Attachment style vs Duality showdown!

[Sol]

Just how significant is a secure attachment style, in your view? More powerful than duality?

4 attachment styles is another typology which is not known to locals on practice to compare. And it looks doubtful as an approach.

Duality is among factors to help establish good friendship, relations useful and emotionally good for both.
Secure attachment type is said to establish relations which partly fit to good friendship and partly have similar influence on psyche.
"10 signs of secure attachment in adult relationships:
- Able to regulate emotions and feelings in a relationship
- Strong goal-oriented behavior when on your own
- Great at bonding, opening up to, & trusting others
- Knowing what you’re about in life and what purpose you want to fulfill
- Can communicate your needs effectively
- Feeling like you have an impact on the world around you
- Comfortable with closeness & mutual dependency
- Actively seek emotional support from your partner and also give emotional support to your partner
- Comfortable being alone and use that time to explore
- Strong capacity to reflect on how you are being in a relationship"

What here may have an opposing to friendship:
- Strong goal-oriented behavior when on your own
- Comfortable being alone and use that time to explore
In a friendship people are linked in a compassion and prefer to act _together_ in max of deals, as parts of one.
So important tasks ("strong goal-oriented behavior") and risky tasks ("time to explore") are prefered be done together. Hence, when people are alone that kind of behavior is much reduced. What is true is that general self-assurance arises for those who has better relations with other people, especially good friendship with someone. But such people who may to use cooperations will tend to do it in mentioned cases, instead of dealing on own.
So that theory of "attachments" has some inner contradiction, when people have high individualism and meanwhile excellent interactions with others. In reality individualism becomes an obstacle to make good relations, predisposes to other psyche traits and behavior with people.

[timber]

well, there is such a thing as earned secure attachment and I suspect that a relationship like "duality" (or however you wanna conceptualize roughly this idea and compatibility represented by duality - soul mates, or whatever..) would be ideal for something like that to take form, because it requires a 'deep' understanding from the other person so that the same set of behaviors in both do not get provoked and the 'schema' is reinforced

idg Se-Ni insistence on fighting/playfighting in an experiential basis and tbh sometimes it can feel pretty jarring to mentalize this stuff (and I have decided I will impose internal boundaries on this) -- but overall, it makes sense to me that securely attached ppl feel the best around other securely attached people as well -- just keep in mind some insecurely attached individuals may be at the 'ripe' moment in their life where the right kind of person can really make a diff in their attachment style (but I would think it involves effort on both sides)

beaut post.

[timber]

attachment styles are pop psychology and WAY over rated in the tic-to generation. Lots of times I've seen people use an attachment style as excuse and also a method of avoiding personal responsibility and growth. As counter-intuitive as it seems.

It's like "my gf is an anxious attachment style and that means that...."
No dude, you are just a dickhead that makes her feel insecure by your actions or inactions.

The world is what you make it.

[thistle]

4 attachment styles is another typology which is not known to locals on practice to compare. And it looks doubtful as an approach.

Duality is among factors to help establish good friendship, relations useful and emotionally good for both.
Secure attachment type is said to establish relations which partly fit to good friendship and partly have similar influence on psyche.
"10 signs of secure attachment in adult relationships:
- Able to regulate emotions and feelings in a relationship
- Strong goal-oriented behavior when on your own
- Great at bonding, opening up to, & trusting others
- Knowing what you’re about in life and what purpose you want to fulfill
- Can communicate your needs effectively
- Feeling like you have an impact on the world around you
- Comfortable with closeness & mutual dependency
- Actively seek emotional support from your partner and also give emotional support to your partner
- Comfortable being alone and use that time to explore
- Strong capacity to reflect on how you are being in a relationship"

What here may have an opposing to friendship:
- Strong goal-oriented behavior when on your own
- Comfortable being alone and use that time to explore
In a friendship people are linked in a compassion and prefer to act _together_ in max of deals, as parts of one.
So important tasks ("strong goal-oriented behavior") and risky tasks ("time to explore") are prefered be done together. Hence, when people are alone that kind of behavior is much reduced. What is true is that general self-assurance arises for those who has better relations with other people, especially good friendship with someone. But such people who may to use cooperations will tend to do it in mentioned cases, instead of dealing on own.
So that theory of "attachments" has some inner contradiction, when people have high individualism and meanwhile excellent interactions with others. In reality individualism becomes an obstacle to make good relations, predisposes to other psyche traits and behavior with people.

Your posts like this one seem sort of impersonal somehow, like you are gathering data points and relaying which ones do not fit your internal model.

A comparison like this doesn't seem to consider why a person in their heart would want to be "Securely attached". "Securely attached" people seem to have relations that are more stable, even when their relationships are not with a dual. Securely attached people are comfortable taking periods of time out for themselves, but they do return to be with others.

Sometimes I worry that you are a form of AI that has been sent to socionics forums to iron out the neuroses of each type, so that we can be molded into an ideal - I truly hope that a person would not consider creating such an AI. It upsets me that my own mind comes up with thoughts like this, that cause me to doubt and distrust people.

[Fluffy Princess Unicorn]

Attached style has to do with your relationship with your parents and what affects it has in your adulthood on your other relationships. By that view if you don’t have a secure attachment you may struggle even in dual relationships

This is only part of it. Attachment style can become unhealthy in adulthood, too. For instance, if a secure adult gets into a 7 year relationship with a narcissist, they might become Fearful-Avoidant.

[Aria]

This whole post has a Ne-Si perspective, if it's duality I don't know but the OP is clearly my identical.
Your SEI is actually your "semi-dual" if correctly typed. And I tend to think that duality is not "electric", it"s an introverted, sensory, ethical relation according to some socionists.
Idk why I'm giving this feedback really, you probably won't see it

It's so coincidental you posted this. I haven't been active on here in a long time, just popping in once in a while, and literally logged in within days of you posting. I suppose I'm open to being Delta quadra, but don't see myself as an extravert. Maybe being Ne-dominant doesn't always mean being socially extraverted. I'm used to the idea that IEEs are all....bouncy and fantastical, lol.

[Ruby13357]

Maybe you’re attracted to that SLE because of their attachment styles rather than their socionics types.

Just saying this because from my own personal experiences attraction doesn’t seemed to have anything to do with IR, and I’ve been attracted to various different socionics types in my life, and most of them had avoidant attachment style in common, and only one of them has secure attachment style.

There was a kindred and a mirage type whom I’ve met at different points of my life, both of them had avoidant attachment styles, and I’ve had strong feelings for both of them. Feelings were reciprocated from their end as well, although we didn’t managed to end up in an official relationship.

There was also a quasi-identical that I was attracted to (one-sided love), and he had secure attachment style. But there was another quasi-identical who was in love with me (he had anxious-preoccupied attachment style, and I just wasn’t able to be attracted to him because I was repulsed by his anxious nature).

I noticed that when it comes to romantically, I have difficulty being attracted to people with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles. I’m attracted to people who has an air of independence and self-confidence around them, and these people usually turned out to have either secure attachment style or avoidant attachment style.

I find that attachment styles plays a huge part in attraction. But it’s IR that determines long-term compatibility.

[loopyclouds]

Maybe you’re attracted to that SLE because of their attachment styles rather than their socionics types.

Just saying this because from my own personal experiences attraction doesn’t seemed to have anything to do with IR, and I’ve been attracted to various different socionics types in my life, and most of them had avoidant attachment style in common, and only one of them has secure attachment style.

There was a kindred and a mirage type whom I’ve met at different points of my life, both of them had avoidant attachment styles, and I’ve had strong feelings for both of them. Feelings were reciprocated from their end as well, although we didn’t managed to end up in an official relationship.

There was also a quasi-identical that I was attracted to (one-sided love), and he had secure attachment style. But there was another quasi-identical who was in love with me (he had anxious-preoccupied attachment style, and I just wasn’t able to be attracted to him because I was repulsed by his anxious nature).

I noticed that when it comes to romantically, I have difficulty being attracted to people with anxious-preoccupied attachment styles. I’m attracted to people who has an air of independence and self-confidence around them, and these people usually turned out to have either secure attachment style or avoidant attachment style.

I find that attachment styles plays a huge part in attraction. But it’s IR that determines long-term compatibility.

What's your attachment style, may I ask?

[Ruby13357]

What's your attachment style, may I ask?

60% Anxious-preoccupied 40% secure.

[PinKDiGiT18]

I will say that my experience with the dismissive-avoidant dual I loved (I have anxious-preoccupied attachment) was the most emotionally draining experience of my whole life. I have never felt a deeper connection with another person; but for that same reason, the lows of our dynamic had the capacity to psychologically impact me in a way no other relationship ever has. Moving forward, I absolutely never want to get involved with another dual with that degree of attachment dysfunction and would relinquish the chance of a dual relationship in favor of a more secure dynamic with another intertype relation.