Ways you don't relate to your quadra

[Rusal]

SEIs can be secretive and resent any attack on their freedom. We may not react well when we perceive people want to curb our mobility or ask too invasive questions. For a while there I thought this corresponded with Delta's complex of clipped wings. That got me confused.

Also, I was reading a machine-generated translation of an article on duality in Russian, and it did mention that a person may dopt more of their parents values if they are from a different quadra, so it is a possibility that the result may not be a classic representative of a sociotype. I don't know if this holds any truth and it would get awfully convoluted to type someone it you had to add this factor on top of the subtypes.

[consentingadult]

My mom's SEI and I see this in her. Is it related to Te PoLR, I wonder, and not wanting to be told what to do?

It could very well be related to Te-PoLR, and, by definition, to Ti-Mobilizing. It is not uncommon for an SEI to grow up in an environment where they constantly receive verbal and non-verbal messages of being stupid or dumb from other people, especially the female ones. This can happen not only on the level of family or peers, but even to society at large, for what could be the effect on SEIs when they live in a society where Te-types are the cultural standard, sociologically speaking?

Look at LIEs, types often considered very intelligent, second only to ILIs? If you design an IQ test so it favors the kind of intelligence of researchers, then it no wonder Socials get the short end of the stick. Whereas in real life researchers cannot even properly fry an egg, figuratively speaking of course. Unfortunately, IQ tests do not offer questions on how to fry an egg or make a pasta salad.

So with your mom it is probably not about not wanting to be told what to do, it's about not wanting to be told that she is stupid. A problem that is often made worse by the peaceful nature of SEIs, for the ones with diminished self-esteem are often not very assertive in setting firm boundaries, they often more easily subjugatingly give in or avoiding such situations by retreating into safe solitude where they can't be hurt, but where their emotional needs aren't met either.

[Aria]

It could very well be related to Te-PoLR, and, by definition, to Ti-Mobilizing. It is not uncommon for an SEI to grow up in an environment where they constantly receive verbal and non-verbal messages of being stupid or dumb from other people, especially the female ones. This can happen not only on the level of family or peers, but even to society at large, for what could be the effect on SEIs when they live in a society where Te-types are the cultural standard, sociologically speaking?

Look at LIEs, types often considered very intelligent, second only to ILIs? If you design an IQ test so it favors the kind of intelligence of researchers, then it no wonder Socials get the short end of the stick. Whereas in real life researchers cannot even properly fry an egg, figuratively speaking of course. Unfortunately, IQ tests do not offer questions on how to fry an egg or make a pasta salad.

So with your mom it is probably not about not wanting to be told what to do, it's about not wanting to be told that she is stupid. A problem that is often made worse by the peaceful nature of SEIs, for the ones with diminished self-esteem are often not very assertive in setting firm boundaries, they often more easily subjugatingly give in or avoiding such situations by retreating into safe solitude where they can't be hurt, but where their emotional needs aren't met either.

This is very insightful.

[FreelancePoliceman]

It could very well be related to Te-PoLR, and, by definition, to Ti-Mobilizing. It is not uncommon for an SEI to grow up in an environment where they constantly receive verbal and non-verbal messages of being stupid or dumb from other people, especially the female ones. This can happen not only on the level of family or peers, but even to society at large, for what could be the effect on SEIs when they live in a society where Te-types are the cultural standard, sociologically speaking?

Are you saying that you think it's more common for SEIs to receive these messages than for other types? If so, why do you think this is?

So with your mom it is probably not about not wanting to be told what to do, it's about not wanting to be told that she is stupid. A problem that is often made worse by the peaceful nature of SEIs, for the ones with diminished self-esteem are often not very assertive in setting firm boundaries, they often more easily subjugatingly give in or avoiding such situations by retreating into safe solitude where they can't be hurt, but where their emotional needs aren't met either.

I think this is a spot-on description. My SEI girlfriend is very sensitive about not feeling stupid. She can get upset if I ask her to explain something she said, or if I look at her in a "wrong way" after she's said something she's not completely sure of, because she feels like I'm criticizing her or think of her as stupid (I don't). Also, if she's had a bad day, and I make a joke relying on absurdity, often she'll spend a few seconds trying to understand it, hold her head in her hands as if it's hurting, then cry out that I'm making fun of her -- as if the point of the joke were to make her confused, and that I find pleasure in her feeling stupid for not "getting" it.

I've learned that I have to be very obvious when I'm making a joke to her, and try not to make them as frequently as I might. When I began to learn Socionics I was confused, because it seemed like the style of jokes I tend to make are generally rooted in Ne, and she as an Si base should be attracted to that kind of expression. I was also confused because these kinds of jokes are truly offhand (generally just a sentence in response to something someone else has said) and not anything weird I've thought up to annoy her, and I've never experienced anyone else in my life (including other SEIs) seem remotely upset or annoyed if I made a joke in this manner. But once after she got upset at one of these jokes, she said to me that it felt like she trusted me, and when I tell her something she takes it seriously and thinks it through. When she realizes it's a joke she feels betrayed and stupid for actually thinking through something that wasn't seriously meant.

I think a lot of it relates to not feeling secure in herself, and trying to get a sense of security in others. It's not just with me; she's quite sensitive to how other people/friends treat her, and tiny actions from people (wanting to get lunch together, ignoring a text for too long) can make or break her day.

[consentingadult]

Are you saying that you think it's more common for SEIs to receive these messages than for other types? If so, why do you think this is?

I think I have already answered that question: if a culture (and that co be just as well on a level of small groups such as families as well as complete societies) tends to value certain personality traits not just as more desirable but also thinking these traits are OBJECTIVELY better, than people lacking these qualities get the short end of the stick. To a lesser extent this also applies to the other three Socials, but they have specific advantages over the SEIs that male them less vulnerable.