assuming Se is active acquisition, control, and organization of visible territory and objects
+ Se - retention of power, insubordination, defense, cover, countermove, counterattack, firmness, defense of one's interests, strong-willed pressure from the bottom upwards, strength, will, possession;
− Se - capture of power, subjugation, offensive attack, initiative, perseverance, determination, demands, strong-willed pressure from top downwards, the assertion of own interests at the expense of others, overthrowing, appropriating, weakness, passivity;
I want to share some things I do and would like your opinion if this sounds like Se PoLR to you. If it is or not, how could I develop it?
I "exercise" Se having very little willpower, I'm extremely passive, lack energy, almost total inability to live in the moment, avoiding confrontations, and avoiding external pressure. I'm very lazy about doing exercise, but I have an athletic build and good endurance. I fluctuate a lot on taking care of me. I usually bounce from extreme bad diets to extremely healthy ones.
Sometimes I make a thousand running plans to prepare for the next marathon only to drop them after 2 weeks and spend my time lazying out. I want to explore and do many things at once and I'm very extreme and unconventional in my choices, like going scuba dive, waste all my money on a violin that I'm gonna let get dusty on the shelf, etc.
I'm very sensitive to my surroundings and easily disturbed. I hate extreme noises and smells.
I'm extremely clumsy, and I've had my share of practical failures in the past, that's why I usually plan ahead for everything so my external environment can't one up me. I feel hyper aware of many sensory things like how much strength I should use when carrying a tray full of overflowing drinks lol. When I was younger I used to hurt my girl friends a lot because I didn't know how much strength I should exercise when touching them or hugging them. When hanging in a public space I prepare for everything and try to get a mental picture of where everything is, which way those moving staircases are going, where's the closest bathroom, I want to use as little energy as I can in these type of things, therefore I try to anticipate everything. I can't recall anything more now but there are A LOT of specifics I focus on depending on where I am. It feels almost like a compulsion to be prepared for the immediate surroundings.
Also, when I was a teenager I had this facade of being an aggressive tomboy, probably trying to overcompensate for my psychological and physical sensibility - I could never exercise volitional pressure on others though, and I think this was also a way to fake some assertiveness, which I also lack.
Sometimes I confront/lash back at people with disproportional aggressiveness. I also abhor authority and being ordered around. I don't like to conform, at school I do everything my way, very differently from the rest of my class. I probably the only one who frequently skips classes because I prefer to study at my local library and only show up to exams to have the best grades.
I don't like social and practical responsibilities. I just want everyone to leave me alone to my devices and let me do my own thing, that's exactly how I treat others and how I would like to be treated.
How do you use your Se? How could we develop these qualities?