEI just fine, which is ironic because of the element of psychological distance. I am unsure how the IEI really feels about the LIE, and I believe the dynamic is made more complicated because the IEI holds a position of authority over the LIE.

    Really my best advice is to be mindful of what you feel and, as @Adam Strange said, communicate about it. Additionally, you may want to find some someone or some people who share your values so you can balance out your life more.

    Usually when the LIE railroads the IEI, I internally wince because I believe I feel what the IEI is trying to communicate, and I believe her POV gets blotted out. I usually don't say anything about it because I find some relief in how the LIE acts as an equalizing force against the manager. I believe this really goes to show that only you can communicate your POV because even though I exist in the same quadra as the IEI, I'm concerned more about the stressors of my profession than I am about speaking up for my manager.
    Last edited by Desert Financial; 03-23-2020 at 10:08 AM.

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    One that I witnessed bordered on almost a S&M relationship. The LIE male was a somewhat pudgy, fairly successful businessman who was connected politically; he drank excessively and lived slovenly at home contrasting to his health-conscious, almost-germaphobic spouse. The IEI female, who was drop-dead gorgeous, had her own career but certainly wasn't a go-getter like her partner. The LIE treated her like nothing more than arm-candy although she was quite intelligent. When she finally left him, he was totally bewildered as to why she left but the IEI seemed so relieved. The LIE remained without a partner for quite some time while the IEI had suitors by the score on the very next day. IEIs need to focus more on people's actions and not the images that they may project - and not be bothered by the fact that LIEs may always treat IEIs like plebs because it's likely not personal.......

    a.k.a. I/O

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    Quote Originally Posted by YXPR View Post
    It's complicated.

    I've had a lot of semi-friendships with LIEs. Even when I really like them it's hard for me to be fully comfortable around them. I feel like I have to watch what I say, that I will be judge negatively if I just act like myself. For my own well being I consider that it's best if I limit my interaction with them. But this mindset might be the consequence of very bad interactions that I've had with representative of this type in the past.
    Very true. But this is not due IR ime. I know a lot of ppl who feel this way with one LIE I know. I also feel like this around him, but i don't care much about others opinion about me. I try to restrain my opinions with him because I know I'm not going to change his mind most of the times. I've talked a lot with him, I say confidently that he judge a lot of ppl negatively very quickly and without much support to it (bias and prejudice). He doesn't need big excuses for setting a judgment over ppl. Sometimes is just based in physical appearance for example.

    I found recently this, it describes some of the trais I've observed:



    LIE (Jack London)
    LIE (fixated): almost pathological resilience of affect. Vindictive and vengeful, does not take offense at minor things, but when his pride and honor are hurt is painfully touchy. Affects on the level of selfish motives. Strives for justice for himself, conceit, arrogance, ambition, confidence. Little reward, positive feedback, instead there are suspicions, jealousy, intractability, litigation, stubbornness, absorption into optimistic dreams, overvalued ideas, hard-headedness. No tendency for self-suggestion. Ambition - is an excellent drive to work and creative performance. In the early years characterized by outstanding achievements in various fields. Not one time starts from scratch and succeeds. Person of ideas. Constantly increasing fear. Actively involved in his own health treatments. "A fanatic of justice". Self-willed and does not tolerate objections.

    The best thing to do is to accept the relationship for what it is. She likes you and you don't like her as much. That's not you fault, and you are not responsible for how she feels when she's around you.
    This is interesting, I know an IEI who feels the same, like she's not responsible for what she feels and she can't change her feelings or emotions. I would like to know why do you think this way? I ask because it has always been a mystery to me why that IEI thinks this way or experience emotions or feelings like something that she can't change at will.
    Last edited by Hope; 03-30-2020 at 07:47 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    This is interesting, I know an IEI who feels the same, like she's not responsible for what she feels and she can't change her feelings or emotions. I would like to know why do you think this way? I ask because it has always been a mystery to me why that IEI thinks this way or experience emotions or feelings like something that she can't change at will.
    I think this way because from experience whenever I try to change my feelings about someone I end up regretting it. It has to come naturally otherwise it makes me feel really bad or anxious.

    Also I think that my dislike of someone kind of works like pain; it warns me that this person is bad for me. Being around the wrong people can really kill my spirit as I am a big sponge emotionally. For that reason, following my intuition when it comes to people is vital for me. Same goes for certain situations I don't wish to put myself in. I believe that my feelings help me to identify what is good for me. Even if I might be wrong sometimes this belief allows to live my life peacefully.

    So basically if your friend is like me, her rigidity when it comes to her own emotions might be a way to protect herself by avoiding the wrong people and the wrong situations. From experience, being emotionally honest and not forcing relationships is also very important for most Fi 4ds because doing the opposite simply goes against their nature.

    In the case of the host of this thread for example, if the girl she's talking about really is her supervisor, then the dislike that she has for her is a good indicator that a relationship between them would be complicated and that she might want to avoid it. Overthinking her own feelings towards her classmate or trying to disregard them has already lead her to feel anxious and bad about herself. That's why I think that it's better to just say "fuck it I'm not doing this" in that kind of situations.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    My advice is to show her the Socionics descriptions, along with some concrete examples, then show her the Strat descriptions and then tell her that her Te is hurting you, could she please just show you her Se to the max when she is around you, and then tell her that she should never tell you facts of any sort about anything?
    i would feel so selfish..
    if i knew she was doing that for me, i would want to spend time with her even less because i feel uncomfortable.
    but also, as a person, i think i have trouble "taking up space" like that.

    If you don't want to do this, then just try to keep your distance from her, be polite, show her that you have your own friends, minimize your interactions, and please realize that she doesn't find you stupid or irrational or repulsive like an SLI might. She is actually marveling at your magnificent Ni. She might even tell you that. She also probably envies your Fe, to tell the truth.
    haha, thanks. i think she does probably admire my Ni (idk about the Fe). she has mentioned something like that before.

    I learned that in order to keep her from ending our conversations before I was really done talking with her, or before she got worn out and retreated with a book, I had to do exactly what I advised above. I just emphasize my Se, I try to stay in the moment (de-emphasize Ni), joke around with her in a simple way, I don't make judgements about people even when she does (because I can't do Fe like an SLE), and I just try to give her attention and support.
    that is great if it works for you. i am just wondering, does it feel bad for you though? to "change" yourself, even though it's just a little bit, when you're around IEIs?

    On a personal level, I think she sees me like a big dog. Powerful and not very smart (or intuitive, really), but super-faithful if treated well. But that's because I basically turn off my Te and ramp my Se up to the max. If I acted like an LIE, she'd politely make herself unavailable.
    aw..

    If you find yourself unable to like her, please realize that she is unable to not like you. She will want to hang out with you and will be puzzled when you avoid her, but she'll accept it if you can come up with a diplomatic reason for it. Like Socionics. Lol.
    thank you, i kind of needed that

    If you really want to get her to focus her attention elsewhere, find a smart, decent male ESI and sic him on her.
    Unfortunately, she's already dating a guy. all of us find him so annoying, but we don't tell her that! We can all also tell she doesn't actually like him (the poor boy, he really likes her) and is just more enjoying the feeling of finally being in a relationship (societal pressure) and feeling needed. It's okay though, it's her first relationship, and she's just figuring things out.


    I'm considering doing what you do for IEIs, for my ESE (my supervisee) friend. It makes me sad to think she might feel the way I feel towards this LIE towards her.. But maybe it's not as bad. I think, enneagram wise, this particular LIE and I are also not super compatible. I don't usually do well with So/sp's either. The ESE and I are quite compatible enneagram-wise (4 & 2, plus she has a 7 and 8 fix, which works well with me too)

    I know i took a while to respond but thanks for your input. I always love reading your little stories too

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    @Alonzo
    Thank you, your perspective is also really helpful.


    Quote Originally Posted by YXPR View Post
    I think this way because from experience whenever I try to change my feelings about someone I end up regretting it. It has to come naturally otherwise it makes me feel really bad or anxious.

    Also I think that my dislike of someone kind of works like pain; it warns me that this person is bad for me. Being around the wrong people can really kill my spirit as I am a big sponge emotionally. For that reason, following my intuition when it comes to people is vital for me. Same goes for certain situations I don't wish to put myself in. I believe that my feelings help me to identify what is good for me. Even if I might be wrong sometimes this belief allows to live my life peacefully.

    So basically if your friend is like me, her rigidity when it comes to her own emotions might be a way to protect herself by avoiding the wrong people and the wrong situations. From experience, being emotionally honest and not forcing relationships is also very important for most Fi 4ds because doing the opposite simply goes against their nature.

    In the case of the host of this thread for example, if the girl she's talking about really is her supervisor, then the dislike that she has for her is a good indicator that a relationship between them would be complicated and that she might want to avoid it. Overthinking her own feelings towards her classmate or trying to disregard them has already lead her to feel anxious and bad about herself. That's why I think that it's better to just say "fuck it I'm not doing this" in that kind of situations.
    You phrased it absolutely perfectly, and I love your pain analogy!


    @Tommy Do you find yourself able to change your emotions?? I've always been of the opinion that if someone tries to forcefully change their natural reaction (emotion) against something, sooner or later the true sentiment will come out. the more you try to suppress it, the uglier it will come out in the end..
    If you think IEIs are strange for this, you should meet my ESI friend. She finds it even a very bad thing to try to change your emotions or force a relationship, because it's unnatural. It sounds so simple when she says it: if you don't feel comfortable or like so-and-so, then it's simply not meant to be, and you leave it at that.

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    Spiritual Advisor Hope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    @Alonzo
    Thank you, your perspective is also really helpful.




    You phrased it absolutely perfectly, and I love your pain analogy!


    @Tommy Do you find yourself able to change your emotions?? I've always been of the opinion that if someone tries to forcefully change their natural reaction (emotion) against something, sooner or later the true sentiment will come out. the more you try to suppress it, the uglier it will come out in the end..
    If you think IEIs are strange for this, you should meet my ESI friend. She finds it even a very bad thing to try to change your emotions or force a relationship, because it's unnatural. It sounds so simple when she says it: if you don't feel comfortable or like so-and-so, then it's simply not meant to be, and you leave it at that.
    Emotions are short lived, one can be laughing at one minute and cry 5 minutes later because such emotions can be aroused by external objects. Feelings are long lasting and they emerge from subjective dispositions. I think both can change and are not "free entities" with a live by themselves, but is ppl who actually control them and change them at will (or decide to not change them instead). Some take them as some sort of "guide" for decisions making (ethicals). They believe that their emotions or feelings are there for a reason and should obey them rather than anything in most cases. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are not, just as happens with the rest of IEs. These attitudes can be described by socionics, but I think they are there for everyone to experience at some point or another.

    As for me, I don't act or obey my emotions like 90% of the time. I don't even feel comfortable expressing them most of the time and with most ppl. And in any case, they will not live too much. So yes, if I'm sad at one moment I can watch a show and laugh or change my thoughts and such emotion will stop. I think it happens the same with most of ppl. At least I've seen it happening. As I said, I think the ppl who don't change their emotions is because they don't want to because of other reasons, just as YXPR said. Then, there are feelings (long lasting ethics), they are different and harder to change. Changeable but usually set there by me after realizations and kept there for long time because I want. I think some ppl confuse them both (or entire societies). In english language there exist no differentiation for them, actually, so many ppl talk about one when they actually mean the other.

    Feelings: Love, Hatred, etc.

    Emotions:
    Last edited by Hope; 04-09-2020 at 08:07 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    Emotions are short lived, one can be laughing at one minute and cry 5 minutes later because such emotions can be aroused by external objects. Feelings are long lasting and they emerge from subjective dispositions. I think both can change and are not "free entities" with a live by themselves, but is ppl who actually control them and change them at will (or decide to not change them instead). Some take them as some sort of "guide" for decisions making (ethicals). They believe that their emotions or feelings are there for a reason and should obey them rather than anything in most cases. Sometimes they are right, sometimes they are not, just as happens with the rest of IEs. These attitudes can be described by socionics, but I think they are there for everyone to experience at some point or another.

    As for me, I don't act or obey my emotions like 90% of the time. I don't even feel comfortable expressing them most of the time and with most ppl. And in any case, they will not live too much. So yes, if I'm sad at one moment I can watch a show and laugh or change my thoughts and such emotion will stop. I think it happens the same with most of ppl. At least I've seen it happening. As I said, I think the ppl who don't change their emotions is because they don't want to because of other reasons, just as YXPR said. Then, there are feelings (long lasting ethics), they are different and harder to change. Changeable but usually set there by me after realizations and kept there for long time because I want. I think some ppl confuse them both (or entire societies). In english language there exist no differentiation for them, actually, so many ppl talk about one when they actually mean the other.
    I see! I was referring to "feelings" in my last post, then, and if i'm correct, that's what YXPR was referring to as well.
    As a 4 i've finally learned not to take my "emotions" very seriously; however, i don't think you can deny emotions can sometimes be good indicators of what you are feeling deeper down, if you interpret it correctly.
    and just like you can't quite change who you are deep down, it is hard to change what this person you are's natural reaction to something is.

    You almost make your emotions sound like they are your beliefs, in the bolded.
    For example, when you say love/hatred is a feeling: I couldn't change the fact that I fell out of love with someone, but I have control over what my commitment is to the person/family, regardless, because that is a personal choice.

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    Spiritual Advisor Hope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by citronnade View Post
    For example, when you say love/hatred is a feeling: I couldn't change the fact that I fell out of love with someone, but I have control over what my commitment is to the person/family, regardless, because that is a personal choice.
    yes, that's a good example.

    Jung also explains the same ideas. He says that Fe are the "feelings" that are based in objects or outside objective reality, that's why it is called ethics of emotions or extraverted feeling. They exist from what's happening and not for an internal disposition towards something, which is rather Fi. Fi in the other hand he describes (as he does with most introverted elements) as rather hard to grasp or understand, he doesn't get from where they come from or why someone experience it, but is somehow capricious since its origins are unknown from the outsider. Its manifestation is also much more subdued and discrete. The main difference is that Fe is based in outside objects, and Fi exist apart from external events. As you say, commitment, for example, is a decision you take and is not because of what's going outside but a personal disposition or decision. That's why Fi is wrongly understood by some as mere "morality", when its associated with positive "feelings or internal dispositions" such as honesty, faith, happiness etc, but it also has its negative side, such as hatred etc. That's why its called ethics of relations, which is awareness not of mere emotions and the feelings aroused from external events.

    A love that came from Fe is a love that rise from the appreciation of the external qualities of someone. A love born in Fi is more like the decision of someone respect to another independently their qualities. An example is like for example God in the Bible when says that he loves men not because they are good enough to deserve it but because himself.
    Last edited by Hope; 04-09-2020 at 09:07 PM.

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    There is a young temp at work atm who is LIE. He’s quite brainy but often socially awkward which I put down to being young. Actually he’s starting to seem more relaxed as he gets to know people. I was trying to make a bit of effort with him at first and then we had a little tiff and he realised he had annoyed me. We moved past it and seems ok now. I just find it funny that I get these weird husband/wife vibes when I’m around him. He’s reallyy young and I’m not attracted to him but I feel like we both slip into traditional gender roles around each other and it feels quite comical, like a 1950s tv commercial or something. Better than before when he wouldn’t stop talking lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
    There is a young temp at work atm who is LIE. He’s quite brainy but often socially awkward which I put down to being young. Actually he’s starting to seem more relaxed as he gets to know people. I was trying to make a bit of effort with him at first and then we had a little tiff and he realised he had annoyed me. We moved past it and seems ok now. I just find it funny that I get these weird husband/wife vibes when I’m around him. He’s reallyy young and I’m not attracted to him but I feel like we both slip into traditional gender roles around each other and it feels quite comical, like a 1950s tv commercial or something. Better than before when he wouldn’t stop talking lol
    @Bethany, I was married to my Supervisor for many years, and for the most part, it was a very good marriage. However, I’d say that it was a good marriage in spite of Supervision, not because of it.

    If the Supervisor seriously respects the Supervisee and, most importantly, avoids imposing their dominant function on the Supervisee, then that part of the relationship can be tolerable.

    The problem here is that one or both of the people are now crippled in their expression of themselves in the interest of maintaining harmony, and that’s no way to live your life.

    It just so happens that I greatly respect and admire my Supervisors in general, but some are easy to get along with (at a distance) and some invoke an instant Conflict response.

    I also like and respect every single Supervisee that I’ve ever met. I might be unusual in that respect because I grew up with a close IEI cousin. Nevertheless, and even though I work hard to not over-Te them, the bad part of Supervision still happens.

    After my divorce, I dated two IEIs, one for her warmth and the other for her smarts, because I really enjoyed their company. Plus, IEIs are masters of navigating change, and I needed some of that after my divorce.

    One of them started talking marriage, but I dissuaded her after a few dates. I didn’t want to subject her to a relationship like the one that I had just left.

    So, Bethany, be very careful. That LIE may look a lot like an SLE, but he’s not. He’s not.
    Last edited by Adam Strange; 08-22-2021 at 01:45 PM.

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    Would anyone comment on their supervisee's demo, which is actually the supervisor's DS?

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    @Adam Strange yeah I hear what you’re saying. Oh he is super young btw so it would be creepy to think of him that way. The fact he is young makes the dynamic funnier. I don’t mind him being sweet, it makes me feel a bit more comfortable haha I’m just glad we’re getting on better.

    My SEE brother and sister both get on really well with my LSI youngest sibling..I get a bit jealous! Haha.

    yeah I wouldn’t choose supervision for a relationship because my parents have that ITR. Enough to put me off. Although they do love each other.

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    A weird-ish thing to me about this I realized is LIEs are often really nice and empathetic with me but also feel quite dominant than me because of the supervision so it feels weird as to me naturally being nice/empathetic are 'submissive' traits of course. And I was put off by all the LIEs I knew who acted like a social retard in public but in one on one was so human and nice. I felt much more comfortable around my ILE friend who is kinda the opposite- one on one he leaves me alone or it's kinda more fighty but in public he's just Fe and nice and charming and I respond better to it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BandD View Post
    A weird-ish thing to me about this I realized is LIEs are often really nice and empathetic with me but also feel quite dominant than me because of the supervision so it feels weird as to me naturally being nice/empathetic are 'submissive' traits of course. And I was put off by all the LIEs I knew who acted like a social retard in public but in one on one was so human and nice. I felt much more comfortable around my ILE friend who is kinda the opposite- one on one he leaves me alone or it's kinda more fighty but in public he's just Fe and nice and charming and I respond better to it.
    This is interesting. Because I'm definitely the opposite.
    I'm not comfortable with Fe in public, I don't care about people. But I'm SO into one on one interaction, I like persons.
    It's, again, Te/Fi vs Fe/Ti preference.

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