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Thread: Can you help me with mine and my boyfriend's types? I wonder, are we each other's Duals?

  1. #1

    Default Can you help me with mine and my boyfriend's types? I wonder, are we each other's Duals?

    HIM:

    He has high energy and feels more comfortable in a mobilized state. He is a self-proclaimed workaholic and becomes stressed if he strays from his daily goals. He is able to keep a conversation going with a variety of people and can address a larger group with confidence. He prefers to be around people on a daily basis than to spend too much time alone. He wants to be active in his community and strives to take on a role where he can stand up for his social circle and share his views on the way he thinks society should be run for the greater good (he’d make a decent politician). He is studying law right now, but also wanted to become a journalist because he's very keen on world politics and current affairs. He's really good at conveying information from top to bottom and speaks in a very measured and explanatory way with lots of hand gestures.

    He is incredibly analytical, systematic and efficient. He can get hooked on details, noticing flaws in systems that stop them from working perfectly. He always likes to research the most effective methods of doing things (such as the best forms of exercise, the best diets to follow etc). If it has a scientific basis, he’ll trust it and follow it. He has a selective memory: he can remember details and dates from his past (such as the names of every Simpsons episode), but he can appear absent minded when other people are trying to tell him something and he’ll get other peoples names wrong after 5 minutes of being introduced to them etc.

    His hobbies include true crime, action films, martial arts, military and strategy games. He's very anti-anything too mushy or corny and struggles to watch films that have heavy emotional or cringey scenes -- practically the opposite of me in this respect. He especially fond of war-based strategy map games where he has to think ahead and control every move in order to create his desired outcome. He just loves tactical procedures!

    He is a very diplomatic and just man and when dealing with others he tends to be firm but caring. He always tries to tackle problems directly and objectively but he is also capable of deep sympathy and will go to great lengths to provide for those less fortunate than him. He’d make an excellent parent or tutor because he knows how to guide people in a “fatherly” fashion -- he doesn’t just tell people not to do something but he makes sure to show them the consequences of their actions and why it’s important to follow certain rules. He is quick to adapt to others’ emotions and while he wants things done a certain way he makes allowances for others and recognizes everyone goes a a different pace.

    He is a man of plans and structure and rarely acts spontaneously (unless in competition/boasting with his friends). He likes to plan his week ahead by setting tasks and making sure all of his meals are prepped or planned in advance. He looks out for his family/friends and becomes stressed if one of them encounters an obstacle and makes is his responsibility to “fix” them. He is very future-oriented and he wants to feel like he is working towards success and ambition at all times. He cares a lot about how he comes across to others and his social status, sometimes sacrificing his own inner values and feelings. He is concerned with his presentation, the clothes he wears and the way he styles his hair and often feels content in formal wear or designer sportswear that give him high status.


    ME:


    I am more comfortable taking things slowly and I feel better in a relaxed state (often appearing lethargic). I’m introspective and prefer one-on-one communication or smaller groups where people can get to know me individually. I tend to wait and see what happens a lot of the time (as opposed to taking steps to change the results), and I like to be able to change my decisions based on new evidence. This makes me seem easy-going and adaptable to most. I appreciate my privacy and alone time more than many. I prefer to work alone or behind-the-scenes without too much interaction but I can get easily distracted or daydream instead of completing tasks right away. I prefer to take on one role at a time as opposed to multitasking.

    I'm often found in loungewear or big fluffy sweatshirts and slippers because I love to feel relaxed and cosy. If I'm going to meet a group of friends I'll take a lot of time to make sure I look good and by 'good' I mean that I'm presenting myself in a way that is trendy with a hint of uniqueness, that shows of my current 'phase'. I love to express my likes and dislikes through my clothing and accessories so I'll often wear badges and jewellry from various franchises I'm into. I tend to opt for muted colours (darks or pastels) as opposed to bright, loud colours. I'll even take care to spray a perfume that reflects the particular mood I'm in.

    I’m conflict averse and if someone upsets me, I’m more likely to stew over it in private and speak about it with a trusted friend. I’ll usually withdraw from difficult situations altogether if I can help it. I more often make decisions based on my own feelings than logic, though I do appreciate logic as a stepping stone and use it often. I really appreciate systems and categories and can spend a lot of time organzing things in my head than don’t really matter to the real world.


    I am deeply sensitive but very few people get to experience the extent of my emotions because I keep a cool and controlled exterior. If I’m struggling in life, I often prefer when people offer concrete solutions instead of comfort or sympathy because I don’t like to focus on my own feelings. However, I do absorb other’s emotions easily and have difficulty disassociating from others' emotions and experiences. I’m more likely to get upset for someone else as opposed to myself. I’m conflict averse and if someone upsets me, I’m more likely to stew over it in private and speak about it with a trusted friend. I’ll usually withdraw from difficult situations altogether if I can help it. I more often make decisions based on my own feelings than logic, though I do appreciate logic as a stepping stone and use it often. I really appreciate systems and categories and can spend a lot of time organzing things in my head than don’t really matter to the real world.

    I’m fantasy-oriented and love to immerse myself in alternative universes through comics, books and video games. I use emotional 'anchors' (eg, books, films, places) which I use to support my internal emotional state. I also feel at one with nature and animals and I’d love to have a simple life where I spent most of my time sitting in the sunshine, making arts and crafts, surrounding by dogs and loved ones.

    When it comes to structure and order, I both loathe it and need it. I’m not naturally the most organized person and I don’t tend to make in-depth plans, but I’ve learned over the years that it’s often better to be prepared and to make sacrifices. So essentially, I’ve had to force myself to become a much more systematic person over the years and I’m finding I appreciate routine and schedules a lot more than I used to because of the stability and freedom it provides. If I was left to my own devices I’d spend a lot of my spare time idling around, daydreaming and procrastinating but if other people are depending on me I become much more responsible. E.g. I always make sure I tidy up my mess after I’m finished in the kitchen purely because I don’t want to seem messy or rude to my other housemates, but if I was living alone I’d probably let mess build up for days until I have guests over.
    Last edited by nevermissabeat; 02-11-2020 at 03:09 PM.

  2. #2
    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    LIE-IEI comes to mind, but there is not really enough of the right type of information to go on. You two could be many types.

    For example, your self-chosen name, "nevermissabeat", relates strongly to the intuition of time, or Ni. Your introversion along with your ability to dress well is a characteristic of IEI's, but of other types, too. Your reference to "uniqueness" points to your being an enneagram type 4, and some other things you said make me think you also have a 9 in your tri-type.

    It just occurred to me that he could also be LSE. I've seen LSE-IEI couples before. For a short time. Conflictors can look like Duals from a distance.

    How about filling out a typing questionnaire?

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    LIE-IEI comes to mind, but there is not really enough of the right type of information to go on. You two could be many types.

    For example, your self-chosen name, "nevermissabeat", relates strongly to the intuition of time, or Ni.
    I was listening to the Kaiser Chiefs song "Never Miss a Beat" as I chose the username so zero thought went into it, to be honest.

    I did fill out a questionnaire a while back but it got no response, so I thought I'd try this way!

    If there are any questions you'd like to ask about us both that might help, I'd be happy to answer?

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    Adam Strange's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nevermissabeat View Post
    I was listening to the Kaiser Chiefs song "Never Miss a Beat" as I chose the username so zero thought went into it, to be honest.
    Ah, but you've probably seen a bag of potatoes at the grocery store, too, and you didn't call yourself "Sackofpotatoes". These spontaneous names are best, really. You should choose an avatar picture, too. Something you like.

    Quote Originally Posted by nevermissabeat View Post
    I did fill out a questionnaire a while back but it got no response, so I thought I'd try this way!

    If there are any questions you'd like to ask about us both that might help, I'd be happy to answer?
    There are some questions I have which might better identify your type, but I'll have to ask them later. I'm overbooked at work right now. I'm a bit like the guy you describe above, in that respect.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Ah, but you've probably seen a bag of potatoes at the grocery store, too, and you didn't call yourself "Sackofpotatoes". These spontaneous names are best, really. You should choose an avatar picture, too. Something you like.



    There are some questions I have which might better identify your type, but I'll have to ask them later. I'm overbooked at work right now. I'm a bit like the guy you describe above, in that respect.

    You wouldn't believe how many random usernames I've acquired over the years because of something I've spotted in the corner of my eye!

    And no worries, I appreciate it

  6. #6
    Cataclysm's Avatar
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    Yes of course you are, honey.

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